The video plays showing Sarah agreeing to be paid large amounts of money for access to Prince Andrew. She is drinking and smoking. The video is 3 minutes long, at the end of the tape, Sarah takes the computer case with $40,000 inside.

Sarah thanks Oprah for showing that to her, and she speaks in the third person about the person on the video who looks so tired and exhausted. She says that she had drunk too much, she thinks she was drinking wine. She had been on the road for so many months that she is now in the gutter, she is exhausted. She tried to be prefect for 25 years. As a 12 year old she made food her friend.

Oprah says that it is interesting that Sarah talks about the person in the tape as “she” in the third person and that Sarah said that it’s sad, really sad. Sarah says that there aren’t that many words to describe an act of such gross stupidity. She just called her girls and they said that it is a fresh clean start. Sarah says that she is a good mum and that her daughters can learn from her mistakes. She has got to the middle of the onion, all the skin has been pulled away and that people are seeing the dark and light of Sarah merged together. She has made a mistake and has to forgive herself, she is in the eye of the hurricane right now. Oprah says that this video made her sad because by the time you get to this point you have been spiraling downwards to this point. Sarah thanks her for realizing that.

The video tape was seen around the world. This is the first time that Sarah has seen it all. She says that she was not drunk, but she had been drinking. She remembers that she was in floods of tears when she was rubbing her eyes. The interviewer had come recommended by a friend of hers. A friend needed $38,000 urgently, and Sarah was crying thanking him for helping the friend who also knew the interviewer. Sarah says that this is about how her actions have hurt millions of people, she believes that from this she has freed Sarah from the treadmill of her life. Diana, her mother and her best friend all died at the same time and she felt very alone.

Three weeks prior to this, a friend called and said that she had a friend who liked Sarah, who wanted to help Sarah. She said that the friend was recently divorced with 3 kids and wanted her advice. The journalist took on the identity of a man in India who was a family friend of her friend, a big business man in India. They met earlier and talked about his fictitious wife and children. Oprah asks her to clarify why she would meet a stranger to talk about his wife and problems. Sarah says that a friend introduced them and that the man wanted to help her invest in her children’s books and animations. He was introduced as a business man. In her first meeting she thought that he was a News of the World journalist, and she had him sign a confidentiality agreement. She thought then that she wouldn’t see him again.

She says that she instinctively knew that he was a reporter, and she told him that. She says that she met him again in London, he said that he had just flown in for dinner. She sent friends to have him sign a confidentiality agreement and he said he’d do it in the morning when his lawyer was available. She went ahead anyway, that is how desperate she was.

Oprah asks how come Sarah doesn’t have access to $40,000, and says that it seems incomprehensible to the world. Sarah says that she is divorced from the royal family and cant ask them for money. She did WeightWatchers work for 12 years and loved that, and then she started a business but it was built on sand. She is substantially in debt, she says. She is sort of aware of the number, she thinks that she has a huge uphill battle. That is why she now has to look at bankruptcy now, but before she was looking for a quick-fix in places that she wouldn’t normally look.

Oprah wants to be clear that Sarah started this encounter to help a friend not herself. Sarah says that initially she did it for a friend and then she took a long shot to try and get money for herself. The News of the World say that they received a tip that Sarah had done something like this before. Sarah said that she doesn’t think she has, no she never has done that. Oprah asks why Sarah thinks that they set up this sting to get her? Sarah says that they are still in the middle of it, and that she has been a hugely idiotic, over-trusting woman.

Oprah says that Sarah was in a room with someone that she had instinctively not trusted asking for $500,000. Sarah says that she got to the point where you sabotage yourself and you are out of control. She hopes that people will be able to see that she was out of control and at the end of the rope. It is her and it is extraordinary to see it, she will embrace it and beg herself and the universe for forgiveness. It happened and now she has to find a way forward.

Oprah asks how she heard that it was a sting. She was on the way back from France with Beatrice when she heard. Sarah was ashamed and didn’t want to leave the room, but her daughter looked at her with her big eyes and said, “Mum, why did they do this to you?”

Oprah asks what Prince Andrew has said. Sarah wouldn’t dream of quoting him, but he is one of the finest gentle men. Andrew is a man that has always taken a matter of fact view of everything and he knows her and he reached out with such understanding. She has spoken to him many times, he wouldn’t be here without his blessing. Oprah asks if her family was aware of the spiraling and the pain. Sarah says that there was self-hatred and chronic abuse and not understanding who you are from an early age. Oprah asks if Sarah has been living beyond her means. Sarah says that she has been living as the Duchess of York, trying to keep it up. Sarah says that she has out of control behavior, running up huge debts all those issues have to be looked at. She didn’t have a plan for the $500,000, because she plucked it out the sky just sitting there. She says that the whole thing was wrong, even sitting down for dinner was wrong.

Oprah asks Sarah if it is true that she got a settlement of $20,000 a year from her divorce. Sarah flounders a little and says that she can’t break her confidentiality clause but she chose friendship with the boss, the Queen. It was more important to her to keep in with the family. Her work with WeightWatchers was her financial income. She lives now with the Prince because she couldn’t afford rent on her house. It is a short term agreement, Sarah does not want to be a burden on Andrew, he needs his life, they are divorced. Sarah has the same expenses as everyone else, and she has written lots of children’s books. Oprah is surprised that Sarah went to the Book Expo last week, but Sarah says that she must go forward from this point.

Oprah asks if Sarah will continue the charity work. Sarah says that charity work is the safest place for her, the innocence and goodness of dying children can not be negated. She has 72 schools where she learns from the true celebrities, the children. She learns from the child who forgives the person who cut his leg off. Her grandmother always said if you feel bad about yourself, give to others. Sarah says that Oprah of all people should understand that. Oprah says that she understands that sentiment. Sarah says that her Dad died of melanoma and prostrate cancer, when she was on her way to a job in Australia. She went to see him and said he didn’t look too good and he said that the show must go on. Sarah cries a little and says that the show must go on.

Oprah says that none of us are defined by our mistakes, what defines us is if we get the lesson and move forward. Oprah asks Sarah if she has learned the lesson that the spiraling was there to teach her. 1000% says Sarah, but her words are cheap, her actions will show. Oprah asks what the lesson for her has been, for her and God. Sarah says that the lesson has been chronic abuse to herself, she hasn’t dealt with her issues, she has kept going when she should have stopped to address her problems.

Oprah asks why Sarah made the decision to out herself and have this conversation with Oprah rather than go home and wait it out. Sarah says that to go to that level of gutter, you have to address why and you have to apologize. She has to say sorry. Oprah asks how the lesson begins to manifest itself, we cant just wake up and say ok today I am going to love myself. Sarah says that she is like a newborn chick, whenever anything now comes in, like a bill or an article, she is going to look at it and deal with it from a place of Sarah, not from a place of egotistical fear. Already she says going bankrupt is not the worst thing that could happen.

Oprah says that she just had an epiphany- looking at Sarah on the tape, that was a spiritually, morally, bankrupted person. Sarah says that is genius. It’s just a show, they agree. Sarah says that she remembers a wonderful lady in Sierra Leone who said that they can take your country but they can’t take your soul. She feels that she can come back from this, that she is now being authentically herself. Oprah asks if she’d like to say anything else, and Sarah thanks Oprah. That’s all. They thank each other and hold hands.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

If you are caught on camera asking for $500,000 in exchange for access to your ex-husband, you are in a bad place.

Sarah Ferguson speaks about herself in the third person when watching the video of her trading money for access.

Being an ex-Princess is not financially rewarding.

Oprah had what she called an epiphany- the person on the tape was spiritually and morally bankrupt.

Sarah says that observation is genius.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Being stung by a News of the World journalist has freed Sarah Ferguson from the treadmill of her life.

The four women were all born into the Tony Alamo Christian Ministry. Some say that he is a crazy madmen. In the height of the church’s popularity, there were thousands of followers. By the nineties, Tony had more than a dozen wives at the small compound in Fouke, Arkansas. Many followers believe that there is no higher honor than becoming one of Tony’s wives. When she was 14, Amy became Tony’s wife. When she was 15, Jeanne became his 8th wife.

Jeanne says that he had 13 wives, over half were minors and he had sex with all of them. He preferred the younger ones. She had painful sex with him four days after their marriage. She believed that God wanted her to be Tony’s bride. Tony shocked even his most devoted followers when he chose 8 year old Desiree to be his bride. She was the youngest, she was still playing with Barbies and dolls. He laid her on his bed, they said marriage vows and gave her a wedding ring. She says that instead of a marriage license he finalizes his marriages by having sex. On CNN, Tony justified it by saying that puberty is the age of consent according to the bible. He then said he doesn’t know what age girls go through puberty, maybe age 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. God inseminated Mary around age 10 or 12. “Should we get him for having sex?” he asked. Desiree thought that what Tony was doing was wrong, but that he was a man of God so maybe it was right.

Jeanne was 15 when 59 year old Tony made her his spiritual wife, she is now 31. Amy exchanged vows at 14, she is now 26.  Desiree was only 8, now she is 18. Nikki was 15, she is now 26.

They went to Fouke, Arkansas, to find out who Tony Alamo really is. Reporter Lynn LaRowe of the Texarkana Gazette has been covering his story for years. In LA in the late sixties, Tony said that God appeared before him and told him if he didn’t spread the word, he would surely die. Alamo married Susan and they set up the Tony and Susan Alamo Foundation. He would do guest appearances as a gospel singer on her TV evangelist show. When she died of cancer, Tony kept her body in his dining room, and that is when people say that his dark side was unleashed.

Elishah, a former member of the ministry says that they had to pray over Susan’s decaying body for two years to make her raise from the dead. Her eyes and mouth were sewn shut and someone kept dusting her and reapplying her lipstick. When Tony announced that it was their fault that she didn’t raise from the dead, they were devastated. The followers were blinded by their devotion and were physically and psychologically exhausted, so there was no room for independent thought. The compound moved to Fouke, Arkansaw in the late 90’s. The mayor says that they didn’t know if those in the compound were armed, their minds just wandered.

Inside the house, he destroyed many lives. Tony Alamo did not respond to a request for an interview, but his church sent the following statement.

“Tony Alamo has no secret world or child brides. He is the least secret person in the world. His church and he are open daily to the public, and he is very outspoken, as an open book. Oprah and the government media and the Roman Catholics are in conspiracy against him and his whole church.”

Some have compared Alamo to David Karesh in Waco, Texas. Both led suspicious anti government organizations that many call cults. Tony controlled every facet of his congregation’s lives, using violence and threats of eternal damnation. The town were concerned about what was going on there.

Before Jeanne was born, her mother was 12 when her grandmother joined the church. Jeanne knew Tony as their pastor, she had not been introduced to him. Her family did not see it as an honor, for her to be a child bride, but they had put their whole life into the ministry and they didn’t know if Tony really was of God. Jeanne lived in the house. Amy was told that she should work in his office, that is how it started for her. Amy’s mom thought that it was a great honor- she was always told as a child that she would marry Tony. At 8 years old, Desiree was playing with dolls, wanted to go outside and go swimming and play with her friends. She was raised in the church, but she knew nothing of sex or marriage. It wasn’t exactly explained to her what was happening. Her mom said that Desiree was unruly and possessed by the devil. After a couple of months of being in the house to be disciplined, Tony laid her on his bed and started putting his hands up her shirt and down her pants. Desiree was told that the most important prayer was that of a child; she prayed that it would stop but it didn’t. Just before she turned 9, Tony asked her to marry him,and she said yes as she was afraid of him. He had sex with her once or twice a week and it went up and down a lot. Oprah asks the others what they thought of Desiree as an 8 year old bride. Jeanne says that she questioned him that day, even if she would be beaten. She said that he was not doing what he preached, that Desiree had not yet reached puberty. Tony said profanities and he said God will tell his prophet to do things that everyone will question but no one had better question.

Oprah says that at 14 or 15 you are a little more advanced in the world than an 8 year old. Prior to moving to the house, Desiree had a good childhood. She couldn’t call her parents more than twice a week. She needed permission to visit, she was only able to visit them twice.  In the house, they were as fearful of Tony as anyone can be of a person. They would get hit all the time, his face was crazy as they were beaten. They had to take nude photos for him, and he would take photos of them too. Jeanne would lock herself in the bathroom and cry so hard that she’d break blood vessels in her face. She would pray that God would take her in her sleep as she didn’t believe in suicide but she no longer wanted to live.

Nikki goes back to the compound with the TV crew. Nikki was chosen to be his next child bride, and she risked it all to escape that fate. She thought if this was heaven, she’d rather go to hell. She returns to the compound for the first time. It just looks like a home, but hell was inside there. Utter, utter hell. She implores people to pay attention and poke their nose into other people’s business. That is what they desperately needed, and nobody interfered.  If they hadn’t talked, it would still be going on. Tony would be sitting in there with the next line of little girls.

Last year they faced Tony in federal court, he was found guilty with trafficking minors across state lines with the intent of having sex with them.  Going against their families, friend and the church they testified against him and he is facing a sentence of 175 years. Oprah says that everyone has an internal guideline system which they should follow. If something seems odd at home or at a neighbor’s home, make it your business.

Oprah applauds their courage, Nikki was the first to break free. She realized that it was all a lie when Tony hit her in the face after she made an unauthorized phonecall to try and get out. He sat in front of her telling her the things that God had said about her, that she was a prostitute and a whore and other outlandish things. Then she thought that is all a lie. They were so brainwashed that they were told that they and their families would go to hell if they left. Oprah says that for her this is about intuition and guidance knowing that something is right or wrong. These girls were raised in one way but their inner guide told them to question that, to think that something is wrong.

To escape Tony, Nikki first had to escape his spell. He controlled his followers with violence and manipulation. Nikki found the courage inside herself to risk it all to get out of there. She shows where she escaped from the side door. A follower tells them to get off the property. She tells how she ran from the guards and Tony’s cameras and hid in the woods. He sent everyone out to look for her in every shop and fast food joint. She met Vince and Karen Coker who lived at the final house, they took a leap of faith and took her in for the night, They bought her a bus ticket so she could get back to her mother in California. Nikki thought that her mom would figure it all out, but she didn’t realize that her mother was being controlled by Tony and his followers. On the phone, Tony told Nikki’s mum Liza that she should have Nikki arrested otherwise Liza would have to leave the church too. The mom said to Nikki that Tony wouldn’t let her on the property. She had two boxes of stuff labelled Nikki’s stuff. Her mom put her on a bus and hugged her goodbye and walked away. One of the saddest moments of Niki’s life, that absolutely broke her heart. Liza now says that she was out of her mind to let it happen like that. Liza is no longer involved with the Alamo Ministry.

Oprah can’t imagine how that must feel, to risk her life, be helped by strangers and to be turned away by her own mother. Nikki says that it is very hard to understand if you have never been brainwashed. Her brother, mother and father were all part of the church. If her mother had left the church, she would have been abandoning her brother. Her mother thought that Nikki would be ok.   Some of them still have siblings in there, in hiding. Nikki went over the country for 3 months trying to find somewhere to stay.

Desiree had nothing when she escaped, no ID at all. For 2 years from 13-15 she had been planning to leave. She told the girls that if Tony got her Dad to come over and beat her again for trying to leave, that she would leave. She called all the doctor’s that she had ever seen to get her medical records so that she could exist in the real world. She knew that at 13. Jeanne was not a minor anymore so Tony couldn’t force her to stay. She was very vocal, she thought that she could question him in front of others, the congregation and other wives. She told them that they were beaten, he made them watch pornography, and told of the photographs. She said all she could in five minutes and then he asked her to leave.

Amy was married to Tony for nine years and her mom is still part of the church. Amy doesn’t talk to her mom now, Amy thinks that her mom hates her because she testified against Tony. In the courtroom her mother called her a stinking weasel.

Amy and Desiree‘s mothers both testified against them in court.  Oprah asks what that does to them. Desiree said it was really hard. She hadn’t seen her mom for 3 years and she got up and called her daughter a liar. Oprah says that we are all outraged by the way that Desiree had been treated. Her mom thinks, still, that Tony is a man of God, and that he would never do something like have sex with an 8 year old girl.

Nikki reunited with the two strangers who helped her, she calls them her angels. They hug and cry. Nikki doesn’t know what would have happened without them. The Cokers vividly remember the night Nikki came to their door. Nikki was very scared, she didn’t trust anyone. She was all cut up from the fences and the woods. Nikki had nothing, not even clothes.

The Cokers join Oprah live by Skype. Oprah applauds them for helping a child. Karen says she was timid and scared but Nikki needed help. Karen’s motherly instincts kicked in to help Nikki. They had a 9 month baby at the time. The Cokers could tell that Nikki wasn’t being forward with what she was telling them. But she looked like she was scared to death and that she had run for her life. Nikki didn’t want to tell the truth until she was out of Fouke, until she was sure that she wouldn’t be sent back. Oprah congratulates the Coker’s for buying Nikki a ticket and thanks God.

Elishah was the first child born into the cult. Life there was terrifying. Her worst day was when Tony got a close family member to beat her for trying to escape, over and over on the same side. Her back was bloody, she passed out. She saw a glimmer of hope when she was 15 and she met Steven a newcomer to the church. They had a connection. They were caught talking and Steven had to leave. She got a letter from Steven via a member of the congregation saying that he would come for her. He rescued her and they drove over the state line. They married but she had no idea how the outside world worked. Elishah is now a teacher and joins the others on the couch. Jeanne remembers being babysat by Elishah. Elishah says that this is a great victory. She says that the others overcame things that amaze the first generation. She says that the courage to stand up against Tony in court with their mother’s testifying against them is astonishing.

Oprah thanks them all for putting a face to this. The beauty of this is that you are not your past, that you can create from now whoever you want to be. You can use your past to strengthen who you want to be. Oprah says again that if you think something strange is going on in your house or neighborhood, make your voice heard. Sign the No Phone Zone, Thanks everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Tony Alamo controlled all the members of his cult with violence and threats of eternal damnation.

He blamed his congregation when after two years of prayer they failed to raise his dead wife from the dining room.

He took spiritual wives by marrying with no legal paperwork, finalizing the marriage by having sex.

Of his 13 wives, the youngest was 8 years old.

If you think something strange is going on in your house or neighborhood, make it your business and make sure that your voice heard.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Oprah says that you are not your past, that you can create from now whoever you want to be, even if you were once a child bride.

On April 23rd, he had a brain hemorrhage, all Kristi could think of was that she didn’t want her daughters to grow up without a dad. His daughters found it really heartbreaking, the thought that he wouldn’t be there any more. The footage makes Bret cry, even though he said that he wouldn’t. He got amazing courage and an unsinkable strength to survive from his family and friends. Oprah says that even in his hospital bed he had his bandana on. He says that it was like Superman and the cape, he had to keep on his bandana and boots- he didn’t want to go out in his hospital gown.

The neurosurgeon says that the condition was very serious when Bret arrived, he was unable to stay awake. He suffered a life threatening sudden bleeding around the brain- 20% of people don’t survive this. There is a sudden release of blood. They still don’t know what happened to cause the clot. The chance for re-bleeding is no more common than for anyone in his age group.  This happens to around 40,000 patients a year, and about 20% make a full recovery.

Bret says that when he asked if he had a chance he was told that the fact that he was talking means he has a chance. Bret says that when your body tells you there is something wrong, you must go immediately to the ER. He got an incredible boost of energy to try and survive. He feels that he has a second chance and he is very thankful to be here. Bret says that he was worried about the size of his brain on the scan that the doctor showed, that it might be small like a walnut. Oprah laughs and he says that this is an instance where size matters.

On Celebrity Apprentice, Bret’s costars were devastated when they heard the news. Donald Trump says that he is a good person. Sharon Osbourne says that he is endearing. Donald felt terrible when he heard about the hemorrhage, Sharon thinks about his girlfriends and kids and then she worries about their own lives and the frailty of it all. Holly Robinson Pete says that she loves him and that he should sit his Energizer-bunny butt down and spend some time with his girls. Sharon says hurry up and get back to LA because his sugar mamma needs him and wants to give him a big hug. Oprah says wow. Bret says right there is what matters in the end, good friends.

Bret’s daily recovery has been upped to two sessions a day. His neck is stiff, he has trouble with is outer extremities. He still gets headaches but every day is getting better. He is so thankful that he is recovering and has his family and friends and medical team and God or his guardian angel. Oprah wishes him well and thanks him.

She appeared to be living her country music dream with her number one hit, top honors and dating some of Nashville’s top stars, but she decided to come clean with her secret and risk everything. Chely Wright was the first country singer to acknowledge her homosexuality. A decade ago her hit Single White Female went to number one on the country charts. As a child in the church she prayed every day for her sexuality to change. She always knew she was gay but she confused the heck out of the stars she dated because she couldn’t love them like they loved her. In her book, Like Me, she talks of the love of her life. In their 12 year relationship, maybe only 5 people knew, even her best friend didn’t know. She didn’t want people to have to lie for her, so she didn’t tell them. After the relationship ended, Chely says that she was left alone with no one to confide in. In 2006 she felt trapped and couldn’t come out. She had a 9mm gun which she put in her mouth and said a prayer to God to forgive her for what she was about to do.

Oprah asks about the network of secret keepers. Chely says that she thinks her friends probably wondered, but like the military it was like don’t ask, don’t tell. She says the gun felt cold and heavy in her mouth, and it felt like an out of body experience as she was detachedly watching her body. Oprah asks how she got to that moment. Chely says that it was layers and layers of betrayal, a lifetime of hiding and lying to others. She knew since she was a teenager that she was gay, in third grade she knew that she was a lesbian. She had layers of fear and loathing. Historically, lesbianism and being a successful country music singer had never mixed. Chely lied when asked outright. One of Oprah’s lesbian friends says that she was always the one poking fun at the other gays. Chely worked in a Nashville theme park and was worried that she would be outted. She was rude to other homosexuals and said mean things. She is now mindful of people who do that, it makes her pay attention. Oprah’s friend thought that those who speak loudest are maybe not suspected of being gay themselves.

Recently, Chely decided to tell the world that she is gay – the word lesbian has been used as an insult for a long time, she is taking her power back. You can call her ugly, or her songs stupid, but you can’t call her a lesbian as an insult. Chely says that only two stars have contacted her which is disappointing. But hundreds of other music industry professionals have come forward to show support. Her fans have been coming out on her Facebook page. Oprah asks if she worried that she’d lose her career, and she says that she still doesn’t know that she won’t. Chely says that it was worth the risk, she had a gun in her mouth so this is all gravy. Her Dad asked why she wasn’t close, what was wrong. She was on a tour bus and she decided to do it. She sat her Dad down to tell him and said that she was afraid he wouldn’t love her or that he’d be ashamed of her. She said, Dad, I’m gay. Oprah asks Stan, Chely’s Dad what he said. He said nothing, he gave her a big hug and told her it was all right. He nods, with tears in his eyes. Up until that point, being raised in the Midwest he thought that being gay was sinful, that it was hellfire, and now he knows that is not true. Oprah asks what changed in him, he says that he knew her heart, soul and mind and that she was a good person. So with that said, he has unconditional love- until you are in that position, it is easy to say some of the more negative issues, but there is nothing that you can’t get through. He is very proud of Chely. The crowd applaud.

Oprah asks how it feels to have this off Chely’s back. Keeping the facade going was labor-intensive says Chely. Chely says that it feels like she is about two weeks old. Oprah say that is the best answer she has ever heard, that is so nice. Chely says that this is who God made her to be. Another reason is that kids across the US are being told by their churches and parents that they are damaged goods, and they are not. Chely says that she has a voice and should do something about it. Oprah thinks that her father’s stance takes alot of courage. Stan says that in the short time he has had to educate himself about this is, the most important thing that he can say is do not close the door, but open your heart.

Oprah asks her how she ended up in a relationship with a man. She has alot of regret for the relationship with Brad Paisley. She knew the whole time that she wanted to be someone else- so she wronged him. It was hard for her to write down her crimes against Brad and the other men that she damaged. She hopes that he can forgive her. She reached out and would welcome any chance to sit down with him and talk. She feels incredible and that her biggest fears have been put to rest- her biggest fear was that she wouldn’t get to do anything again with the military. She saw a group of military men who said that she was there for them, so they will be there for her. She cries a little, and the audience applaud. Oprah thanks her and says that as a two-week old self, she has a lot in front of her. Her new CD is in stores now.

Oprah says it every day, please stop talking on the phone and texting while in the car. It could save lives like that of Gordon, the husband of a viewer who was killed by someone texting in the car. Her children lost their father because of a text message, and the driver is spending the next five years in jail. Take the pledge, bye everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Bret Michaels had to keep on his bandana in his hospital bed after his brain hemorrhage, to him it was the source of his power like Superman and the cape.

When your body tells you there is something wrong, you must go immediately to the ER.

If you don’t want people to lie for you, then you can’t tell them your secrets.

Chely Wright felt so strongly that she could not come out as a gay country music star that she almost killed herself. But she came through and came out.

The most important thing that you can say is do not close the door, but open your heart.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

What matters in the end, is not money or your career, but your family and good friends.

Laura Ling is a reporter for Al Gore’s network Current TV. Her job takes her to some of the most dangerous parts of the world. Last year she and producer, Euna Lee were reporting on the thousands of Koreans who try and flee the communist regime by river. To get a better shot, they crossed on to the Korean side of the river to film, which they knew was forbidden. When they returned to the Chinese side they were captured and violently assaulted by North Korean border guards.

Oprah asks Laura to describe what and why they were doing? They never intended to cross the river, she said, they wanted to get images of the area. They worked with a guide or fixer who crossed the ice and motioned for them to follow. Oprah shows the map of the river dividing the countries. There is no wire or signs between countries, but you know that you are getting closer to North Korea, says Laura. After a minute they turned to leave and two guards came after them with rifles. They turned and ran back to China. Laura stumbled and Euna stopped to help her but the guards were upon them. Their guide got away. He did come back and he was walking very slowly, and according to Euna, he said to the guards, ‘Take me instead.’ But when they tried to grab him, he dashed off. Laura and Euna grabbed at the bushes to try to stay in China as long as they could. The guard above her kicked Laura and knocked her in the face and shoulder as he continued to drag her across the ice. The other soldier was doing the same to Euna. Laura was screaming sorry which seemed to make him more angry. He struck her on the head with the butt of his rifle and she blacked out.

North Korea cuts their citizens off from the rest of the world with no internet access, the TV is filled with government propaganda and cell phone ownership can be punishable by death. School kids are taught that America is the enemy, democracy is wrong and that communism is the only way. Kim Jong-Il is the supreme ruler who is a God-like figure, both worshipped and feared. His picture is everywhere and as the commander of one of the largest armies in the world, he is unchallenged. North Korea only allows images of military parades and happy and healthy citizens to be seen by the outside world. A video of poverty, famine and rampant disease smuggled out of the country tells a different story. Experts say thousands of North Koreans attempt to escape every year. If caught they face torture or death.

Laura was trying to cover a story on the defectors; many of the women are forced into marriages or prostitution in China, a story which neither government wants told.  Laura and Euna destroyed their tapes and ate their notes when they were left alone at the beginning of the ordeal. They did whatever they could to destroy that evidence. Lisa says that North Korea controls everything, they do not want any outside information to penetrate.

They were held prisoner for almost 5 months in North Korea- they came home last August. Oprah asks Lisa if she feared that she’d never see her sister again? Lisa says that they kept hope but there was the  fear that nothing was out of the question. So many things were unprecedented. Lisa called everyone that she knew, but when Oprah called her she realized the enormity of the problem, when even one of the most powerful women in the world can not help. Oprah said prayers and thought about Laura. Immediately Laura recognized that they wanted her to make a confession. She was questioned as to wether her company was connected to the government. They brought in a dossier of Lisa’s visit and asked if the two of them were trying to bring down the government. Lisa went in as part of a legal medical delegation four years ago. She didn’t tell them she was a journalist. Laura tried to downplay her family connections and did not say that Lisa was a journalist who worked for Oprah. She heard that if she confessed she might get forgiveness, and she had to trust that this was the right thing to do. She was in a cell with Euna for the first couple of days. If the slats were closed then they were just sitting in the dark. She was sentenced in June, a couple of months later. She was transferred to Pyongyang, where she was under guard but in a regular room. There were no showers. The power outages happened multiple times a day and there were water outages. She says she developed a system to wash where they would allow her to heat a kettle of water, and she would mix it with some cold water. Then she would scrub down and just splash it on. She was sentenced to 12 years of hard labor. She was petrified when she heard that. She had tried to prepare herself for a long sentence, but when she heard the words she could barely stand up. The judge said no forgiveness, no parole. Laura spiraled into a deep depression, refusing her meals and huddling into a dark corner of the room for quite a while. She had heard about the horrific conditions of the labor camps. The thought that so many innocent people were going through this gave her strength. She had thought that she might be pregnant, but when she found out she wasn’t she was crushed, she thought that she’d never get to have a family with her husband.

The story created a media firestorm, for the first time in history two American citizens were put on trial. After months of tentative negotiations, former president Bill Clinton went to meet with King Jong-Ill. When Clinton arrived, Laura was walking down the hallway with a group of North Koreans and saw a secret service agent with an earpiece. She felt the presence of her country. Clinton was like an angel come to save them. She explained to him that they had apologized and hoped that he could apologize on their behalf. He said that had been done but that their was some more to be done but he was hopeful. Laura says that he was the only person who could save them and they are so very, very grateful. When she heard that Obama may come to their aid, she said, with all due respect, they may aswell send her to the labor camp now if they thought Obama was going to come.

Oprah says that Laura’s husband Ian is the sweetest person on the world. He wrote a letter at 5pm every day, in the same spot every day and he’d take photos of himself in that spot so he could visualize everything. She says that those letters were everything, they were her oxygen. 5pm was the time she could dedicate to thinking about him.

During the whole time, Orphan asks if she was thinking, how did this happen? Laura says that she was so angry at herself, she would hit herself to punish herself for putting her family through this. Oprah asks what she says to those who criticizes her actions. She says she was their to raise awareness about the horrific conditions in North Korea and that story never got told. Lisa says that the family was devastated. She did a  lot of interview and not a day went by when people would ask how her sister was doing. It was hard for her to not be able to say how her sister was doing, so she stopped going out. Their parents were a wreck. Her mom stopped showering.  The hardest thing is to hear your father crying over and over, says Lisa. Oprah asks about Euna and asks why they didn’t write a book together. Euna is doing well, says Laura, she is spending time with her husband and daughter. They spent a total of six days together in captivity. Euna is writing her own book about her own story. Laura will always regard Euna as a member of their family. They talk frequently. Laura is now very pregnant, with the baby due in June. Oprah congratulates her. The book, Somewhere Inside, is in stores today.

Before the January earthquake their were about 380,000 orphans in Haiti. Experts estimate that there are now over 1 million. Conditions are unimaginable, there is little food and water, widespread disease and the threat of child slavery. Looking at those faces, some of you may want to go adopt a child, but is that the best thing, asks Oprah. A few days ago Lisa Ling followed a 7 year old girl from Haiti who has been adopted by an American family. Take a look.

At the airport, Claire is greeted with screams in California as she joins her new family. She was left as a baby in an orphanage where eleven weeks ago she was sharing a twin bed with four other orphan girls. Now she lives in a 4000 square foot home in a gated community. There is a manicured yard and a private lake and a home movie theatre with a  fully stocked candy counter. Claire shows Lisa her room with her queen sized bed, plenty of toys and clothes. In Haiti she had one meal a day of rice and beans. Now she loves pancakes and ketchup together. The abundance of food is a big challenge for Claire. In the beginning it was as if every meal was her last. She’d eat till her stomach got distended and she’d throw up. It was a battle of how much food she could eat at every meal. At school there has been a lot of adjustment. She is very aggressive- in Haiti it is survival, a coping mechanism; here that behavior does not work. Each week they call the orphanage but the calls are hard on Claire. The first week she broke down in tears thinking of all the kids there. She down’t want to go back to Haiti. The family were preparing for an empty nest and now they have had a complicated change of life. It has been difficult but the rewards are far greater, says Debbie. Debbie and Scott are telling their story so people go in to an adoption with their eyes wide open. Lisa asks them to respond to the old story of a white family saving a black child. Scott says that they don’t see race, they fell in love with Claire. She has living parents but she was given up at age 1 as she was malnourished. Brandon, Claire’s brother says that it has been hard because Claire gets all the attention. Debbie says that it is very rewarding to see the changes. Scott says that they will never know what is going on in her mind. Claire has a photo of her family in her room, Debbie wants her birth family to be present in Claire’s life at all times.

11 weeks ago Claire came home with Debbie and Scott, it took them nearly 3 years to get Claire to come home with them. Debbie says that they went on a mission trip with her brother and Claire was the first little girl that they met and they really connected. It took about a week for them to hear that she was ok after the earthquake. She got a humanitarian aid visa which hastened the adoption. After the earthquake hit, there is an instinct to try to save all the children. Oprah says that is why she built a school because you can’t bring home every child. Oprah says that the children just want to be loved, they don’t care about race or color or sexual orientation. The crowd applaud. Debbie says that Claire is flourishing. Oprah asks if they have experienced racism. Debbie says that a man in the grocery store gave Claire an evil look, as if he would spit on her if they were close enough. Oprah asks what they will do when Claire is old enough to notice? Debbie’s goal is to teach her and the rest of their children to love unconditionally. They have talked about it in their family and they are all on the same page. It is important that Claire knows that she is wonderful and special and that they celebrate her culture. Oprah applauds them and says that we are all alike in our hearts but not in our hair. To see Debbie part and braid Claire’s hair makes Oprah say congratulations.

The last time Lisa was here she refused to sign the No Phone Zone Pledge, so they modified the pledge to accommodate people like Lisa. Lisa will sign to no texting. Oprah thanks her and Laura.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Laura Ling, one of the two American journalists sentenced to 12 years hard labor  in North Korea is the sister of Lisa Ling, journalist on the Oprah Show.

When Laura was captured, Lisa called everyone she knew to help, and Oprah Winfrey called her to show support.

Bill Clinton came to their rescue, like an angel, and Lisa and Laura wrote a book about the experience.

A family in California living in a gated community adopted a 7 year old from Haiti and say that at first she really struggled with the abundance of food in the house.

They have a movie theater with fully stocked candy counter in their basement.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

We are all alike in our hearts but not in our hair, says Oprah. (With the possible exception of the North Korean government).

Oprah says that they talked to Vanessa’s daughter who said that her mother had no interest in talking to Oprah. Oprah says that any time anywhere she will meet with Vanessa so that she can explain this to Oprah. TreShawn weighed 40 pounds at age 14- he was about the weight of a five year old, a typical 14 year old weighs 115 pounds. Terrell weighed 28 pounds at age 10- the average weight of a 2 year old. Michael was 23 pounds at age 9- the average weight of an 18 month old toddler. That was 7 years ago, those boys have been through a living hell and are here with their story, says Oprah. They come out and Oprah hugs them. She says that they are looking good. Bruce is not here but he is the hero of this story- had he not gone out at night looking for food they might still be locked in the house. They said that it was a house of horror. They never knew how much they would eat or when they would eat. Sometimes Vanessa said they had one minute to eat so they would always stuff food in their mouth. They went to her as babies, the youngest was one, and they were fed for two years then they were adopted and everything changed. They went to church and stuffed their clothes or had to wear three or four sweaters so they looked healthy. TreShawn tried to tell his teacher who didn’t believe him, he’d ask for food. The teacher didn’t believe him but Vanessa found out he was talking and they were home-schooled and locked in the house.

Today, the three boys live in rural New Jersey with their adopted parents James and Amber Parish and their 8 year old biological son, CJ. There is an abundance of love. The boys described their childhood with one word, hell. Terrell says that they would get a bowl of water and some soggy bread. Some times they would be fed nothing at all. One of them crept in to the kitchen and found bagels and cake- Vanessa grabbed the closest thing to her and started beating him. If they were caught stealing food they had to sit on the stairs for hours at a time. Of the ten years that he was there, TreShawn says that he spent seven years sitting on the stairs in a total lockdown. He said they would just wait for bedtime so that they could sleep and didn’t have to think anymore.

James says that when they came there was a lot of anger and hate, TreShawn thought that he was put in that home to die. Amber says that she doesn’t know how a mother could not give her kids food and love. No one has been through what those guys have been through, it is a blessing that they have survived.

The boys say that their lives will always be tainted by their experience. They will never take love or family for granted. Life now is a dream come true, they have freedom from starvation.

Oprah says that they were starved of so much more than food. Terrell says that he lost his childhood, being able to go to school and play with friends. He lost all of that. Oprah asks how they feel about Vanessa’s sentence. Terrell says that they messed up the years, and that she should have served the years that they suffered, times each kid. The audience applaud. TreShawn says that Bruce is their hero. Oprah tells them that his attorney says that Bruce loves and misses his brothers very much. He is safe and in the constant care of professionals. The boys nod.

Oprah asks if people checked on them? People came but the boys would be pushed upstairs into the attic. Oprah asks if they ever talked to someone- they weren’t allowed to talk. Social Services went to the Jackson house 38 times and they were about to bring another child into this home. Shocking, shocking, shocking says Oprah. Oprah asks what they would say to Vanessa if she were listening- TreShawn says that her true judgement will come when she comes before God. Terrell says that God is watching and knows what she did and she needs to live the rest of her life knowing that she hurt them. Michael says that he would like to thank her for showing him that he could survive and accomplish things and that kids know what they are saying, and that what they say can be true.

The boys were adopted by James and Amber, their angels. The first time Amber saw them she thought they were little boys, she couldn’t believe their ages. When Michael asked if she would be her mom, she melted like butter. She says that after all the kids have been through they chose her, they are her babies. James says that they know that Dad and Mom love them, no matter what happens. Oprah calls them heroes- they come in with their youngest son CJ. Oprah hugs them and says God Bless You. James was working for the welfare system and was given this case. James and Oprah both stop and cry. The boys needed a mentor, a positive role model and that was James. He worked with them to try and bring them back. The boys were placed in James’ grandmothers home who does emergency placement foster care. He started as a mentor and after they have been in the system for a time they need to see if they were adoptable. Oprah says that teenagers plus boys plus African American means a triple whammy. That there probably wasn’t alot of takers out there for the boys, she says. At the time the parents had CJ, then one day CJ wakes up and has three brothers. CJ says that they could play together and bike ride together and play X-Box so it was all cool. Oprah asks how this could happen. James says that protocol dictated that in the past social workers could only look at the child in question during a visit. Now it has been changed because all the kids in the house need to be checked on. He says that once kids are adopted the check ups stop. Oprah asks Amber how the boys would eat. She says in the beginning they would eat lightly, they looked scared of food and would often throw up. Now she can’t stop them eating. The boys say that they finally understand that the food is not going anywhere. Initially they were timid but would overeat until they vomited, says James. Oprah says that initially they were angry towards women. TreShawn says that he kept seeing Vanessa’s face everywhere he went- he would lash out at any woman he spoke to. They have had a lot of therapy and have dealt with the flashbacks. For CJ he was only 3 when the brothers came so it was fun for him. The rest of the family have embraced the boys and love them.

Oprah asks what Amber and James would say to Vanessa Jackson. Oprah says that it is hard for anyone to imagine that she would adopt these children yet sit in church every a Sunday with a lock on the refrigerator at home. Amber says that Vanessa was not a mother, she was the monster in the closet and she owes her boys an apology. She wants to hear that and she wants to be there. Terrell says that unless Vanessa means it, sorry means nothing. James says that she only got a slap on the wrists. Oprah says that the laws indicate how we really feel about our children- it is unspeakable that Vanessa is out. TreShawn says that an apology doesn’t help, his heart is cut really deep- he wanted to become her son and after he said yes she started to abuse them. Oprah asks if they feel that they have a new chance at life. TreShawn says that his father teaches him everything- to talk well, to keep trying at school, to give 100% at sports so that people see he is trying to be his best and they don’t take pity on him. The crowd applaud.

All four brothers were awarded a large sum of money in a lawsuit against the State of New Jersey and they received full scholarships to go to college. Oprah says that it has been wonderful to have them all here today and she thanks them for coming on the show.

Until recently going out in public was pure torture for 29 year old Ana Rodarte, she was laughed at, pointed at and children even cried in fear. She has turned down numerous TV requests to tell her story- she wanted to be here today because she trusts the Oprah Show to help tell her story. Ana has neurofibromatosis (NF), sometimes called Elephant-Man disease. You may have seen the play and the movie but the term is highly offensive to those who live with NF, says Oprah. Its a disfiguring, incurable disease which has literally destroyed Ana’s face. As you listen to the story, says Oprah, think about how we all judge each other on appearance.

Ana says that her parents noticed a bee-sting like lump when she was a few months old which grew bigger and bigger. She just wanted to be normal, but other kids didn’t want to play with her. She wanted to know why God was so mean, and her parents told her it was just the way he wanted her to be. Throughout her childhood she had many surgeries. After each one the tumor would grow back. It broke Ana’s heart and eventually she lost faith in the doctors. At age 14 she didn’t want to go to school as the tumor was growing at such a rapid pace. After high school, her friends all moved away and she felt very alone and depressed and she secluded herself for 2 or 3 years. She tried to find a job but felt she was discriminated against based on how she looked. She would leave the house maybe once a month. There were times when little kids would see her and start crying. It’s very hard emotionally to lead this life- growing up she built up a wall around herself. By the time she was 22 the tumor had grown so much that it covered up her left eye. Ana would struggle with reading and eating. She suffered many headaches and chewing on the left side would result in her biting the tumor.

She was 24 when she met Dr Batra, she felt that he was talking to her more as a friend than a doctor, and then she knew he wanted to go ahead and hope that he would be different from other doctors.

Oprah says that obviously it is difficult for Ana, so please welcome her. Ana comes out and Oprah hugs her and says welcome, welcome, welcome. Ana was born in Mexico and her parents came to the US for better medical care. They didn’t know what to do in Mexico. Oprah says that on the tape Ana said that she thought as a child that God was mean, and asks her how it is now. Ana says that the experience serves another purpose and that it is not hard for her now. Oprah asks what the tears are for- Ana says that they are for the video, sharing her own emotions. Oprah asks what it would feel like when kids would cry or scream when they saw her. It was heartbreaking. Her family would force her out in public, which she appreciates now. Oprah asks if her disease prevents her from dating and wanting children. Ana does not want children as she does not want to pass on the disease, but she does date. Oprah asks why the term Elephant-Man Disease is offensive. Ana says that the disease has a name and she doesn’t see why people have to call it Elephant-Man Disease.

Four years ago Ana began a series of risky surgeries to remove the tumor from her face. She says that she feels more confident now when she looks in the mirror, she resembles more of a normal person, she is friendlier with people and she doesn’t block them out any more. Oprah asks if Ana can live a normal life. Ana says she could if people would stop judging her on appearance. She wants to tell people that there is help, that people shouldn’t shelter themselves from society. After several doctors said that the tumor was hopeless, Dr Munish Batra offered hope to Ana. The surgeries were paid for by his charity, DOCS- Doctors Offering Charitable Services. Oprah invites the doctor up to the stage.

Oprah shakes his hand. He says that he saw Ana in the office and was amazed that she hadn’t had help before this time. NF is genetic and passed from parent to child- there is a 50% transmission rate that it will be passed on. He was not surprised that Ana had shut herself down- such a big part of our identity is our face. Oprah thanks him for being who he is and doing what he does through DOCS, and thanks Ana for being here.

A viewer, Donna, said in an email that as a stay at home mom she only got a chance to text and talk in the car. After watching the No Phone Zone show, she took the No Phone Zone Pledge and the very next day she could have been in an accident, if she had been not paying attention. Oprah thanks Donna and says that the episode is online so families should watch it and then take the pledge.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Oprah says that the laws of a country indicate how we really feel about our children.

A “loving couple and kind parents” starved their children of so much more than food.

Our face is a major part of our identity.

Having a tumor cover your face makes it hard to connect with people, especially when children cry or scream when they look at you.

Ana has a tumor removed from her face and says she could live a normal life if people would stop judging her on appearance.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

It is inconceivable that a couple would adopt children only to starve and beat them. It is utterly inconceivable that this would merit only a 4 year stint in prison.

Oprah shows a look back at what has happened since January when they started the pledge. More than 2 million people have pledged including a host of celebrities. Across the country distracted driving is making headlines like never before. In 4 months, 4 more states have banned texting bring ing the number to 23 and the District of Columbia.

Oprah knows we can change this issue, she wants to get as many people as possible to stop texting and talking while driving. If you need a reason, look at Jaycee’s story. She is 23 and walks with a cane and has a limp arm. She gets a lot of stares so she added a sign to her back saying that she got her injuries from a kid driving and talking on his cell phone. On her memorable graduation day, her parents were beyond proud. They were driving home and someone turned on a red light while talking on the phone. She was given a 10% chance of survival, but both of her parents were killed that day. The loss of her parents was a loss to the world.

In the studio Oprah asks her how this has impacted her life. It has been huge, she has had to learn to walk again and only has use of one arm and she has no parents. This is her life mission now, to make people realize the power that they hold. Oprah says that the 6000 people were killed last year are in the news but we don’t hear of those who are permanently injured by this. She says that nothing is so important that people can put the lives of everyone around them at risk.

Gayle is in DC with the Secretary of Transportation, Ray LaHood. Everyone has a cellphone says Ray, and they all think they can drive safely. He tells people to put the cell phone in the glove compartment, the call will still be there when you get to your destination. He says that it is hard for everyone, it is a bad habit which we have to break to save lives and heartache. Gayle says that she has heard so many stories today. Ray says that this show today takes it to a whole new level of awareness. Matt hit his neighbor’s 9 year old boy while texting, fortunately it was ok but it caused him to revaluate his life. Kyle, the son, told him not to tell his parents as he had his iPod on and no helmet on. A teacher in the audience was convicted and brought her students down to this important event. Ray thanks Oprah and Oprah thanks Mr Secretary.

Ed Whitacre of GM tells Oprah that Chevy is proud to support her call, and that is why he is asking his 77,000 employees, plus customers and dealers to sign the pledge. That is so great says Oprah. 77,000 employees is great. Join the movement now at Oprah.com. Or check out this cool easy way to pledge- text NPZ to 30644, but not while you are driving.

Ali in Detroit says that they are making history as they are there with the fantastic Governor of Michigan, who is signing a bill into history which was overwhelmingly passed. She says that they are proud to be the 24th state to ban texting which is clearly a danger. As the home of the auto industry, it is is particularly important. Ali says that nearly 6000 people died last year but thousands of others have been crippled or maimed. Ali says that the cameras will watch the Governor sign the bill. Oprah and the Governor thank each other.

Oprah says that laws start with the people, today everyone can make a change. Bronte, a teenager, lost control of her car while texting, 3 days after her 17th birthday. She broke her pelvis and suffered a traumatic brain injury, She was in a coma for 3 1/2 weeks. She suffers memory loss and gets tongue tied. Her scar is a reminder- your conversation can wait. Bronte tells Oprah she has signed the pledge and she puts her phone to one side when in the car. Before this she never considered that texting in the car was an issue, despite nearly rear-ending someone. The conversation can wait. Bronte was wearing a seatbelt, Oprah reminds us that once upon a time no one wore seatbelts and now we all do.

Oprah checks in with the rally in LA with Lisa Ling at John Marshall High School. Lisa says that the day she signed the pledge, her husband’s colleague’s daughter was killed by texting, so her decision was confirmed as a good one. Lisa is pleased that she is there with two American Idols from her favorite season, including last years winner. Chris has texted a couple of times while driving and his wife has told him to stay on the road so it can get dangerous. Another contestant, Alison is getting her permit soon. Her cousin got into a bad accident because he was reading a text. Oprah says that is exciting, and thanks Lisa.

Rodney was a high school senior who was full of life. He went to pick up a friend and his mom never saw him again. He crashed his car when reaching fro his phone and hit a pole. After a year and a half, it still seems like yesterday- the pain is crushing. Her son had just been accepted to college, but he was no longer alive because of distracted driving. In the studio, Rodney’s mom says that she was guilty of texting on the highway, she did not realize how dangerous it was. She says it was just one of those things that you do without realizing. Diveeta now goes around schools talking to students, trying to educate. Oprah says that because of Diveeta’s son and all the sons and daughters that she started this movement. In many ways, Oprah feels that Rodney’s life was sacrificed in order to be a light to the rest of us. Oprah is hoping and praying that next time people get I the car, they will remember Rodney and put the phone away. Oprah thanks Diveeta.

86% of teens talk on the phone and drive but only 12% think that it is a distracting. 76% say they sometime text and 33% say that they do it often. Half of the texts are to parents.

Alex was an easy kid to raise, she was fun loving and had a huge heart. Her mom teaches at the school her kids attend, and one day Alex didn’t turn up. Her mom went to find her and didn’t recognize the truck. Alex was texting and went out the window and the truck rolled over her. Her mom called 911 and all they could do at the hospital was watch the monitor slow down and down. It’s madness. Oprah says that it really is madness, it is crazy and disconnected and like playing Russian Roulette. Alex’s parents are here today, and Oprah is asking us to stand up for all these families and the senseless accidents that don’t have to happen. In honor of all those people, Oprah introduces the new No Phone Zone commercial. Oprah asks the families featured to stand up. Oprah says that she and the audience are honored to stand with the families as they have all taken the pledge.

Holly in Georgia is there with Lisa who lost her 2 year old son to a distracted driver when they were out for a walk. She is asking everyone to change their habits. She had to live in a coma and couldn’t go to her son’s funeral. Holly thanks Lisa and shows all the No Phone Zone merchandise that you can get. Bumper stickers are powerful. All the profits go to Focus Driven. Oprah believes that Focus Driven are a powerful organization like Mother’s Against Drunk Driving.

Derrick in Boston says that they have an amazing group of young people from Boston University including the group SADD, Students Against Destructive Decisions who educate each other. Derrick had a friend killed in High School by a distracted driver when parked at a stoplight. Erin was driving to pick up her father and almost hit a tree and did $4000 of damage to her car when moving her pocketbook to the back seat. She had been driving for only 45 minutes since registering her car. She didn’t even open her phone, phones off is the best idea. Derrick says that every advance in technology brings its own responsibilities. We can teach each other to make a difference. Oprah loves the analogy that we do not dry our hair in the bathtub as those technologies do not go together. Many of the players of the Boston Red Sox signed the pledge for Oprah, and they ask all their fans to join to them in signing the pledge.

OK, says Oprah. Today is the start of a new day where we all get to come together and stand with the families who have been affected by distracted driving. Late last year Oprah read an article on distracted driving which started this campaign for her, and the author has just won a Pulitzer Prize. Oprah thanks everyone involved today and all the supporters at the rallies. Bye everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Texting while driving is like playing Russian Roulette.

Once upon a time we didn’t wear seatbelts, and now it is second nature.

Every advance in technology brings its own responsibilities- we don’t dry our hair in the bath tub.

Do not text and drive.

Phones off is the best policy in the car.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

No conversation or text is worth risking lives. Take the No Phone Zone Pledge at Oprah.com.

In 2006, this is exactly what happened. Shortly after being crowned Miss USA, Tara Conner’s unbecoming behavior began to make headlines. The media ran reports of Tara’s underage drinking and drug abuse, as well as scandalous photos of this blonde beauty queen running wild, left many people shaking their heads. Eight months into her yearlong reign, Tara tested positive for cocaine. When business mogul Donald Trump, co-owner of the Miss USA organization, called a press conference, everyone—including Tara—expected him to strip Tara of her crown. Instead, Donald offered her a second chance. Tara agreed to go to rehab. She apologized to her family for this crazy ordeal. During this time, Tara says that she was living a lie. Now, Tara is ready to speak publicly about her path of self-destruction and drug addiction.

She is in the studio with Oprah and says that she had problems from the beginning. “I started using when I was 14 years old. I had my first drink when, I think, I was 14,” she says. “It wasn’t me moving to New York and becoming Miss USA that thrust me into the spotlight and put all this pressure on me. It wasn’t that at all. I had the disease of alcoholism from the get-go.”

“Everyone thought I was professional and this sweet girl who showed up for what I needed to show up for, and I was a pageant girl. Everyone thinks the pageant girls are Polly Purebred perfect,” she says. “You can’t make a mistake, but on the inside, I felt dirty. I felt ashamed. I felt less than, not enough. I was never enough for me.” No one knew that she was doing drugs.  In Kentucky, her drug of choice was pain pills. She says that they were always around her. Oprah says that she has never been offered a pain pill. Tara says that you are the company that you keep. Oprah says that we are conditioned to think that beautiful people don’t have problems, don’t have pain to be suppressed. At age 14, Tara’s parents divorced, and soon after, her beloved grandfather died. “I feel like I was crying out for help, but no one could hear me because everyone was so concerned with their own life,” Tara says. Around this time, Tara says she started cutting to ease the emotional pain building up inside her. “It was a controlled pain,” she says. “For cutters, like if you are having a moment or had a feeling—because, heaven forbid, we feel—it’s a way of controlling what you’re feeling.” She inflicted her own pain.

Oprah asks to go back to the pageant, the moment where she won. Tara says that the moment her name was announced—a moment millions of little girls dream of—Tara says she thought, “What now?” “Honest to God, I didn’t think I was going to win,” she says. Everyone thought Miss California was going to win, including Tara.  “So when they called my name, I just kind of covered my face. … I think, ‘This is what I’m supposed to do.’ But I didn’t even feel it.” Earlier that day, Tara says she’d taken a Xanax and was still feeling the effects. She had slept most of it off, but she was still not feeling pain or anything at all at the time of the ceremony. She did drugs so that she didn’t have to feel her feelings.Tara stood onstage with a smile plastered on her face and tried to hide what she was feeling inside. Oprah and Tara agree that it’s all the same pain, the pain of feelings, being hidden by all addictions.

In the A&E special Fame and Recovery, Tara reveals for the first time what led to her headline-making drug scandal. When she was just 13 years old, Tara started turning heads in Russell Springs, Kentucky, the small town where she was raised. On the advice of a family friend, she began entering beauty pageants. AT 14 her parents divorced and they lost their stable life. In High school she tried Vicodin and found her relief, she loved it. Her mother says that her grades plummeted, they had screaming matches, but then Tara would turn around and win a pageant. If Tara got in trouble at school or her grades started to slip, she says she learned that if she won a pageant, all was forgiven. “My name was in the papers all over again,” she says. “And [people thought], ‘Well, she can’t be a drug addict if she’s winning pageants.’” Tara also discovered that she could numb her feelings with prescription pills like Vicodin. “I started taking Percocet, Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, morphine pills, methadone OxyContin,” she says. “It consumed every minute of my day. There would be times where I could do 30 pain pills in a day.”

Oprah asks how in the world she could take 30 pills a day, Tara says it takes practice and tolerance. The scariest part is when the drug does not take effect any more. Tara agrees that it is a wonder that she is alive. She says that she was usually on drugs when in pageants. Oprah is shocked that Tara could do the walk and the talk and function on so many pain pills. Tara says that it became a way of life.

When she was 14, something awful happened, One night, after drinking and taking pills with a group of friends, Tara found herself alone with a man. “I acted a little bit more wasted than I was so I could go to sleep, because I didn’t want to deal with the guy that was there,” she says. “Then, he picks me up. … I knew something was off, and he was being bizarre, but part of me was just thinking: ‘I wonder what he’s going to do. I wonder how far he’s going to take it.’” Tara says the man carried her from her home to his car. Then, she says he raped her. “I didn’t do anything about it. I just sat there,” she says. “I was like: ‘Wow. Everyone else hurts me. Now, what are you going to do?’ I would bring on all of these situations and put myself through this pain because I felt so dirty, and I felt so ashamed and I felt like damaged goods. I expected these things to happen to me.” That felt normal to her.

Oprah asks how she felt being next to Donald Trump. When Donald called a press conference to address Tara’s positive drug test, she says she thought she was going to lose her crown. Although Tara asked Donald for a second chance, she says she would have been okay either way. “Part of me was like, ‘Wow, all of my skeletons are out there,’” she says. “There’s a freedom that comes with that.”

After hearing Tara’s revelations about her drug use during the pageant, Donald says Tara shouldn’t have won the title. “We didn’t know about her drug use,” he says. “Had we had an idea, she probably wouldn’t have been in the contest to start off with. I’m sure that she would not be Miss USA.” From the beginning of Tara’s reign, Donald says the Miss USA staff wanted her out. Originally, Donald planned on firing her, but after meeting with her in his office, he had a change of heart. “I hated it from the concept of what it would do to somebody’s life,” he says. “I said I was going to give her a second chance. … The biggest backlash I had was not from the public. I think the public liked it. The biggest backlash I had was from the staff.” Donald has personal reasons for his decision. His brother, Fred, who was a  great guy, was an alcoholic. “He had everything, but he got hooked on alcohol, and it killed him,” Donald says. “I believe in second chances, and sometimes it works when you give somebody a second chance. She went from being a disaster to being a terrific Miss USA. But, much more importantly, she sets an example for so many other people that are going through the same thing.”

Oprah asks Tara what she thinks of that. Tara says that it was touching. The organization hated her, she was unloveable at the time. Tara thinks she should have been let go, she didn’t expect the second chance, Donald was good to her. To anyone facing the same battle, Tara says there’s someone out there who feels the same way you do, and there’s help available. “Even if you don’t love yourself at all, other people do love you,” she says. “I’ve had so many people come forward and help me, and I’ve been so fortunate in my life. I don’t feel I deserve any of the good things I got, but apparently I do. And through the course of other people loving me, I learned how to love myself.” Tara cries as she speaks.

Oprah asks Tara if she now thinks that she is enough. Yes, says Tara. “Every day I learn something new about myself, and I prove myself wrong,” she says. “I’m allowing myself to feel. I’m allowing myself to love. I’m allowing myself to feel pain where I wouldn’t before.” Now, Tara is three years sober, and she loves the woman she’s becoming. Oprah thanks Tara and Donald Trump.

Todd Bridges was one of the most famous young actors of the 70‘s and 80‘s, but his reckless behavior made him the poster child for child stars gone bad.  He was just 7 years old when he landed his first acting job. After appearing in dozens of commercials, this talented, precocious child was cast on hit TV shows like The Love Boat and Barney Miller. In the ’70s, Todd also earned the distinction of being one of the first African-American actors to appear on popular series like The Waltons and Little House on the Prairie. After appearing in the groundbreaking mini-series Roots, Todd landed the role of a lifetime. He was cast as Willis Jackson on the sitcom Diff’rent Strokes. Alongside child actors Gary Coleman and Dana Plato, Todd became a household name. The hit series keep audiences laughing for eight seasons. But, when Diff’rent Strokes was canceled in 1986, Todd says he felt like his life was over. Soon after, Todd’s fall from stardom began. This beloved TV star became hooked on crack cocaine and methamphetamines, and he started dealing drugs to support his addiction. Fame quickly turned to infamy as reports of drug abuse and arrests made headlines. Todd was arrested for felony assault and cocaine possession, and in 1989, he faced his most serious charge—attempted murder. Todd was accused of shooting a drug dealer eight times after a cocaine binge, but after two trials and nine months behind bars, he was acquitted. He continued to bounce in and out of jail. Then, in 1992, Todd was arrested yet again, but this time was different. Instead of returning to jail, Todd entered a yearlong drug rehabilitation program. To this day, many people still think of Todd as a poster child for child stars gone bad and remember him for his mistakes, but he says he turned his life around long ago.

This 44-year-old father of two has been clean and sober now for 17 years. In his memoir “Killing Willis.” He says that he cannot escape the role of WIllis. Todd reveals painful, underlying issues that drove his addiction. When Todd wasn’t on the set of Diff’rent Strokes, he says there was little laughter in his life. “The only time when I was happy was when I was on the sets,” he says. “I was going through a lot at the time. I really was hurting.” When he looks back at his decline, he sees all the pain that he was going through, which he couldn’t reveal. Oprah says that we think that child stars and famous people have nothing to complain about.

Oprah asks Todd to read from page 68 of the book, about the sexual molestation he received at age 11. Oprah feels passionately as an abuse survivor that we must educate parents. When she was reading Todd’s story, she found it classic. Todd says he was sexually molested by a family friend when he was just 11 years old, and he’s been trying to cope with the pain ever since. Todd says the grooming process started early. The abuser bought Todd a bicycle and showered him with attention. “He started setting me up for things by telling me that girls were no good and that you could feel the same way with a girl that you could with a guy,” Todd says. At age 11, he knew nothing about sex. Then, after the man gained Todd’s trust and the trust of his parents, the molestation began. In his book, Killing Willis, Todd describes the first time. “‘Pull your pants down,’ he said. I didn’t want to lose everything he had given me. And so I did. He put his mouth on me. I got hard. I didn’t know where to look or how to feel. I squirmed against the back of the seat. He kept on going, getting into it. I hoped it would be over fast. Then it happened. I came. As confused and upset as I was, I liked the feeling,” Todd writes. “I didn’t think about whether it was wrong that a man had done that to me. I just wanted it to be over. I held on to the fact that it felt good.” Todd cries and covers his face with his hand. It’s been more than 30 years since that day, but Todd is still overcome with emotion when discussing his abuse. “I’m past it, but it still hurts,” he says. “It ruined my life. I spent the rest of my time trying to cover up how I felt about it and that pain, and I hated it.” Oprah says that after the break Todd will tell us what is worse than being abused.

From ages 11 to 12, Todd says the man abused him three separate times. The abuser tried to take the place of his father, saying he loved Todd more than his father did. When he tried for the fourth time, Todd fought back. “He wanted to go places, and I didn’t want to go at that point because I knew something was wrong. It just didn’t feel right,” he says. “I remember I was sitting on my living room couch in Baldwin Hills, and my mom was there. He came in the room, and I just jumped on him. I wanted to kill him at that point, because I really felt like I was in such pain, and I wanted to attack him.” Todd attacked his abuser before his mother, Betty, could pull him away. At that moment, she says she realized what had happened. In the audience, she says, “I had been molested myself,” Betty says. “I knew something was wrong. I told him, ‘Leave my house right now.’” When the man refused to leave, Betty says she went into the kitchen and came back with a knife. “I forced him out of the house,” she says. “And I called Todd’s father and told his father what had happened. He didn’t believe it.” Todd’s father accused his son of lying about the abuse. “That really destroyed me because my father was supposed to be my protector. He didn’t protect me. He allowed this man to do this to me and didn’t help me,” he says. He cries. “That was the breaking point for me.” From that moment on, Todd says he was hell-bent on getting even with his father and making him pay for how his accusations made him feel. He says he no longer cared about the abuser, only his father’s reaction. He says that he has kids and if one of them told him they’d been abused then “that man’s dead. There is no way that he’s going to live.” The crowd applaud. Um, yeah, says Oprah. Todd says that he was never a liar, so he didn’t know why his father didn’t believe him. Todd says he thought he was gay after being abused because his first—and only—sexual experience up until that point had been with a man. “I didn’t know because I was thinking, ‘Well, I liked the way it felt, and maybe that’s what I’m into,’” he says. Then, when he was 12 1/2 years old, Todd says he and his co-star Dana Plato began experimenting sexually. “That proved to me that I liked girls,” he says. The audience laugh.

Oprah says that reading the book made it clear to her that Todd’s desire for sex and using and abusing women was connected to the abuse. But, from adolescence on, Todd says his sexual abuse affected the way he treated the women in his life. For years, he used, abused and discarded girlfriends…except one. “There’s only one girl in my life that I had feelings for that I did not want to hurt. Only one woman, and that was Janet [Jackson],” he says. “I backed away from her because she was such a nice person. She was so good to me that I just couldn’t see myself hurting her like that.” Todd says he chose Janet to play his girlfriend on Diff’rent Strokes, and they dated for a short time in the ’80s.

Around this time, when Todd was 15 or 16, he says he began experimenting with drugs. “I wouldn’t do it on the set. I would never do that. I would always wait until the weekends and do it just to try to forget what I was going through,” he says. “When I was on the set, I felt such peace and safety.” Todd says Conrad Bain, the actor who played Mr. Drummond, his father on Diff’rent Strokes, was more of a dad to him than his own father was.

Oprah asks about his father. At home, Todd lived in fear of his father. “Whenever the garage door would start to come open, that’s when we got nervous because we knew my dad was going to be drunk,” he says. “We knew that he was going to be angry, and most times, he was always angry at me.” He would shout and scream and slap Todd on the back of the head, and to this day that is why he will hit someone who slaps him on the back of the head.

When Diff’rent Strokes went off the air in 1986, Todd was a star. Two years later, he says he was living in South Central Los Angeles, the neighborhood where his downward spiral began. He takes the camera crew back to his life. “I had no shoes on, no shirt on, no money in my pocket, and I felt horrible about myself,” he says. “I felt that my life was over.” To support his voracious drug habit, Todd began dealing marijuana, speed, crack and cocaine. “I wasn’t Willis when I was over here. I was Todd Bridges, the drug dealer,” he says. “I was considered a pretty notorious character. I had a .45-caliber MAC-10 I used to carry on me. I had a 9 mm, and if I showed you it and it came out of my waistband, you were shot,” he says. “It was a matter of survival of the fittest.”

He takes the crew to the house he used to deal meth from, and says that he was so paranoid he dug a tunnel from the house to the corner of the street, to get away from the police. “That’s how I would get away from the police,” he says. “Because I knew the police were watching me.”

He shows the crew the payphone that he used to run his whole operation. During this time, Todd says he also employed girls as drug dealers so he could have sex with them. “I was a pimp in a lot of ways. I’m not happy saying that I was, but I was. That’s the reality of it,” he says. “I can’t hide behind what I’ve done wrong, but I can say that everything I did was in the depth of me being loaded.”

He was addicted to crack, and then meth amphetamine. The first time he shot up meth, he had an orgasm. He wanted to feel nothing. After Todd became addicted to meth, he says he cut off contact with his family, holed up in his home and battled vivid hallucinations.

Oprah asks if it is true that Todd used to be recognized all the time. He says people used to recognize him on the street and in crack houses, but he would tell them to shut up and stay away. Todd says he once stayed up for 14 days straight doing drugs, an unimaginable feat that caused psychosis. “I started having grand mal seizures,” he says. “I went into that house, and I started seeing these little green men that came up, and I thought my grandmother had put these inside my house, underneath it. I was chasing them. I was shooting at them.”

Oprah asks how it was to see her boy in this state. Betty says she had no idea what was happening to her son. “He disappeared. I didn’t know where he was,” she says. “I did know that he was gone on drugs, and I just went into prayer, and I said to God, ‘If you want to take him, take him.’ I don’t want to see him like that.” She said she is giving her son back to God, Todd puts his head in his hands.

Oprah asks Todd what saved him. He got arrested and he was offered by the judge to go to jail or rehab.  He went to rehab again, thinking it would never work and after a violent episode he ended up being put in a straightjacket and a diaper. Oprah asks if there is anything more demoralizing than being strapped in four ways wearing only a diaper? No, “nothing more demoralizing,” he says. “I said, ‘This is a far cry from being Willis Jackson.’” As he lay there, Todd realized something had to change. “I go: ‘This has got to stop. I’ve got to get my life together,’” he says. “And another voice came and said, ‘Just give yourself time.’ He says. ‘I want you to learn to listen.’ And I was like, ‘Well, listen to who?’ He goes, ‘Listen to who I put in front of you.’” By the third day he couldn’t hold it anymore and he pooped in the diaper. He was 26, this was “not cool.” Oprah says that everyone has stories of not being loved enough. She says that he got so much love, but not from his father. Since Todd says he never got enough love from his own father, he focuses on being positive and present with his own children. “I tell them I love them. I hug them. When my son wakes in the morning, he doesn’t have to worry about whether his dad’s in a bad mood,” he says. “I give him a hug and talk with him, because I don’t want him to be missing what I was missing.”

Todd, Gary and Dana, the child stores from Different Strokes all have had terrible issues with drugs and more, Dana died from an overdose. Oprah asks if they were all cursed. Todd says that they all had similar backgrounds. Todd has a very strong mother, and unfortunately the others don’t. He says that it was not a curse because he has been sober for 17 years. He is upset that people still judge him on his past. In Killing Willis, Todd says he makes his pain and mistakes known so people realize what he’s gone through to get to this point. “I accept full responsibility,” he says. “I made some stupid decisions and some horrible choices. But my question always is: ‘How long is the media going to continue to make me pay for it? What do I have to do?’”

He saved someones life and still his past baggage was brought up- sensationalism sells he said. He says that his life is great. Money is sometimes a worry. Oprah asks if he gets money from TV reruns. He got a check for $400 for Little House, Different Strokes he gets maybe $2 an episode and no DVD money. Oprah thanks him.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Even beautiful people and rich people and child stars have problems.

All addictions are attempts to hide the pain of feelings.

Even if you don’t love yourself at all, other people do love you.

You are the company that you keep.

There is nothing more demoralizing than being restrained in a straitjacket and wearing only a diaper.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

If you are a poster child for child stars gone bad, you may always be remembered for your mistakes.

As a toddler, Wes, the book’s author, had a loving family, successful parents and a nice home in Maryland. Then, when he was just 3 years old, his life took a dramatic turn. His father died suddenly from a rare virus. Unable to raise three children on her own, Wes’ mother, Joy, moved her family to the Bronx to live with her parents. Crack was just moving into the neighborhood. They saw so much fighting, both dogs and people, and there was a lot of drugs- so much that Wes says that they didn’t even notice it anymore. Joy enrolled her children in a respected private school across town in an attempt to protect them from the drugs and gangs infiltrating their neighborhood. Young Wes soon discovered how hard it was to straddle both worlds. “I was very lost during that period,” Wes says. “I found myself quickly becoming too rich for the kids in the neighborhood and too poor for the kids at school.” Wes became a troublemaker. He says he set off smoke bombs in lockers, skipped school and was even picked up by the police. When Joy realized she was starting to lose her son, she decided to take action. After years of telling Wes she would send him away to military school, she made good on her threat. Wes’ grandparents mortgaged their home so they could afford to send their 12-year-old grandson to a Pennsylvania military school.

“I didn’t want to be there,” Wes says. “I ran away five times in the first four days, but I started to begin to think about why I was there and about the opportunity that this was to really reshape my identity and do something different.”Over the next six years, the troubled teen grew into an academic superstar and community leader. When Wes graduated, he was the highest-ranking student out of 750 military cadets…and his accomplishments didn’t end there. Wes landed an internship with the mayor of Baltimore and earned degrees in international relations and economics from Johns Hopkins University. Then, at age 22, he was awarded a Rhodes Scholarship to study at the University of Oxford.

The semester before Wes left for Oxford, he was studying abroad in South Africa when he heard about another man called Wes Moore. On February 7, 2000, a jewelry store robbery ended with the murder of an off-duty Baltimore police officer, Sgt. Bruce Prothero. Bruce was chasing four armed robbers when he was shot at point-blank range. He left behind a wife and five young children. One of the men wanted in the police officer’s murder was also named Wes Moore. Joy says she was terrified for her son. “There are wanted posters all over our neighborhood looking for ‘Wes Moore,’” she says.

Investigators were on the hunt for four suspects, including a man named Wes Moore and his brother Tony. After 12 days on the run, the Moore brothers were captured. To avoid the death penalty, Tony pled guilty to the shooting and was sentenced to life in prison. The other Wes Moore, a career criminal, claimed he was not at the murder scene, but he eventually was found guilty of first-degree felony murder.

That Wes Moore remains in prison, the other went on to have a very successful career and has written a powerful new book, “The Other Wes Moore.” Oprah welcomes Wes to the studio and congratulates him. Oprah asks him how disconcerting it is to know that the police are looking for someone in your neighborhood with your name? Wes says he was haunted by his criminal counterpart’s story. “It was something I couldn’t escape,” he says. “It was something that just kept on eating at me. I knew I just had to learn more, and I had to understand: How did this happen? How did two kids from similar neighborhoods, from similar type of backgrounds, end up in completely different places?”

Years later, after Wes finished his time at Oxford and began a career in finance, he decided to reach out to the other Wes Moore. “I said: ‘You know what? The fact that this is still eating at me means I need to do something about it,’” he says.In 2005, Wes wrote the other Wes Moore a three-page letter and mailed it to him at the Jessup Correctional Institution. The letter started with a simple introduction: “Dear Wes: Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Wes Moore, and I learned about you through articles in the Baltimore Sun. … The coincidence of us having the same name was what initially caught my attention. But it was the other details that drove me to want to learn more.” The day after he mailed the letter, Wes says he thought he’d made a mistake. “I wasn’t sure how he’d react,” he says. “I thought, in retrospect, even after I wrote the letter I thought my questions seemed odd.”

To his surprise, Wes received a response from the other Wes Moore one month later. “He first just thanked me for reaching out to him. He said, ‘When you’re in here, you think people don’t even know you’re alive anymore,’” Wes says. “He said how much it meant for him to receive that letter, and then he just began to rattle off answers to the questions I asked.” Wes learned more about this convicted murderer’s mother, brother and children. Over time, the first letter sparked dozens more. After exchanging dozens of letters, Wes decided to visit the other Wes Moore in prison. “Having the chance to actually see and sit across from the other Wes Moore was something that was just a completely surreal experience,” he says. When he had to give his photo ID to visit Wes, it was strange to visit someone with the same name who is no relation. He says that you never forget the sounds and feel of a high security correctional facility. At first, Wes says they were cautious around each other. “We were telling each other answers that we thought the other person wanted to hear,” he says. Then, Wes’ questions got more pointed and poignant. Wes asked the other Wes Moore things like, “When did you first know you were a man?” “The time he first realized was when he felt like there were actually other responsibilities that he had on his shoulders,” Wes says. “Then, I remember him throwing the question back at me, and it was a question I hadn’t even really fully thought about yet. I think both of us were talking about … not having fathers in the home.” Oprah thought that was an interesting point- the other Wes Moore said his father chose not to be in his life, while Wes’ father died. He only has two memories of his father, once when he was 3 and he hit his sister and his mom sent him up to his room and his father came up and explained that you don’t hit women, and took him downstairs to apologize. The only other memory he has is when he watched his father die.

The day after receiving his prestigious honor, the Baltimore Sun ran a story about Wes. “they did a piece on my life and my childhood and how I was a local kid who had just received this full scholarship to Oxford,” he says. “But the thing that really hit me was, at the same time, there was a whole series of articles about the murder of a police officer.” One day he decided to write a note to the other Wes Moore. The unlikely relationship started when Wes in prison wrote back, 5 years ago. Oprah shakes Wes’ hand and says that he is a writer too.

Wes set out to discover how two men with similar backgrounds and the same name could lead such different lives. Now, he knows there’s no simple answer.  “I think raising children is complicated,” Wes says. “I think particularly in this environment, and particularly for those who grow up in the most precarious communities, it is a very challenging and daunting prospect to raise a child.” Wes credits his family and mentors for his success. “I was so fortunate and lucky to have people in my life who said: ‘You know what, Wes? We’re going to get you across that finish line, kicking and screaming if we need to. But we’re going to get you across that finish line,’” he says. “They were there for support. They were there to give my mother the leverage that she needed.”

Oprah would have thought that he would conclude that he had education and exposure. “I think education taught me critical thinking. I think education showed me a world I never knew existed,” Wes says. “My grandfather used to say that education is like a skeleton key. If you can get that skeleton key, it can open any door. The fact that his grandparents were wise enough to know how important and valuable it was to get  him out of the environment. They didn’t give up, and his mom was desperate. Oprah says that she was in Milwaukee for a while with her mother and she got a scholarship to a school in the suburbs, where she was one of two black kids and had to ride the bus home with the maids. It has very hard to straddle these two lives at a time when you are just finding out who you are, she knows how Wes felt.

When Wes ran away from the military school for the 5th time, he ended up in tears in the woods. He was allowed one call home, and he called his mom to ask if he could come back. She said no, because too many people had sacrificed in order for him to be there. He decided that he could give it a shot, and here he is today.

The prison where the other Wes Moore is serving his life sentence denied The Oprah Show’s request for an interview because he’s a convicted murderer and the relatives of the police sergeant did not want him interviewed. “I certainly respect that,” Oprah says.

Oprah started the show by asking what people whose names are shared have different lives. Oprah asks how they are similar? After dozens of meetings and letters, Wes uses his knowledge to speak to the other Wes Moore’s character. “He’s is very similar to a lot of us,” Wes says. “He’s conflicted. He loves his children. He loves his mother.” In fact, Wes says he was surprised to discover how men in such different positions are ultimately more alike than they are different.

“That was actually one of the things I really discovered about Wes as I first got to know him— just how similar we were,” he says. “I realized how passionate he is about his children and how much he wants to help other people who are now in prison.”

One of the most jarring moments in the relationship was when 34 year old other Wes met his 3 year old grandchild. Wes had his first child when he was 16, and his daughter had his grandchild at 16. Wes’ mother had her first child at 15. The cycle has not been broken, says Oprah.

Wes’ book is in bookstores as of today. The Oprah Show asked their mothers how their lives came to be so different. Mary Moore, the mother of the other Wes Moore, says she lost control of her son when he was just a boy. While the single mother worked to support her family, she says her children were left home with little supervision. “I could barely afford to pay bills, nevertheless a babysitter,” she says. Joy Moore needed more support after her husband died so she decided to move to New York. Mary says that “the trouble was here. It was all around, so you couldn’t avoid it.” Joy was trying to shield her son from the drugs around but she was losing the battle. Mary was losing the battle when her son stopped going to school. Mary says her son became involved with drugs and started committing crimes when he was just 11 or 12 years old. “He figured that doing crime, selling drugs was a way out…a way to get the things that we couldn’t afford,” she says.

Joy speaks of the military school threats which became real. Mary couldn’t give her kids the supervision that they needed. Joy says that kids need to think that you care before they care what you think. That was her motivation.

Mary and Joy hug each other on the Oprah stage. Joy says that she has wondered about Mary since the first letter that was shared with her. Joy says the fact that Mary got accepted into John Hopkins as an African American woman and couldn’t go, was a terrible thing to learn. Mary was curious when she heard Wes was trying to find out about her son. Oprah asks her if there were things she could have done differently. Looking back, Mary says she wishes there were some things she’d done differently. “I just wasn’t aware of the options that were out there,” she says. “I didn’t have the resources. I didn’t have the education. I didn’t have the support.” She says that her son is doing well in prison, He is now a muslim, he is mentoring, he has ideas. Mary says that she does think what could have happened to her son if he had turned out more like this Wes. Wes has always claimed that he wasn’t at the crime scene, says Wes in the studio.

Wes in the studio was reluctant to write the book and dig into both of their lives, but he thought about the phrase, “all it takes for evil to conquer is for good people to do nothing.” Wes in jail said that he had wasted all his opportunities. Oprah thinks about how the family of the police sergeant, and what they will feel in this. “I think when you read the book and you understand the stories, you see that in no way is this a glorification,” he says. “There are important lessons that can be learned from this story,” says Wes. The facts that Wes gets one hour of visitors, two hours of outside time, and is away from his family is not glory.

Wes says he certainly learned one chilling truth—the other Wes Moore’s story could have been his. “After doing 200 hours of interviews with Wes and his family and my friends and my family, I realized how little separates us from another life altogether,” he says. “Had it not been for some significant and pretty creative intervention in my life and a lot of luck and support, and quite honestly, some tentative steps in the right direction, I could have easily gone down the wrong path.” Oprah thanks them all.

Oprah asks how much your name changes who you are? Would Oprah still be Oprah if her name was Susie or Jane? Does the name Oprah have anything to do with who she has become? Jim Killeen, an out of work actor, Googled himself, found 24 others with the same name around the world and decided to seek out some of them. He thinks there is something in the human condition that unites them. He hired a camera crew and producer to follow his journey. He meets a retired detective called Jim Killeen in New York, a CEO Jim in Australia, Jim a Catholic priest in Ireland, an engineer in Scotland who also looks like him, St Louis Jim, a father of 8, Jim a self-proclaimed swinger in Denver. In all he met 6 men and asked each of them, what is man’s purpose? Jim in Australia says to find soulful ways of living and being, Jim in St Louis says to serve others, Scottish Jim says to be the best person he can be for his family, Irish Jim says our purpose as human beings is to love.

Oprah asks why that question- Jim says that he asked 30 questions. Oprah asks if he feels a special connection to other people called Jim, and he says yes, he feels like there is a Jim club. Oprah says Jim, John and Mary are all big clubs. He says that Jim Killeen is great because it is a small club. Oprah asks what he learned about himself in the process? He was single and his father had just passed away and along the way he found that people are basically good- it was a self-selective group because the nasty Jim Killeen’s maybe didn’t reply. Oprah says that the journey is a documentary, Google Me, and that anyone can Google themselves.

He asks them about religion, their favorite drink, their age and weight. Oprah asks if it was difficult to track them down. Jim says that it starts off as a rope that gets thinner to a thread and then it breaks and you can’t track down any further. Jim feels that there are universal thing that people have, all the Jims’ wanted to make the world better place. And they were all generous enough to allow him and the film crew into their homes and lives. All seven Jim’s gathered in Killeen, Texas, confusing the receptionist considerably. They didn’t expect to feel such a great connection but they did. They found it was magic. Jim had everyone’s DNA tested and found that the person that he looked least like, the Priest, he was related too.  What a world, says Oprah, thanks Jim Killeen.

Oprah had never met anyone called Oprah except for one time in a mall when someone said that her daughter was called Oprah but she didn’t know how to spell it.  A few years ago, Oprah met a 12 year old girl, “the other Oprah Winfrey.” Linda Winfrey, her mom, said that she was named after a positive role model. Oprah said that she didn’t like her name as a child, but little Oprah likes her name because Oprah is a great role model. She says that she has always liked her name and she loves school. Little Oprah is now 15 and she still loves her name.

Oprah has a No Phone Zone Pledge check in. Teresa from Boulder Colorado signed last week, and she has started singing in the car again. She thanks Oprah for starting the campaign. Oprah says that we should all sing. Anyone can upload a video with a tip to Oprah.com. Goodbye everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Oprah reveals that you can Google your name to see if anyone else has the same name.

Support your children and educate them: education is like a skeleton key. If you can get that skeleton key, it can open any door.

Kids need to think that you care before they care what you think.

Would Oprah still be Oprah if her name was Susie?

Maybe the Oprah Show producers have never heard of Dave Gorman.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Other people share your name! Google them! They are just like you! Or you know, maybe they are not.

Meet the Weir family from New Market Maryland. Angela and Chris admit they are about as ungreen as you can get. They have four big cans of garbage every week. They throw out their recycling because it is cluttering up their garage with it’s every other week collection date. The Everharts, from the greenest city in the US, Portland, Oregon recycle a lot. They think their recycling is three times the size of their actual trash. Saving the earth is a passion they share with their two daughters. Chris Weir says that he is no scientist but he doesn’t believe in global warming. The Everharts remodeled their home to be extremely energy efficient. The Weir’s have the central air on and the windows open, he runs the water in the kitchen because he likes the sound of the running water. The TV is on all day, from 6am for themselves or the dogs. They throw away maybe $60 of food a week. The Everharts believe all choices have an impact and unless you work at this, you are sending your children into a world with no future.

Oprah thought this would be a good mom swap. So Angela went to live with Tad and the kids in Portland, and Maria moved in with the Weir’s. This is some of what happened. Angela gets to choose a glass for water to use for the whole weekend to save on washing up. Maria is distressed by the lights on all the time. Back in Oregon, Tad is upset by a couple of lights left on. Their electricity is $33 a month and the Weirs spend around $400 a month. Tad is shocked. Meanwhile Maria is upset that the air conditioning is on. It’s set to 68 degrees at all time. Chris does not like to be hot at all. Maria finds it a disconnect from reality. Chris runs the water to relax him and then he wipes down the surfaces with wipes and uses harsh cleaning products. Maria is upset that he says that water is a first come, first served thing. Angela is shocked that the Everharts save water by having showers two or three times a week- the idea is to have a 5 minute shower. Angela says she can’t get everything done in 5 minutes. She is horrified that she was given a 5 minute timer to use. She couldn’t use conditioner but she would not compromise the electricity needed to dry her hair. Oprah says that maybe there is a balance between the familes.

It’s the 40th Anniversary of Earth Day, is the message sinking in? In Oregon, the family bikes just about everywhere. Angela asks how they carry the packages- on their backs. In Maryland, the family drives everywhere. Maria asks Chris to turn off the car while they wait for the family. She says if you sit idle for more than 10 seconds, like in traffic, you should turn off the car. In Oregon they Reduce, Reuse, Recycle almost everything. Tad brings home the used paper towels from the mens room at work, but Angela finds that gross. Tad takes the food scraps out to the compost bin. He explains that putting the food into the garbage is environmentally costly and ineffective. The Weir’s enormous weekly trash is emptied out in the garage by Maria, she wants to see what could actually be recycled. Reaching into the trashcans was unpleasant. The family got down to one trashcan full of trash, Chris says that Maria is a miracle worker.

The familes are back together at home and they join the Oprah Show by Skype. Angela says that they learned a lot, especially seeing the Everharts electricity bill. Chris learned how to recycle, how to do it properly. He thinks many people probably do it wrong. Oprah asks if he is willing to turn the AC off when the windows are opened? They have reset it to 72 degrees. Sam, one of the kids, thinks that they can do better about recycling. Oprah asks if it has made the family more conscious? Absolutely, says Angela, the TV is only on when they watch it, lights are off and doors are closed. Oprah asks if Angela has changed her opinion that what they do doesn’t impact the rest of the world. Absolutely, says Angela, the education and information on the bigger picture has really helped. Oprah asks the Everharts how the experiences were for them. Maria was surprised by how much she actually knew and could teach, the changes for them have been gradual, and she found that the Weir’s were a great family to be with. She says that she had a good conversation with Chris about how becoming a parent makes you protective of your children and their future. Oprah says that Tad lost everyone with the paper towels from the bathroom at work, everyone. Would he say that they are extreme? Tad says that he doesn’t want to be so extreme that people don’t want to make little changes. He says that they use the towels that would otherwise in a landfill for cleaning up paint or caulk. He had his own little aha moment,- he doesn’t want to do thing that people think are weird. Oprah says that the most important thing is that we realize that what we do affects the world. Oprah says that this has been fascinating and that they have got the message out. Thanks to both families.

It sounds like a horror movie, says Oprah, a killing spree of thousands filmed in the dead of night and people scared for their life. It is real and it is a movie, and it just won an Oscar. Take a look at the Academy Award winning movie, The Cove. There’s a picturesque lagoon in Taiji, Japan, a small fishing village, where outsiders and cameras are forbidden. Shielded by steep cliffs, this body of water is protected by people who have a shocking secret. In 2007, dolphin activist Ric O’Barry set out to expose what really happens here. Alongside director Louie Psihoyos and a dedicated team of filmmakers, Ric documented his mission in Taiji. “The fishermen told me, they said, ‘If the world finds out what goes on here, we’ll be shut down,’” Ric says.

What most people don’t know is every year, from September to March, thousands of dolphins are slaughtered in this small body of water. Some are spared and sold to marine parks around the world, but the rest, thousands, are killed for their meat. “They’re looking for bottlenose dolphins, primarily,” Ric says. “They’re looking for Flipper.” Despite threat of arrest and tight security, Ric and Louie set out to capture this slaughter on film. Their footage eventually became The Cove, the 2009 Oscar-winning documentary co-produced by Fisher Stevens. Ric’s mission is personal. He says he’s desperately trying to put a stop to an industry he helped create.In the 1960s, Ric captured and trained the dolphins for the hit TV series Flipper.”I feel somewhat responsible because it was the Flipper TV series that created this multibillion-dollar industry,” he says. “It created this desire to swim with them and kiss them and hold them and hug them and love them to death. It created all these captures.”

After seven years of training dolphins, Ric says he realized these intelligent mammals were suffering in captivity. He became an activist the day he says Flipper took her own life. “She was really depressed,” he says. “I could feel it. I could see it.” Dolphins and other whales are not automatic air breathers like humans, Ric says every breath they take requires conscious effort. “They can end their life whenever life becomes too unbearable by not taking the next breath. She did that,” he says. “She swam into my arms and looked me right in the eye and took a breath and didn’t take another one.” Ric let her go and she sank on her belly to the bottom of the tank. The next day, Ric went to jail for trying to free a dolphin, and ever since, he’s been on a mission to release dolphins from captivity. When Ric first started training dolphins, there were only three dolphinariums in the world. Now, you can swim with dolphins and see them in action in hundreds of zoos, water parks and vacation destinations around the world. “All of these captures, help create the largest slaughter of dolphins on the planet. I have to see this end in my lifetime,” Ric says. He is focused on the tiny body of water where the slaughter takes place “Nobody has actually seen what takes place back there, and so the way to stop it is to expose it.”

Oprah says that what we are about to see is graphic, so tell small children step out the room. Ric and a dedicated group of filmmakers went undercover and risked everything to expose the truth of the cove. “The secret cove is a natural fortress. It’s surrounded on three sides by steep cliffs,” says Louie, the film’s director. “High fences surrounded by razor ribbon.” When the local Japanese government banned Louie’s cameras, he found another way in. He assembled a brave team willing to risk arrest. “I wanted to have a three-dimensional experience of what’s going on in that lagoon,” Louie says. “The effort wasn’t just to show the slaughter. You want to capture something that’ll make people change.” They had to assemble a team, a sort of Ocean’s 11 team. Louie asked Hollywood special effects masters to build fake rocks to conceal cameras, and a military expert created a balloon device that shot secret aerial footage. Then, under the cover of night, world-class divers planted sound equipment deep in the water. After seven attempts and the scariest night of Louie’s life, the cameras and microphones were in place. Then, at daybreak, the slaughter began. The blood of the slaughtered dolphins turned the blue water red. The cameras captured it all. “It was kind of a collective horror when we started to see the footage. It was mind-boggling,” Louie says. “They are doing it exactly like they did with the large whales, they’re slaughtering every one they can get.”

“It’s not about intelligence. It’s about consciousness. They are self-aware like humans are self-aware,” Ric says. We look in the mirror and know what we are looking at. “I don’t believe that the fishermen are aware of that.” The Japanese government says that they allow the slaughter of up to 19,000 dolphins a year. The Oscar-winning team who made The Cove are here, Oprah is so happy that they are here. Happy Earth Day, Oprah says, and congratulates them on their Oscar. Oprah asks how it was to see the footage of the slaughter. When he first saw the horrific footage of the slaughter, Ric says he saw a light at the end of the tunnel. “I knew it was going to be exposed,” he says. “The light at the end of the tunnel was not an oncoming train. It was the sunshine. Finally, we’re going to get this out to the world.” Oprah asks if they were afraid for their lives? Louie says that they still are, they still get death threats, it’s ongoing. They are trying to push to get the movie distributed in Japan where most change can happen. In July 2010, Fisher says a distribution company is planning to release the film in 20 Japanese theaters. To reach even more people, the filmmakers are also producing a 15-minute version in Japanese, which will be streamed for free on the Internet starting today. Oprah asks them to tell us what does the dolphin slaughter have to do with the rest of the world in our lives. Louie says that this is a microcosm of the ocean. The dolphin is the only animal in history to save human lives- one saved his life in Polynesia. Ironically, the only way that we can prove that we need to save their lives is to prove that we have made their environment so toxic that we should not eat them. Louie says The Cove isn’t just about how dolphins, whales and humans affect our oceans. “It’s about us trying to save humanity,” he says.

Ric says that right now it is about getting the movie out in Japan. Fisher, Louie and Ric also want it shown to millions of Japanese citizens who have not seen it. “It’s not about us Westerners telling the Japanese, ‘You’ve got to do this,’” Fisher says. “It’s us Westerners showing the Japanese what’s going on in their country and hopefully motivating them to shut down the cove.” The crowd applaud.

Oprah asks if some of those dolphins end up in theme parks over here? Ric says that if they could get the dolphin dealers out of Taiji, they could probably shut down the slaughter. Oprah says that despite some reports, a statement from the Japanese embassy says The Cove can be screened freely in Japan, and they believe it may have been shown at the Tokyo International Film Festival. The mayor of Taiji says: “The movie portrays false claims not based on science as if they are true. We regret that. It’s important to mutually respect food culture based upon the understanding of long-standing traditions and circumstances in each region.”

Over the past 10 years, however, Louie says all dolphin meat tested in Japan has been deemed toxic by Japanese standards. Ric says this meat contains very high levels of mercury. “When Ric and I first got to Taiji, they were feeding it to school children because school lunch is compulsory. You’re not allowed to bring your own, and you have to eat everything on your plate,” Louie says. “We put a stop to that.”

In the fifties and sixties, the lack of regulations over water standards meant that many rivers and waterways in America had junk piled up and they were like sewers contaminated with waste.  Without environmental laws, The Cuyahoga river in Ohio was so toxic it ignited a raging fire, pollution plagued major cities and 500 people died in New York in intense smog outbreaks in the fifties. DDT and other chemicals were a part of everyday life and almost brought anational treasure, the bald eagle, to extinction. But on April 22nd, 1970, twenty million Americans came together to demand a cleaner world with the launch of Earth Day. This emerging green movement could not be ignored and soon the was Environmental Protection Agency was born and environmental legislation was passed to clean up our water, air, land and wildlife. Lots of progress over the last 40 years, says Oprah.

Oprah asks Louie what this progress means to him. He says that film is the most powerful medium in the world so he has a lot of hope. Ric too is hopeful. Yesterday he was in the Solomon Islands where villagers have just agreed to stop harvesting animals. That can happen in Taiji. “[Ric] proved to us that one person can make a difference,” Louie says. Everybody can make a difference. Fisher says that Oprah is making more of a difference than any government he knows. Oprah says that the most important thing is to educate the younger generation. Yes, Fisher says that young people who experience nature and the ocean are the ones that want to change it. Oprah says that we have nothing but applause for the team, they are all heroes. She asks what we can do to stop the slaughter from happening again in September, Ric says that to help stop the dolphin slaughter, everyone should visit SaveJapanDolphins.org to sign his petition. “We need to get more signatures. We almost have a million for President Obama and for the Japanese government,” he says. “That will be really helpful.” Oprah says that everyone in the audience and watching at home should do that right now. The Cove is out on DVD now, it makes the perfect gift for anyone for Earth Day. Buy it, watch it and pass it on and stop the senseless slaughter of these magnificent creatures, says Oprah. She thanks the team from The Cove. Oprah reads a statement from SeaWorld vice president Fred Jacobs. “SeaWorld opposes the dolphin hunts documented in The Cove. We do not purchase any animals from these hunts. More than 80 percent of the marine mammals in our care were born in our parks. We haven’t collected a dolphin from the wild in decades.”

On last year’s Earth Day, Oprah showed how our garbage is wreaking havoc on our planet, Oprah called it the most shocking thing she’s seen. In April 2009, oceanographic explorer Fabien Cousteau exposed the truth about the world’s largest trash dump—the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Estimated to be twice the size of Texas, this trash swirl stretches across the Pacific Ocean from the coast of California to Japan. In some places, the debris is 90 feet deep. British explorer David de Rothschild, first heard about the Pacific garbage patch in 2006. This ecological disaster, which has killed millions of seabirds and marine mammals, inspired him to build a boat made of 12,500 plastic bottles and other recycled materials. He named it the Plastiki. In March 2010, David and a small team of environmentalists set sail from San Francisco on this one-of-a-kind boat to get people to rethink waste as a resource. This risky voyage will take them through the Great Pacific Garbage Patch before docking in Sydney, Australia. “We’ve tried to make everything on this boat as sustainable as possible,” David says. “From the energy we use, the food that we eat and the way that we travel.”

David de Rothschild, heir to the Rothschild banking fortune joins Oprah by Skype from his boat. The map shows that he is a week or two away from hitting the northern tip of the garbage patch. While the Pacific garbage swirl is the largest on earth, David says there are actually five floating trash dumps plaguing the world’s oceans. He says that he has been at sea for 21 days on the Plastic, he is as far away from land as you can possibly be. “Anywhere where there is a current in our ocean, the plastic that makes up 90 percent of our marine debris is getting into the ocean,” he says. “It aggregates and tends to pack together. David says there are four main polluters in our oceans—plastic bags, Styrofoam cups, Styrofoam containers and soda bottle lids. So we are seeing a huge accumulation of plastic, these big human fingerprints, in our ocean right now.”

Oprah asks why the garbage is a threat to the planet? “Every year, hundreds of thousands of marine mammals are needlessly ingesting plastic, little flecks of plastic. That’s blocking their system and causing most of the fatalities,” David says. “Those little flecks are also being ingested into the fish that we are then consuming. So there’s a toxic transfer going on from plastic into fish into us, if we consume fish.”

Oprah asks what he hopes to achieve by sailing around the ocean in the Plastiki? David says that the reality is that there is a big list of solutions available to us today. As evidenced by the creation of the Plastiki, David says plastic and other waste doesn’t have to end up in a landfill. “Around plastics, we need to reduce, reuse, recycle and the fourth R—refuse the single-use plastics,” he says. “I hope that the Plastiki showcases that we’ve used innovative materials, … new glues that we’ve actually engineered out of cashew nuts and sugar, which show that there are solutions to those problems out there. We can all do something about it.”

Oprah thanks him and says that the world needs more people like him. One of the fastest growing problems in garbage dumps is cell phones. About 125 million mobile phones are discarded every year, and many of them are made with hazardous materials like lead, mercury and flame retardants. Some even contain arsenic. In honor of Earth Day and the No Phone Zone pledge, they are pushing to recycle old cell phones. The audience brought in over 600 phones to recycle, and you can do this in your family. Best Buy has cell phone recycling kiosks in their stores. Go to Oprah.com to find somewhere to recycle your phone. While you are there, sign the pledge. Happy Earth Day everybody, be kinder to the earth. Goodbye.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Recycle, recycle, recycle. Reduce, reuse, recyle

Every act that you do creates an impact. Educate yourself, make an improvement in the world.

Thousands of dolphins are slaughtered annually in a cove in Taij, Japan, as captured on the Oscar winning documentary, The Cove.

Ric O’Barry captured and trained the dolphins for the hit TV series Flipper. He feels somewhat responsible fro the dolphin trade and that is why he is now a dolphin  activist and filmaker.

The heir to the Rothschild banking fortune is sailing a boat made of 12,500 plastic bottles through the Great Pacific Garbage Patch to get people to rethink waste as a resource.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Don’t be ignorant. Reduce, reuse and recycle. Be humane, don’t slaughter animals or pollute the oceans.

Gerald and Mo’Nique have not spoken for years. For decades, Gerald has denied the claims his sister has made against him and refused all interview requests. A few weeks ago Gerald contacted Oprah and said that he was ready to talk. Before agreeing to do the interview, Oprah says she spoke to Mo’Nique. While she didn’t want to be involved, Oprah says Mo’Nique gave her blessing because if her brother’s account saves another family then it will be worth it.

Oprah asks Gerald why he wants to be here today. “I’m here today to first acknowledge what I’ve been in denial for for 37 years, and that is I did assault and inappropriately touch my sister in manners that were not comfortable for her,” Gerald says. “And for that, I apologize and I’m humbly sorry that those actions had taken place between her and I.” He just wants to say he is sorry to her. He has not spoken to her privately. He says that he is not angry that Mo’Nique has publicly described him as a monster, Gerald says he is happy for her. “I’m proud that she was able to finally get to a place that she could relinquish her pain and relinquish her hurt,” he says. When his sister said that he contributed to her pain so much that she could play the role so magnificently, Gerald had to understand her pain.

Oprah asks if that was the first time that he could acknowledge that? Yes, the first time that he caused pain to her and had pain caused to him when he was molested. He was not aware previously of the pain that he had cause his sister. “I accepted it as being the norm,” he says. He allowed himself to be involved in spiraling acts such as drugs and alcohol. Oprah asks how old he was when he began the abuse, and if he was doing drugs at that age. The abuse started when he was 13, when Mo’Nique was about 7 years old. “I started using cocaine, heroine, alcohol at the age of 11. I used these drugs to hide my own pain.” He never told anyone that he was being abused. Oprah asks if he can share who was abusing him without naming names. “They were all close” he says. Oprah clarifies that there was more than one abuser, yes says Gerald. He did the drugs to hide his own pain and shame. But then he became the perpetrator to abuse his sister.  “Fear at that age kept me from acknowledging my own abuse.”

“The drugs weren’t an excuse. They just allowed me and afforded me the opportunity to do the things that were in the back of my mind as a kid that I always wanted to do,” he says. He breaks down a little and apologises to Mo’Nique. He says that it continued for a minute, and Oprah asks what does he mean by a minute. It went on for a year or two, he says. Oprah asks if it was regular. Gerald says “not regularly, but put it this way it happened more than I wanted it to.” Oprah says that one time is too many, and Gerald agrees.

Oprah asks if he told Mo’Nique not to tell. He never said anything to her. “Most of the time, the abuse that I did with my sister took place while she was asleep or the appearance that she was asleep.”  In an interview with Barbara Walters, Mo’Nique says that she did not tell her parents until she was 15 because she was afraid. She said the only apology she ever received from Gerald was when he said, “If you think I did something wrong, then I’m sorry.”

Oprah looks at Gerald and asks him what he makes of that. Gerald says he said those words because he couldn’t admit that he had done anything he shouldn’t have. It was denial. He couldn’t admit it to her that he did something wrong. Now he can say that he did it and he is not proud of it and he is sorry.  “I can only hope by coming forth today, since I couldn’t reach out to her, that … somewhere along the line with the apology and the truth of it finally coming out after 37 years, that yes hopefully somewhere, somehow as siblings we can come back together as brother and sister and say: ‘You know what? This happened. I’m sorry that it happened. I’m sorry that it happened to you, and that I was the perpetrator, the one that did it to you. However, I understand your pain, I understand your pain. I, too, was there. Now lets share this together and move on.’”

When they were growing up, Gerald says that he and his sister were close, he had her trust which allowed him to abuse her. Gerald guesses that Mo’Nique felt hurt and betrayed but they still had a bond. They were still brother and sister and he thought that everything was great. They kept the abuse a secret. The hardest thing was to admit it and apologise to his parents, it’s a hard thing to tell your parents this. He betrayed everyone’s trust. Today there is no more betrayal and lies, “here I am y’all.”

Mo’Nique says that he used candy to lure her. Gerald says that was not the case. He did not groom her. Oprah says that most abusers groom the children by making them comfortable and gaining their trust with niceness and gifts. There is a calculated process. Oprah thinks it is interesting that Gerald said that he didn’t have to groom- he was the big brother and therefore already had his sister’s trust. Gerald says that he broke that trust and bond. He could be the monster, because the little girl looked up to him.

Oprah asks him about when he partially apologized. He says that he was in denial. Oprah says that he must have been feeling the same things over the abuse that he had suffered, how could he not recognize the feelings that his sister was having? Gerald says that he couldn’t believe that he did it to her. Oprah asks what he felt when he first heard Mo’Nique say that he was the monster. “I’m not the monster, I’m her older brother.” Oprah asks if he sees that it was a monstrous act to a seven year old? Yes, he is bigger and taller than she is so to a child he is a monster. Oprah asks if he watched Precious. Yes, several times, he says that his sister was truly amazing. Oprah says that the first time she saw it she called Mo’Nique and said “you’re going to get an Academy Award for this, get your dress ready.” Oprah asks how it feels to be the fuel for Mo’Nique’s pain in the performance. Gerald says it makes him feel like “a piece of crap.”

Oprah says that she understands that 15 years after molesting his sister, he was convicted of molesting somebody else and was sentenced to 12 years in prison. Oprah’s experience has been that when someone molests, it is usually never just one. Gerald says that he has molested two people. He has apologized to the other parties involved. Oprah says that not everyone who has been molested later molests children themselves, she was molested and never has molested children. Oprah asks if his abuse was the reason that he molested. Gerald says “I hid my own molestation and pain and guilt and shame because I thought it was my fault that these things happened to me. So I internalized that and I hid behind the drugs and alcohol and then that spiraling thing in my mind, as a child, I wanted to express my sexuality, so I took it out on my sister.” The drugs allowed him to do what he wanted to do in his mind.

He has larceny, misdemeanor and assault also in his past, Oprah asks if he would say that those years of being molested by others started him on a downward spiraling path. Yes, any person who has something done to them in a humiliating way can spiral down and he was one who lost his way. Oprah mentions the show she just did with child molesters and asks Gerald how he felt when his sister told and he lied and said that it didn’t happen? Gerald says he felt ashamed and that he had betrayed her but he was afraid of what would happen to him so he denied it.

They show the clip of Mo’Nique accepting her award and saying that this is time for anyone who has been touched to tell. In the Barbara Walter special, Mo’Nique says that the last time she saw her brother was when she was in the hospital after she had had the twins. She did not want him to touch her children. Oprah asks Gerald what he remembers about that. Pat of what she is saying is correct, he says. “I went to the hospital to see my nephews Jonathan and David. … I picked up my nephew and held him, and I couldn’t hold him for so long because they were in the incubator, and I gave my nephew back to the nurse,” Gerald says. Later that same day, after he’d left, Gerald says Mo’Nique called him. “She said: ‘You know what? I don’t want you to call me or come see me or be around my boys.’” Gerald says he knew what she was saying but he couldn’t acknowledge it. He didn’t realize that she didn’t want him to be around her children. Oprah says that most people who tolerate abuse  know that they do not want the abuser around their own children. Gerald says that he didn’t make that association.

Oprah says that some people may think that he is only doing this to get into the good graces of his sister now that she has an Academy Award. He says that he is doing this to publicly acknowledge what he did and to apologies to his sister. He wants to bring unity back into the family. He wants to give Mo’Nique the apology that she wants and deserves. Now he wants to bring the family back together.

Oprah asks if he would have reached out if his sister had not received an Oscar? She says that Mo’Nique was already famous but getting the world’s attention has made her more famous. Did that have any influence on his decision? He says no.

Mo’Nique said that she was 15 when she told her mother that she was sexually abused by Gerald. Her mother says that Mo’Nique told her that Gerald tried to lay on top of her long ago. Her mother asked Gerald and he denied it. She asks which of your two children do you believe? She told Gerald that he had to leave while she digested this. Mrs. Imes sent Gerald away to live with his grandmother. He returned two weeks later, and it appeared to the family that everything was back to normal. The way it played out was like it never happened. Mr Imes says that the incident never goes away, he sees his son and thinks how could you? Mr and Mrs Imes are in the studio audience, Oprah asks why did they let Gerald come back so soon. Mrs Imes said that she was hurt and had to gather her thoughts. She believed Mo’Nique and let her know that she believed her. She asked Mo’Nique if she needed to talk to someone else to talk and cleanse. Mo’Nique said that she was fine, she just wanted to tell her mom what had happened. Oprah asks if this was at the time- no it was later, Mrs Imes learned of the 7-11 age range of abuse for the first time in Essence Magazine and on Oprah’s show. Mo’Nique told her when she was 15, by which time the abuse had stopped. Gerald came back from the grandmother’s house for a visit and “It was just like we were mad yesterday but today we’re not,” Mrs. Imes says. It was like it was back to normal. Oprah asks Mr Imes if he feels that it was brushed under the rug. He says no, it was talked about. Mrs Imes says that it was hard to accept. Not until recently did they find out that his son had been molested. “You think of behaviors like this, and you accord them to other people, other families,” he says. “When it comes on your doorstep, when it comes into your household, for myself, there was a total state of confusion.” He didn’t know what to do.

Gerald feels that this could have been dealt with in-house, so that it was not publicly exposed. Mrs. Imes says she was hurt when the family secret became public. They have always been a closed family, she was upset for them all. “This is something I felt should have been discussed first privately within the family,” she says. Oprah asks if they were aware as parents of their daughter’s pain and shame and it’s affect on her. No, it was never portrayed, says the mother. That is what we do, says Oprah. Oprah sees that it is interesting to the outside word that Mo’Nique was able to take her pain and release it as an actress. Mrs. Imes says  “I only hope with doing this, this can cleanse her heart.”

Mr. and Mrs. Imes say they haven’t spoken to Mo’Nique in two and a half years, but they’re still extremely proud of their daughter’s accomplishments. “I watched in glee. I was happy for her; I was excited for her. I think I was jumping and hollering more than the audience that was there,” Alice says. “For the Golden Globe, for the NAACP, for the Oscar. I’ve always been very, very proud.”  Oprah asks if all this is the reason that they haven’t spoken for so long. No, Gerald has nothing to do with this, says Mrs Imes, with Mo’Nique choosing to separate herself from the family. Oprah says that she is not in the family, but certainly Gerald has something to do with this, it is all connected. Today, yes, Mrs Imes nods.

Steven, Gerald and Mo’Nique’s brother, is in the audience. He says “that this isn’t what it looks like. It’s been blown out of proportion. We’ve always been a close-knit family and after the molestation, Gerald and Mo’Nique resumed a good brother and sister relationship.” Gerald has always supported Mo’Nique and come to her aid in any and every way that he possibly could. Steven does not want the world to see that Gerald is a monster. He says that Gerald has always tried to make amends and has done an excellent job in doing so, up to this point in his life. “Which is why he has not said so. He is confused as to what has taken place between then and now for her to come out like this, that’s where the confusion lies. So as you are sitting looking at me smiling, this family is not in the turmoil that it is portrayed to be.”

Oprah says that statistically 1 out of 4 girls has been molested or touched by the time that they reach adulthood. Oprah knows that she is not alone in the room. Gerald asks Oprah to do him a favor- “not just girls’ he says. Oprah says that she is beginning to understand that more males are being molested than we realize. But the truth is that it is confusing. It is your brother or neighbor or auntie, whoever it is. The truth is that you are trying to put on your ok face when you still have that hurt, pain or shame. It is confusing to the person who has been abused and the person who is abusing. There are mixed messages because you still have to get on with and live with that person. Mr Imes says that he is not excusing the behaviour, but when did Gerald become a monster? Oprah says the first time that he laid a hand on Mo’Nique inappropriately. Mr Imes says that he witnessed the behaviors after this went on with her big brother. Mo’Nique would still ask for help from her big brother. This confuses him, the behaviors that went on for the rest of their lives.

Oprah says that it is difficult, but that she’ll say this one thing. Oprah was abused by several people, one of whom was one of her uncles. Years later she was in her father’s house and her uncle was there and Oprah made breakfast and scrambled eggs for her abuser. As an adult with her own talk show she said to herself, what the hell am I doing acting as if nothing happened? The reason she went along with this, which is probably the same for Mo’Nique and millions of others, is that you go along because that is what the family wants you to do. Gerald says stop, that is not what they want Mo’Nique to do.  Gerald understands her pain, he was there. He didn’t go along with his perpetrators. Everyone is different says Oprah, everybody does the best they can in the moment. Oprah asks Gerald where he is now with his life.

He says that he has learned with his spiritual advisor to live in the power of the now, to stay in the now. Oprah loves that.  “It’s not about what you did yesterday. It’s not about what you did 10 minutes ago. It’s not about what you did a week ago. It’s about what have, what you are, right here, right now,” he says.

Oprah asks Gerald how will he feel when he leaves the show that everyone who has been molested, if this has happened to you, “holler, scream, shout.. Knock the door down, make it happen.” Oprah shakes his hand and thanks him for calling her.  She thanks the family and the Bishop for his spiritual guidance, “that’s what got you here, you can’t do it without the spirit,” she says. Go to Oprah.com to join the No Phone Zone team. April 30th is the special No Phone Zone event, join Oprah then. Well done, she says to Gerald. After a short pause the audience politely applaud.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Big brothers do not have to groom little sisters before molestation, they already have their trust.

Most people who tolerate abuse in their own lives know that they do not want the abuser around their own children.

The pain and shame following abuse may not be apparent to those on the outside, this does not mean that it does not exist.

Everybody does the best they can in the moment to get through, everybody deals with the pain and shame of abuse in their own way.

You can break the cycle. Do not abuse if you have been abused.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Mo’Nique was sexually abused by her older brother  Gerald who now has a spiritual advisor and wants to apologize and say he feels her pain.