Every time a new episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show airs in 2010, we will blog along with it. If you have plenty of time, read the long version. If you are pressed for time, read the “What we learned today” summary. If you are really, really pressed for time, read the Twitter-sized summary.

Date: February 8th, 2010
File Under: Public Service Announcement

Episode 22: Oprah & A No Holds Barred Conversation With Child Molesters

If you can suspend your judgement and repulsion for an hour, we have an opportunity to learn from Oprah’s one hour converstaion with child molesters.

  • 90% of Child molesters are people that you know- family friends, uncles, brothers, fathers, neighbors
  • Child molesters seek out and sediuce vulnerable needy kids and gain their trust- trust is integral to the abuse
  • Child molesters are so conniving and manipulative that the molestation feels good, which confuses the child

What should you be looking for? This is a group session with 4 Child Molesters, their group therapist and Oprah. She says she comes attempting not to judge, so that their words will not be in vain.

Lee molested 3 kids when he was age 10-12, when he was 14 he raped his girlfriend who was also 14, when he was 65 he molested a 5 year old who called him grandpa. He was like a grandpa to the kid, he fondled her, touched her vagina and buttocks, orally raped  her and had her touch his penis. The mother walked in and discovered the kid pulling up her sweatpants- the child denied everything until the next day.

Darren began fantasising about orally copulating his 12 year old daughter, which grew into an obsession. He raped 14 year olds when he was in his 20’s which he was never charged for. When his daughter was 12 he was divorced and had custody of his daughter, he touched her when she was sleeping, it was impulsive, she was laying in an arousing position and he didn’t think she’d notice. The first time it woke her and she told her mom, Darren told the mom that the daughter was lying to get to back home to mom. He wasn’t worried about calling his daughter a liar, he wanted to protect himself. They shared a room, not the same bed. She wasn’t always asleep, he was molesting her- he’d feel between her legs before work to get a quick fix and head on his way. Both were clothed, he’d masturbate later, he’d use images of orally copulating her. He did that over her clothes on 3 occasions. It was an adrenaline turn on for him, it was something real fast without her knowing. Except that she did know. He asked her if he could orally copulating her, she said no. She did ask him to stop at other times, and he said ok but he continued.

Many people know Oprah was raped at nine and molested from 9-14 and because of that she wanted to sit down with child molesters to find out the why and how of their methodically carried out crimes. David had a family member 3 years younger than him growing up and he molested her from age 8 (she was 5) up to age 20. He got the idea one morning after she’d stayed the night and she didnt have underwear on. He wanted to see her vagina, she idolised him and would do anything he asked. He was manipulating that from he start. It progressed to him touching her on her vagina and chest and orally copulating her one time. He got her to orally copulate him at around age 12. One of his friends gave him a condom for a joke when he was 14, and she was 11;  he used it to rape her. She never consented to any of this, she went along with it to get his attention. She was as neglected as he was at home and he exploited that; he’d withold his attention to molest her. Sometimes she’d seek out the abuse to simply get attention. This went on till she was 17 and she got a boyfriend and told him. When he was about 14, he was molesting her in her bed when her mother walked in- he said he was giving her a goodnight snuggie. He mostly denied what had happened, he told himself that she wanted it  and that it was a  relationship and that her parents had forced her to admit to it and she didn’t want bad things to happen to him. While he was in trouble, he was witholding his attention from her  so she was even more primed for the molestation when it re-started which is how he came to rape her the first time. Oprah asks if they see adifference between molestation and rape. They say no, the methodology has the same emotional damage. Oprah says as a child you have no name for it so there is little difference between a hand, object, or penis. David saw rape as the last bastion of their relationship.

Robert was 18 and she was 12, he was walking home with friends, they started messing around kissing, then got her to take of her clothes and raped her. The therapist interjects to say that 90% of abusers know their victims. Oprah asks why they agreed to the interview- Lee says to tell parents what to look out for- if an adult spends more time with kids at a party than with the adults, then that is a red flag. Lee took advantage of the trust of a 5 year old. He thought she liked it but found out later that it hurt her. Oprah says as someone who’s been abused, that if an abuser is doing a job well, it will feel good. Lee needed the attention himself. Darren wants to prevent another father from molesting his daughter If he can save one child, he would say to that father harboring fantasies; if you are having fantasies, go get help, it doesn’t go away. Deep seated issues need to be treated as they won’t go away by themselves. David wants to impress that people be better parents- his victim was neglected, children are always looking for love. Oprah says she looked up to her uncle and cousin and family friend and was manipulated but didnt know and blamed herself. David can see the effects he’s had on his victim’s life. Oprah stresses that it’s about grooming and seducing your target, the targets are chosen, they are often needy and neglected. No one is choosing a child with confidence and self esteem, one whom they perceive will tell. David saw anger and retaliation against her parents in his victim, and he had trust from her parents. He couldn’t victimize without trust. The therapist thinks it is because of the trust that the victims don’t tell or scream. Oprah says if they are good, its not pain they are causing, they are trying to give their victims pleasure.

Child molesters charm their victims into trusting them, and many of them do not believe that they are doing harm, because they are not causing pain. Their goal is to give sexual pleasure to a child so that pleasure is reciprocated. Oprah was 42 before she realised that she’d been groomed. Darren talks of backrubs and foot rubs to prepare the child for the touch so that he could touch chest or genitals. David agrees, he would listen to her, then have his hand on her shoulder, then cuddle on the couch. Its like a couple on a first date. Darren knew it was wrong but justified it as a special thing between them. They all basically believed that they were bringing the child physical pleasure. Oprah asks Lee if he thought at the time that he was a disgusting old man, yes but it was too late to stop. He thought she enjoyed it so he’d fondle her to make her happy. None of them thought that they were causing harm at the time.

Oprah says that if you have been abused and are holding on to the feeling that its your fault because it felt ok, then that is exactly what they want you to think, so that you won’t tell; it is not your fault. Oprah says that sexual abuse changes who you are. David says it happened 2-3 times a week. The first time he gave her an orgasm by orally coupluating her he thought he was the king of the world. He had fantasies that they could run away together and live as a married couple. He has spent alot of time thinking of the consequences of his actions- he killed what she could have been, he murdered a person. Just because she’s alive and getting her life back doesn’t change what he did. A few years ago she contacted him through her therapist and said she forgave him. David has a real problem with that as he finds what he did unforgivable. Oprah says that him saying he killed who his victim could have been is one of the most powerful things that she’s ever heard anyone say; it is the absolute truth. When a child is abused, it changes who they are, it kills their spirit.

Oprah asks what they said to keep their victims quiet? Lee says that the 5 year old loved him and knew he’d get in trouble- he once told her that if her daddy found out he’d beat him up and she wouldn’t be able to see him again. That was a big thing, that was enough. Darren said he’d be taken away- if his victim told, she’d never see him again. Robert told his victims that he loved them.

Oprah asks what they most want parents to know. Lee says be on the alert , dont mistrust everybody but at least open your eyes and look around at what is happening. He feels that an alert person would have seen the signs with him- the cuddles, lap-sitting the attention. But he’d have lied about it if asked and would say he just loves children. Darren says  pay attention to kids cues and listen to your kids. If they say that someone touches them, listen, they dont make this up. They agree that the victim could potentially stop them by saying no. Robert says he may have been stopped by his victim saying no, in some not all of his crimes, David may have stopped if she’d said no and reported him. Lee feels he would have stopped if the 5 year old had said no grandpa. He loved her so much he would have stopped. Darren’s daughter turned him in, and he’s very proud of her for that, she has every right to protect herself and he is glad she exercised that right.

Oprah says listen to your child’s cues and if you think something is going on and something seems weird, then it probably is. That is instinct, trust it. If you are a child, tell someone, and if they don’t believe you tell someone else and keep telling people until someone believes you. Child molesters do not want you to tell. Oprah asks the therapist if Child molestation is misunderstood, as it is portrayed in the press as torture an pain. The therapist agrees; the unspoken shame is that for millions at the time it was not a horrific, horrible experience,- you would tell if it caused you great pain.

Lee feels he is being cured, he’s not there yet. He doesn’t trust himself around children. Darren says it is abit like being an alcoholic, but he can’t say he wont do it again. He may yet go back to the dark place. Robert  says he will not offend again, he has tools to help him with his triggers and problems, he’s happy. Oprah asks if he would be a danger to a group of gorgeous 14 year old girls; he says no. David says he probably wont offend again, therapy has helped him see he will always be damaged but he can work on it and be a better person.

Oprah thanks them for being so candid and open, and thanks to their therapist for her support, The whole 2 hour interview will be up on Oprah.com. A week today we are talking to mothers and babysitters who molest. Thank you for watching and remember to make your car a no phone zone.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY

90% of Child Molesters are people that you know- family friends, uncles, brothers, fathers, neighbors.

Child Molesters seek out and seduce vulnerable needy kids and gain their trust.

Trust is integral to the abuse.

Child molestation is about grooming and seducing a target. The targets are chosen, they are often needy and neglected.

Listen to your child’s cues and if you think something is going on and something seems weird, then it probably is.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Trust your instincts. When a child is abused, it changes who they are, it kills their spirit.

Date: February 5th, 2010
File Under: Celebrity, Entertainment

Episode 21: Oprah Fridays Live

After all these years, it’s not often they have a first, but yesterday they had their first baby being born in the Harpo Studios. An hour later, it was a baby. Lori McKendall from Toronto Canada, and she is on the phone from Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. She had been trying for years to get to the show, she flew in for 2 days and thought she’d be fine at 27 weeks pregnant, but it happened there. She went to the bathroom and her water broke, after that it progressed really fast. Thanks to all the staff at the studio for getting her to the ambulance, and the paramedics, the baby was born about 20 minutes after she arrived at the hospital. The baby is having a lot of tests, he’s doing pretty good but it’ll be a long rough road. He was 2lbs 13 oz, but they’re checking his heart and lungs and things today. His name is Justin, Oprah says aah, Justin Oprah. Lori says they were considering Harpo. A contraction hit just as Oprah went to see her in the ambulance. Oprah says we will all send our love Justin McKendall’s way, and whenever Lori is ready, Oprah will fly her back to see the show. Thank you.

It’s Friday and Oprah is live in Chicago. She asks if everyone saw Pink at the Grammys, all she can say is Wowie Kazowie. That was something else, coming up, Pink! Wowie says Oprah, they hug. Oprah whoops. The audience go crazy. Oprah says Pink certainly gave the world something to talk about. Pink says it was fun, a good night. Oprah asks if it’ll be a momentous part of her life. Pink says yes, she really realized that when everyone stood up at the end. She went from super-graceful with the silks to all  tee hee, she waves and looks nerdy. Oprah wants her to do a play by play after the show on Oprah.com. to explain how she sang while upside down, because you can’t even hear her breathe. Pinks says on the trapeze she breathes even more so people know the mic is live. She was a gymnast for 7 years and loves acrobatics, and she’s seen the dancers do it before but never the lead singer so she thought why not. She sounds better upside down, she doesn’t know why. Oprah asks if she ever gets out of breath. Pink says when she walks out she’s nervous and her voice shakes, but once she’s in the silks, she’s no longer thinking, she’s in the moment. Her mind turns off, her voice turns on.  She wanted to do Glitter for the Grammys because after 10 years people still don’t know what she does. Its a spriritual song and the performance is spiritual, ethereal and visually beautiful. Oprah says it felt transendent, we got in the music. Pink says she wanted to get all the famous people wet. Her husband said a lot of people were shielding themselves from the water, and others were basking in it. Oprah asks whats she doing to her body to be so lean and muscley. She is just back from tour where she gets in really good shape, when she comes home she cooks and gets fat and happy. She used  the P90x video workout, but she bulks up too much so now she runs 70 minutes and does yoga for an hour a day. Oprah says she’s heard she has man-abs, Pink says now she has a bagel.

Oprah asks if growing up Pink wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. Oprah heard at one point she could do 18 back handsprings in a row- it was her party trick, that or she could sing Vision of Love. She seperated her shoulder the night before her US tour started, which was fun, so she can’t flip anymore, but the silks are making her stronger. She feels most herself onstage. She did say to herself well done after the Grammy. She didn’t forget the words or start laughing- that was the fastest spin she’s ever done, so she got a little dizzy. Oprah says it was a fabulous moment for all of us, thank you.

Pink dazzled  the Grammys and a TV audience of 26 million. “I Don’t Believe You” is off her Platinum album, Funhouse, and is the most humble song she’s ever written. This song is apologetic, questioning, begging. She and her husband broke up for a year. Pink was sure she was perfect prior to it,and she spent 6 years trying to change someone else. But she realized that she was distracting herself from learning who she was. Pink thinks you learn more about yourself in the context of a relationship, rather than starting again. Oprah says that’s what it is all about. Pink sings live. Oprah says that was very personal. The crowd applaud.

All eyes will be on Miami this Sunday when 100 million people will tune in for the Superbowl. Oprah tunes in for the commercials.  Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has always been larger than life, from college football champion, to professional wrestling where his alter ego The Rock was born. Then Hollywood came calling and he scored again. He got the highest salary ever for his first lead role in The Scorpion King; his movies have grossed $1.5 billion, worldwide.

This is his first visit to Oprah, but she saw him at something last year and said oh there’s the Rock, he says that he says the same- oh there’s Oprah. He says it never gets old looking so good, he had a good upbringing with a mom who taught him to be gracious and thankful. As a 23-24 year old graduate of the University of Miami, he had $7 in his pocket, he had to move back in with his parents in Tampa, so he had a goal list. 1. was to buy his parents a house, – they’d struggled as he grew up and lived in little efficiencies, 2 was to marry his college sweetheart,- they since divorced but they are business partners and very very close, 3 was to graduate,  4 was to get out of all debt and the last was to take care of his grandmother’s situation, she had nowhere to live which he did. He did all that. Oprah asks hypothetically if when coming from nothing it is exciting to do things for others- he says yes, therein lies the power that Oprah can attest to, the power to change lives. The quote ‘if you”ve ever been hungry, you’ll never be full’ plays a big part in his life. Oprah agrees, you’ll never be satisfied, so how can you improve? which was what she said to Pink at the commercial break. When you see a performer push themselves beyond the expected, it makes you look inside yourself and think what can I do? That’s the power of great art right there. Dwayne says therein  lies the power of our president, and others, but it comes down to wanting to be a better person everyday. His hunger doesn’t subside, but his perspective changes. For some time he was investing in his career, but it wasn’t until his divorce with Danni, who had the capacity to bring him through the sludge of divorce and out to greatness. It taught him the power of investing in himself, not just his career. As an only child and fairly selfish, through the divorce process and having a little girl he grew as a person. Oprah remarks that he seems so calm and not  The Rock-like. he says he can be more The Rock.

Dwayne is a former college football camp; he’d like the Colts to win, but there’s something special about the New Orleans Saints. For those of us who tune in for the commercials, Dwayne will give some tips- The Colts are one of the strongest teams of the decade, they’ve had tremendous success, they have a Hall of Fame winning quarterback, they know what it is to win. New Orleans have an intangible magic, New Orleans and America have rallied behind the game so they could win too. If Oprah wanted to impress people at the party she’s going to, to make it look like she knows football, this is what she should say. She should walk in the room and say something like the pass protection has to improve, and then she should step back out. Or she could say, there’s got to be better blocking up front. If all that fails then she should walk in and scream over and over, Where’s the flags, ref? I quit. That’s good, Oprah says.

Dwayne will be at home because he’s shooting on Monday, a new action film. His goal ten years ago was to have a wide range of acting work, however he loves comedies and family movies, but there’s nothing like kicking butt. When he first got money, he bought his parents a house and himself a Rolex watch. It was the status symbol he knew as a kid. He wore it like 3 times then gave it to his dad. Now he does simple things to indulge, he spends time with his girl, she’s an amazing rider, he tries to sing to her, she’ll walk out. Oprah asks what’s the craziest thing that  a woman has done to get his attention? He often gets notes left on his car or his mailbox or at the security gate. A couple of years ago, a professional business woman showed him a tattoo of his face on her thigh. Oprah says interesting, it’s a delight to talk to him and she’d like to do it again.

Oprah is here with Cristina Ferrarei, the ‘love chef’ who loves to cook for those she loves. Cristina says that after the show she’ll be wrapped in silks, dipped in sauce and twirled from the ceiling so that everyone will remember this show. She’s starting with making guacamole, and it’s a healthy version so she can stick with her resolution to lose the 87lbs she gained over Christmas. The recipe is on Oprah.com. She adds alot of jalapeno, some cilantro and salt to the avocado that Oprah is mashing. They add lime juice, with the best squeezer gadget in the kitchen. Oprah didn’t know that lime juice is traditionally added to guacamole. The pit at the bottom of the bowl stops the guacamole from browning. They move on to tacos, taco seasoning is added after the lean beef is browned in canola oil. Her idea for the superbowl party is to keep her glycemic index even, just like on yesterday’s program. Filo cups are baked in the oven and filled with the taco meat for taco bites. They are frosted like a cupcake with guacamole, with a little cheese and salsa on top. Oprah says its healthy if you eat two or three of them, not a whole plate, Cristina says that you fill yourself up on two or three so that you don’t eat junk for the whole day. Christina is famous for her kick-butt chilli, the secret is beer and masa at the end to thicken it up. She serves it with mini potato skins made from fingerling potatoes, with a little terriyaki. They can be used to dip or to stuff with chilli. All the recipes are on Oprah.com, go Colts and Saints and make your car a no-phone zone

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

You learn most about yourself in the context of a relationship: stick with it, learn, don’t quit.

During the Grammys, Pink wanted all the famous people to get wet.

‘If you”ve ever been hungry, you’ll never be full’.

Set goals early, achieve them.

The Colts may well win the Superbowl on Sunday, but the Saints could too.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

The way to The Rock’s heart is not via a tattoo of his face on your thigh.

Date: February 4th, 2010
File Under: Health, Live your best life

Episode 20: America’s Silent Killer: Oprah and Dr OZ Want To Save Your Life

Oprah has a radical goal- to save million of lives in the next 60 minutes. Diabetes is a ticking time bomb, a silent killer, annihilating 100 African Americans a day. That number may not be alot unless it’s your mother or friend or your family or yourself. It’s time to get out of denial. Dr Oz is here because as a heart surgeon he sees the affects of diabetes daily. Its the fastest growing disease in history 80 million people in America have, or or on the verge of having diabetes. 6 billion are walking around undiagnosed. We spend $174 billion a year on this diease, more than all the  cancers combined or AIDS. The healthcare system will be bankrupt if we don’t do something about diabetes. Believe it or not, the bright side is most diabetes is treatable and preventable and even reversible. Dr Oz is here, his new show is doing great, congratulations. They high five. He says he learned from the best, he was well-taught.

So what is diabetes? Dr Oz wants to be crystal clear that the problem is not just a little bit of sugar. A tortilla in the mouth  goes into the  stomach, the liver takes the nutrients and decides what to do with it, including making sugar. The pancreas is the hero today. The food in the small bowel is washed by the  bile and the yellow stuff from the pancreas. The molecules of sugar get absorbed into the body. In the bloodstream, the sugar is traveling, particles of insulin are being released from the pancreas to attract the sugar. The pancreas is trying to take the sugar and funnel it from the blood into the tissues- to the brain so we can think, to our muscles so we can exercise. Simple carbohydrates are sugars. If you have too much sugar going in, we store it in our belly, just as our ancestors did to survive. Belly fat gets ponderously large and poisins the insulin so sugar can’t get out the bloodstream. This is a problem because in the heart the blood vessels are delicate and the sugar is like glass shards scraping and making holes.As our body scars and attempts to heals, it breaks and ruptures. The open surface forms a scab like anywhere else in your body. The scab in the artery gets larger and larger and kaboom. Right there, you saw the leading cause of death in diabetics. A diabetic will most likely die from a heart attack. 1/4 of the patients he operates on every day has diabetes. Oprah summarises that too much sugar is like shards of glass inside the body. We scar and heal which equals hardening of the arteries. It influences all of our organs: a scarred kidney gives us kidney failure. An image of a healthy kidney is shown next to a diabetic kidney which has shrivelled. The blood vessels in the eye are very fragile. A diabetic eye has cracked blood vessels, which means that you get dark patches in your vision. This is not just a little bit of sugar.

Oprah has family members who takes insulin every day. Dr Oz wants us to feel diabetes, not just think it. He took a film crew to New York Presbyterian Hospital to see Laureen who is on insulin, who has had diabetes for much of her life. Diabetes ravaged Laureen kidneys so much so that by age 34 she needed a transplant. Just 7 years later, diabetes destroyed that kidney too. 3 days a week, she is on dialysis for 3 hours a day to clean her blood. Now at age 44, diabetes has taken a further toll on her body.  She ended up with lesions on her feet; she has lost half one leg and half a foot. What would she say to people who say diabetes is just sugar? Take care of yourself- she thought insulin would compensate for eating soda and cake. She used to be very active and was a nurse. She says people dont take it seriously when they feel ok. The day it hits you, it’s too late. The day she saw the dialysis machines she thought this is not me, it can’t be happening. She cries.  Dr Oz says shes a brave woman. Looking at her body, Laureen says its so shocking to see her foot and leg gone.

86,000 amputations are done every year as a result of diabetes. Imagine that your blood vessels look like a straw. The diabetes causes scars on the inside which twist up the blood vessels, which shuts off both the blood flow and the protective white blood cells so you get infections. Often the first problem is a toe infection- diabetics can’t feel it and they loose their foot. People change their lives based on what they feel, not what they know. So Feel Laureen. She is Type 1, which is genetic, 10% of diabetes is Type 1.  Type 2 is a lifestyle issues- the belly fat has poisoned the insulin. This is a perfect storm. When you go to get food, you get sugar which is like crack cocaine. He says he  is going to blow our mind He shows the 150lbs of sugar that each of us eats a year. Their generation ate 40lb of sugar less. That is shocking, says Oprah.

This show should be a big wake-up call. Everyone in the audience today has diabetes, pre-diabetes, or a family member living with diabetes. Oprah brought Dr Oz out of surgery and off his own show to be here today to give the brutal facts. $175 billion a year in diabetes spending will be doubled in 25 years. We will have to take care of a good portion of the population.

Warning signs:

  • Constant thirst
  • Frequent urination
  • Non-healing infections
  • Tingling toes
  • Blurred vision

Your whole immune system is depressed. Those symptoms will be there with Type 1 or 2. Type 1 can not be prevented, but it can be treated. Up to 90% of Type 2 can be reversed.

Risk Factors:

  • Belly Fat
  • Sedentary Lifestyle
  • Family History
  • Smoking

Dr Oz can walk around and see people with big bellies who have diabetes. It is not surprising. Exercise can help reverse diabetes. A little bit of fat is hard to reverse. Oprah asks if only overweight people are at risk. If the average height woman is 150lbs, has an increased risk of diabetes. If your waist size is more than half your height, you’ll have an increased risk of diabetes. Oprah is 5′ 6 1/2″ so her height is 66 1/2″ so 33 1/4″ is the limit for her waist size. We are not talking about really big people. And please women of America. guys never change their belt size after age 40, they just let it hang over the top, so you have to measure.

Oprah asks why is diabetes running rampant in the African American community? The big reason is because the cheapest calories are those with no nutrients. Every day on his show, Dr OZ gives Doctor’s Orders, and  when the guidelines were to eat 100% wholegrain foods, because that’ll prevent the problem, people wrote in by the thousands saying that they couldn’t find those foods in their neighborhoods. We need to change that. Find it and demand it. Forget the cheap foods, get food without a label. The Hispanic community is also hard hit. We have to eat better. Essentially, we must avoid the white foods, the processed foods. White flour, pasta, rice, bread, sugar… white bread is like a candy bar for your stomach. Oprah reads an email letter from 33 year old Rochelle- she lost her mom due to a massive stroke and renal failure brought on by diabetes and high blood pressure. She was only 53, and spent most of her life as a nurse. Rochelle is concerned for the health of her church, over half of the members have diabetes; they fellowship over food. Breakfast is fried chicken, french fries, pork chops and maybe a hamburger, after evening service they serve sweets. They are slowly killing themselves and they need change.

Oprah thanks Rochelle for the email which prompted the show. Dr Ian Smith is a Harvard Educated  diet and health expert, author of the 50 Million Pound Challenge, where he is mobilising the country to loose weight and get healthy. He went to Rochelle’s church to try and light a fire to mobilise change. African Americans tip the scale in record numbers- they are twice as likely to have  Type 2 diabetes, twice as likely to have kidney disease, twice as likely to have  amputations, and twice as likely to die from diabetes. A familiar scene in churches across the US, the congregation are enjoying their usual meal. Dr Ian asks who in the audience has or knows someone with diabetes- everyone raises their hand.Walgreens is going to test all of their blood sugar levels- it’s a simple test. Dottie is living with diabetes and Dr Ian says she’s a walking ticking time bomb. He is alarmed by the numbers and the denial. The members with diabetes are on a crash course for disaster.

Oprah asks him how it was, he says it was unbelievable. African Americans have obesity in record numbers- its a habitual thing. Habits are tough to break, especially around food. They take a heels in the ground approach that they will not be told what to eat and how to change, This disease comes down to attitude. So 24 church ladies from Dayton Ohio are in the audience in their hats. Dee Dee was told she could end up in a diabetic coma- she thought about what he said and she’ll do better with exercise, diet and medicine. As a diabetic she should test herself daily, Dee Dee hadn’t tested for a month.  Nell who cooks the food has diabetes, as does her husband. Her mother and sister died of diabetes so she has decided to take it seriously after the wake up call. Typically African Americans are diagnosed with the disease at later stages which means that the reversibility is more difficult to happen. You can almost always reverse it, but not the side effects such as heart disease. Outreach is so important, Dr Oz says if we can figure out the people who don’t know they have it yet, we can answer Laureen’s wish. Dr Ian’s goal is for people to do something now. There’s a sense of resignation that the family history is there, and a lack of urgency unlike in say pancreatic or brain cancer. Diabetes can take years to kill you. People believe they can change in the future and be ok. By the time they get diagnosed, it’s too late. Dr Oz says that taking insulin is not the solution. The pills paint over the cracks, but you don’t want the cracks to form. We must address the foods that are stopping us from putting one foot n front of the other, which is something we have always done.

Fitness expert Bob Greene, author of Best Life Diet: Managaing Diabetes and Pre-Diabetes says its up to us to save our own lives. His parents have it so he is a candidate, but by changing factors of lifestyle, you can change your risk. Exercise is huge, it’s hard to tell people to eat right and it’s harder to get people to exercise. We dont move in our culture as we used to. Bob was charged with getting the church ladies to move. They do not wear pants, ever, so they wear skirts on the treadmill. In footage, only a few say that they exercise regularly. 30 minutes a day of exercise, lowers your risk of diabetes by 60%. Exercise is not negociable. If they do it consistently they’ll drop weight which will lower their risk. He shows them strength training. They have to do cardio every day. They are lowering their blood sugar by exercising. After exercising, one of the congregation walked back rather than take a wheelchair as previously. The group craved the information. Bob says some are really ready to make the commitment, some will need more emotional homework to make the commitment.

Bob gave them a sermon on sugar after the exercise- hidden sugar is the big problem, well find it in ranch dressing, and each plate had about 4 servings of dressing. Take soda off the table, there is 10 tsp of sugar in each can. Women who drink one can of soda a day, increase their risk of type 2 diabetes by 83%. 2 tablespoons of ketchup has 2 teaspoons sugar in it. The doughnuts can each have 13 teaspoons of sugar in each.

Dr Oz says cut out the white foods. Dr Ian says cut out fried foods- bake, grill, steam. Bob’s book is all about food choices and exercise and changing behaviour, unwiring ourselves from how we grew up. He has a specially designed website that Oprah actually went  to with all the information, everyone can get a free 30 day trial at thebestlife.com.

After Oprah’s former chef, Art Smith, was diagnosed with diabetes, ten months ago, he’s lost 85lbs and now no longer needs to take his diabetes medication. His diagnosis horrified him- his parents have diabetes. His first goal was to loose 50 lbs, he thought at first he was getting older and couldn’t see as well, he thought he was having a heart attack and he other ailments. Dr Oz measures his waist -it’s 40 inches- which has reversed his diabetes. Without the belly fat, it no longer sends out chemicals to the body saying ignore the insulin.

Bob Greene has great recipes in his book, including fried chicken without frying it. Art says once a week he makes skinless chicken in a multi-grain cereal coating. Greek yogurt is zero fat and has protein, to coat the chicken. Bob’s cheesy cornbread has less calories and sugar than regular, and there is a black-eyed pea salad. We should have legumes, the super-food, 3-4 times a week. Apple cider vinegar drops the glycemic index of any food. The recipes can be found on Oprah.com.

Extra belly fat, thirst, urination means you should get tested. Walgreens is stepping up in a big way- tomorrow from 11-11pm, you can go to any 24 hour clinic and get a free blood screening, or you can call 1-800-Walgreens to set up an appointment. It’s free and easy and you can get tested and help reverse this silent killer. Thank you.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

People change their lives based on what they feel, not what they know.

If your waist size is more than half your height, you’ll have an increased risk of diabetes.

The cheapest calories are those with no nutrients- white bread is like a candy bar for your stomach.

It’s hard to tell people to eat right and it’s harder to get people to exercise. Exercise is not negociable.

Stop eating white foods, stop frying foods, do 30 minutes of exercise daily.

VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Women who drink one can of soda a day, increase their risk of type 2 diabetes by 83%.

Date: February 3rd, 2010
File Under: Celebrity, Entertainment, Transformation

Episode 19: Stars of Reality TV: Fantasia’s Comeback and Ruby’s Revelations

Her raw singing talent thrust her into stardom, but it all came crashing down after her. Over 30 million people watched her dream come to life as Fantasia Barrino won American Idol in 2004. She had it all—and almost lost it. Her first album went platinum, and her Broadway debut in The Color Purple landed her rave reviews and brought audiences to their feet. But suddenly her meteoric rise became a troubling freefall-  sales  of her second album were dispappointing, and as the sole breadwinner for her family, her finances began to crumble. She almost lost her house, she put on 30lbs, and she kept missing appearances which resulted in a hit on her reputation.

Fantasia is here. Her eyes water whenever she sees footage of herself win American Idol- it was a special moment that changed her life. It was something she always wanted to do but she felt it would never happen for her because she didn’t have a diploma, she is a single mom. She felt that her curse had been broken and that she could follow her dreams. Oprah recalls that several years ago she warned Fantasia that with all the money she would get “cousins” coming out of the woodwork. Does Fantasia think she mismanaged the financial side? Yes she did. She turned up to perform, and she let others handle her money and arrange where she had to be. She allowed them to take care of everything. She was young and naive and didn’t realise that she had to be involved in accounts and schedules, to make sure that people weren’t taking advantage of her talent.

Oprah, as the producer of The Color Purple had been so excited for Fantasia to star in the broadway hit. Scott and the others were so excited and thrilled. At the end, Fantasia began to miss so many performances that they had to pay back over  half a million to the audience in cancelled performance fees. More than the money, this was for many the first Broadway play that people had seen- people would bus from California to see her, and they were extremely disappointed when she wasn’t there. Fantasia had never done Broadway, nor had she seen a Broadway play. She wasn’t prepared for what comes with it. 8 shows a week and she had to also deal with her own life as a single mom taking care of everybody. It became an overload. What people don’t know is that she had to have two tumors removed from her vocal chords- as an artist who sang since she was five, she’d never been to a throat doctor- this was the first time she had worked with throat coaches. You can’t give your best only on some days, she doesn’t know how to give half. Towards the end she was very tired, and if she wasn’t on stage she was in the hospital getting an IV. Why didn’t you tell me? asks Oprah. Fantasia says she couldn’t find her. They laugh. Oprah asks why she didn’t say something to someone. Fantasia says that some of the producers knew she was getting an IV, and she just had to keep coming back for the next performance. She went to the best doctor in LA who took the tumors out and now she’s as good as gold.

Oprah says that’s scary for anybody, but for Fantasia it is her livelihood and joy. She couldn’t work for 6 weeks and she has to pay all the bills. She asked the lord and he said stop taking care of everybody. Now a reality show follows her battle back into success. As a single mom without a diploma, she wants more for her daughter than she has. Footage shows her daughter has 4 American Girl dolls, they all needed clothes. Her daughter got a guitar and a pampering party for all her friends for her birthday party. Her mother says Fantasia gives her daughter so much to make up for her absence. Oprah asks if she’s worried about spoiling her daughter? A little, because she’s always on the road and she has to keep working to pay for a good school.

2 years ago, Fantasia told People magazine that she was too broke to buy pizza. Oprah asks was there not a lot of money which came in after American Idol, and Fantasia says she doesn’t want to throw anyone under the bus- there was a lot of money coming in but she doesn’t know where it went. After the surgery, no money was coming in so she called her manager because her card was declined trying to buy pizza. The manager wired her some money, and at that point Fantasia knew she’d been mishandled. It hit her, wow. And she couldn’t ask anyone in her family  for anything, this was of her making. When she got her money from American Idol she’d send it home to her mom who was living in a hotel having just divorced. After she won, she wanted to make her whole family happy. In a family of six adults, she’s the only one working. In her reality show you can see how Teeny, her big brother, is unwilling to work. Her mom said Fantasia  enabled him, and now he’s disabled- he will not work. He has everything that he’s ever asked Fantasia for. He hangs out in the pool house all day long. Fantasia has decided that she doesn’t wasnt to take care of everybody. She has had it, she’s over it, it’s time for Teeny to go. She texted him to go. He was hysterical.

Fantasia put him out, don’t get her wrong she loves him, he’s her brother, but it’s too much. He’s a man, and the bible says if a man don’t work then a man don’t eat. Before Fantasia was blessed, her brother was the only one that worked, he could have gone to college on a scholarship, and now they are all take take take. She cherishes her house, and as they don’t pay the bills, they don’t cherish it. She hasn’t changed with money, she’s grown. Oprah quotes a book, The Gift of Fear, saying when you say no and others don’t listen, then they are trying to control you. Oprah asks if Fantasia was cautious about exposing her family this way? A litle, but she wanted them to see themselves, and they don’t see how hard she is working. Coming home to their drama where they don’t even say thank you. They pout, and she needs them, so she always ends up giving them something.

She had a lot of lawsuits coming to her, from her family and others, and they came after both of her homes. The home went up for auction. It was very embarrassing. What has she learned, Oprah asks. She has learned how to say no. Two, she has to be in control of her destiny- her money, her shows, everything. She is 25 and she can’t allow people to take care of her destiny. Oprah says she’s lucky to know that by 25. Fantasia performs her new single as inspired by her struggle.

Millions of women connect with reality star Ruby Gettinger, they laugh cry and struggle along as she tries to loose weight. Ruby at her heaviest weighed 716lbs, she knows her problem is both mental and physical. She doesn’t remember anything from her life before age 13. Now Ruby is starting to peel back the layers to discover the truth. This season cameras follow Ruby as she achieves major breakthroughs- she wears jeans for the first time in her life. She comes into the studio, wearing jeans. Last time Ruby told Oprah that she’d never weighed below 350lbs as an adult, she is just under that now. Last time Oprah asked what Ruby was feeding- and she was feeding pain. Her childhood has been surpressed. As a child the only medication that you can access is food. She thought this was just about  food, but it is about her pain in the past. To help track down her lost childhood, she hired a private detective who found a physician’s assistant who treated Ruby and her mother over 20 years ago. She met with the doctor, Dr Dukes; they used to come weekly, and he thinks that the mother was trying to protect Ruby from something that she suffered as a child. The doctor thought that Ruby’s mother fed her so much to keep her unattractive. She doesn’t know what happened, she will sit down with the doctor and her mother to find the secret behind her lost childhood.

Ruby recently realised that her missing years are the reason she overeats. Dr Dukes and her mom were really close at one time, so Ruby feels he’ll help. Her mother started seeing Dr Dukes for general things, but later on she figured out that there was something severely wrong and she was treated for clinical depression, and considered suicide. She was afraid of suicide, nothing happened but it almost did. When she was 11 or 12 she was by herself with someone who was kin to her and he told her not to open that door. The doctor says his aunt fed her beautiful girls to make them less attractive to men, and that maybe this was the case here. Her mother says she enabled all her children.

Oprah says that our past affects who we are now, but the real issue with food is what we do every time we have an emotion. Oprah knows from experience that emotional eaters eat to deal with their feelings- when happy, sad, stressed, bored.. . Ruby didn’t realise she was over-eating on snacks, all day long. Ruby needed food, it was giving her something that she wasn’t getting.  Oprah says food was love for Ruby. Ruby agrees.  Ruby’s father was gone alot because he was in the airforce. She doesn’t remember him at all from that time, but from age 13 up she became close to him to teach him how to love. He was a geat father and provider, but he couldn’t hold her hand or say he loved her. Oprah says Ruby  ate to make herself loved- with a disconnected father and a suicidal depressed mother.

Ruby went to see a plastic surgeon on her TV program, “Ruby”. He draws on the skin on her body- you trade the fat for loose skin or for scars. She had been excited to see a surgeon, but seeing the scars was horrific. The choice of hanging skin or scars is difficult. Oprah has always been told that if you cut the underarm flab, the scar never goes away. Ruby says it’s a no-win situation. She feels the hanging skin is worse than the scars. Nothing can change the hanging skin. Ruby had diabetes, and now it is under control, she no longer has to take medication. She was on 4 medications for the silent killer- tomorrow’s show is a one-hour special on the silent killer. Ruby feels healthier than ever, she has a fast-pace, she is not limited by anything, At 700lb, she couldn’t have sat in this chair. She wants to help others- to ask what are you hungry for, what are you feeding? Initially she couldn’t deal with the fact that she was a food addict. Oprah is a food addict, she doesn’t like to say it but it is the truth.

It’s a journey, season 3 of Ruby starts on Monday on the Style Network. Remember don’t text and drive. Thank  you.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Learn to say no, even to family, if they ask for more than you can give.

Fantasia works really, really hard.

Money doesn’t change you, it makes you grow.

When you say no and others don’t listen, then they are trying to control you.

You don’t get to be 716lb if you are not feeding a suppression.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Don’t be the sole breadwinner in a house of 6 capable adults. Food is food, not love.

Date: February 2nd, 2010
File Under: Family, Relationships, Tragedy

Episode 18: The Children of Elizabeth Smart’s Kidnapper Speak Out

This family portrait of 1981 shows a family of six, with the mother a homemaker and organist in the church. Two decades later, she was part of one of  the most infamous kidnappings of our time, the abduction of Elizabeth Smart. It was almost 8 years ago, 2002, when 14 year old Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped by knifepoint in her bedroom. Her sister Mary Catherine, age 9, witnessed the abduction but pretended to sleep. 4 months later, Mary Catherine had a memory from that night, and the name Emmanuel came into her head. The family recalled they had hired a man named Emmanuel to do work around their house. They worked witha  sketch artist to create an image and a woman came forward identifying the man as Brian David Mitchell, a self-proclaimed profit. The tipster said he would likely be with his wife f 17 years, Wanda Barzee. She was right- a month later, Brian and Wanda were spotted wandering the streets of Salt Lake City with Elizabeth.

Elizabeth’s ordeal was finally over. She is now 22 years old and a few months ago she testified that Mitchell chained her to a tree and raped her repeatedly for the duration of her captivity. He pled not guilty and a judge is deliberating whether he is competent to stand trial. Last year, Wanda Barzee pled guilty to kidnapping and unlawful transportation of a minor. She is confined to a state hospital and is yet to be sentenced.

Wanda Barzee’s 6 children are not surprised that their mom could do something so evil- they say that they were her first victims. A video shows them going to the home they grew up in, they haven’t been back in years. Louree says their  family appeared normal outside, but inside everything changed. Rhonda said their father was over-controlling and abusive. Derrick learned how to fend for himself from age 8, he’d find his refuge in the back yard. Their mom would lock food up in the pantry for a couple of days to torment them. The dog loved them unconditionally, so Louree would hide with her dog in the doghouse, snuggle for warmth and eat dogfood. Derrick would roast on a stick whatever animal he could shoot with his BB gun. Their mom would take them upstairs and brainwash them each that the family would be better off without them, if they were dead. Andrea says she preferred the physical abuse to this mental abuse, these scars have remained. She robbed them of their childhood and innocence.

Rhonda, Derrick, Louree and Andrea are in the studio, 4 of 6 of Wanda’s children. Andrea is on the show to reveal the monster that is her mother, she does not like the media portrayal that Barzee is a vicitim of Mitchell. She thinks that she has been sympathetically portrayed as a psychological victim, Andrea wants to show that Barzee had issues before she ever met Mitchell. They were a bad match, each with their own psychological issues; they fed on each other. As children, they received physical abuse from their father, but also physical and medical neglect and prevalent emotional abuse. Outside appearances, meant that they looked like the Brady brunch, like a good Mormom family. Derrick says they had no sense of right or wrong, he was on his way to prison. Oprah says that as a child you don’t know what you need to develop. Derek craved love. Andrea says kids need structure, knowing they’ll still be loved no matter what. As kids, they never knew what was coming. Andrea did not know their life wasn’t normal until she visited someone else’s home. She went on a camping trip with another family and it was heaven, she realised that she did not care to be at home. She then took on the role of protector. Louree was the baby, when the others could get out and hide from the abuse, she couldn’t fend  for herself in the same way. Things were lost by the time she was born. The divorce happened in 1984, then Wanda who has always been depressed and psychologically abusive did have an emotional breakdown. When Andrea started to stand up for her siblings, she got the most physical abuse from mom and dad. They were all terrified of their dad- he declined the Oprah Winfrey Show’s request to be interviewed.

Oprah asks the siblings what they feel their mother’s sentence should be. Andrea doesn’t think her mother should see the light of day ever again, as a mother and citizen herself. Louree says that her mom is getting the right medication which is a good thing, now that she had accepted her part in this after years of untreated metal illness. Derrick says he is undecided. The eldest daughter had a hard time believing that her mom had any part of the ordeal, until she pled guilty. As the oldest of 6, Rhonda had a different feeling for her mom, she was closer to her- she was the first one, the golden child. She doesn’t remember her mother being abusive to her, they did cooking and baking and Wanda made all their clothes. Oprah reiterates that each child in every family has a different experience within that family. They haven’t seen each other for a long time, they need to respect how they each feel with regards to their upbringing. Rhonda is trying to remember the good.

Wanda was married to their father for 21years, then she  remarried Brian David Mitchell the next year. Rhonda got a creepy feeling from the first hug. Derrick says that everyone got that same feeling from Mitchell’s stare and mannerisms. In a video,  Rhonda says that originally Wanda and Brian seemed to be a happy couple. Derrick says he looked normal, but was weird, he had odd mannerisms. Louree was forced to pray with the couple for 2-4 hours a day. Once Brian nudged her and showed her some photos of nude women, but she closed her eyes. Louree said it seems that he was trying to get her to participate with them that day. The final straw before she moved out came when she asked what was for dinner one day. Her mom said chicken. Neither mom nor Brian touched their food, they were kind of picking at a salad, but Wanda sat smiling. The next day when she went to feed her rabbit Peaches, she wasn’t there. She asked her mom where the rabbit was, and she was told that she’d eaten her last night for dinner.

Back in the studio, Oprah says sitting at the dinner table, finding out you’re eating your pet rabbit, when you’re 14 years old. Louree said she couldn’t stay any more, the rabbit was the final straw in the mental torment. The control was too much; the windows were screwed from the outside, the TV was locked to National Geographic, she had to work from age 12, or was expected to only do church activities. Oprah asked if it also felt weird to hug their father- Derrick said their father never hugged them. The family dispersed, and then watching TV they found out that there mother was suspected of kidnapping Elizabeth Smart.

Back in 1991, Derrick heard that his mom and Brian had hit the road to preach, in an attempt to get closer to god. Wanda disowned her children. When Derrick’s son was about 8 years old, they ran into Wanda and Brian in a parking lot, he tried to introduce his son to his grandmother, and Wanda and Brian completely ignored them. On the 4th July, Louree and her daughter saw Wanda and Brian sitting under a tree, she went over to ask her mom how she was doing. Wanda grabbed her face, screamed that her father was evil, and then yelled scriptures at Louree. Rhonda saw them once at the grocery store, wearing robes holding a sack of potatoes- she couldn’t believe what she saw. Oprah says its interesting that Derrick wanted to introduce his son to Wanda after everything that happened. He says he wanted to connect and hoped his son would be able to, but it wasn’t to be. Derrick learned of the Elizabeth Smart crime on TV – he saw Brian’s profile on America’s Most Wanted. All the ill-feelings he’d had towards Brian clicked just then, and he wanted to find him and bring him to justice. He wanted to drag him by his beard to the police station. He knew 100% their mother had to be involved. Andrea was helping her foster parents move, and was told- later that night she called the police and had an interiew. The whole family gave the police tips as to where Brian and Wanda might be found.

Oprah asks why they went after Elizabeth Smart?  Louree says that she thinks they wanted to start their own religious cult. Brian was power-hungry within the church  and he couldn’t go much further within the church, and he wanted more. Rhonda got a letter from her mother recently. Andrea and Louree don’t stay in communication with their mother, Derrick has received a couple of things but he’s thrown them away; it’s too little, too late. Rhonda as the oldest didn’t believe it at first, she thought that maybe Wanda was the victim, she never spoke up for herself. They saw Brian and Wanda at their grandparents funeral, just before the kidnapping. Brian was yelling and screaming repent, and Wanda was walking quietly beside him. They felt she just followed him. Rhonda thinks she’s his victim because she wants to be. Rhonda thinks her mother should share responsibility for her actions.

Rhonda reads from a recent letter which says Wanda has boundless love for all her kids. Wanda is so very sorry for the lives of abuse, and that they have had to live without a mother or grandmother to their children. It is Wanda’s constant prayer that each of them may find it in their heart to forgive their mother, each is so precious to her. Louree shakes her head. Rhonda and Andrea cry. Louree says it makes her sick, everyone wants a mother’s love, and Wanda was never a mother. It makes her angry that now it’s too late. Usually you get either a mother or father which loves you, and they had neither. Derrick says as children there was a taboo around mentioning their mother’s sickness, and that now after a lifetime of suffering, their mother is getting the treatment she needs but their is a chasm between them to bridge. They don’t know how to do it. Andrea says its hard when there is nothing to model off or build a foundation.  She feels that Wanda doesn’t deserve the title of mother. A mother should nurture, teach, rear, uplift, comfort and love your children unconditionally. Oprah agrees that it is the hardest job on the world when it is done well. Andrea has a 22 year old son and a 19 year old daughter. Her son is the same age as Elizabeth Smart. Two weeks or so before the kidnapping, Wanda and Brian turned up at Andrea’s door, to try and enlist her as another wife. It was an interesting experience and she asked them to leave. As an adult she was able to control her own environment in a way she couldn’t as a child. They had sat down and talked about their gospel and Brian’s part in it as a messenger, and how they really wanted Andrea to take part in it. Andrea asked them to leave and they got up. Wanda asked for a hug and Andrea refused and said no but you can have a nice life.

Oprah goes back to ask Louree about the praying and the nude pictures- was there any abuse from Brian? Louree says there was no abuse but there was innuendos, long hugs and shrugging up against her. Itw as very uncomfortable, she felt that even in a turtleneck, Brian would undress her with his eyes. It ws very uncomfortable. She says that Brian gave Wanda a little bit of power to see what she would do with it, and it trickled. Derrick says Andrea would have kicked Brian’s butt if he’d tried to abuse her.

On September 10th, 2008 Elizabeth Smart was interviewed on Oprah when she said her captors should be charged as guilty, and that if they got out they’d do it all over again. Oprah asks the family what they think when they see Elizabeth Smart. Andrea commends her for the person she is, all she has endured and all that she aspires to be. Andrea says that as adults we create our own realities, and that her mom and Brian created theirs and shouldn’t be set free. She feels Brian is competent to stand trial- she says they are both intelligent, calculating manipulators. If you look at the time frame, her sudden cooperation is to help herself.

Oprah asks how the sins of their mother  have affected their lives. Louree respects every instance of her life for making her who she is. It has made her much stronger as a mother, and very close to her children. Derrick had to evaluate who he was, to look back and realise he was on the wrong path. He had to learn responsibility and own his own mistakes. He couldn’t blame his background for where he was going.  Rhonda is unable to have any children of their own. She got a letter recently from her dad apologizing that she had to parent her siblings. Growing up she was left to watch her siblings a lot. She wants to believe her mom, she’s tried to have a relationship with her for all these years. It’s hard. She doesn’t know how a mother could give up 6 of her own children and kidnap someone else’s child. Shes missed  a lot with her kids, but they’ve all turned out pretty darn good given the circumstances. She says both her mom and dad must have done something right.

Oprah asks why they haven’t all seen each other. Andrea feels she cant move forward if she’s living in the past, so she needs to surround herself with support. Oprah asks if the differences between their stages of healing and belief keeps them apart. Andrea has had a lot of therapy. Louree says its hard to go back and live in the past- it has been crazy since the story broke, prior to that she kept her past to herself. Now she has to come out and talk about it, which is good she supposes. Everyone’s experience is different, but seeing her mother try and take knives to her wrist or try and drown herself in the tub so that the children could save her, could try and make her love them, was so hard. And it’s hard for the siblings to remake their relationship when they have been in a mode of  every day survival.

Louree got a dolls house when she was 5 and it was her favorite things, 2 weeks later it was gone. It was as if her mother got a sense of happiness from the children’s distress. Oprah asks if Louree ever worries about becoming her mother, with the depression and mental abuse and neglect. She says no, she is aware of the psychological department, she is well-educated but her awareness helps her stay away from it. Oprah says we all have levels of dysfunction in our families, even Oprah has had to say I can meet you where you are now, to not go back and want to change the past. Rhonda is at that point. Derrick has too much distance, he doesn’t know to overcome the disconnection. Andrea has no desire for contact. Being a mother she can’t conceptualize what her mother did. Louree knew a monster, but she can’t say she’d want a relationship with that person, Louree doesn’t know who her mother is now. Andrea feels that this way her mother no longer has control. Taking a stand for herslelf. She left home at 13 to go to a foster home. Since then she has had to deal with the guilt of removing the primary target from the home. She was taken out of the home by a church program. Their mother kicked them out on the streets but she bribed the 3 youngers back into the house to stop the talk on the streets that she was a bad mother- two of them refused to go back.

Rhonda has forgiven her mother, but she is not sure how honest her mom is being. From the letters she’s received, Rhonda feels that her mother wasn’t able to stick up for her kids in front of her father. Oprah says it is our mammalian instinct to protect and care for our children, when that doesn’t happen something is very wrong. Oprah wishes them all peace and says that Wada Barzee declined to be interviewed for the program. A statement issued from her attorney stating that she remains in treatment for her mental illness and is a defendant in two criminal cases. Therefore she is unable to engage in a dialogue or comment on the subject of the program. She hopes to continue mending relationships wherever possible as she proceeds through her serious and unique circumstance.

Thank you all for watching today.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Each child in every family has a different experience within that family.

As adults we create our own realities and must be responsible for them.

We have to learn responsibility for our own mistakes and not blame our backgrounds for where we are going.

We all have levels of dysfunction in our families.

It is hard to form and nurture relationships when you are in survival mode every day.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

It is our mammalian instinct to protect and care for our children, when that doesn’t happen something is very wrong.

Date: February 1st, 2010
File Under: Public Service Announcement, Transformation

Episode 17: Undercover Boss

Do you ever wish your boss could walk in your shoes? To know first hand how stressful it can be, how  hard you work? You are about to see one of America’s most powerful bosses trade in his corner office and expense account for a bag lunch. For one week he’ll work undercover. He’ll work side-by-side with his employees and they don’t have a clue he is the big boss. Take a look.

Waste Management is the largest trash and recycling company in North America, a $13 billion business with 45000 employees and 20 million customers. Larry O’Donnell is President and Chief Operations Offficer. He’s been very fortunate in his career, but his family is very important to him. His wife and son are his pillars of strength, the joy of his life. His daughter was born normal but as the result of a standard examination, she threw up and aspirated and ended up with brain damage. And that’s why he never wants to work for a company where people don’t know how to follow proper procedures, maybe that’s why he takes safety so seriously.

Going undercover, he will pose as Randy Lawrence, shooting a TV show about trying entry level jobs within Waste Management, moving from location to location and staying at low-budget motels. Sandy tells  Larry to pick up trash, cardboard and recyclables off the conveyor belt line and put  them in the right places. Sandy shouts instructions to Larry but he simply cannot keep up. Larry says he was  sweating bullets because he knows how expensive the equipment is. Leaving cardboard on the belt will jam the equipment. He tells the people in the break room that he fears he may have messed up. Sandy has to run in an alarming fashion… and goes to punch in. She explains that she can get docked two minutes for every minute that she’s laste. Larry says that doesn’t seem fair.

Back in the studio, Larry is there with Oprah. Was he prepared for the physicality of it all? Not at all- he works out every and  thinks he’s in pretty good shape, but the reaching and stretching and trying to figure out what’s coming down the line  was very physically demanding. Plus the mental stress, particularly as a new person, he was not very good at it. He would have to practice to be good at that job.

Next time round, Walter is Larry’s supervisor at the landfill in Pompano Beach, Florida. He asks Larry to pick up litter that’s blowing away from the landfill and put it in a garbage bag. Larry asks if there are any special techniques and Walter says it’s just picking up paper. Larry says the trash is kicking his… Walter says he is taking too long, says he’s not cutting the mustard, they go to lunch. Outside of work, Walter is on dialysis which takes up three nights a week. Larry never would have guessed. Walter says his spirit tells his body what is going to happen. He says he gets pissed off by being able to run rings round healthy people like Larry. Larry gets a second chance after lunch, Walter will time him, and shout at him. Larry says he’s not very good at it. Walter thanks him for coming to  Waste Management to try it out, but says he just doesn’t have it.

Back in the studio, Larry says this is the first—and hopefully last—time that he’s been fired from a job. It should take ten minutes to fill a bag of trash. This did give him the sense of what his employees go through every day, and how his decisions can impact that. He spends 200 days a year out in the field so he thought he knew what they go through, he felt he was approachable and engaged by employees, but this is very different. When he goes out as the president of the company, he gets treated as the president, this is different.

Undercover Boss is a new CBS show where bosses go undercover and work with their employees. Larry now is filling the garbage truck in Rochester NY with trash. He works with Janice who says she visits a little over 300 homes a day. She says it’s  a good company but they are not very female friendly. She shows him the can she has to pee in. He asks if she’s ok with that, she says she has to be. They meet a community member who  hugs Janice and reminds Larry  him of his daughter and he breaks down a little.

Oprah asks Larry about the pee in the cup, he has no idea where the policy comes from. She was very engaged with her customers, but disappeared for a few minutes, and he tried to help, and then she showed him the pee can. He’s from Texas, where they call them pecans- he thought she’d been given a gift. When she put it in his hands it hit him. His mind started going thinking why is she peeing in a can? Though it’s not a corporate policysees it as his failure that they have thought about that.

His next stop is at a landfill in Fairport, New York. He is interested to see if the downsizing and streamlining of staff is working. Larry meets Jaclyn, she is office manager, administrative assistant, scale operator, scale supervisor, all the accounts payable, receivable and payroll. She nnever does one thing at a time. She felt overwhelmed the first week, but she takes multitasking to a whole new level. She makes the same amount of money for doing dual roles or triple roles or quadruple roles, she don’t even know how many.She wants to get the most out of life because she has I experienced a lot of health problems. By the time she was 21, she had a total hysterectomy and she had five forms of cancer before she was 25. She’s not the average 29-year-old girl. She says that someday, she’s going to run this place. She invites him fro dinner at her house to meet her family. He brings flowers. There are three families here living with her, depending on her. SHe just does what it takes. They moved in five years ago, but the taxes went up and it’s currently for sale, and she’d like to stay in the home.

Larry tells Oprah that he couldn’t sleep after visiting Jaclyn’s family. Jaclyn is there on the stage. Jaclyn felt bad for Larry, so invited him home. Oprah asks is he almost blew his cover… this was very unusual for Jaci to have so many jobs, and he felt bad for the family situation. At the risk of blowing his cover, he arranged to meet Jaclyn’s boss.

Larry’s next job is cleaning toilets. he looks vaguely disgusted. The site manager reminds them that they have 8 minutes to clean it and move on. They find the diaper. 15 toilets an hour is the goal, the person he’s with, Fred,  sees the potential in him.

Oprah was so inspired by Fred, cleaning toilets all day with such good humor. Fred is in the studio, he focuses each morning that the day will be a good day. If he wants to use the toilet he wants it to be clean. Oprah has never used a port-a-potty in her life because you don’t know what you’ll find in there. Larry was inspired by Fred, driving saying it’s not a job but an adventure. larry had more fun doing that job, which surprised him. Larry made it so much fun.

After one week undercover, Larry revealed his identity.  All of the employees are floored. Fred is invited to speak to the Senior Management Team. Larry commits to fixing the unfemale-friendly policy- he’s set up a task force. He will fix the clocking-in issue. Walter will get some paid time off to help people go through treatment as he is a motivational person. Jaclyn, who is doing all those jobs will get a salary, become bonus-eligible. She is delighted that her hard work has paid off. She feels validated. they are all blessed that they got to take part in this. To her Larry will be Randy, an everyday guy who impacted their life.

Oprah wants to say that part of the reason that happened is because she put out the opportunity and it came back to her. Fred no longer works at Larry’s company, it ended on great terms and he’s doing well. Larry’s biggest lesson was a whole new appreciation for the front line employees. On a personal level he is so blessed. One thing he learned is that people welcomed him and cared and wanted him to be a better person. Thanks everyone.

The 7-Eleven empire spans five continents and has more than 28,000 locations worldwide. The sultan of the slurpy, Joe DePinto, is the man who oversees this billion-dollar corporation, but for his Undercover Boss covert mission, he swaps his luxurious lifestyle for a uniform and mop. His  alias is Danny Rossi, his cover story is that he used to be in real estate. He’s out of work, and  looking for new opportunities. He wants to find out why people choose to work the nightshift.  His co-worker, Waqas, asks him to greet customers, stock merchandise and perform the regular cleaning duties. Danny is not working very hard, says Waqas. They have to keep these restrooms clean, four or five times a night. They have to throw away the stale doughnuts- Joe is upset that they are not going to charities.
The next stop is an early-morning shift  in Shirley, New York, to see why one store sells more cups of coffee than any other franchise. Joe says he need sto figure out what makes their coffee business so great so that he can share it with the other stores.  At 5:30 a.m. Joe meets Dolores. Joe suggests a sink would be helpful, Dolores says in his dreams. She knows everyone, she’s been here 18 years. One of the customers tells him that Dolores is raising five kids, has one working kidney and must have dialysis twice a week. Dolores is the reason that they are selling 2,500 cups of coffee.

Back in the studio with Oprah, Joe was reminded of when he started in a Kentucky Fried Chicken, and it reminded him how hard the folks out there work. At one point he asked to turn off the cameras- he couldn’t believe they were throwing away doughnuts. Now they have a system in place. Oprah calls Dolores the coffee queen. SHe joins us by Skype with her customers. Dolores says the secret is good coffee, nice customers and a good store. SHe thought Joe was pushy and had no potential. After revealing his true identity, Joe gives Dolores a special surprise—two season tickets to the New York Yankees, her favorite team.

7-Eleven also donates $150,000 to Donate Life America, an organization that encourages organ donation, in honor of Dolores. She thanks him. Joe’s final assignment lands him in a delivery truck with Igor in Dallas. Igor was a college educated business manager in Russia, and a decorated officer in the army. Igor tells Danny that his truck is his baby, and if he had arms long enough he would hug it. Then he says let the fun begin and the two of them start their round of deliveries. Danny says is it a pleasure having worked with Igor, he is energetic, enthusiastic and positive, just the kind of guy you would want to work for you. Back in the truck Danny asks Igor how he stays so motivated in the middle of the night. Igor says that he is living the American Dream; America is the best country in the world, Americans just don’t know how blessed they are.

Back in the studio with Oprah she tells us that Joe calls Igor an unsung hero, he drives his delivery truck with gusto. Oprah then turns to Igor and asks him why he admitted to one time looking down on people like himself. Igor says that when he was back in Russia he used to be in a position of power and of course would down on people below him. However, when he came to the states he couldn’t really find a job because of his inability to speak the language and was a janitor for a while. This was a very humbling experience and made him better understand people. Oprah asks how he how he can keep so positive driving a truck. Igor takes pride in a job well done and when he used to be a janitor he would make the restroom floor sparkle like diamonds. Oprah then turns to the audience and says that Joe has some good news for Igor.

Joe tells Igor that he has humility, can-do-attitude and that he’s a hard worker who puts the company first. Joe knows that Igor has dreams of running his own franchise but that he’s been worried about finances, therefore 7-Eleven has waived the franchise fee and Joe hands Igor the keys to his own store. Hugs all round. Oprah tells us that Igor now has his own store and that 7-Eleven has waived the start-up fee which normally amounts to $140.000 and that he now fully can live the American Dream by being his own boss. Undercover Boss will premier on CBS on sunday right after the Super Bowl. Bye everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

If you go to meet your employees as the president of the company, you  get treated as the president of the company.

As an undercover employee, you may uncover some of your own policies which shock you.

You may also discover that your employees work  harder than you do, with much less reward.

America is the best country in the world, Americans just don’t know how blessed they are.

As the president of the company, you will be able to reveal who you are and give your employees some hefty financial rewards.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Work hard and you will be rewarded. Keep hoping your coworker is actually your very rich boss.

Date: January 29th, 2010
File Under: Celebrity, Entertainment, Public Service Announcement

Episode 16: Happy Birthday Oprah! Fridays LIVE

Happy Birthday Oprah! Live in Chicago and it’s Oprah’s birthday and it is the birthday of 101 people in the audience. Happy Birthday to all you Aquarians, they are wonderful people. Kayla is the youngest at 16, she is about to get her driver’s license and has taken the no-driving-phone pledge. Betty is the oldest birthday girl, she is 101. She attributes her success in life to a little scotch every now and then. Her son Freddy is here and it’s his birthday- he is 79 today. That’s incredible. Michelle is 31, she came all the way from Sydney Australia. Everyone says g’day to Michelle. Oprah says that everyone is asking her what she’s doing for her birthday; she’s doing the show for her birthday. She decided to get herself two birthday babies- in come 2 springer spaniels. They are 14 week old puppies, Sunny and Lauren. Oprah always thought her next dog would be called Lauren, so this was fate. They come from Paws, a no-kill shelter in Chicago. Oprah was nervous about getting puppies then a friend suggested that she gets help. Neutering your animal extends the length of their life, and makes them more social. The puppies have a brother, but Stedman said that three would be too much. Nancy, a good friend, who also has a birthday today, is about to get the other puppy- out comes her baby boy. She loves him already. Oprah makes her solemnly swaer to love and cherish and feed the little peanut for the rest of his life. The puppies will go back to the shelter for three more days to get their vaccinations, then they’ll go home. There are many no-kill shelters across the US, there is a list on Oprah.com. Happy Birthday everybody.

Oprah is sharing her birthday with 100 other people born on January 29th. Up in The Air is such a fantastic movie, George Clooney was so George Clooney. The movie reflects what is going on In America right now, it’s about job loss, disconnection and tough economic times, wrapped into a clever entertaining package. George Clooney stars as Ryan Bingham, a man who makes his living traveling across the country firing people. Director Jason Reitman, who was nominated for an Oscar for Juno,  does a great job of capturing how people react when they lose their jobs. To capture the anguish of the 15 million people who are unemployed, Jason cast some  real live people who had just lost their jobs in the movie. Wow.

This is Jason Reitman’s thrd movie, he is being called brilliant, sophisticated, original… he likes those adjectives, thank you. Oprah asks if he’s enjoying the ride- of course. He’s made personal films, each a story that he wants to tell, all from his heart. It is very fulfilling to do these films so early in his career. He’s wanted to do movies his whole life. At the Toronto Film Festival, Jason says that no one was looking at George Clooney becasue Oprah was in the room. Oprah denies this. Oprah marvels that Jason wrote and directed this film- he started writing it 7 years ago. She asks how he knew, if he had a premonition. He was adapting a novel by Walter Curran and he thought he was making a movie about a single man, but over the course of writing it the world changed. He changed too, he became a husband and father, which had an enormous impact on the character. The economy went from an ecomonic boom to the worst recession on record, and the film began to reflect that. Two weeks ago Jason won a Golden Globe for the best screenplay and he gave the sweetest acceptance speech saying that George was one of the greatest men he’s ever met, his wife is the fuel to his creative fire to write women, and to his mother and father for making him the man and the storyteller he is. He worked with his Dad in the film and hopes to do that again. Oprah happens to be friends with Jason’s parents, and says she can only imagine what this means to his parents. His father is the legendary producer and director Ivan Reitman, the man behind Ghostbusters and Animal House and many other defining comedies of our time.  Working together was wonderful and unusual- you have to fgure out the new dynamic and seperate the father-son conversations from producer-director conversations;  sometimes the two crossed. Previously, as a pre-med student- he was scared of being a director- the presumption is if you are the son of a famous director that you usually have a drug problem and no talent. He figured he’d fail on a big, public  level and if he found success he’d be in his father’s shadow for his whole life. He chose medicine because no-one questions why you want to become a doctor. His father visited him and told him that being scared isn’t a reason to do anything. He persuaded Jason to go back to LA and pursue storytelling. In doing so he became the first Jewish father ever to say don’t be a doctor, be a film director.

Jason does like the title Director- it felt great the first time he was introduced as that. Oprah thought it was a brilliant touch to cast real life unemployed people in he movie. Three of the people in the movie are in the audience. The Chuck-e-Cheese line was said by  Lamorris, he made up his own lines because he’d just been laid off. Jason recognised early on that he didn’t have the life experience to get this authenticity. They reached out to people who’d just lost their jobs in the Detroit / St Louis area where they were filming. They’d interview them for  a few minutes then fire them on air so the person could say what they had said when they got fired, or what they’d wished they’d said on camera. Oprah asks if it was validating? They all say yes. Marlene was fired by letter after 27 years – she was lost, numb, going through the motions. After you process the news, you realise that your life changes in a day. It happened a week after the movie was being filmed at the airport. Arthur says he was a model employee, he had perfect attendance, and got along with everybody- he went through a double shocker. He believes Jason is a genius and he felt less like he was alone, this was a solid validation of the experience. He feels vindicated and appreciated. The world needs more Jason Reitmans and Oprah, people who care. When seeing the film, Arthur thought it was an opportunity for the world to see what he went through. This is more than a movie, it’s like a slice of reality at its best. Jason is embarrassed. He says it is a movie that is dramatic and comedic and is a mirror to George Clooney and a mirror to America. You’ll recognise what it is like to be a middle age person having a crisis, and you get to see George Clooney fall in love, which is nice. Oprah asks if it was shocking when Clooney came to the door? Jason says he wasn’t shocked because he wrote it, he saw it coming.

Jason thanks the three unemployed people for making his film real, for saying things he couldn’t write, for helping to make a film he couldn’t have made without them. The Chuck e Cheese line was heartbreaking and real, he would never have written it. They gave the actors a run for their money and changed his film. He thanks them. Oprah says everyone should go see the film, to appreciate it and be entertained.

Oprah is going to do everything she can to stop people texting and talking on the phone when driving because it is stupid. She has everything she needs for her birthday, what she wants is for the country to shift like we did with buckling up and designated drivers. Just yesterday, Oprah had an in-your-face intervention with an audience member. Two audience members got into  bad accidents texting, two totalled cars. Driving at 50 mph and texting; neither driver  has done it since.  One of the girl’s friends, Sarah, is addicted to her phone. Oprah tells her the way the universe works is this- first you get a  a whisper, then a tap on your head, then a brick, then a brick wall. This is Sarah’s brick wall. She says the  fact that Sarah is here and the people next to her got into accidents, means that Oprah would be very very frightened if she was her. She can’t get it any stronger, Oprah is in Sarah’s face. The producers follow Sarah home. Interviewed after the show, she says Oprah is a nice person but the confrontation was tough. They followed her home and had her watch the texting while driving show. She was shocked and heartbroken. The tragic real-life stories gave her alot to think about. The program made the thought a reality. Sarah is in the audience again 24 hours later. It has sunk in, she is lucky and grateful  that she has not had an accident yet. She goes on stage and signs the pledge. 266 people in the audience signed the pledge today. Sarah will keep her phone in her purse in the back seat of the car.

The headline in USA Today on Monday, was that the  states go after texting drivers- bus and truck drivers are now prohibited from texting while driving, bravo. Apparently the Oprah Show spoke to the Secretary of transport personally who said he signed the pledge at Oprah.com. Ali Wentworth, from the Oprah Winfrey Show admits she sometimes texts and always talks while driving. She pledges to make her car a no-phone zone. In footage, we see her put her phone in a tiny bed in the back of her Lexus and drive away. She’d usually check emails at stop lights- she says she is sweating a little and feels uncomfortable and wants cheese fries. But she works through it and shouts at texting drivers through a megaphone. She films people texting, people say they will stop and sign the pledge. Some say they are not texting but using GPS or saving a phone number. Ali is standing by, Oprah says it is difficult at first, it’s like breaking an addiction.

Ali is in DC and joins the show via Skype. Ali has not slipped in the last three days- a tip she recommends is to tell your children that they can scream if they see you pick up the phone. It works; she slipped up once and lost the hearing in her right ear. She wishes everyone a happy birthday and says she is excited that she and Oprah are now the same age. She holds up a piece of paper with the number 28 written on it. Everyone laughs. She has presents for the puppies, they are excellent collars from the store Bling for your Bitch. Oprah and Sarah talk about giving up using your phone in the car is like an addiction, Ali likens giving up her phone in the car to quitting smoking- she says listening  to satellite  radio or a book on tape can make the car time work for you.

Hugh Jackman sings Happy Birthday  for Oprah on video. Oprah holds a puppy and stands with the audience. All the audience is getting a free 2-night stay in a Hilton hotel anywhere in the world. The audience go wild and a cake is wheeled in with all the birthday names on it. Have a great day everybody and remember Oprah’s birthday wish; make your car a no-phone zone and take the pledge on Oprah.com

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

When you have everything you ever could wish for, two puppies and a mission to make the world a safer place will suffice for birthday presents.

Up In The Air is a dramatic, comedic, brilliant film mirroring both our times and George Clooney.

Texting while driving is still stupid, and Oprah is not afraid to get in the face of any offender.

Giving up using your phone is not unlike withdrawal from an addiction.

Hugh Jackman will have a glass of red wine in Oprah’s honor tonight.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Oprah’s birthday wish: sign the no-phone car-zone pledge, and get a puppy from a no-kill shelter.

Date: January 28th, 2010
File Under: Celebrity, Entertainment

Episode 15: Jay Leno: The Tonight Show Fiasco

Oprah goes to talk to Jay Leno. The late night controversy- Jay versus Conan has polarised America. It all started 5 years ago when Jay says NBC asked him to give up his#1 rated  show, to make room for Conan O’Brien to become host in 2009. Last May, Jay passed the show as planned, and NBC decided to keep Jay on the air and gave him the 10pm slot as the Jay Leno Show. When ratings slid for both shows, rumour had it that NBC was going to let the Jay Leno Show go, but then they came up wth a new plan. Move Jay to 11.35pm for a half hour show and move Conan’s hour to 12.05am. Jay accepted the offer and the war of the words began. In the end, Conan turned down the deal and took a $45 million buyout. Conan left last Friday and Jay is back to the Tonight Show as of March 1st.

Oprah asks Jay to go back 5 years, to when Jay was asked to leave the Tonight Show. He was in his office, when a  network executive came and asked him to leave in 5 years to make way for Conan, the upcoming star. There had been no discussion of passing over the show. As the #1 rated show, Jay did not think that he would be moved on. It broke Jay’s heart- this was the job that he’d always wanted and it was the only job that mattered to him. NBC wanted to announce it immediately- Jay Leno wanted the announcement to wait until they dropped to #2 at least. Conan’s contract was up and NBC didn’t want to loose him, so they wanted to move Jay on. Jay was devastated, the show was a tremendous success. Oprah asks what he planned to do in 2009? He says he told a white lie and said he’d retire, but he assumed that something else would turn up. The fly in the ointment was that they were #1 right until the day he went off the air. NBC made him leave 7 months before the contract was up so that he could not go elsewhere. He also had 175 people who worked for him. The best way to keep things smooth was the 10pm prime time idea, which NBC came up with in fall 2008- they had all the graphs and charts. Jay asked to keep his own staff, and NBC agreed. His option was to move to prime-time rather than move to another network. He knows his way around NBC and moving wasn’t appealing.

He feels messed around by NBC executives but he did it because it was an interesting challenge. Paradise is the ability to know you’re in it before you’re cast out of it- Jay feels that in both in his work and his marriage. They had a lot of great staff, it was a wonderful experience. Saying goodbye on the last night was tough. It was fun to watch his staff who all started out young and single, get married and have kids and that’s why they brought out the 65 kids on the stage. This was a family, a real one.

Last Friday night Conan left the Tonight Show after 7 short months and Jay Leno is going back to his old job. Americans are taking this seriously. Some are calling Jay selfish, and some are saying Conan can’t cut it. Jay thought Conan could do the show well, they were friends, this is a network decision. Only 6 or so people know how this feels, so you can only talk to them about it. Jay wished him well. Going to the prime time show did sort of make up for losing the Tonight Show, although it was unchartered territory. Late night he’d go up against Dave every night- if Oprah was on he knew that Dave would get the ratings, but otherwise Jay would get the viewers.  But to book against the CSI evil twin episode, was very hard. Other networks wanted them to fail so kept their stars away . It made it more difficult certainly. After his first night he was heralded as the future of television, yet 4 months later he was called TV’s biggest bomb. Jay thinks the show failed beause it was a late night talk show on at 10 o’clock. His ego wasn’t bruised but he felt bad for everyone on the show and for the affiliates. The odd thing was it made money for the network, but not the affiliates. Many people say that Jay being on prime time 5 nights a week took away jobs from millions. He hadn’t realised that until he was on the air. Jay says he was given enough time to build an audience. It is a TV show that got cancelled, and Jay is surprised that there is so much attention. He found it ludicrous that he’s been in the newspapers almost daily for the last 6 months about this, not an actual scandal. Oprah finds it fascinating that America has taken sides in this and alot of people are not on Leno’s side.  They think he has been selfish and taken the job from Conan. Jay says it all comes down to numbers. This is the perfect storm of bad things happening. Taking two hit shows and moving them both, what were the chances of them both doing badly? People think Leno pulled strings to make this happen. Jay’s show ratings were down 14% and Conan’s were down 49%. Leno wasn’t allowed out of his contract, despite being fired twice he was considered an asset. This time he was fired for poor ratings which Leno finds acceptable. They fired him and offered him half an hour and Conan on later for an hour. He said ok to 11.30-12.00. NBC were 75% sure Conan would agree. Oprah asks if he wanted to call Conan- Jay says that it wasn’t his place to call Conan. Next thing you know Conan’s article was in the paper, and that was that. Conan said he did not want to take the hour at 12.05. But then it got ugly.

Leno has made a living making jokes of other people during their hard times. However, he feels he was sucker-punched by Jimmy Kimmel- he didn’t know Jimmy was going to make jokes about Leno only having cars and $800 million, while Conan and Jimmy have kids. He hasn’t yet called Conan, he may when things calm down. He hasn’t been hurt by the jokes, it’s what they do. Like a fighter saying punches hurt- you can’t complain because it’s what you do. It all comes down to your conscience, a guilty conscience makes you feel bad and he never felt that. Oprah asks if he ever at any time considered that he was taking away Conan’s dream by going back?  No, because this was an affiliate decision, this was the first time in 60 years that the Tonight Show would lose money. It was a matter of dollars and sense. If the numbers had been there it wouldn’t have been an issue. And they only asked him to come back when Conan turned back moving the show back an hour. Oprah asked if no part of him thought enough already, I’ve already done it? Leno says he and Oprah will go down together, they will both work forever. She is making her decision that the Oprah Winfrey Show is done after 25 years. Leno says he believes that she believes it. She asks who he is without a television show that he’s done for 17 years. He says he lives on the money he makes as a stand-up comedian. He considers himself a stand up comedian because TV is so volatile that you never know if you have a job. His TV money he banks and he has a small foundation.

Do you feel any personal responsibility for Conan’s disappointment? No it had nothing to do with Leno. There’s always someone waiting in the wings. He thinks very much about rebuilding his audience at the Tonight Show, he’ll do it by doing the work and servicing the audience. If a joke works all over the US, then it will work on TV. There is a fine balance. Oprah asks if they lost that balance.  Even his audience was a little shocked when he made a crack at Letterman’s infidelity. Oprah thought it was beneath him. He thought one cheap shot deserves another. He does feel portrayed as the bad guy, which he feels is unfair. He says he is being likened to Roman Polanski, which is unfair. He hopes Conan gets a job elsewhere and the best man wins. Does his gut ever say that he should say no to the offers of going back? No. Although when he wanted to be out of his contract he would have taken his show elsewhere. He is looking forward to starting again on March 1st and rebuilding his audience. He does not feel responsible for Conan’s happiness. Anything that NBC did would have been better than this, from 2004 onwards this was a huge mess. Oprah asked what he expected? To cut the prime time show down to 2 or 3 nights a week would have been a solution. The Jay Leno Show took the focus of the stories about ratings; when they got cancelled the Tonight Show’s Ratings were under the radar.

They play Conan’s leaving speech saying that amazing things happen if you work hard and you’re kind and not cynical. Jay watched it and thinks he’s a good guy and a good comedian. Going back may be humbling, there is alot of work to be done,some damage control, and he should not be bitter or angry. Oprah asks if Leno was embarrassed – yes, it’s hugely embarrassing. How does his broken heart show itself to him? Does he go for a ride in one of his cars? He always thought he was doing the right thing, and yet so many people are upset,. Who wouldn’t have done what he did? Maybe he’s not a good guy, he thinks he’s a good guy. He asked himself daily if he was being selfish, and his answer is he doesn’t think so.  He thinks celebrities will come on his show, why would they refuse? Oprah says they are taking sides. He will work hard and try to be #1 again, it is like a marathon when you do the best you can. The experience has changed him becasue he can understand celebrities having rugh times.

Oprah wanted to do the interview because she thinks people don’t understand the way TV works. She could understand people calling Leno selfish if Leno owned the show, but he couldn’t steal the show because it wasn’t his to steal. He doesn’t want to own the show like he doesn’t want to be a landlord. He likes to be well-paid employee.

80,000 viewers replied to the  Oprah.com Jay vs Conan show poll, and 96% are on Conan’s side and 94% thought Jay shouldn’t go back to the Tonight Show. Oprah is surprised that so many people feel this way, that Jay stole Conan’s dream. Being retired seemed selfish to Jay- 175 people at work would all have to fend for themselves. As a team effort, as long as he’s working, they are working. Selfish, maybe, but the minute you can’t do the job, you get the tap on the shoulder to leave. He felt bad for Conan but he didn’t feel he was the reason, the reasons were the ratings. He has regrets but doesn’t know what he would do differently. Oprah says he could have walked away. Jay says that’s the ego decision, to leave everyone hanging. Oprah asks that he could have taken two years of money for him and his staff like Conan did. Jay says he could have done that, but he made a different decision. He would love to have Conan on his show, Conan will hopefully get a job on Fox or something and they’ll all compete again.

Back in the studio, Oprah has a cold and is sucking on a cough drop. Oprah thanks Jay. The Oprah show reached out but Conan’s people said it wasn’t the time for him to be on the Oprah Show. They will redo the poll on Oprah.com, and please take the no-phone pledge when you are online.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Paradise is the ability to know you’re in it before you’re cast out of it

It is a TV show that got cancelled, and even Jay Leno is surprised that there has been  so much attention paid to the matter.

Ultimately television is all about the ratings.

Jay Leno does not feel responsible for taking away Conan O’Brien’s dream

Maybe Leno is not a good guy, but he thinks he’s a good guy.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Jay Leno does not feel responsible for Conan’s disappointment; TV is ultimately all about the ratings

Date: January 27th, 2010
File Under: Live your best life, Public Service Announcement, Transformation, Uncategorized

Episode 14: Before You Grocery Shop Again… Food 101, With Michael Pollan

Oprah will turn 56 in a couple of days and she still loves it when she learns something new, and she recently saw an eye-opening, fascinating documentary, Food, Inc. It makes you think, like any good documentary- we all have to start paying more attention to what we put into our bodies and look at the bigger picture beyond carbs, fat, calories etc. Do you know where your food comes from? In the studio they do a quiz. The most consumed meat in the world is not beef as the audience guessed, but rather goat. Goat is lower in fat and cholestorol than chicken and has more protein than beef. In Chicago in midwinter, grapes travel further than tomatoes or mushrooms to arrive in the grocery store. Children today drink twice as much soda as milk. Americans take 3 million pounds of antibiotics and livestock take 28 million pounds, which is why they are doing today’s show.

An extract from Food, Inc: The way we eat has changed more in the last 50 years than the last ten thousand. But the image we are sold is still the old rural America, a view of farmers, 30’s farmhouses, fields and picket fences. Food in our supermarkets  (average 47,000 products) has become seasonless, tomatoes  are available all year rounds. There are no longer bones in the meat aisle. If you follow the food chain back from the shrink-wrapped meat you have a very different reality. In the 70’s the top 5 beef packers controlled 25% of the market, now the top 45 control over 80% of the market. A handful of companies have changed what we eat and how we make our food. Modern agriculture is about  making  things faster and bigger and fatter and cheaper, nobody is thinking about the ecological health of the whole system.

Oprah says that some food industry organizations are saying that the film Food, Inc is biased and misleading but that we can make up our own minds, because we live in America. Isn’t that wonderful? For Oprah it boils down to making more conscious food decisions. Oprah recommends we watch it for ourselves and make our  own decisions.

An extract from Food, Inc: Birds are raised and slaughtered in half the time they were 50 years ago and they’re now twice as big. People like white meat so chicken’s have been re-engineered to have bigger breasts. A farmer asks why you would raise a chicken in 3 months when you could do it in 49 days? More money in your pocket, The chickens never see sunlight. In the chicken house there is dust and feces everywhere, it is an assembly line with mass production. With the rapid growth of a chicken from a chick to fully grown in 7 weeks, alot of the internal organs and bones can’t keep up with the rate of growth, so many of the chickens can only take a few steps and then they fall down. Th intensive production systems produce alot of food on a small amount of land at an affordable price.

Oprah says after seeing the film she had to spread the message. Michael Pollan award-winning journalist and 4-times bestseller author is one of the foremost authorities on food in the world. Pollan says we re-engineered the bird- it is a great achievement in one way, it is now the cheap meat- the reason is breeding, diet, antibiotics and our willingness to tolerate this feedlot system. There is a price to be paid for the shortened lifespan of a chicken, and the price is antibiotics. If we give so many to the animals, they will no longer work for the people and we see alot of antibiotic resistant germs coming out of feed lots. Cheap food is great, and we have to acknowledge the achievement, but also the cost. Oprah asks how we feed America without mass-producing food- it’s the American way. Americans have done a good job of driving down food prices; we spend 9.5% of our income on food, the smallest percentage in the world. It’s hard to  imagine we can make food production fair, humane and sustainable without increasing prices. Can we figure out how to mass-produce sustainable food? We don’t know exactly how yet but we can figure out how to do it if we can re-engineer a chicken.

Oprah asks how the Western diet relates to the rest of the world. It’s a confused treacherous landscape where cereal promises better focus in the classroom and a healthy heart. Most of what is in the supermarket is not “food”, it is an edible food-like substance. The western diet was invented about 100 years ago- lots of everything- processed meat, sugar, additives, added fat- except fruits, vegetables and whole grains. In other parts of the world people are healthy eating seal blubber or cow’s blood. Before the Western diet, people did not suffer from Type 2 diabetes, heart disease obesity etc. It’s not about fat or carbs but whole foods. The Inuit diet is very high in fat-75%- seal blubber- but they do not suffer from Type 2 diabetes, heart disease . How is that asks Oprah, we don’t know says Pollan, maybe it is all the Omega 3’s. What we know is that traditional diet eaters are not suffering high rates of chronic diseases. It is about eating minimally processed plants, meats and fungi.

The rules

#2: Dont eat anything your great grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food.

#7 avoid food containing ingredients that a third grader couldn’t pronounce

#13 Eat only foods that will eventually rot

One of theories is do you pay for real food or pay for the doctor? In 1960 they paid 18% of national income on food and 5% on healthcare. Today we pay 9% on food and 17% on healthcare. The less we spend on food the more we spend on healthcare. This is not about nutrients- as soon as you demonize one nutrient, another gets a free pass. Look at the low-fat kick we were all on for the last 40 years; everyone got fatter. Fat was taken out of the product and replaced with sugar, so now you can get a fat-free yogurt with more calories than a full-fat yogurt.

# 39 Eat all the junk food you like as long as you cook it yourself.

We shouldn’t deprive ourselves of pleasure, but we should earn it by cooking. Cooking is key to take back control from the corporations, who cannot cook well and use too much salt and so on. Oprah calls for a food revolution because it all boils down to convenience- cheap fast easy. It’s not that hard to eat well if you are willing to put a little more thought, a little more effort and a little more money into it.

Food Inc: With a dollar to spend and two hungry  kids, it is easier to get a  small burger at the drive-through which will fill the kids up more than a single vegetable. Candy and soda are really cheap. Diabetes is a national crisis.

One comment Pollan hears all the time is that people can’t afford to eat well. He says it is amazing that fast food is cheaper than fresh produce. This is because the fast food has been  subsidized through federal agricultural policy, to the tune of $56 billion in ten years and we do nothing to subsidise the fresh produce industry. Corn, soy wheat  have been subsidized. With a dollar to buy as many calories as you can, the snack aisle will get you 1250 calories, versus 250 calories in the produce aisle. The bottom line as seen in the documentary is that we see that the consumer has the biggest voice. We get three votes a day to vote with our forks. If you vote with consciousness, we can change. It is empowering.

Pollan eats everything but is very picky about what he eats. He’ll eat grass-fed beef, which is more expensive but becoming more common- they don’t need antibiotics because cows are meant to eat grass, rather than corn which is what most are bred to eat now. Corn-fed animals grow faster but they get sick. We should choose to eat meat which has been fed well. Oprah says she has nothing to say about the beef industry, she has gone radio-silent. The audience chuckles. Milk, he buys from pastured animals- it has more beta-carotene and omega 3s. He buys alot from farmer’s market. Getting out of the supermarket is a great way to get nearer to the source of our food.  If we eat real food, we don’t need to worry about nutrients. It all boils down to one rule. Eat food, mostly plants, not too much. Oprah reminds us that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that we should watch the film and make up our own minds.

Alicia Silverstone is best known as the actress in the comedy classic Clueless. What you may not know is that she suffered from asthma,insomnia  eczema, and acne, and she was constantly constipated. 12 years ago she revamped her diet and no longer suffers, she sleeps like a baby and has tons of energy. At 33 she feels great and she joins us from satellite by New York. Oprah says she loves Alicia’s book, The Simple Diet, and has got a lot of recipes from it. What did Alicia do? She stopped eating meat and dairy and processed foods and now eats a lot of deliciosus incredible easy food which makes her feel amazing. Her skin changed drastically, her body changed and her energy level changed. She used to have those white marks on her brittle nails and now they are so strong she can’t bend them. She used to feel puffy, then her eyes got really white and she feels amazing. She was on a steak and donut diet and then went cold turkey. She leaned in to it from age 8-21, because she was an animal lover. She would flirt with ideas of vegetarianism. At 21, after seeing some documentaries similar to Food, Inc  showing how the animals were raised, she decied that if she couldn’t eat her dog then she couldn’t eat any other animal species. The kind diet refers to being truly  kind to yourself, letting yourself have your best health, look your best, feel your best and feel your most vital. Being vegan is Alicia’s choice, Oprah tried it for 21 days on a cleanse and missed cheese so much she was dreaming of the cheese in an omelette. She asked if the chickens are treated well and there is music playing, and the cows are happy, is that ok?  Alicia said she’d like to see the happy chicken and cows.

The book is about taking baby steps to become your best self, to flirt with the ideas wherever you are at. Alicia understands wanting and loving cheese- even she sometimes slips up on cheese, usually after wine, and she gets gassy and her skin breaks out. It’s about weighing up the benefits- and the costs. Yes cheese is delicious. but so are all the recipes in the book. Oprah just had something from the book today and last night. But being practical, Oprah doesn’t want to frighten people into trying to give everything up. Alicia says add things in, don’t give things up -things like kale, collard greens and bok choi.

Alicia takes the cameras around the grocery store. Grocery shopping is her most favorite thing in the world, she says that you can flirt with a healthy lifestyle. She picks up vegan fake chicken breasts from the freezer counter. She is eating better food than ever before. Wholegrain rice will change your life. Rice milk and help milk are great. Have greens twice a day. Have maple syrup instead of sugar. Ice cream alternatives- Rice Dream Mud Cakes will change your life.

Alicia heads to her Broadway costar’s house, to cook up some favorites; leek and mushroom and pesto crostinis and the cheesy oozy beany guacamole dip. Oprah has some cooked up meals from the book that she says are delicious. Treat yourself more kindly because you deserve to feel your best and find your truth. They talk about vegan poop and how fabulous it is- Alicia says she wants to show it to her friend, Oprah just wants to talk about it. It’s effortless, and quick and she’s in and out 2 or 3 times a day.

The average American eats fast food four times  a week. Steve Ells, the man behind Chipotle, wants to change the way fast food is served in the US. Fast food with a conscience. Just because it’s fast doesn’t mean it has to be a fast food experience. Fast food to most means cheap and processed. At Chipotle everything is fast and never frozen, organic and local if possible. 100% of chicken and pork is naturally raised, and 60% of beef is naturally raised.  This year they will serve 70 million pounds of meat. It’s really important both taste wise and enviromentally that the animals are allowed to roam outside. Sustainable food should not be a luxury, it should be an everyday experience.

Oprah welcomes Steve and he tells her to come to Chipotle. In 1993 when he just got out of cooking school, he set up Chipotle to provide seed money for his fancy restaurant but it got really busy. They had a great attention to detaill not usually found in fast food. They keep their standards high by doing a few thing s and teaching people how to cook, and fast. In the beginning it was just about freshness. But he was sourcing a new pork supplier and came across an Iowan pork that was humane and antibiotic free and it tasted great. Looking at pork in confinement, he decided not to base Chipotle on that model. We eat 200lb per person per year of meat- if all our animals were raised outside there would be a trade off- we’d have to eat less meat but it would be better quality.

Amazon.com friends are offering Food Inc for $9.99 with a free digital download. Michael Pollan’s final thoughts are that pioneers like Steve wil help us figure it out. You have to pay a little more and decide  if it’s worth it to you. Think about how your decisions affect you and your children and their children. Thank you everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Modern agriculture is about making things faster and bigger and fatter and cheaper, nobody is thinking about the ecological health of the whole system.

We can make up our own minds about these issues, because we live in America. Isn’t that wonderful?

Most of what is in the supermarket is not “food”, it is an edible food-like substance.

Consider being truly  kind to yourself, letting yourself have your best health, look your best, feel your best and feel your most vital.

Vegan poop is effortless, quick and fabulous enough to consider sharing it with your friends.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Eat food, mostly plants, not too much

Date: January 26th, 2010
File Under: Betrayal, Celebrity, Family, Marriage, Relationships, Uncategorized

Episode 13: Denise Richards and Mrs Ted Haggard: Surviving a Public Scandal

Actress Denise Richard says she knows what you might think of her, she has been called all the names in the book. For the last five years she has just taken it – the stares, the comments, the speculation- and now she’s ready to speak her mind. At the time of her divorce she took the high road, she was advised to keep quiet, she hoped it would blow over and it didn’t- it escalated and got really, really bad.. She survived it and now she’s here to speak her piece, and to offer hope to any woman in her situation. Oprah clarifies that she means that literally, after all the anger and emotional struggle, Denise now has peace. Denise says she had so much emotional difficulties at the time that she would not have been able to talk about this while she was living it, but now she has distanced herself, and that she and Charlie are now in a great place.

Denise Richards was the beautiful Midwestern girl who set her sights on Hollywood. She became a Bond Girl, and 2 years later got together with Charlie Sheen. They were red capet regulars, but she filed for divorce when pregnant with her second child. The battle raged on for more than four years, with accusations of drugs, pornography and prostitutes, and allegations that she stole her best friend’s husband. Denies and Charlie have called a truce. But on Christmas morning in Aspen Colorado, Charlie’s wife of 20 months, Brooke, called police saying that he had  threatened her with a  knife. They have twin baby boys. Denise got a collect call on Christmas Day from jail, her first reaction was is he ok? He told her that he and Brooke had got into a fight and Brooke called the cops, but he wanted to say Merry Christmas to the girls, Sammy and Lola. He called again when he got out of jail. Oprah recalls that he threatened Denise, as written in the divorce documents. Denise takes a deep breath and says that he was abusive at times. She can’t lie- he was abusive and threatening – there were times with much verbal abuse, which got very scary. He never hit her but he would push or shove her. It’s public knowlege that she had a restraining order against him because of this. She told Charlie she was coming on the show, she told him she would be honest, but there are some things she won’t reveal. Does Denise think he has a problem with managing his temper and with the way he treats her and his current wife? Yes, says Denise. He has a very sharp tongue- he played on Denise’s insecurities, which she acknowledges that we all do in relationships . Oprah interrupts to say that it is interesting that Denise said he never hit her, and so many women use the “he never hit me” calling card yet they cower in intimidation and manipulation. Denise says it’s easy to judge when you are on the outside. Denise loved him, she wanted it to work- she doesn’t love him now, he’s not the person she married. She cares for him and would help him out if necessary because he is her daughters father. There were some very dark times, with humiliation, particularly when she filed the restraining order. She was scared, embarrassed, terrified. She didn’t have any inkling when they married that the relationship would be volatile. He was 3 years sober when they met, which she admired, she thought that his past was in the past. Did she feel put upon because alot of the press was labelling her as a golddigger and man-stealer, when he was being threatening and abusive? Denise says it was very, very difficult, and she hit rock-bottom. This is a sad situation, he now has two baby boys and they have a Dad in jail for Christmas, but perhaps people can understand what she went through. She’s not sure that she feels vindicated. As the show goes to commercial break, there is a written and spoken disclaimer that Charlie Sheen has repeatedly denied Denise Richards’ allegations of abuse.

This is Denise Richard’s first time speaking out since the Christmas arrest, but they have got to a good place together. Oprah asks how good that place will be after this show and Denise laughs and says it depends how much they talk about- she says they’ve gotten through worse with a lot of work. Their daughters did not ask to be born into a hostile situation- she and Charlie started to see  a mediator,- so to be able to have an early dinner together on New Year, is important for the kids who don’t deserve this stuff. Denise’s dad in the audience says it’s so frustrating- he respects his daughter for trying to makie it work but was angry at her for repeatedly going back. She kept going back because their oldest was 9 months and she was 6 months pregnant when she filed for divorce. She did it for the kids, she did not want this life for them. She was terrified for her own life. When she filed for divorce, they had had a very big argument, the next day he went to work and she packed a suitcase and took her 9 month old and went straight to an attorneys office. She was terrified and relieved that she had the strength to do it. When she heard he was remarrying, she had very much moved on- it was impossible to make her marriage work- she hopes he is different. Brooke is her daughters step-mom so she wants it to be a healthy relationship for everyone.

Oprah asks her how she felt when the tabloids called her a husband-stealer, what happened there? Richie was single when they were both going through their divorces. It started as a friendship, they leaned on each other and both had parents that were ill. Oprah asks if she knows the rule that the best friends husband is off limits rule, whatever the circumstances may be? Denise says that she was friends with Heather, but they weren’t best friends, and if they been friends then she would have never crosssed that line; Richie would have been off limits. The friendship was done, they weren’t friends anymore. She had mixed feelings, she was embarrassed and could feel the other mothers staring at her. Doing Mommy and Me and preschool runs was humiliating. She is now in a good place herself. Her 4 and 5 year old daughters are her pillars. Their favorite presents were their American Girl dolls- they were spoiled at Christmas. She did tell them about their Dad- a kid in kindergarten asked her 5 year old if her Daddy was still in jail. Oprah says theat kindergarten ain’t what it used to be. She asks if she is comfortable for Charlie to be with the girls, does she trust him? Denise says yes after a long pause. She says it’s up and down, a work in progress. Oprah asks if that means she didn’t trust him at some point; Denise says it was challenging. Many people said she was being manipulative and controlling, but she did what any parent in their right mind would have done. It is about the girls. Oprah asks if it’s his temper, what is it? Denise says it’s a combination of a lot of things, and Denise has always been about keeping the girls safe and healthy. Oprah says that Denise is not going to tell her what it is, as “a lot of things” is not an answer. Denise says she is starting to sweat. Oprah says Denise should only say what she feels comfortable with, but she wants Denise to know that it’s a lot isn’t an answer. Denise looks to her Dad and says everyone has read certain things, and that everyone must agree that some of those things are not appropriate for children. She can’t control Charlie or Brooke or what goes on in their home, but what she can control is the situation in her own home and keep her girls safe. Oprah leaves it at that because Denise is uncomfortable, but she says that all the things we read about prostitution, pornography and drugs are not appropriate for children. Oprah wishes Denise the best and thanks Denise for coming on the show. As the show goes to commercial break, a disclaimer says that Charlie Sheen denies that he threatened his wife Brooke with a knife, and that Brooke and Charlie want to work on their issues. He goes to trial in February.

It’s all too common; a well known, widely respected man is caught in a very public scandal, then steps forward and admits doing something wrong while his wife stands stoically by his side. Ted Haggard and his wife Gail were on the show last January after his shocking secret life was exposed – he was a powerhouse evangelist with 30 million followers, charismatic and influential, a rising star, until the sex scandal. On the show he said he wasn’t gay, but a heterosexual with homosexual attachments, as diagnosed by his first therapist. In 2006 a former male escort claimed a 3 year sexual relationship that included payment for sex and crystal meth. The details were sordid and humiliating. It was not an emotional relationship, it was strictly for sex. Ted initially denied everything, he said he never did drugs nor did he have a gay relationship, ever. Gail initially believed him but the story began to fall apart. He admitted that he called the other man for meth, for himself, but never used it. He eventually admitted to using drugs and sexual immorality. He said to Gail that he was toxic, so poisonous, that she should divorce him. Why did she stay? Gail is here and has written a new book called Why I Stayed.

Oprah read it last night and then this morning had an epiphany; she decided to approach this interview with no judgement; judge not lest ye be judged. Her conclusion is that Gail loves this man in a way that Oprah has never loved, Oprah is independent and has always made her own decisions and can’t therefore imagine ever being in the situation where someone could betray her and she would stay. It is unimaginable to her, yet Oprah can see that coming where Gail came from, Oprah can see how Gail could do it.

Gail is glad that Oprah doesn’t want to judge her- she would say that she is strong and independent and that these were her choices. She felt that the betrayal could lead to greater strength. On page 108 of her book, Gail asks if the fault lays with her- was she not enough, not attractive , not fun, not sexually satisfying enough? Gail says that most women would ask herself those questions when faced with infidelity , would ask if they failed somehow, would ask what’s wrong with me? Gail asked herself those questions then asked Ted those questions. He answered that this was his problem, not hers, and that she was enough. Oprah asks if this would be the same if the infidelities were with women? That for some women it’s easier if the man was gay. Gail says the dynamics were different, another woman would make her feel that she definitely wasn’t enough; it raises a whole different set of challenges. Oprah says another man means there’s nothing you can do about it, which can make it easier. Gail thinks that the whole woman thing would have been different challenges, but the same principles.

Oprah asks for clarification; knowing that her husband had had relationships with men in the past, why did Gail believe him when he denied a relationship? Gail says she really did believe it becasue she was too naive, there were hints. After Jonathan, their special needs son was born, Ted came to her and said that there had been an incident the previous year that he needed to share. It involved another man, it wasn’t a sexual relationship, but it was a somewhat sexual encounter that had happened when he was a graduate student in a bookstore in another city. He determined to get out of grad school and never go back, and went to see a counselor that day. He carried so much guilt that he didn’t reveal the incident for a year, a year and a half. Oprah asks if the admission of an encounter of any kind plants the seed  that he is interested in men. Yes, it did. This happened over 25 years ago. Gail understands that we all have struggles and weaknesses in our life- but if she heard that now it would have  been a huge sign for her. Then she was naive to the gravity of the situation. She wanted to deal with it and believed that he had dealt with it, and that was why she was so staggered when the situation came out.

Its been just over 3 years since Ted Haggard was brought down by a gay sex scandal. Ted joins us. Gail writes on page 67 of the day she decided to stay in the marriage. Ted reached out for her in bed, and her heart broke, and she began her journey of choosing to love. Ted, literally, cried when he read that. He realised that so many others would have withdrawn, justifiably so, and maybe just put him out. Oprah asks her what made her choose- it was the first night that he had confessed that parts of the allegations were true. Ted was already in bed, when she slowly went to bed. Oprah is outraged that he was in the bed, that he was allowed to be there, and that Gail went to join him. Ted says that’s why the book is so incredible, to see Gail making so many choices to keep there family together.  Gail clarifies that she had a sense of betrayal and had a sense of revulsion, but she fell back on what mattered in her marriage, the things she believed about her husband. It was a secret, she hates secrets, it was very painful for her; she wanted to know the truth and know her husband. But she knows what kind of man he is, the good that he’s done and the wonderful parts of their marriage. and she’s not willing to let go of that. Sharing her epiphany, Oprah says to Ted that Gail really loves her. Ted says yes she really loves him, this woman is deeply infatuated with him, she loves him, which is an incredible thing. Gail says its more than infatuation, she really loves him. Ted says its incredible for a woman to love a man the way Gail loves him, he doesn’t deserve it, it’s a gift she has given him, and that he is so grateful.

Oprah asks Gail if she trusts him as much as she loves him? Gail says this is her answer: Rebuilding trust, she had the confidence that he was faithful to her, and that she could believe what he said. Ted felt that when the scandal happened it became his responsibility to do  things so she could trust him. He took lie detector tests, he’s super accountable, he calls her constantly. He makes sure she has no doubt about where he is, so that Gail can deal with her fears reasonably. He makes it his resonsibility, he doesn’t expect blind trust. The rules he lives by are

1 He answers everything. He Tweets and Facebook’s his schedule for Gail and the public.

2. If he goes anywhere alone, he calls Gail when he gets there and when he leaves, and informs her of any adjustments of schedule

He says he stepped up and decided to do this, rather than have rules imposed by Gail, which would feel very different. He’ll mask it by asking if she wants anything from the grocery store as he’s leaving, so it doesn’t feel like checking in with his parole officer. He realises he also violated his children’s trust. If he travels and Gail can’t go, for whatever reason, something like the children or whatever, then he stays in the pastor’s home, not in a hotel. No one imposed that on him, he does it himself, it’s not a contract or anything like that. Oprah asks if he does it so that he can be trusted by them or if he doesn’t trust himself? Ted says that always when people have been in any behaviour like that, there is a chance of a problem. Ted trusts himself but step number 1 in the 12 step program encourages us to never think that we are immune. Oprah asks if the 12-step program got him through this process? He says it helped, and he’s still in counselling for other (non-sexual) issues, other things. The biggest thing that helped him was therapy, since that time he’s not had one compulsive thought or behaviour. Oprah asks if he feels he’s heterosexual and he says oh yeah, we have a lot of evidence. He laughs, Gail doesn’t. Oprah asks, and he clarifies that he no longer has any homosexual issues.

Oprah asks Gail what if he comes to her and says he’s slipped up? Gail says it’s a day she hopes never happens, but realistically she has to be prepared for that. She thinks her heart is not ready for that at this point, but she believes that the principles that got her through before could get her through again. Oprah asks if the marriage is stronger and better; Gail says absolutely. Gail loves him more now after they’ve  walked through these difficulties together and she knows his weaknesses. Before she felt she couldn’t get close enough to him, there was a wall she couldn’t get past, and once they started this process, once the huge lights were shining on her husband  they were able to get behind the wall and walk through that and that gave her more love for Ted. Gail’s book is out today, thank you Gail, thank you Ted.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Despite denials, Charlie Sheen is most likely threatening and abusive

Most people would agree that drugs, pornography and prostitutes are not appropriate for children

If Gail Haggard’s husband had been unfaithful with women, there would have been different challenges, but the same principles of recovery.

To avoid all trust issues with oneself and others, stay in the pastor’s house rather than a hotel.

Therapy can work to reverse all homosexual impulses and feelings.

A VERY CONCISE SUMMARY:

Drugs and sexual immorality can lead to a stronger, better marriage with more love.

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