Every time a new episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show airs in 2010, we will blog along with it. If you have plenty of time, read the long version. If you are pressed for time, read the “What we learned today” summary. If you are really, really pressed for time, read the Twitter-sized summary.

Archive for category Aha Moment

Date: May 3rd, 2010
File Under: Aha Moment, Public Service Announcement

Episode 60: Oprah’s Earth Day Mom Swap: An Eye-Opening Intervention

Happy Earth Day everybody, says Oprah. Do not change the channel, says Oprah, they are not going to push a bunch of green products or tell us to change lightbulbs like they did one year or show you how to compost with Julia Roberts, like they did. Instead, there is an Earth Day intervention with two families, which family are you?

Meet the Weir family from New Market Maryland. Angela and Chris admit they are about as ungreen as you can get. They have four big cans of garbage every week. They throw out their recycling because it is cluttering up their garage with it’s every other week collection date. The Everharts, from the greenest city in the US, Portland, Oregon recycle a lot. They think their recycling is three times the size of their actual trash. Saving the earth is a passion they share with their two daughters. Chris Weir says that he is no scientist but he doesn’t believe in global warming. The Everharts remodeled their home to be extremely energy efficient. The Weir’s have the central air on and the windows open, he runs the water in the kitchen because he likes the sound of the running water. The TV is on all day, from 6am for themselves or the dogs. They throw away maybe $60 of food a week. The Everharts believe all choices have an impact and unless you work at this, you are sending your children into a world with no future.

Oprah thought this would be a good mom swap. So Angela went to live with Tad and the kids in Portland, and Maria moved in with the Weir’s. This is some of what happened. Angela gets to choose a glass for water to use for the whole weekend to save on washing up. Maria is distressed by the lights on all the time. Back in Oregon, Tad is upset by a couple of lights left on. Their electricity is $33 a month and the Weirs spend around $400 a month. Tad is shocked. Meanwhile Maria is upset that the air conditioning is on. It’s set to 68 degrees at all time. Chris does not like to be hot at all. Maria finds it a disconnect from reality. Chris runs the water to relax him and then he wipes down the surfaces with wipes and uses harsh cleaning products. Maria is upset that he says that water is a first come, first served thing. Angela is shocked that the Everharts save water by having showers two or three times a week- the idea is to have a 5 minute shower. Angela says she can’t get everything done in 5 minutes. She is horrified that she was given a 5 minute timer to use. She couldn’t use conditioner but she would not compromise the electricity needed to dry her hair. Oprah says that maybe there is a balance between the familes.

It’s the 40th Anniversary of Earth Day, is the message sinking in? In Oregon, the family bikes just about everywhere. Angela asks how they carry the packages- on their backs. In Maryland, the family drives everywhere. Maria asks Chris to turn off the car while they wait for the family. She says if you sit idle for more than 10 seconds, like in traffic, you should turn off the car. In Oregon they Reduce, Reuse, Recycle almost everything. Tad brings home the used paper towels from the mens room at work, but Angela finds that gross. Tad takes the food scraps out to the compost bin. He explains that putting the food into the garbage is environmentally costly and ineffective. The Weir’s enormous weekly trash is emptied out in the garage by Maria, she wants to see what could actually be recycled. Reaching into the trashcans was unpleasant. The family got down to one trashcan full of trash, Chris says that Maria is a miracle worker.

The familes are back together at home and they join the Oprah Show by Skype. Angela says that they learned a lot, especially seeing the Everharts electricity bill. Chris learned how to recycle, how to do it properly. He thinks many people probably do it wrong. Oprah asks if he is willing to turn the AC off when the windows are opened? They have reset it to 72 degrees. Sam, one of the kids, thinks that they can do better about recycling. Oprah asks if it has made the family more conscious? Absolutely, says Angela, the TV is only on when they watch it, lights are off and doors are closed. Oprah asks if Angela has changed her opinion that what they do doesn’t impact the rest of the world. Absolutely, says Angela, the education and information on the bigger picture has really helped. Oprah asks the Everharts how the experiences were for them. Maria was surprised by how much she actually knew and could teach, the changes for them have been gradual, and she found that the Weir’s were a great family to be with. She says that she had a good conversation with Chris about how becoming a parent makes you protective of your children and their future. Oprah says that Tad lost everyone with the paper towels from the bathroom at work, everyone. Would he say that they are extreme? Tad says that he doesn’t want to be so extreme that people don’t want to make little changes. He says that they use the towels that would otherwise in a landfill for cleaning up paint or caulk. He had his own little aha moment,- he doesn’t want to do thing that people think are weird. Oprah says that the most important thing is that we realize that what we do affects the world. Oprah says that this has been fascinating and that they have got the message out. Thanks to both families.

It sounds like a horror movie, says Oprah, a killing spree of thousands filmed in the dead of night and people scared for their life. It is real and it is a movie, and it just won an Oscar. Take a look at the Academy Award winning movie, The Cove. There’s a picturesque lagoon in Taiji, Japan, a small fishing village, where outsiders and cameras are forbidden. Shielded by steep cliffs, this body of water is protected by people who have a shocking secret. In 2007, dolphin activist Ric O’Barry set out to expose what really happens here. Alongside director Louie Psihoyos and a dedicated team of filmmakers, Ric documented his mission in Taiji. “The fishermen told me, they said, ‘If the world finds out what goes on here, we’ll be shut down,’” Ric says.

What most people don’t know is every year, from September to March, thousands of dolphins are slaughtered in this small body of water. Some are spared and sold to marine parks around the world, but the rest, thousands, are killed for their meat. “They’re looking for bottlenose dolphins, primarily,” Ric says. “They’re looking for Flipper.” Despite threat of arrest and tight security, Ric and Louie set out to capture this slaughter on film. Their footage eventually became The Cove, the 2009 Oscar-winning documentary co-produced by Fisher Stevens. Ric’s mission is personal. He says he’s desperately trying to put a stop to an industry he helped create.In the 1960s, Ric captured and trained the dolphins for the hit TV series Flipper.”I feel somewhat responsible because it was the Flipper TV series that created this multibillion-dollar industry,” he says. “It created this desire to swim with them and kiss them and hold them and hug them and love them to death. It created all these captures.”

After seven years of training dolphins, Ric says he realized these intelligent mammals were suffering in captivity. He became an activist the day he says Flipper took her own life. “She was really depressed,” he says. “I could feel it. I could see it.” Dolphins and other whales are not automatic air breathers like humans, Ric says every breath they take requires conscious effort. “They can end their life whenever life becomes too unbearable by not taking the next breath. She did that,” he says. “She swam into my arms and looked me right in the eye and took a breath and didn’t take another one.” Ric let her go and she sank on her belly to the bottom of the tank. The next day, Ric went to jail for trying to free a dolphin, and ever since, he’s been on a mission to release dolphins from captivity. When Ric first started training dolphins, there were only three dolphinariums in the world. Now, you can swim with dolphins and see them in action in hundreds of zoos, water parks and vacation destinations around the world. “All of these captures, help create the largest slaughter of dolphins on the planet. I have to see this end in my lifetime,” Ric says. He is focused on the tiny body of water where the slaughter takes place “Nobody has actually seen what takes place back there, and so the way to stop it is to expose it.”

Oprah says that what we are about to see is graphic, so tell small children step out the room. Ric and a dedicated group of filmmakers went undercover and risked everything to expose the truth of the cove. “The secret cove is a natural fortress. It’s surrounded on three sides by steep cliffs,” says Louie, the film’s director. “High fences surrounded by razor ribbon.” When the local Japanese government banned Louie’s cameras, he found another way in. He assembled a brave team willing to risk arrest. “I wanted to have a three-dimensional experience of what’s going on in that lagoon,” Louie says. “The effort wasn’t just to show the slaughter. You want to capture something that’ll make people change.” They had to assemble a team, a sort of Ocean’s 11 team. Louie asked Hollywood special effects masters to build fake rocks to conceal cameras, and a military expert created a balloon device that shot secret aerial footage. Then, under the cover of night, world-class divers planted sound equipment deep in the water. After seven attempts and the scariest night of Louie’s life, the cameras and microphones were in place. Then, at daybreak, the slaughter began. The blood of the slaughtered dolphins turned the blue water red. The cameras captured it all. “It was kind of a collective horror when we started to see the footage. It was mind-boggling,” Louie says. “They are doing it exactly like they did with the large whales, they’re slaughtering every one they can get.”

“It’s not about intelligence. It’s about consciousness. They are self-aware like humans are self-aware,” Ric says. We look in the mirror and know what we are looking at. “I don’t believe that the fishermen are aware of that.” The Japanese government says that they allow the slaughter of up to 19,000 dolphins a year. The Oscar-winning team who made The Cove are here, Oprah is so happy that they are here. Happy Earth Day, Oprah says, and congratulates them on their Oscar. Oprah asks how it was to see the footage of the slaughter. When he first saw the horrific footage of the slaughter, Ric says he saw a light at the end of the tunnel. “I knew it was going to be exposed,” he says. “The light at the end of the tunnel was not an oncoming train. It was the sunshine. Finally, we’re going to get this out to the world.” Oprah asks if they were afraid for their lives? Louie says that they still are, they still get death threats, it’s ongoing. They are trying to push to get the movie distributed in Japan where most change can happen. In July 2010, Fisher says a distribution company is planning to release the film in 20 Japanese theaters. To reach even more people, the filmmakers are also producing a 15-minute version in Japanese, which will be streamed for free on the Internet starting today. Oprah asks them to tell us what does the dolphin slaughter have to do with the rest of the world in our lives. Louie says that this is a microcosm of the ocean. The dolphin is the only animal in history to save human lives- one saved his life in Polynesia. Ironically, the only way that we can prove that we need to save their lives is to prove that we have made their environment so toxic that we should not eat them. Louie says The Cove isn’t just about how dolphins, whales and humans affect our oceans. “It’s about us trying to save humanity,” he says.

Ric says that right now it is about getting the movie out in Japan. Fisher, Louie and Ric also want it shown to millions of Japanese citizens who have not seen it. “It’s not about us Westerners telling the Japanese, ‘You’ve got to do this,’” Fisher says. “It’s us Westerners showing the Japanese what’s going on in their country and hopefully motivating them to shut down the cove.” The crowd applaud.

Oprah asks if some of those dolphins end up in theme parks over here? Ric says that if they could get the dolphin dealers out of Taiji, they could probably shut down the slaughter. Oprah says that despite some reports, a statement from the Japanese embassy says The Cove can be screened freely in Japan, and they believe it may have been shown at the Tokyo International Film Festival. The mayor of Taiji says: “The movie portrays false claims not based on science as if they are true. We regret that. It’s important to mutually respect food culture based upon the understanding of long-standing traditions and circumstances in each region.”

Over the past 10 years, however, Louie says all dolphin meat tested in Japan has been deemed toxic by Japanese standards. Ric says this meat contains very high levels of mercury. “When Ric and I first got to Taiji, they were feeding it to school children because school lunch is compulsory. You’re not allowed to bring your own, and you have to eat everything on your plate,” Louie says. “We put a stop to that.”

In the fifties and sixties, the lack of regulations over water standards meant that many rivers and waterways in America had junk piled up and they were like sewers contaminated with waste.  Without environmental laws, The Cuyahoga river in Ohio was so toxic it ignited a raging fire, pollution plagued major cities and 500 people died in New York in intense smog outbreaks in the fifties. DDT and other chemicals were a part of everyday life and almost brought anational treasure, the bald eagle, to extinction. But on April 22nd, 1970, twenty million Americans came together to demand a cleaner world with the launch of Earth Day. This emerging green movement could not be ignored and soon the was Environmental Protection Agency was born and environmental legislation was passed to clean up our water, air, land and wildlife. Lots of progress over the last 40 years, says Oprah.

Oprah asks Louie what this progress means to him. He says that film is the most powerful medium in the world so he has a lot of hope. Ric too is hopeful. Yesterday he was in the Solomon Islands where villagers have just agreed to stop harvesting animals. That can happen in Taiji. “[Ric] proved to us that one person can make a difference,” Louie says. Everybody can make a difference. Fisher says that Oprah is making more of a difference than any government he knows. Oprah says that the most important thing is to educate the younger generation. Yes, Fisher says that young people who experience nature and the ocean are the ones that want to change it. Oprah says that we have nothing but applause for the team, they are all heroes. She asks what we can do to stop the slaughter from happening again in September, Ric says that to help stop the dolphin slaughter, everyone should visit SaveJapanDolphins.org to sign his petition. “We need to get more signatures. We almost have a million for President Obama and for the Japanese government,” he says. “That will be really helpful.” Oprah says that everyone in the audience and watching at home should do that right now. The Cove is out on DVD now, it makes the perfect gift for anyone for Earth Day. Buy it, watch it and pass it on and stop the senseless slaughter of these magnificent creatures, says Oprah. She thanks the team from The Cove. Oprah reads a statement from SeaWorld vice president Fred Jacobs. “SeaWorld opposes the dolphin hunts documented in The Cove. We do not purchase any animals from these hunts. More than 80 percent of the marine mammals in our care were born in our parks. We haven’t collected a dolphin from the wild in decades.”

On last year’s Earth Day, Oprah showed how our garbage is wreaking havoc on our planet, Oprah called it the most shocking thing she’s seen. In April 2009, oceanographic explorer Fabien Cousteau exposed the truth about the world’s largest trash dump—the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Estimated to be twice the size of Texas, this trash swirl stretches across the Pacific Ocean from the coast of California to Japan. In some places, the debris is 90 feet deep. British explorer David de Rothschild, first heard about the Pacific garbage patch in 2006. This ecological disaster, which has killed millions of seabirds and marine mammals, inspired him to build a boat made of 12,500 plastic bottles and other recycled materials. He named it the Plastiki. In March 2010, David and a small team of environmentalists set sail from San Francisco on this one-of-a-kind boat to get people to rethink waste as a resource. This risky voyage will take them through the Great Pacific Garbage Patch before docking in Sydney, Australia. “We’ve tried to make everything on this boat as sustainable as possible,” David says. “From the energy we use, the food that we eat and the way that we travel.”

David de Rothschild, heir to the Rothschild banking fortune joins Oprah by Skype from his boat. The map shows that he is a week or two away from hitting the northern tip of the garbage patch. While the Pacific garbage swirl is the largest on earth, David says there are actually five floating trash dumps plaguing the world’s oceans. He says that he has been at sea for 21 days on the Plastic, he is as far away from land as you can possibly be. “Anywhere where there is a current in our ocean, the plastic that makes up 90 percent of our marine debris is getting into the ocean,” he says. “It aggregates and tends to pack together. David says there are four main polluters in our oceans—plastic bags, Styrofoam cups, Styrofoam containers and soda bottle lids. So we are seeing a huge accumulation of plastic, these big human fingerprints, in our ocean right now.”

Oprah asks why the garbage is a threat to the planet? “Every year, hundreds of thousands of marine mammals are needlessly ingesting plastic, little flecks of plastic. That’s blocking their system and causing most of the fatalities,” David says. “Those little flecks are also being ingested into the fish that we are then consuming. So there’s a toxic transfer going on from plastic into fish into us, if we consume fish.”

Oprah asks what he hopes to achieve by sailing around the ocean in the Plastiki? David says that the reality is that there is a big list of solutions available to us today. As evidenced by the creation of the Plastiki, David says plastic and other waste doesn’t have to end up in a landfill. “Around plastics, we need to reduce, reuse, recycle and the fourth R—refuse the single-use plastics,” he says. “I hope that the Plastiki showcases that we’ve used innovative materials, … new glues that we’ve actually engineered out of cashew nuts and sugar, which show that there are solutions to those problems out there. We can all do something about it.”

Oprah thanks him and says that the world needs more people like him. One of the fastest growing problems in garbage dumps is cell phones. About 125 million mobile phones are discarded every year, and many of them are made with hazardous materials like lead, mercury and flame retardants. Some even contain arsenic. In honor of Earth Day and the No Phone Zone pledge, they are pushing to recycle old cell phones. The audience brought in over 600 phones to recycle, and you can do this in your family. Best Buy has cell phone recycling kiosks in their stores. Go to Oprah.com to find somewhere to recycle your phone. While you are there, sign the pledge. Happy Earth Day everybody, be kinder to the earth. Goodbye.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Recycle, recycle, recycle. Reduce, reuse, recyle

Every act that you do creates an impact. Educate yourself, make an improvement in the world.

Thousands of dolphins are slaughtered annually in a cove in Taij, Japan, as captured on the Oscar winning documentary, The Cove.

Ric O’Barry captured and trained the dolphins for the hit TV series Flipper. He feels somewhat responsible fro the dolphin trade and that is why he is now a dolphin  activist and filmaker.

The heir to the Rothschild banking fortune is sailing a boat made of 12,500 plastic bottles through the Great Pacific Garbage Patch to get people to rethink waste as a resource.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Don’t be ignorant. Reduce, reuse and recycle. Be humane, don’t slaughter animals or pollute the oceans.

Date: April 6th, 2010
File Under: Aha Moment, Transformation
1 comment

Episode 47: Humdinger Follow-Ups

It’s Monday and we are live the day after Easter here in Chicago. Hope you all had a great holiday. For the last 25 years we’ve been celebrating weight loss, clapping at the before and afters. Recently, says Oprah “I found something very profound that struck me to my core, and it seems to be helping me in the battle with food”. More on that later. But first, this is exactly what she has been talking about- 8 years ago Kathrine Lee cha-cha’ed on stage after losing 175 pounds, that’s a whole man, really. Let’s take a look.

Aside from the birth of her children, Kathrine says that going on Oprah was the proudest day of her life. To have two of her mentors say well done was amazing, She would have sworn on the bible that she would never go back to the way that she was. Since being on the show she  gained 150 lbs and now has lost over 100 again. She knew  things were out of control with the first 20 pounds. It became complete self sabotage, she felt like she wasn’t worthy anymore and she began to hide. She thinks the biggest mistake she made first time around was doing it for everyone else.  It was either for them or to impress them. The food obsession became replaced by getting people’s attention, doing it so they could say great job. In her closet, she has everything from a size 10 to a size 28. She got rid of most of her clothes but she is hanging on to some. She is scared that she will go there again. She just watched the video where she was so sure that she had lost the weight for good, and then she sees the reality of the last 8 years. She breaks down, and says that she thinks what if.

In the studio with Oprah Kathrine says that she kept the weight off for 7 years, she got home and got in touch with a wonderful man in her life, and she got some love in her life. She was single when she came on the show and was happy with the love of God. But she carried that into her relationships, thinking that she was only worthy if she was working hard for that grace, she was only worthy if she was thin.

They got married and she went on birth control and gained 20 pounds. She had never had a chemical weight gain before, only emotional and choice and genetic weight gains. She started hiding, then got pregnant and went into hiding. She went into solitude, she was sure that her husband would leave. Did he? Asks Oprah. No, he did not. Good for him, says Oprah. He is here and he loves her, he loved her then and loves her now.

The April issue of O Magazine is on stands for another week. The cover is red and in it Oprah boldly announces that her battle with food is over. In that issue Oprah says that she had one of those great a-ha moments after a life changing interview with Geneen Roth. When Oprah read Jeanine’s new book, Women Food and God, which they extract in the issue, Oprah had one of those profound moments, exactly like Kathrine is talking about. What she’d known for years with the help of Bob Greene is that it is not about the weight, but it’s also not not about the weight. Its about using food as a substitute for all the things that are missing in our lives. We all know that we can become addicted to gambling, drugs and potato chips but what is interesting to Oprah is that we can also become addicted to attention, like Kathrine did. Kathrinesays that she went from being imprisoned by her body to being imprisoned by praise. Each day she would dress so that people would notice that she had lost weight. If they didn’t notice, then something was wrong. It was only after she gained all the weight and then lost the weight that she could look back and see that she was addicted to praise.

In the O issue, they talk about ending the tyranny with food. If you can’t pick up the April issue of O, then pick up Geneen’s book. Kathrine read it and said it was a  major a-ha throughout, no wonder, she was building a  house of cards. Kathrine says that she has the technical side down, and has had for a long time, she knows what to eat and how to exercise and all that.  She even  thought that she had dealt with a lot of the emotional issues. Reading the book was a major a-ha moment.

To lose the weight and gain it back was almost unbearable. The first time she had to go into a plus size store felt like a complete regression, her old story was back and it felt like failure. She says that regaining the weight was harder than being fat in the first place. She felt like a hypocrite and a fraud. She lost all the weight, she lived the life for 7 years and she is in the industry, she was teaching.  She was doing exactly what she knew not to do. She knew how to do fat and she knew how to do thin, and she knew about the thin person inside but she wasn’t living it. Oprah asks what is going to be different now? Kathrine says that it is already different, the 100 pounds that she has lost already… Yeah yeah yeah says Oprah. Kathrine says that the applause is nice to have, to be recognized, but it doesn’t define her. She was pleased when she went from a size 28 to a  26, because it was valuable and she knows who she is, and that she is more than her weight. Her value does not fluctuate with her weight. The amount she is loved does not vary with her weight- her husband and business colleagues proved that. It was an incredible experience.

The new book, Women Food and God has a lot of people rethinking their weight battle, Oprah included. One of the things that resonated with Oprah is when Geneen said that ending the battle with food is not about punishing, hating and depriving yourself, it is about being loving and kind to yourself. Kathrine has learned that too. When she regained the weight she’d walk past a mirror and think that she was disgusting, her first thought in the morning would be that she hates herself. And then she’d have to deal with the guilt because she has such a great life and a great family. To find that, the kindness is what healed her. To find everything that is good. She has touched the package, she has a great life.

Oprah says when you see your hips in the mirror you should say Hello Honey Buns, and touches her hips. Hello Honey Buns. You know what, says Kathrine, these hips are what birthed my children.  These hips take her from here to there to love people. She began to appreciate every part of her body right where she was.  She started to look at everything that is good, not what is bad. It then is not about what she’s eating, it becomes effortless. That is what Oprah is finding, this time it is easy, effortless. It’s not about counting or labeling, it’s just being with yourself in a more natural state. Catherine says that it is about preparation not obsessing. They have all the tools, they know exactly what to do, this time they just have to do it and get on with living their life. She just grabs and goes. Oprah finds it disgusting- if she could add up all the energy, time and effort that you have spent obsessing about this. If you could add up all the time, and where has it got you? Exactly, says Catherine. When she stopped that and stopped hiding, she went back to teaching. She lives in Southern California, land of the beautiful people and she has this group of the most amazing women and she’d think why do they want to learn from me? And she’d think because you are smart, you are kind, you have wisdom- they felt the same way about her and she was 300 pounds. She loved herself even at 300 pounds. Catherine says that watching the footage of herself on Oprah when she said she liked herself now was tragic to her because she couldn’t say I love me. And the “now”, the fact that she only liked herself because she had lost the weight, there was a “now” to qualify it. Now she just loves herself. Thanks very much to Catherine. Anyone who  is struggling with their weight, read Oprah’s interview with Geneen Roth. If you are moved by the article, pick up the book or Kindle it. There will be an entire episode with Geneen on May 12th, it’s going to be very powerful for all of us who have been living with this issue.

Three years ago, Oprah talked to a 16 year old named Jake who was born a girl and had lived most of his life as Julia. Her team checked in for an update and there have been some twists and turns. First, let’s look back. He first knew he was different when he was about 7 and told his mom that he was a boy in a girl’s body. Julia was never there, he was always Jake but in a different body. By the time she was 14, Julia she was transitioning into a male with bi-weekly hormone injections and binding her breasts to look less like a woman. By 15 she had a full mastectomy. He wanted to be a male, a husband, a positive male role model, not just a lesbian. As Jake embraced his new identity, his younger brother Jason struggled with the new family dynamic. He missed his sister. For the past couple of years the family were really focused on Jake and Jason felt pushed to one side.

Oprah says that was her big fear when they did this story 3 years ago. Just recently they sent the cameras to catch up with them, take a look. Jake says that life is great. He’s at college and he’s finding out much more about himself. After the show he did some more soul searching and found out that he is attracted to men. He has a boyfriend, they have been together for a year, and Jake has never felt more man than he does now. He and his brother have “kind of fallen apart”. He should have taken the time to tell his parents to pay attention to his brother. They used to be best friends and have no secrets and now they don’t have that anymore. It kills him, because his brother is one of the most important parts of his life. Jason says that he is a very different person than he was three years ago, he’s not really able to connect with his brother, they are going in different directions in life and can’t really talk. Jake says that Jason was jealous of the attention, and no one really asked how Jason was feeling, it triggered Jason into a downward spiral of his own. Last year Jason was diagnosed with anorexia and dropped down to 100 pounds. Everything felt so chaotic and out of control, so he controlled what he ate, it was all he could control. Jake thought that Jason was going to die because he was so skinny, it scared him to death, he couldn’t imagine life without his brother. Jason felt unloved and unnoticed, invisible, and eventually he stopped reaching out- everyone was too busy with Jake. Their mother says that she feels her children’s pain, she admits her part in Jason’s sadness, she should have been more aware of what was going on. A year ago Jason started to date a man and came out to his parents. He didn’t want to tell his parents, to throw off the sense that his mom had at least one “normal” kid.

Oprah finds it interesting that last time she felt so strongly that this would happen, that Jason was a boy being ignored in is own home and that all the energy in the family was going to Jake. The mom says that the most profound thaing that happened was that Oprah tapped her on the shoulder as they were leaving and said be sure to take care of Jason. She was right on. Jason didn’t see that happening then, Jason didn’t think he’d be where he is, but figured that he could have his rebellious stage around this age. He figured once Jake got to a better place, that he could drift off a bit- he didn’t know what he’d be dealing with, but he knew that he’d be dealing with something. So the anorexia really is about being able to control something in your life? says Oprah. Yes, Jason had no control over his intrusive thoughts but could control the we he looked. Jake says that they are best friends to this day, and while he was going through his transition he saw his brother getting skinnier, spending 2-3 hours on a treadmill and only eating green beans. He couldn’t put it together and  say that it was an eating disorder because he was too wrapped up in his own issues. Jason says that the pediatrician said it was an eating disorder, and from there they assembled a team to treat him. Oprah says that he felt disconnected and unloved and this all came about as he tried to connect with something. Jake is doing great, is wonderful. The transition was a great thing for him. He has transitioned but not done gender reassignment surgery. He says that this will make all the guys cringe but it is relatively easy to take a penis, slice it in two, fold it inward and make a vagina. But how do you take a vagina and make it into a penis? In his self exploration and finding himself attractive to males, with his partner (he feels that they will be together for always so he calls him his partner) he has found someone who gets him, which is difficult. His partner loves who he is and what he has, so Jake feels why does he need to? Oprah says that it is interesting if his partner is male and gay- yes says Jake, he is male and born with a penis, and is fully gay-identified- and Jake still has his- vagina, says Jake, yes the word.. vagina, says Oprah. Usually from what Oprah has heard, gay men don’t like vaginas. The crowd laugh a little. Jake’s boyfriend is extremely open to things and they do have sex. He apologises to his mom who says Oh my God I had no idea, while rolling her eyes,  yeah we’re all so shocked adds Jason. Jake says that they have sex like a heterosexual couple would have sex. Jake says that his boyfriend is fine with it because he loves him. Oprah says that she feels we are moving towards that in the world- everyone being who they are and loving who they love. On the flip side, says Jake, he started dating men to begin with because females didn’t get it- they would ask if it made them a lesbian. He would explain that he was a man, he doesn’t have breasts.   Teenage girls didn’t date him because they wanted a penis. Oprah says that she loves that he is so open, so let her ask him this. Men are always so caught up on the whole penis size thing, if you are a transgender and you have a clitoris, which is not a penis and therefore it is not that big. He says that he is pretty well-endowned for a transgender male. Oprah says that as a trans-man, size doesn’t matter? He says no, there are things that people can do, there are toys… Oprah says that she doesn’t want to hear, that she appreciates his candor, but she doesn’t need to know. She asks Jason if he identifies as being bi-sexual.  He says that they were raised by their mom to love someone for their soul, not their body, so gender does not matter, neither do genitals. He doesn’t identify himself as bisexual, but others do. Oprah asks how he is now? Quite good actually, he is applying to colleges and is in a more stable relationship than before. He is not as close to his brother but he feels that it will come back again in the future, maybe they need their time to separate. Many families were not as close as they were, so maybe they need their time to grow. Oprah thanks them all and wishes the mother luck.

So it’s only been a few months since you all voted Abraham McDonald the winner of the first ever Oprah Show Karaoke Challenge. What made it even more fun was that the contestants had no idea that they were competing for $250,000 and the opportunity to work with hit-music-maker LA Reed on their own single. It’s been quite a whirlwind for our champion, take a look. Winning the challenge has been amazing, from the experiences of singing places he always wanted to sing, meeting people he has always wanted to meet, to finally  getting out of his apartment has been incredible. He sang at the Lakers Houston Game and met Mary J Bilge and now he has his own house to live in with a tree and a washer dryer and own bathroom at home. He is moving in with his mother and is doing his own renovation. He is at the Record Plant recording Studios for his first session with Island Def Jam. LA Reed has given him an amazing opportunity to come and record a song, he is geeked. He is now recording his CD, it started as a single and has become a record, which he is very excited about. He loves it, he loves it.

Abraham joins Oprah in the studio by Skype from California.  Oprah notes that he is growing more hair because she didn’t like the mohawk thing that he had going. He said that he liked the mohawk, but his sister said that it had to go. Oprah says good for her. She asks how the experience has been for him? He says that the beginning of the beginning, seeing his dream take legs has been amazing, the family at Island Def Jam have been incredible. It’s been growing, he went from doing a single, Mr Reed offered him the opportunity to do that, but it has become a whole album. He has been in the studio with some amazing writers and musicians. You can download his new single for free for the next 24 hours from Oprah.com. He says that he had such a good time recording the single. He says that it has felt a bit out of body, because this is your life not a movie. He has been flying by the seat of his pants. He says that he calls it Jesus’ Cadillac; he goes wherever Jesus takes him.  Oprah asks what’s next and where did the album songs come from? He is doing some writing with some amazing writers, and testing out what feels good and what sounds good. It’s really about the passion pouring out of him and meeting that with his craftsmanship. Oprah asks him how it feels never to have to go to the Laundromat again? He shouts that he never wants to see a Laundromat ever again. Oprah says isn’t it wonderful to take the clothes out of the dryer and there they are-does he still appreciate that? He was appreciating that just yesterday. He thanks Oprah so much for allowing the whole contest to take place for all the contestants, he doesn’t even have the words.  He calls her team The Great Machine and she says that she thinks that she has the best team in TV. She thanks him very much for acknowledging that. Oprah says she heard that he got a new car, did he make it a No Phone Zone? He sure did, he says and holds up his copy of the No Phone Zone Pledge. He had his entire family sign the pledge too. That’s good Oprah says. She is so proud of him.

Last fall we met Cheryl, a single mother of two who confessed to taking 7000 prescription pills a year, remember this? That morning when she woke up, Cheryl knew that she was out of pills and called her friend who rushed over with her pills. She knew that her Vicodin wouldn’t get her through the day, and she shared her pills with her son. Watching her son go through withdrawal was too hard, so she shared her pills with him. She no longer had a job and was days from being evicted, her addiction probably cost her over $100,000. They weren’t the only ones affected by the addiction, her daughter Veronica learned to raise herself and said that she missed when everyone was real with real emotions.  It was just words, you couldn’t see through to their hearts. Back when she was in Elementary School, her mom was always there, being the parent handing out cookies for the kids. Now she’d be suprised if her mother knew what her grades were or even if she’s at school. In the studio in 2007, Oprah asked how hard it had been- its been hard but it’s like a habit. It’s their normal and she can’t change it so she has to make it her normal and get on with her life herself. Cheryl wanted to change but the cost of rehab would be astronomical.

Immediately following that show, a Treatment Center in Rockford Illinois agreed to accept Cheryl and her son into treatment. Cheryl and her daughter Veronica were on Skype but it went down so now they are on the phone. They are doing well today, and have many days ahead of them. Cheryl thanks Oprah for the opportunity to open the eyes of America and for the opportunity to heal herself; she is alive . Cheryl was an inpatient for 3 weeks and then she was an outpatient. Oprah asks if it was rough- the first three days were terrible but after that she began learning things about herself and realized that she was in the right place. She has been sober now for 205 days. Wow, good for you says Oprah, the crowd applaud. Oprah was so moved by Veronica and her desire to have a connection with her mom. Things are great now, being on the show allowed Veronica to get through to her Mom’s heart and now it is total opposite, they bond alot now. Really, says Oprah, she’s present for you? Yes definitely, 24/7. When she wants a pill, Cheryl prays to God. Three days before Oprah contacted her, she prayed to God because she had hit rock bottom and she couldn’t go further. She told God, take me and do what you will. She shared her story when she saw a call for responses from the Oprah Show asking if you were addicted to prescription painkillers. She shared her story and three days later she was contacted by the Show. It was a God thing, says Cheryl. Everything is a God thing says Oprah. I hear ya Oprah, says Cheryl. Food addiction is a God thing. Drug addiction is a God thing, Its all about being disconnected from source, and I am so pleased that you found that out, says Oprah. Thank you both so much.

Tune in tomorrow for a special announcement about our No Phone Zone Pledge  which will sweep the country. Thank you.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Being overweight is not about the weight, but it’s also not not about the weight. Its about using food as a substitute for all the things that are missing in our lives.

Ending the battle with food is not about punishing, hating and depriving yourself, it is about being loving and kind to yourself.

If you have a transgender child, do not focus all your attention on that child if they have siblings.

Oprah feels that in the world we are moving towards everyone being who they are and loving who they love.

Everything is a God thing. Food addiction is a God thing. Drug addiction is a God thing, Its all about being disconnected from source.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

God, God God, Jesus, addiction, recovery, God.

Date: January 11th, 2010
File Under: Aha Moment, Family, Live your best life, Relationships, Transformation

Episode 2: A Family Stripped Down: Peter Walsh Moves In

He’s going to strip them down… it’s a bold experiment to take away everything that is tearing their lives apart- TV’s, Blackberries, take out menus, mess. In seven days this major transformation will change them into the family they want to be- this experiment could change the world for them and, by extension,  everyone.

Seven days with no phone, computer, TV microwave. Expert Perter Walsh is coming in.

Steve and Rhonda have been married for five years,they have a five year old son Drake, and Rhonda’s  fifteen year old son Blake from a previous marriage. By 5.30am Blake has sent 23 texts, Mom is at gym, Blake eats a Pop Tart alone. When Mom returns Drake has already watched an hour of TV. By 9am Ronda is alone in the house and is stressed by the mess which drives her crazy, she shuts the door on it. The laundry downstairs is a disaster. When Blake comes home from school he goes straight to the computer- by now he has sent 119 texts. The family sometimes communicate with him by text. Drake needs to be played with. At 6pm dad is home with takeout. They do use the TV, it is the only family time they get. Mom wants quality time. The kids grow up so fast and she doesn’t want them to only have memories of watching TV.

Watching that recap, Ronda is tired. The audience can relate. Blake texts 7000 -9000 texts per month saying stuff about school. But it does bother him that the family aren’t close. It would be better for Drake if they spent some time together. Sometimes the big brother watches the little brother and the couple go out. If they could re-edit the tape of a day in the life of their family, they’d get up together, maybe make breafast for the kids, be without the mess. And at night they would spend time together- nothing special, just together time. There’s only maybe twice a month that they sit down together. It’s so rushed- they eat then check Facebook, then go. Oprah says that’s exactly what is happening to our world.

As a family they are often in the same room but not communicating with each other. They don’t know where they lost their way, but they should be treating each other the best. Inside their idyllic home, the family are disconnected from each other. They need life organisational expert Peter Walsh. Peter says this family needs to be “stripped down”. Peter says this problem is too common, we believe more is better and our lives full of too much stuff are thus disconnected. Must strip down everything that comes between you and your best life.

This is a seven day challenge to get rid of everything which makes you feel disorganised or disconnected. The family need to give 110% to get everything back together. The family are “in”. The challenge begins right now.

5 rules for the family

1. No cell phones, no texting for the next seven days (“For a week” says Oprah)

2. No computers, email, TV, computer games or iPods. Their only entertainment is to be each other

3. Healthy meals prepared together. Sit together eat together

4. Their house is a mess. Clean it up.

5. A little bit of loving- every day they must hug each of  the others and tell them that they love them

The rules are posted on a billboard outside their house. There will be no cheating because of “the vault”. All their stuff is inside the vault- anything which disconnects the family- microwave, energy drinks, iPods, computers. Peter has taken the liberty of removing every door from the closets. Now the family will go home and has until noon the next day to do Challenges 1 & 2.

1- think of an activity to enjoy together tomorrow.

2. Wash fold and put away all the laundry.

At noon tomorrow, Peter will knock on their door and move in with them. He has no idea where he will sleep. Peter says,”Mom, Dad, I’m looking forward to a very fun week”.

This all happened a week ago. Let’s tune in and see how they did. If this family can be transformed in a week, think what it can do for your family. At noon, Peter arrived and went to the now-spotless laundry room. He was impressed and gave them a new rule. From now on, if they go to the laundry room, they have to go upstairs with more than one thing. Drake has many toys but doesn’t get the attention he wants by being included in the family. Blake needs more patience. Now they are going to tackle the three car garage. Peter’s goal is to park all three cars in there by the end of the day. They sort through all their stuff to see if they need, use or want it- otherwise it goes. In 2 hours they have a truckload of donations and a clean garage. they survive Day 2 but no one has any idea that the next day will be full of breakdowns and breakthroughs.

Oprah asks why the garage stuff plays a role in the disconnection. Peter says if your home does not rise up to meet you, you are missing that element. If you fill your time with technology, it does not mean you are better connected. 1,000 emails or  100,000 texts do not mean that you are connected. At first Blake found it hard to give up texting, but after a while he was pleased to not have his phone. It wasn’t all that hard.

It’s usually/ always the third day that takes you out. Oprah likens this to the cycle of dieting. On the first day you are full of energy and resolve but on day three you get a burger and fries. The messy garage was a metaphor for their life. Oprah says it’s all a metaphor for your life- nasty car, messy bedroom. All the messy stuff in your life is your emotions. Peter says you must strip down the stuff, gadgets and mess which are disconnecting your family.

Day 3 (kids backstage) There is a deeper level of disconnection in this family. Dad doesn’t know if he’s doing a good enough job.  He thinks he’s failing a little bit, not putting the time in. What is the future for him and the kids? Steve is terrified. All he does is work, when he comes home he feels his family is moving in all different directions. He feels a little bit unloved. He has a level of resentment that he is working so hard. There is a guilt that Rhonda feels for not working in corporate america. Is she frightened of another divorce? Is Rhonda worried that this is going to fail?

Back in the studio, Oprah wants to say that she’ll never forget a show from 6,7, or 10 years ago when she had a Aha Moment  - a father said that every good father has a dream for his family. Peter helped Rhonda and Steve break down the walls of guilt, resentment and fear. How did Peter know to do this? So many people are disconnected, he’s seen it over and over. Everyone is so busy and if they are busy then they should be doing good things. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! What your kids want is you, to feel that they are a part of you. The kitchen nourishes the family. Without that nourishment around the table where do they get it? Drake rose to the challenge incredibly. In a week he is more patient and gving. By shifting the focus away from self-parenting, and removing the TV, the dynamic is changed. He had a few tantrums in the beginning, but now they are connected as a family. For kids, TV is a passive interaction but they are in control- to remove that is a shock. It is hard for them to learn that they don’t have control; they need parents to be in control.

How could you do this without the help of Peter Walsh? It’s all about communciation and taking the first step. You have got to get beyond the fear. Where will it go? Will you end up divorced? Tonight, everyone should sit down and have a conversation with their partner. Tell them you are nervous but that you love them and want to be with them, and if that changes you will let them know. This is the basis foundation, so that conversations don’t take us to the extreme place. One date night a month is worth a 100 weeks of vacation at the end of the year. Get together regularly- don’t leave it to catch up at the end of the year. This family tried it and it worked out pretty nicely. Oprah says she can see that and gesticulates at the couple’s intertwined  hands.

The family have survived four days. With Peter, they have come up with new rules.

1. No cell phones, texting, or computer use from 6-9pm.

2. No TV before school or during meals

3. Sunday family breakfast, make a weekly meal plan, eat 3 dinners together  a week

4. Weekly clean up and laundry sort on Saturday mornings

5. Stay with the I love you rules. Plus monthly date night and weekly family night

Within 48 hours the family have to take a road trip to Chicago. They have a kit with  activities and a photo cut-out of Peter stuck on a stick. The road trip was awesome, they followed the new rules and had so much fun. Pancake Peter was with them all the way, in their photos.

The point of this was to spend time together and travel with the new rules. They had to negociate activities the whole family could do. They did three activities, one of which was going to a park. Blake feels awesome, he doesn’t need his phone as much. He is now mindful of Peter’s advice to  ”Be where you are”; not texting. Rhonda lost 4lbs without her energy drink. Oprah invites Peter to live in her house.

Peter summarizes that if you spend time together, eat healthy and be active then it will all work out. Thanks to everyone, Peter’s new book, “It’s All Too Much” has just been released on DVD.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

The state of your stuff is a metaphor for your life, be it nasty car or messy bedroom

Our lives need to be “stripped down” of all our stuff so that we can re-connect with each other

You should always “Be where you are”

A clean house is a happy house

Communication begins with a conversation

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

If you spend time together, eat healthy and be active then it will all work out.