Every time a new episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show airs in 2010, we will blog along with it. If you have plenty of time, read the long version. If you are pressed for time, read the “What we learned today” summary. If you are really, really pressed for time, read the Twitter-sized summary.

Archive for category Tragedy

Date: March 4th, 2010
File Under: Grief, Public Service Announcement, Tragedy

Episode 40: 43 Hours Lost At Sea: The Sole Survivor of the NFL Boating Tragedy

Oprah says that behind the scenes of the show, they have been talking about this story for months. This story is a complicated story of survival, it is hard to tell but they are going to try and honor everybody involved. It happened over a period of 43 hours and they are going to start at the beginning.

Nick Schuyler a personal trainer, had befriended NFL players Corey Smith and Marquis Cooper at his gym. Marquis was married with a 3-year-old daughter he adored. An experienced fisherman, he often took friends out on his 21-foot boat. Corey, the youngest of six from a tight-knight family, had just finished his season with the Detroit Lions. At the last minute, Nick invited his best friend, Will Bleakley, to join them.

On a chilly Saturday morning the men left a launch in Clearwater, Florida, at 6:30 a.m. They dropped anchor 70 miles away off the Gulf of Mexico. In late afternoon, when the weather turned, they decided to turn back. And then disaster struck. The boat flipped, tossing all 4 into the rough open water 70 miles from the shore. When the group didn’t return home, Marquis’ friend called the coastguard at 1.27am. The coastguard began the search but they only knew that the boat was a single engine boat, they knew the size and the passengers, but not the location. Nick’s sister got the call on Sunday morning that they were missing. Their Mom knew instantly that something had happened to Nick.

Coast guards helicopters planes and boats faced grueling conditions and 14 feet waves. Looking for the white speck of the upturned boat was like looking for a fingernail in a shag carpet. Overnight temps dropped to 40 degrees, hypothermia became a major concern.  “All the processes in the body just slow down, so your mind starts to slow down and you cannot think,” Dr. Mark Rumbak says. “One of the main symptoms of hypothermia is the hallucinations, and you could become very aggressive. You could just start fighting and you could start beating somebody up, or just slipping off your clothes and just running away. You just become very confused and could do something that may, in fact, cause your death.”

When reporters found out that 2 NFL players were missing, it triggered a media frenzy. Nick’s mother was beside herself. She remembers thinking that if they don’t find them when its light, they’ll be in trouble.

On Monday morning, the weather finally broke and the Coast Guard intensified their search. After days of searching for over 2 days for more than 24,000 square miles of ocean, a lookout made a miraculous discovery at 11:46 a.m. “It turned out to be the white upside-down hull of the boat,” Capt. Close says. “Then they saw Nick sitting there with his life jacket.”

Theres’ only one person who knows what happened on that boat. The sole survivor, Nick Schuyler is here today, welcome Nick. Oprah says that it was a boys trip and at some point Nick became sea sick, so he had his ski jacket on.  Everyone else wore wind pants and wind jackets. Marquis had shorts on. They knew a storm was coming and they had talked about not going out so far. Still, Nick says they decided to go all the way out. It was one of Marquis’ favorite spots. Nick says he’s not an avid fisherman, but Marquis knew what he was doing. It was his last weekend before he left to Oakland for camp, and he wanted to make one last trip.

Around 4pm they realized that they needed to head back. When Marquis decided to turn the boat around they realized the anchor was stuck. Nick says the same thing happened the week before when he, Corey and Marquis were fishing in the same spot. They had to cut the line and leave the anchor behind.  This time, Nick says Marquis didn’t want to lose another anchor. They tried a couple different maneuvers and turned the boat around and pulled it from every which angle. The anchor’s rope was attached to the front of the boat. Will suggested untying the rope, reattaching it to the back and gunning the engine to move the anchor. “Our intention was, ‘Okay, if we gun the motor, we’re either going to rip this thing out or the line’s going to snap,’” Nick says. Oprah asks why they didn’t cut it like the previous week- they didn’t want to waste another $200. No one thought that it would flip the boat or that it was a dangerous move.

As Marquis gunned the engine, Nick says the boat began to flip. “Marquis was driving. Within maybe two seconds, it slowly flipped over to the left. The water was very cold, 64-degrees. They attempted to flip it back, there’s nothing to hold on to, there’s no leverage. Physics worked against them. They were in shock. The waves were already crashing in, they were tired and didn’t have life jackets on.

The tragedy made headlines around the world. With the lifejackets trapped underneath the boat, they were left stranded clinging to the boat. Oprah says that the book is one of the most harrowing stories of survival that she has ever read.

Nick says Marquis kept apologizing. ‘I’m so sorry you guys,’ Marquis said after about a half hour in the water. He must have said it ten times, he felt it was his fault because he was the captain. There’s these stories out there that Marquis was an inexperienced boater, which is absolutely not the truth. He knew what he was doing. He had been on the water a hundred times, a thousand times, and he was an experienced fisherman. Who would think that a 1” rope would flip this boat with 4 big guys on it? In the beginning they thought they’d get out of it. Oprah asks if they had been drinking. Cory didn’t drink, Marquis was leaving town so Nick had thought they’d have a whole lot of beer and that Cory would drive the boat back. But with the conditions, that was not the case- Nick had 2 beers over 4 or 5 hours. Everyone was coherent when this happened.

Will took charge and took off his clothes to swim under the boat. Marquis would give instructions and Will would go and look. He was able to swim underneath the boat several times and retrieved three life vests and a floating seat cushion. Nick says Will gave everyone a life jacket and strapped the seat cushion onto his own back. That’s quite a friend says Oprah. Absolutely says Nick.

As darkness fell, Nick says the men assumed their positions on and around the boat. They worked together through the night to help each other. Marquis was face-down, straddling a cooler on top of the exposed bow. Nick was next to Marquis, crouching with one foot on the hull of the boat and the other on the swim platform. At Nick’s feet, Will perched on the swim platform next to the engine. At Marquis’ feet, Corey held on to the boat, the only one submerged in water.

Oprah reads an extract from the book on page 49 stating that Marquis was insecure. As conditions deteriorated, the waves threw them from the boat over and over again. “We’d hear them approach and scream, ‘Hold on,’ trying to brace ourselves.” It was like trying to ride a bucking bronco. Marquis must have come off the boat 20 or 30 times. Nick probably came off 15, sometimes you’d be thrown off just as you were climbing back on. There was a grim determination and a lot of Oh my God’s. At first they were Oh my God I can’t believe this is happening, and then they were Oh my God this might be it.

By about 10pm that night they realized that it was deeply serious. Nick says Corey kept stating, ‘No way in hell I’m going out like this.’ Corey had a waterproof watch on with a light so they could keep track of time. Oprah says at some point Will brought up a bag of cellphones. Yes, says Nick, Will was able to find a ziplock bag with cell phones- without Will, Nick wouldn’t be here today. Nick was trying to make calls or texts to 911, and all it says was ‘Connecting, connecting, connecting,’. He was trying to conserve the battery but also hoped that they’d float closer to a cell phone tower.

Nick has written about his terrifying ordeal in the book Not Without Hope. After 9 hours in the sea, Marquis and Corey started to show signs of hypothermia, like aggression and disorientation. Oprah remembers that at 2.30am they noticed a change in Marquis. They’d been talking through the night, but then Marquis began to get very quiet. “So we’d be like: ‘Coop! Coop!’ And he wouldn’t answer at first. … Some time would pass, 10 seconds later… ‘Yeah, I’m all right.’ They didn’t think anything of it, they were frightened but were thinking that they’d be rescued. They knew that Marquis’ wife would call at midnight if they weren’t back.

Nick says they talked about their families and what they would change in their lives. Will had mentioned stuff about being closer to his brother, Blake. Marquis just talked about how much he loved his family and Delaney, his little girl. They all had a million thoughts going on that this could be it.

Marquis started to lose some motor functions, and he started to foam at the mouth. Nick says Marquis also began to hallucinate. He kept saying things like: ‘I need to get underneath the boat. I need to cut the rope. I need to get the anchor,’ Nick says. At that point, he knew, okay, we’re in deep trouble. That wasn’t Marquis. That’s not the kind of guy he is. The elements were definitely taking him in.

They were being pounded by the waves and taking in salt water. They show again the footage of the doctor saying that hypothermia may make you do things which will endanger your life. Nick says he did everything he could to keep Marquis from leaving the boat. He positioned himself up on the boat where he straddled the motor. He had pulled him up with the help of the other guys, and pretty much bear hugged him. Around 4 a.m. on Sunday, Nick was still holding onto Marquis. They had been in this position for roughly over an hour, and it was a fight to hold him down; he was trying to struggle to get away. They were all saying to him ‘Hold on. They’ll be here any minute. Relax, Coop. You’re good. We’ve got the anchor.’

Oprah asks Nick to talk about letting go of Marquis. Nick and Will had checked Marquis’ pulse a few times, and then Will said, ‘He’s not there.’ At that point, they tried to flip him over and give him CPR, which was virtually impossible with the waves. The hypothermia was setting in with Corey, who was becoming disorientated; aggressive and pulling on all of them. Nick said Corey was starting to fight as well, whichwas not Corey. “The hypothermia was definitely set in,” he says. “There was no way that I could hold onto Corey and Marquis at the same time.” Nick had to decide what to do. Nick says he faced an impossible decision. If he didn’t let Marquis’ body go, he couldn’t help Corey. If he held on, he could lose them both. ‘I just kept telling Coop, ‘Coop, I’m so sorry,’ he says. Will said that he had to let Marquis go, and Nick agreed. It was the worse thing. He let him go, and Marquis slowly sunk. He rolled off Nick’s right side and Nick watched him until he couldn’t see him anymore.

Oprah asks if there was a moment to grieve- no Corey was much more verbal and aggressive than Marquis had been. He was very aggressive, screaming. Saying some things that they had never heard Corey even joke about. Which, once again, was not Corey. He said things like I’m going to kill you, clarifies Oprah. He said things that were hard to take in, but it is hard to forget the last words says Nick. Oprah says that he was literally out of his mind. Yes, says Nick and he was literally using his legs to leapfrog off the boat. Nick was holding on with his right hand, and Corey was shooting, so he was literally ripping Nick’s arm trying to get away. He had jumped one time across the back of the motor, and he had sliced my hand, sliced my arm on the motor prop, Nick says. In that moment, Nick says he let go of Corey. Corey then jumped into the water. He was roughly 6, 8 feet off the boat and they couldn’t reach him at that point. Corey ripped off his life jacket and rolled his body forward in the water. He kind of did a swan dive and put his feet in the air and just kicked down. They didn’t see him after two seconds.

Nick was left with his best friend in the world. They’d been in the water for 15 hours. Will told Nick something he says he’ll never forget. “He said, ‘I don’t think I’m going to make it another night,’ Nick says he didn’t say anything at first then he said  ‘They’re going to find us today.’

Will began to display the same signs as the others; he wasn’t aggressive, he was helpless. Nick was fending for both of them at that point, they were operating on 20%. The waves continued to batter them, pulling them off the boat and into the cold, churning water. After a while, Will could no longer pull himself back on the boat. He didn’t have the strength. Nick was trying to pull up a 225-pound man with not a whole lot of leverage. Will went in the water one time, and his life jacket shot up. It kind of choked him. His first reaction was, ‘I’m going to take the jacket off.’ So he took the jacket off, and within a few seconds that thing was yards away. I thought about going to get the jacket, but then I’d have to leave Will, jacketless, alone.” Nick held him for some time with the waves banging banging, banging. He was on one side of the motor. Nick was on the other. They both kept going under, and Will was coughing. That happened probably five or six times. Then one time Nick was calling his name, and he was just not there.

Oprah asks if Will had drifted off. No, says Nick  Will was dead. Nick says he fought to hold onto his friend’s body. “I was beyond devastated. I tried to climb back up on the boat holding a literally lifeless body,” he says. “He just got away from me, and there wasn’t a whole lot that I could do.” Nick watched as his friend’s body slowly disappeared into the sea. He had to watch his best friend sit there floating in the water. Before he died. Nick said, ‘I love you, man’, and Will said the same.

Oprah reads some of Nicks thoughts from the book “I needed to live long enough to tell the story, even if I was found alive and died later. I felt useless and worthless. It seemed like every time I thought it couldn’t get worse, it got worse. I hoped I would be found, but I experienced what no person should have to experience. It was awful. Three are gone. Now it’s my turn. It’s just a matter of time. I didn’t have any choice but to go on.”

Being sick and the jacket probably saved his life, his mom gave him the jacket. He was alone from Sunday night. “I was very sad,” he says. “I kept thinking about the guys, of course, and my family.”  Oprah says did he ask his Aunt and God if they were up there to help him? Yes. Nick started to say his final prayers. “I kept picturing my family, my mother, particularly,” he says. “I just could not picture my mother attending my funeral. That’s by far the worst thing that any mother would have to go through.”

He never gave up hope, but to see three guys die in his arms, three athletes, and he already had been so sick before they started. Nick says he saw the Coast Guard’s boat approaching but thought it was a hallucination. He was hunched over, “I was like, ‘There’s no way,’” he says. “I kind of stood up for a second and I’m like, ‘Thank you, God.’ I took my jacket off, swung it around like a towel, and I just broke down.”

The lives of the men who died at sea will be remembered for much more than the accident which took their lives. Corey’s family are very proud of his achievements and say that he is deeply missed. His coach at the Detroit Lions says that his heart was bigger than everyone else’s. Marquis Cooper was his parents pride and his sisters biggest fan. His wife misses his smile and his gentle spirit and his daughter Delaney was the joy of his life.

Will Bleakley’s mom, Betty, says her son had a twinkle in his eye and made everything fun. She’s grateful she told Will she loved him the last time she talked to him.

Oprah asks what Nick told Will’s parents about the day he died. He was in the hospital the second day and he knew it was one of those things he had to do. “I wanted to emphasize how without Will, I would not be having this conversation with you right now. Will saved my life.”

Oprah says that there has been controversy over the book. Some of the family members involved believe Nick is profiting from their tragedy. Nick says that he has heard some things too and that unfortunately his relationships with some of the families aren’t where he would like them to be. But at the end of the day, “I’ve said since day one, the most important thing for me has been the Bleakleys, the Smiths, the Coopers and the three guys.”

A few months after the accident, Nick was approached and they said, ‘Here’s the deal: They’re gonna do a book, with or without you,’” he says. “I wanted to do it for the right reasons, for the three guys and their families.” Oprah asks about the money. He has set up a foundation and is giving to charities. Unfortunately he has not been able to speak with the families. The money has never been a thing. He didn’t want to talk about it at first because it was so fresh, a year ago but it feels like a month.

Corey’s family have said that Nick’s depiction of Corey’s last hours as aggressive was not the Corey that they knew. Nick repeatedly stated that it was not the Corey he knew. Corey was the big teddy bear that everyone loved.

Marquis’ wife Rebecca asked Oprah to read following statement: “The last morning I saw Marquis, I kissed him goodbye and told him I loved him, as I have for years. My family and I didn’t get the chance to bring him home, to lay him to rest. I’ve heard conflicting reports stemming from Mr. Schuyler of what happened on the day Marquis, Corey and Will died, but never once heard or been told of my husband’s last words, whether he spoke of Delaney and I. How is it that Mr. Schuyler has enough recollection and material to write a book, yet has never once sat down with our family to tell us how Marquis died?  Marquis was not an inexperienced boater or a careless friend. He was a husband worth fighting for in life, and in his absence still today.”

The hardest thing right now for Nick is this relationship. He has talked to Will’s parents and two of Corey’s sisters and that “More than anything in this world, I would love to tell her the story, and I’ve always wanted to tell her the story,” he says. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes.” The setting was never right to have the conversation, even though they were friendly after the accident. Oprah says this is a lesson everyone facing loss can learn from. “For everybody, there comes a moment when things need to be said and everybody always wants to know the answer to the question, ‘Why?’ … Particularly when somebody dies or there’s an awkward situation. You don’t know what to say, so you end up saying nothing. And then that nothing ends up creating really bad feelings because somebody should have said something, and nobody really knows what to say. Even if you can, just say, ‘I don’t know what to say.’”

Oprah asks if he misses them. Every day. He had only known Marquis for a little while, and Corey even shorter, but he was with Will 2 or 3 times a week. Oprah asks if he’s ok. His friends and family have been out of this world. “Without them, who knows?”

Nick says one of the reasons he wrote Not Without Hope was to help this happen to anyone else. Here’s what the Coast Guard says everyone should take away from his story:

  • Boaters should always leave a ‘Float Plan’ with someone ashore—including a description of the boat, names of the people onboard, where exactly they are going, and when they are expected back.
  • Boaters should always wear lifejackets.
  • Every boat should carry an Electronic Position Indicating Radiobeacon (EPIRB). An EPIRB is water-activated and will broadcast an exact position via satellite to rescue centers.
  • Visual distress signals such as flares, strobe lights and even flashlights can be critical in helping the Coast Guard find someone in need of assistance.

Oprah thanks Nick and wishes him well. His life is a testament to live more consciously, so please no more texting in the car. Thank you.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

One of the main symptoms of hypothermia is the hallucinations

Sufferers become very confused and could do something that may, in fact, cause their death.

Seasickness caused Nick Schuyler to put on his ski jacket, which probably saved his life.

Wear life jackets and tell people exactly where you are going when going out to sea.

Watching 3 of your friends die in your arms is incomprehensibly terrible.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

When something so awful has happened that you don’t know what to say, say something, even if you are saying that you don’t know what to say.

Date: February 23rd, 2010
File Under: Public Service Announcement, Tragedy

Episode 33: Amanda Knox’s Family Speak Out

A pretty American college student studying abroad in Italy, an alleged sex game and a brutal murder, this story sparked a media frenzy. The Amanda Knox story, with all its shocking twists and turns, has left the public riddled with questions. Did she? Didn’t she? But whether you believe the American college student is innocent or guilty of the murder of which she’s been convicted, there is one thing everyone can agree on: Her story has become an international media sensation.While Amanda was studying abroad in Perugia, Italy, her roommate Meredith Kercher was found murdered. Today, Amanda is behind bars, sentenced to 26 years in an Italian prison for the crime, but her parents say the stories in the media couldn’t be further from the truth.

Amanda and her younger sister visited Perugia, Italy two years ago to find somewhere for Amada to live. They soon found a cottage. Amanda Knox moved to Perugia, Italy, to study abroad in 2007. She lived with three roommates—two Italians and one British exchange student, 21-year-old Meredith Kercher. She got on well with her roommates, she and Meredith both spoke English, the other two older roommates spoke Italian. On November 2, two months after Amanda moved in, Meredith’s nearly naked and bloodied body was discovered under a bedspread in her bedroom. She’d been beaten, raped and tortured. Her throat was slashed, causing her to choke on her own blood.

The Italian police say that as they began their investigation, they noticed Amanda was behaving bizarrely. She was hugging and kissing her boyfriend of two weeks, Raffaele Sollecito, outside the bedroom where Meredith’s dead body was found and reportedly performed cartwheels and splits at the police headquarters where her boyfriend was being questioned.  Over the course of the investigation, Amanda’s own recollection of the events on the night of Meredith’s murder changed. First, Amanda claimed she was at Raffaele’s house. Later, during an all-night interrogation with no attorney present, Amanda said she had a vision of being inside the house at the time of the murder. She even said she  may have heard Meredith scream. She identified the killer as Patrick Lumumba, her boss at a local bar.

A few hours later, Amanda retracted those statements, saying they had been coerced- she was hit in the back of the head by one of the police officers sho said she would make her remember. Amanda said she didn’t know what to think anymore, she was confused. The, police arrested Amanda, Raffaele and Patrick. Prosecutors claimed the murder was a result of a satanic, drug-fueled sex game turned violent and then  deadly. Their  theory made newspaper headlines around the world. Then a video of Amanda and her boyfriend buying underwear a day after the murder was released. Overnight, Amanda Knox, the sraight-A college student from Seattle became known as “the girl with the angel face and ice-cold eyes.”

The situaton got worse for Amanda when Amanda’s boss, Patrick, turned out to have an air-tight alibi. He was released from custody, and police set their sites instead on a drifter and alleged drug dealer, Rudy Guede. Forensic tests found his DNA inside Meredith’s body and in her bedroom. While the police had their three suspects in custody,  Guede was first  found guilty of murder and sentenced to 30 years in prison. Amanda’s trial lasted 15 months.  The prosecutor argued that a knife found in Raffaele’s apartment had Amanda’s DNA on the handle and Meredith’s DNA on the blade. He also said that Raffaele’s DNA was found on Meredith’s bra clasp, fueling the sex game theory. In the bathroom that Amanda and Meredith shared, police found a mix of Meredith’s blood with Amanda’s DNA.

Then it was the turn of the defense. Amanda’s attorney convinced the judge to throw out her initial statements. Amanda’s mother was called as a witness. A forensic expert for the defense team testified that the knife was too large and could not have made some of the wounds on Meredith’s neck. The defense also argued that the DNA levels on the knife were too low to be accurately measured and that the crime scene had been contaminated by careless police work. Then Amanda took the stand saying in Italian that she was afraid of having the mask of an assassin forced onto her skin

After deliberating for 11 hours, 2 judges and 6 jurors found Amanda and Raffaele guilty of murder, of sexual assault, of staging a break-in and carrying a knife. Raffaele was sentenced to 25 years and Amanda was sentenced to 26 years in prison. Rudy Guede appealed the decision against him  and a judge reduced his sentence to 16 years.Whether you believe Amanda is guilty or not is up to you,  Amanda’s parents, Edda Mellas and Curt Knox, say that Meredith’s death was a terrible tragedy, but their daughter’s story has yet to be told.

Oprah says that as parents no one wants to believe that their daughter is capable of such a thing- Oprah wants to know why she did such odd behaviour in the days after the crime, starting with Amanda’s supposed bizarre behavior in the days following Meredith’s murder. Her mother Edda says that if you know Amanda, she’s shocked. This is not a smiling girl; referring to video of Amanda hugging her boyfriend outside the house where Meredith was murdered. They’re not making out. He’s rubbing her back and comforting her. She was just shocked. She was devastated, she had been devastated for a large amount of time.

Edda says Amanda’s behavior at police headquarters,  turning cartwheels and doing splits, was another misrepresentation. She says that Amanda had been  there for 54 hours over a 91 hour period, and while doing homework, she got up to stretch. She was getting cramped, and the officers came in—they were being really friendly—and they said, Oh, you seem pretty flexible, and she said ‘Yes , I was a gymnast. They asked her if she could still do any gymnastics, and Amanda said yes and went into a split. Edda says, that was it. It was lost in translation. Amanda said that there was absolutely no cartwheels ever. Curt says that the media blows things out of proportion and especially over there. In the US we are used to having two sides to every story, over there, pretty much anyone can make up anything and they’ll print it. Edda says that much has been lost in translation, including possibly the notion of cartwheels.

Oprah asks why Amanda changed her testimony, which is never a good thing. Edda said she watched an Oprah show where a man talked about changing his testimony- he confessed to killing  a whole family or something he didn’t really do. Edda says that Amanda always, in all of her statements, maintained the bottom line was that she didn’t know what was true anymore, but she did  know that she did not have anything to do with the murder of her friend. Oprah asks about the vision that Amanda supposedly had- Edda says that the police fed her prompts, that she was encouraged to keep talking.

Edda also says that interestingly the Italian police recorded all other conversations and phone calls before and after the interrogation, but they did not tape the overnight 14 hour interrogation itself. Oprah asks who they think killed Meredith- Curt says that the evidence sure points to Rudy Guede. His DNA is all over and on Meredith  and all over the murder scene. Amanda has no fingerprints, no blood, no sweat, no hair, nothing in the room. Raffaele has nothing there other than the bra clasp, and a speck of DNA. The bra clasp was photographed on November 2nd and it was picked up 47 days later after the crime scene had been released. There had been people going back and forward so there was an extreme possibility of contamination.

Today Curt says visiting Amanda in prison is almost unbearable. Some days visits are nice and others are extremely tough. You just do the best you can. He once held Amanda for 45 minutes while she cried in his arms. Curt and Edda divorced when Amanda was only three years old but they have joined forces to help get Amanda back. Oprah can’t imagine how it must feel to visit your child in a foreign prison where she will be for 26 years. Curt says that the time she cried for 45 minutes was the worst. Oprah asks what a good day is like- she comes out bubbly, it’s different over there you get to hold her and hug her. Curt asks her what she is up to and how her schooling is going. She is still attending the University of Washington thanks to some generous professors. She is doing German and Italian studies, and she completes the assignments and Curt or Edda get them back to Washington to be graded, she is treated like any other child. Its an independent study program which gives her a light at the end of the tunnel. Then Amanda will not feel that her time there has been wasted, so she will have something when she gets out.

Oprah asks if they really believe that Amanda will get out, and if so how? Curt says she is absolutely innocent. She went through a trial by media. Inside the courtroom there is no evidence to convict her. In Italy jurors are not sequestered and the media did a character assasination in the first year and all the jurors had been exposed to that. Oprah confirms that the jurors are not questioned in any way, it’s a very different situation. Oprah says if you want to be tried, get tried in the USA. Edda says that we make mistakes too, and that their have been Oprah episodes about that. At least to begin with it’s fair, says Oprah.

Amanda’s attorney, Theodore Simon, is in the audience and says there’s no question that Amanda’s was a wrongful conviction. We are not  immune to misplaced justice and wrongful convictions in the US, no one has a monopoly on justice. This is a prime example. He says that the audience just heard Curt speak about the lack of evidence in the case which is both profound and compelling, You’ve already portrayed how horrific this murder scene was and it was very tragic and terrible. But there was no hair, no fiber, no footprint, no shoe print, no hand print, no palm print, no fingerprint, no saliva, no sweat, no cells, no blood, no DNA of Amanda Knox in the room where Kercher was found or on her body. That’s virtually impossible to have occurred in this type of case. Oprah asks if Amanda’s initial accusation of an innocent man shows a lack of integrity. The lawyer says that we have to understand the circumstances here- she had been spoken to for many hours over a long period of time without a lawyer or interpreter. Her statements were thrown out by the Supreme Court of Italy finding that her rights had been violated. This was critical, her statements were not confessions.The prosecutor in this case labored under an indictment for abuse of office during the entire pendency of Amanda’s case and was ultimately convicted.

Her boss called her to say that she didn’t need to go into to work that night and she texted thanks, see you later.  In the U.S., that means, ‘See you tomorrow, next week, whenever.’ They took that to mean, again, lost in translation, literally you’re meeting up with him later today in a few hours to commit this horrible crime,” Edda says. So they kept holding that message up in front of her face and yelling at her and saying: ‘We know you were meeting with him. We know he was involved.’ It was the police that prompted all of that. Oprah asks if Amanda says that she was coerced under pressure- Edda says that she was hit, called a liar, told her that she’d never see her family again. They said just give us possibilities. Edda agrees that it was a trial by media and that things were printed that were not true about the case or Amanda herself. After the arrest, a  media fire erupted- Amanda was a sex crazed party girl who did drugs and murder. Edda says that Amanda admitted that she and Raffaele had smoked pot that night after watching a movie. She stayed at his house overnight.

20/20 co-anchor Elizabeth Vargas  covered the case from the very beginning, She joins Oprah from the ABC studio in NY. She says that she has never worked on a story that caused such outrage. The outrage was international; the victim was British, it happened in Italy and here in the US thousands of American families send their children overseas as exchange students. This has been a nightmarish ordeal for the Knox family, regardless of what you believe about Amanda’s guilt. There was an enormous amount of early publicity early in this case which later turned out to be untrue. For example she was in this sexy underwear store buying lingerie- Vargas was in that store, it was a Target essentially and Amanda couldn’t get home to get any of her clothes, so that makes sense. That story was sold along with the idea that she and Raffaele were planning a night of hot sex. Those kinds of stories gave a negative opinion of Amanda which never changed throughout the trial. In London the tabloids at least said Amanda Knox is guilty, but of what? Oprah says that the decision was unanimous. Elizabeth says that some jurors expressed sympathy for Amanda, for some reason, many Italians believe that she did something wrong, but they don’t know what- the fact that she said something in the interrogation then retracted it struck them as untrue. Elizabeth was struck by the early judgements on Amanda’s character that were not changed desppite a rigorous defence. During the prosecution it was like one side was saying the sky is blue while the other said that the sky is green, that’s how opposing the arguments were. An impartial expert was requested to reconcile the differences,and that request was denied. Italy gets jumpy when questions about sequestering, or the prosecutor etc arise. There was much resistance into looking at what might not have been a fair process.

Amanda has three younger sisters, Deanna, Ashley and Delaney. Deanna (21), the second-oldest, says her life has been put on hold since Amanda’s arrest. She wants Amanda back to be the older sister, she wants to be the best but Amanda is the best at being the older sister. Delaney (11) wants everything to have not happened, they won’t be a family until Amanda comes home. Ashley (15) cries because Amanda is not there, she stays strong for Amanda because she knows that she has to. She says its even harder on other people like her Dad and Edda and Amanda, she doesn’t want to say to her mom or dad that she’s sad because it makes them sad and then they worry about her and not Amanda which is who they should be worrying about. Oprah says that this says to all of us that a tragedy in the family focuses on one person but everyone is equally impacted.  Deanna says that her life is on hold, on pause. They’re all just in a waiting period, waiting for Amanda to come home. Deanna stopped going to college, she works full-time. She visits Ashley and Delaney and takes care of her parents as much as possible. She has to go on- the worst thing is when Amanda cries that her whole family’s eyes fill with tears, she doesn’t want them to cry for her. Deanna says she has be strong and keep her feelings inside for the sake of her family. Curt says that because he spends so much time in Italy, he isn’t always aware of what the other girls are going through. He knows Deanna has done a fantastic job keeping them up, and hopefully this will all be done soon and Amanda’ll get to come home and they’ll get to carry on with their lives. As the mom, Edda says that you want to take care of them, but they all worry about us. They’re all putting on brave faces for each other.

Every Friday night, Amandas friends sleep over at her house so they are all together for the Saturday morning call. Her family and friends gather at Edda’s house to be there for the call. The ten minutes goes by really quick. Deanna sleeps in Amanda’s bed every night after the call.The phone rings and the cameras are turned off.  Edda says Amanda sounded okay, she was upbeat. They go around the table and speak, it’s great to hear her voice. Saying goodbye is really hard, you want to talk forever. They asked to turn off the cameras because the footage would result in their calls being taken away from them. It is bittersweet to hear her, Amanda said tell Oprah hi, I love her. Edda’s eyes fill with tears, Oprah holds her hand. Amanda said  ’See if you can thank all the people that have written me or donated money to the defense fund or whatever,’ because she can’t. She doesn’t have enough time to write everybody back and she’s getting hundreds of letters from people, and she wanted to find a way to thank them. Oprah asks if Amanda is putting on a good face for them- Curt says yes, its nice to hear her voice. She’d always ask how they were doing , even when she was in the courtroom.  Curt’s eyes well up. Oprah asks about the 45 minutes when Amanda cried in Curts arms, Curt takes a few breaths and says trying to explain to your daughter why she is a position when she’s completely innocent… Edda says that you have to try to explain that Amanda is in the middle of this massive mistake that has to be fixed. They both say their hardest moments are trying to explain to Amanda why she is in this position.

Oprah wants to talk about MySpace pages- foxy knoxy was a name given to Amanda as a soccer-playing 8 year old – she put it up there for a joke, no one in her adult life called her that. The media took elements of her MySpacee page out of context to make her into someone that she was not. Oprah asks if they ever had a shadow of a doubt that Amanda could be guilty? Never. Did they ask her point blank? Edda says that she was the first to see Amanda after the arrest and she was confused. Once Amanda told her what had hapened, it was clarified- it was a mistake that had to be cleared up. Amanda has always maintained point blank that she had nothing to do with this, that Meredith was her friend, they were great friends.

Oprah asks if they have spoken  to the family of Meredith Kercher. Curt says that during interviews, they’ve tried to express their condolences and the sorrow for the loss of their daughter. The Kercher’s have experienced the worst phone call a parent could ever have. They still have a chance with Amanda. The Kercher’s don’t with their daughter, and until they know that Amanda had nothing to do with it, Curt doesn’t know how he would feel as a parent receiving that type of call. Edda says that lawyers say that now is not the time.

Amanda’s parents are now looking to the future and trying to plan how they will free their daughter. They are hoping that a document from the jury on why they found her guilty will help their cause. Curt says ”We’re waiting for this motivation document, from there, that will allow us to draft the appeal and approach how we’re going to go about it.” The lawyer says that this case makes no legal or common sense. He likes to believe that it shouldn’t matter where the prosecution takes place, there is simply insufficient evidence.  If you believe the theory that in 3 weeks Amanda went to Italy and turned into satanic ritualistic murderer, if you can get past that you’ll realise there is no forensic evidence that Amanda had anything to do with the murder. This has been a horrible experience for the family.

On the day that Amanda Knox was sentenced, Meredith Kercher’s brother, Lyle, made this statement: “Ultimately, we are pleased with the decision, pleased that we’ve got a decision, but it’s not a time for celebration. At the end of the day,its not a moment of triumph, at the end of the day we’re all gathered here because our sister was brutally murdered and taken away from us.”

Oprah says thank you all for being here.We’re all mindful that at the heart of the story is the tragic and senseless death of Meredith Kercher; we’d also like to wish her family much  peace. Another reason to stop talking in your hands free cell phone  in your car- 600,000 traffic accidents happen a year as a result of talking on the phone according to a Harvard study. Go online and take the no phone zone pledge. Bye everybody and thanks to Delaney and Ashley for taking part in the show.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

In Italy jurors are not sequestered

Oprah says if you want to be tried, get tried in the USA.

The prosecutor in this case labored under an indictment for abuse of office during the entire pendency of Amanda’s case and was ultimately convicted.

There was no hair, no fiber, no footprint, no shoe print, no hand print, no palm print, no fingerprint, no saliva, no sweat, no cells, no blood, no DNA of Amanda Knox in the room where Meredith Kercher was found or on her body.

A tragedy in the family focuses on one person but everyone is equally impacted.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

In the US we are used to having two sides to every story, over there, pretty much anyone can make up anything and they’ll print it in the papers.

Date: February 17th, 2010
File Under: Family, Public Service Announcement, Tragedy

Episode 29: Serial Killer John Wayne Gacy’s Sister & Mass Murderer Jim Jones’ Son Speak Out

We’ve all heard the expression don’t drink the Kool-Aid which means don’t follow the crowd, think for yourself. Do you know where the expression comes from? It comes from the  1978 Jonestown Massacre where more than 900 people drank a Kool-Aid-like beverage laced with cyanide. 900 people, that’s the audience members multiplied by three. 900 people. It was the biggest mass murder suicide in modern history, and it was masterminded by Jim Jones, the leader of the People’s Temple. In 1956 Jones was a young and dynamic preacher with a radical voice for the times; he preached total equality. He created his own church in Indiana and called it the People’s Temple. He stood for divine principles: Total equality. A society where people own all things in common, where there is no rich or poor, where there are no races.He and his wife  had what they called a Rainbow Family with their kids-  2 kids from South Korea, an African American kid,  and one homegrown kid. in 1965, Jones moved his family and the People’s Temple to progressive California. It was the 60’s, and the People’s Temple had what many were seeking, they spoke of what people had in their hearts- the government was not taking care of people, there were too many poor people and poor children. When Garrett Lambrev  joined the People’s Temple in 1965, there were 81 members, five years later there were 1000’s of members. As the movement grew, so did Jones’ demands. Followers signed over their paychecks, their life saving and even their homes. In the 70’s, Jones claimed he could miraculously heal the sick. A darker side of Jones was emerging, and rumors of physical and sexual abuse began to spread. Laura Johnston Kohl says that people were spanked, slapped and beaten in meetings. Jones sent an advanced team to the jungles of Guyana, South America, to build their utopia, Jonestown, far away from media and government scrutiny.

In 1977, with Jonestown almost complete, Jones ordered his followers to Guyana, and nearly 1000 people dropped everything and moved with him to where they believe heaven on earth awaited them. The followers thought it loooked like freedom. The community was well planned with a school, clinic and communal  kitchen. But as Jonestown flourished, their leader grew increasingly bizarre. There was a speaker system that only Jones spoke on. He would tape himself and play it over and over, 24 hours a day. In the summer of 1978, it was noticed that Jones was getting sicker. It was widely rumored that he was abusing drugs.  His tirades were getting more and more frantic and he seemed to be getting more insane. Back in the States, former church members began complaining that Jones was keeping their loved ones against their will. Californian congressman, Leo Ryan flew to Jonestown with a handful of reporters. The People’s Temple welcomed them to the party. But later that evening a Jonestown resident passed a note to a reporter saying that he was being held against his will. The next morning, more and more defectors came forward. Though Jones appeared calm in front of the cameras, behind the scenes he had ordered his avenging angels, as he called them, to take action. They ambushed the Congressman and his crew at the airstrip. Congressman Ryan and four others were killed in a shootout. Back at Jonestown, Jones called an emergency meeting where he announced that the Congressman was dead. He stated that as they wouldn’t live in peace, they should die in peace. Jones presented to his followers a large metal vat filled with a cyanide-laced beverage. First mothers were ordered to give it to their children and then drink it themselves.  ”Die with respect, Die with a degree of dignity” Jones urged them. “Mother please, put down your life with your child”. Tim Carter is one of only 7 who survived the mass suicide. He looked to his right and saw his wife with their son in her arms and poison being injected into his mouth, and his son was dead, and he was frothing at the mouth. His wife died in his arms, and their son was in her arms. All Tim could say was I love you, over and over. Jim Jones Jr lost his wife, his unborn child and his mother and father.

Oprah says it still seems unbelievable that 909 people including nearly 300 children died that day, and a further 5 at the airstrip. Jim Jones Jr was not there that day, he is here in the studio today. Jones preached to his followers about dying a peaceful and dignified death. This is what a death by Potassium Cyanide does to the body. The deadly poison attacks the nervous system, starving the body of oxygen. Unable to breathe, victims die of suffocation, eventually their organs shutdown. Eye-witnesses at Jonestown reported seeing the poisoned people going into violent convulsions, their faces twisted and foam coming out of their mouths. It took about 5 minutes to die their agonizing deaths.

They came to take newborn babies out of their mother’s arms. Jones said “Bring the vat, the vat, the vat, lay it here so that the adults may begin”. They were slaughtered says Tim. There was nothing dignified, it was senseless waste and death. Rev Jim Jones, his wife, 2 of their children and 5 of their grandchildren died that day. 3 of their sons were spared. Jim Jones Jr and his two brothers were in Georgetown, 150 miles away with the basketball team when he got his father’s call. His father spoke of visiting Ms Frazier, which was code for suicide. Jim couldn’t believe what Jones planed to do, he asked if there was another way. His father told them to find knives or piano wire or whatever they could to commit suicide. When Jim received those instructions he didn’t kill himself, he didn’t believe and couldnt understand what was happening. He didn’t know if his family would drink the Kool-Aid. At the time he was 18. They went to the US embassy to find what was going on, they hoped they could stop it. In Jonestown prior to this, the community had practiced drills of suicide- which were tests of loyalty where people would pledge their allegiance to the cause. The cause was the non-isms; non-racism, non-sexism, non ageism. The class system coming out of the 70’s of haves and have nots was opposite to the utopian society of the Pople’s Temple. People believed that they would create a whole new world. They had the whole gamut of intelligence, and 70% African Americans. Jim was adopted by Jones when he was 10 weeks old. The story goes that he was the first African American kid to be adopted by a caucasian family. Jones was his father, and Jim loved him. He took pride in his father. Oprah asks was it difficult being the first black kid in a white family? He says no, he didn’t know. There were Koreans in the family and Jim Jr just thought that he had a better tan. He had two Korean siblings,  and Homemade the blond blue eyed natural son. There was no race at the church, they were a rainbow family.

Even Jones’ voice was becoming slurred towards the end. During the last year he was becoming detached and crazy. Jim Jr was probably the last to see it- he didnt want to see it. Jones had multiple affairs and mistresses which happened for years prior to Jonestown. As a child they’d go on holiday for a week with their father and a mistress, and then their mother would join them for the second week. His mother was aware. Jim Jr was told that the women needed his father. He was resentful, but felt that he had to do it for the people to build the new world. He says that he drank the Kool-Aid before; he was indoctrinated into believing, that was his bubble. Oprah asks why would 900 people agree to do that? Jim Jr cant answer but he can try and explain the mindset. The 900 people were told that the Congressman had been shot. They were told that their community would be invaded and their  children would be taken away. Jones’ words were that they needed to lay down their lives in protest. He had the children ingest the cyanide first, very manipulatively. Jim Jr says he has 3 boys and if he watched them die, why would he want to live? Jones created that vacuum. When you see the syringes and needles, he doesn’t think everyone lined up willingly. Oprah clarifies that people were made to do it against their will, and that guards were there to shoot people if they didn’t comply. Jim Jr’s brother, sister, mother , father, wife and unborn child all died. For Jim Jr there was no reason to live. He came back to the States and went by James Jones for many years. 15 years later  he worked his way up to be the Director of a Cardio Pulmonary Department in a hospital. Because of the acronyms behind his name, they shortened his name to Jim. As he walked up to his great new job he was faced with the name Jim Jones and he realised that Jim Jones Jr is who he is. He faced up to the fact that he was part of a community trying to build  a brave new world. They tried and failed, but he can’t hide from who he is. He doesn’t hate his father, he has forgiven him. Was Jones mentally ill or on drugs? Oprah asks. The mental illness was exacerbated by the drug abuse and his power which was never challenged. Jones spiraled out of control, self destructed and took 900 people with him.

In 1998, Jim Jr went back to Jonestown and took his sons with him, he wanted to give them the foundation of what kind of world they were trying to create. When he got to Jonestown, looking for answers to his questions the only thing he could find was the tin vat that the KoolAid was stored in. The grass had grown over it. At that point he realised that he couldn’t have answers but he had to figure out how to get on with his life from that point. Oprah asks if he would have drunk the Kool-Aid that day, he can’t say he wouldn’t have if his wife and family had all taken it. The 900 people had already been brainwashed, practicing suicide raids, they were  already indoctrinated. To kill the children first was a strategy. Oprah says again, it is incomprehensible that any mother would feed their child cyanide.

Jim Jr says that basketball saved his life twice. 15-18 years after Jonestown he hit rock bottom and found solace in alcohol and drugs. He became emotionally unavailable to his wife and children to the stage where his wife was willing to leave him and take the kids. To save his family he got clean and found something that his son gave him as a gift that they could connect upon, basketball. He’d denied himself basketball because of guilt, and that saved him. When people says sports save their life, Jim Jr says it saved his life twice. Jim’s oldest son Rob is making a name for himself on the basketball court. For years Jim Jr was defined as the son of Jim Jones. Now he’s known as the father of his son Rob, with great pride and honor. Oprah says that’s really great.

Jim Jr shared many stories with his kids about their grandfather;  trips they went on, playing ball. Some of his sons friends came up to Rob and said they just learned about his grandfather in history class. And Rob said, yeah, that was my Grandfather. To Rob it’s just stories. Oprah says she finds it hard to believe that there is no guilt, shame and resentent connected to… that it would be easy to dismiss the first 17 years of his life, banish it and move on. Jim Jr says he wanted to embrace it for both himself and his children. Oprah asks why. He embraces it because then he doesn’t have to  hide from it. Oprah says that is so good and that we can learn alot from him. He says that there is no stigma for his children. Oprah says that everyone has something in their past that they are embarrassed by, or ashamed of, something that a family member has done. Jim Jr is proof that you don’t have to let the past be a burden. He says it is by the Grace of God and a great wife. Oprah says listen to your wife, Jim Jr laughs. Thank you Jim and to CBS for some of the footage they used to tell this story.

John Wayne Gacy’s sister is not recognised by her background- she had to bury that part of her life. She likes to talk about the brother that she knew, who was kind and loving and a great loving uncle to her children who they dearly loved and dearly remember. Karen’s brother was one of the most horrific serial killers of all time. Anyone under 35 may not remember the grizzly story before his arrest in 1978. He was one of the carziest and scariest human beings because he functioned in society. At 25 years old, John Wayne Gacy was a family man with a wife and 2 children. He ran a successful business and was well respected. One afternoon he invited a 15 year old boy to his home and molested him. In 1968 he was arrested and convicted of sodomy. He received 10 years, the maximum sentence, at the State Penitentiary. His wife divorced him and took the children who he never saw again. While in prison, he was a model prisoner, he was the head cook and sang in the choir. After 18 months he was released on good behaviour. Returning to his home town of Chicago, determined to rebuild his life, he started a contracting business. He remarried and volunteered at charitable events as Pogo the Clown. His family believed that when his second marriage failed, something in him snapped. He began to abduct young men and boys, raping and murdering them. Police never suspected anything until 1978 when he was reported as the last person seen with a young boy. Investigators were shocked when he admitted to throwing five bodies in the river and he drew a map showing where more than 2 dozen bodies were buried in a crawl space beneath his home and garage. He was found guilty of murdering 33 young men and boys, he received the death penalty and died by lethal injection in 1994.

Gacy’s sister Karen shows her favorite photo of them together as children with their older sister Joanne. John and her were best friends and did everything together. He liked gardening, baking and cooking, not stereotypical male activities of the time. It bothered their father who would bring it up when he drank. Her father would call John a  sissy, and he was a mean drunk. John felt that he never lived up to his father’s expectations which went all the way up until he married and had a son and daughter. He was arrested about 18 months later and was accused of sodomy with a minor- he always insisted that he was innocent and he was framed. Karen believed him and says that she has often wondered if they hadn’t believed him so easily that his life may have turned out differently.

In 1978 the remains of at least 27 bodies were found under Gacy’s house. Karen says that there was always a musty smell at the house, When he was arrested, she couldn’t believe that he was capable of killing all the people. An attorney called to tell her, she spoke to John and he admitted that he did it. Neither she nor her husband could believe it. He wasn’t the person that they knew, who was good and kind and loving. Gacy recanted his confession and maintained that he was innocent until his execution, but he did tell Karen initially that he did it. In jail she asked him how he didn’t know that the bodies were under their mothers house. He said he didn’t kill all of them but maybe one or two. She told him that if he killed one, he killed them all;  you can’t kill one and not be guilty. She was so angry at what he had done to their family and children. She could have socked him because she didn’t know that about him.

Oprah asks if he killed things as a boy, like animals, or other traits of serial killers? Karen says no, nothing like that, he was good to their dogs, there were no signs of anything. Oprah asks if he was trying to hide his homosexuality or bisexuality? In Iowa, Karen and her husband and their oldest daughter visited him and they went to a function together. Gacy said don’t be upset if they don’t go home with each other. Gacy went home with the wife of a couple who was with them, and the husband went home with them. Karen never set foot in their house again. She said what in the world is going on, and he said it was nothing. She’d never heard anything about him with another man. Oprah asks what the family thought when he was jailed for sodomy of a 15 year old boy? He said it was consensual. Her mom told her later that as a child he was molested, and she is not trying to use that as a justification for what he did. Oprah says that if everyone who was molested ended up killing people and putting them in a crawlspace, we wouldn’t have a world. Karen agrees.

Karen was with John the hours before his execution. The chief prosecutor felt he got an easier death than he deserved. Leaving the prison and knowing she’d never see him again was really hard. It was a nightmare. You could hear the people chanting. No one ever called her to say Im sorry for your loss after he was executed.  Oprah asks what it was like to spend the day before the execution with her brother. He was at peace with it, he said he’d rather be dead than live in prison for the rest of his life. They show a photo of them hugging, taken hours before he was transferred for execution. Karen sees that people may find it hard to believe that she would hug him, but she says that he was her brother. She never knew the evil part of him. She hates that part of him and she told her family that if any appeal ever worked, she’d see to it that he’d never walk the face of the earth again. She never spoke to the victims families, she was not allowed to by attorneys because it was tantamount to admitting that he was guilty. She feels remorse about that. She only told her boss last week who her brother was. The name Gacy has disappeared, she never uses her maiden name. After 31 years of hiding her past, never mentioning that she has a brother, living in a closet, to allow her children and grandchildren a  normal life, she is ready  to reveal herself to her neighbors on Oprah. The last thing that she said to her brother was that she loved him and forgave him for the the stuff that he… not the crime, she could never forgive that, but for what they were put through.

Oprah thanks her and says it is interesting to hear from people who have to carry on their lives when they are related to some of the most infamous and reviled people in history. Remember to make your car a no-phone zone; no one else needs to die because people are stupidly texting. Thank you.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:
909 people died in Jonestown including almost 300 children in the biggest mass murder suicide in modern history, masterminded by Jim Jones.

Jim Jones Jr, the son of Jim Jones has forgiven his dad because they were trying to create a utopian ideal.

Jim Jones Jr has embraced his father’s legacy so that to his children, this particular history is just stories.

John Wayne Gacy, a seemingly functional member of society abducted, raped and murdered 33 yound men and boys.

Karen, sister of Gacy saw no warning signs in her brother, and has forgiven him, but not his crime.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Even the most reviled, infamous people in history can find  forgiveness from their family.

Date: February 15th, 2010
File Under: Betrayal, Family, Public Service Announcement, Relationships, Tragedy

Episode 27: Raped By His Mother- A Victim Comes Forward

Last Monday Oprah talked to 4 child molesters, who revealed in chilling detail how they lured children into their sick world. What they did was evil, but what they said can help your children. Today we turn your view of child molestation upside down when we look at what happens when the molesters are women, even mothers. This is Gregg Milligan’s graphic recount of what he went through every single day as a boy. This was his childhood home where he and his oldest brother and younger sister lived with their mother. He didn’t know his father, his mother was his whole world. The physical abuse started long before the sexual abuse. When he was 8 years old he was fondled and touched by his mother, and he was made to touch her. When perhaps she thought she could take it further, she did, she’d make him have sex with her, moving his body agains hers. If he didn’t respond physically he would be beaten and choked and  thrown from the bedroom. He had to help her reach orgasm – until that happened he was her prisoner in her bed and she’d make an awful screaching sound when she reached orgasm, then she’d hit him and push him. When he went to bed at night he couldn’t get the smell of her of his hands. By the time he was 9 or 10 it felt consensual, he wanted to die, to be rid of this ugly feeling of being his mother’s lover.

Back in the studio Oprah says we are talking here about a ten year old boy. Gregg’s mother died nearly 14 years ago but he recently came out the shadows to tell his story. We don’t hear about mother-son abuse much, but it does happen. She asks Gregg about the sense that the abuse felt consensual- was that because it was pleasurable? He says it was never pleasurable, it was always awful, but his body started to respond to the stimulus. As he grew older and his body matured, he responded physically with an erection. He couldn’t differentiate between the biological and the mental response. Oprah asks if he thought it was normal? He says yes. Oprah qualifies that you don’t have a language for it as an abused child. Later as an adult you can articulate it, but as a child he thought all boys had this relationship with their mothers. Oprah asks if there was any seduction? He says the beatings were consistent, and the sexual abuse started the same way but when the sexual abuse started he would be told mother needs you, rather than shouted at to stand still. It was manipulative and gentle. The beatings were worse if she didn’t reach orgasm- he tried hard to help her orgasm quickly so he could go back to his room. Oprah says part of the shame of abuse is because there is some pleasure; being touched is supposed to feel good and that’s why we are all doing it. As a child, the newly aroused feelings are confusing. Greg says if his mother had been gentle and kind and sweet he is sure it would have been diffeerent. But because of the brutality of the physical abuse it was very different. Her anger if she didnt reach orgasm, and the dismissiveness with which she told him to get out if she did reach orgasm was always there. After she’d reached orgasm, she’d say that he did it to her, that he seduced her and that this was his doing. He believed that and was completely confused. He thought that this was love at first. Oprah asks for a picture of him to be shown on screen at age 8 or 10. She asks that everyone who feels responsible for their abuse to look at a picture of themself at the age it happened and ask what a child of that age could have done to stop the abuse. Gregg sees a young boy who was given no choice but to allow this to happen in his photo. He couldn’t have stopped it and wouldn’t have stopped it- his mother was the center of his universe and he loved her. Oprah reiterates her stance that  molesters in the bushes do exist but mainly it is friends and relatives who are the abusers.

Gregg says as a child he was physically tortured and violently raped by his mother. 35 years later he is still tortured by his past. He is working on it, but at age 46 he is still trapped inside his childhood house. What was taken from Gregg and any abused child will be gone forever. Part of him was taken and died- the innocence that every child deserves was taken. Before age 11 there was no one that he could have told. There were teachers but he was desperately afraid of his mother. She was his only parent, she was feared by her kids and in the neighborhood. It wasn’t just the fear of his mother, it was the absolute shame that this was taking place. Even today Oprah asks which is easier to say, that he was abused or that he had sex with his mother? He says abused. It is easier to admit to physical abuse rather than sexual abuse. Oprah says that  in all these years, Gregg is the first person she has spoken to who was forced to have had actual physical intercourse with his mother at such a young age, and that is interesting for her to talk about what that experience does to you as a person. The experience itself was that his mother had control of his body- they were both small people, close to emaciated, and she would control his physical body to pleasure her. It was worse than the physical abuse- it forced him to shut off what was happening. He had to pretend that it wasn’t his mother doing this because she was the only person that he had in this world. He needed his mom. Oprah says the stories behind the smiles are never revealed in childhood photos. Gregg wanted them to think he was normal, he craved normalcy and acceptance to be like the other children.

After a year of being raped by his mother, the abuse took a turn for the worse. His mother frequently prostituted herself at local pubs, soliciting men in the neighborhood. The men soon followed for Gregg- his mother would justify prostituting him out by saying if he didn’t they’d go hungry, lose the house and be out on the street. She said that if he didn’t comply the men would come back and cut off his genitals, and Gregg believed her. Oprah says his mother sounds like a monster. He recalls his mother prostituting herself when he was seven. Oprah wants Gregg’s information to help viewers. Kids don’t have the words- so asking them if they have been molested is unhelpful as they dont understand the concept. Greg was 8-9 the first time; a man came over, money changed hands and his mother left. The man undressed him and performed fellatio, He struggled desperately to not let his body respond to the stimulus. It worked that time and the man, frustrated, left. It became worse when he got older and couldn’t always control the biological response to the stimulus. That was the worst when he got an erection, then it felt like it was his fault, that he wanted it. Oprah says she so understands that. Oprah asks if he understands that the little boy in the photo could not possibly be responsible. He understands now, but it took years. Oprah says that the abusers use your biological response to justify their behavior, to say that you liked it. His mother would convince him that it wouldn’t have happened had he not responded sexually, with her or the other men. Oprah says that this is horrific and that his mother was obviously a damaged person with a lot of  pain in her life and no ability to love her children. But  in all cases, the sexual act itself is minor compared to the emotional and spiritual damage done. Gregg agrees wholeheartedly. The shame is crushing and is what destroys you. The shame changes what you are as a human being. It caused Gregg to act and react differently. He withheld emotionally and academically. He was afraid to play with other young boys- his mother would say he was immoral, homosexual and perverted. He believed that it was not normal behaviour  to find affection or friendship. Oprah asks if he finds it is a marvel that he is alive and and sane and able to marry and have a life beyond this? Greg say that there is definitely something bigger and better than all of this out there.

In the photo album of his childhood, Gregg and his siblings have forced smiles- if you look closely you’ll see bruises, scars, greasy hair, unkempt clothes and fear. Fear is exactly what the abusers want you to feel. No one in the neighborhood ever stepped in to help. Neighbors saw what their mother did to the kids, and they’d tell their own kids to stay away  from the family, further ostracizing them from the rest of the neighborhood. Due to her advanced alcoholism, she could no no longer control  her bowels, so she would walk up and down the street urinating and defecating while screaming obscenities. Kids would ask if his mother was the whore, the crazy woman? There were obvious signs that he was abused- he was emaciated, his clothing smelled awful. His nicknames were stinky, smelly, brains- because he couldnt read write or tell the time. If you really want to hurt someone, make a joke that a boy is having sex with his mother. It was meant in jest, no one could fathom that it would be true, but it was.  Oprah asks what he would do when that joke was made? Gregg would laugh along to appear as normal as possible. Oprah says every child wants to fit in and be normal. Greg just wanted to fit in and be normal, even though he couldn’t tell the time at age 10.

Gregg’s sister April is here, she was also sexually abused by their mother. She is two years younger than Gregg. April knew something was going on with Gregg, but she was instructed to stay in her room at all times. Her mom would come and grab her hand and take her to her bedroom. To April it was spending time with mom. Her mom would make April fondle her mother’s vagina, and she would do the same to April. This went on for a couple of years until Gregg stepped in, thank god. Her saviour saved her life. He said no more, you’re not going to abuse my sister so he took the abuse. A man came to the house when he was about 9 and april was 7. Money changed hands and Gregg assumed the man was there for him or his mother. But his mother called April out the room  which had never happened. She then instructed Gregg to follow her to her room. Gregg grabbed april, his mother grabbed him and slammed him against the wall. Gregg told April to hide, and he went to the living room and he had to be abused by the man instead, while his mother went to her room. He says it was the best decision that he ever made. She never tried to prostitute April again. He was beaten after the man left yet Gregg said he would never let it happen again. He would always insert himself into the situation so that April never had to do this. April knew he was protecting her, she knew as a child that something was not right- with regards to touching and private areas. She knew with her mother that the sexual abuse was wrong, she was afraid of her, she would try and hide. She knew when a man arrived that it was not a good feeling.

Gregg says the house always smelled of sex and alcohol. He had to get all three of the kids out because one day he wouldn’t be there and April would be raped and it would be his fault. When Gregg was 11, they were removed from the home and the abuse stopped. The shame went on for years after. Greg spent two weeks stealing money from his mother’s purse to run down to the corner store and use the payphone to call and say you have to help us, you have to get us out of here to an older sister. After two weeks, a sister did come and physically remove them from the house. Their mother died in 1996. Oprah asks how their relationship was. Gregg worried about her, he loved her very much but avoided her because he was afraid of her. Preparing for this show, he saw a photo of his mom at his college graduation,standing next to him.  He didn’t remember her being there , he cut her from his life entirely, didn’t communicate with her. He was still afraid of her as an adult. Oprah says that when you’ve been abused by someone you love and trust, it is very confusing as children love even the abuser. It is hard to understand but it is confusing and shameful for the abused.

Every nightmare starts the same, Gregg feels his mother forcing him to have sex with him, he sees her face, he can smell her breath of wine and whisky. He wakes up clawing at the bed; screaming, weeping, shouting out.  The dreams are vivid and real and they are every night. Gregg’s wife Sarah is in the studio. She says Gregg will cry out and struggle in his sleep, he makes choked out, fearful cries. She sometimes wakes him up or she’ll hold him. Oprah asks how you begin to put a life back together with the shame and the guilt. Oprah says she’s speaking in broad generalities, and she knows that, but many people cannot have  intimate communication and for others it goes the opposite way. Oprah became a promiscuous teenager, looking for love in all the wrong places. For Gregg, as a teenager and into his 20’s he became very promiscuous with multiple relationships and short relationships. Sarah and Gregg met at work and she heard about all this maybe a year or so into the relationship. Oprah says this is enough to make you pack your bags and run, and Sarah says no, never. Gregg was very quiet at first, he was fearful of the shame of telling, afraid to tell her. He was scared that she would judge him or find him perverted. The trust and love he had for his abuser, an unhealthy love, had to become a safe healthy trust and love for someone else. Oprah says the ramifications of being abused by someone as close to you as your mother means that you simply don’t know how to love. You don’t trust anyone.

Despite everything that happened to Gregg before his 12th birthday, he went on to graduate high school, college and got his master’s degree. The crowd applaud. Education saved him by allowing him to be more independent and functional, a contributing member of society and people started to pay attention to  him when he spoke,especially when he asked for help. He has a 23 year old son who is in the audience, Gregg the second. Oprah asks how it feels to hear this- it makes him, sad, he loves his dad and he’s a great father who is easy to talk to. Oprah asks Gregg if fatherhood helped him heal- absolutely, one of his greatest fears was turning out like his parents. To be able to raise his son with love and no violence, it affirmed to Gregg that it might be ok, that it can be done. Oprah says that it is a choice; every abused child does not have to choose to become an abuser. Gregg says we need more people to make that choice. Oprah thanks everyone for being here. Gregg is the spokesperson for RAINN, the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. If anybody who has heard this story today wants to talk about what has happened in their life or what is happening in someone’s life, the number is on the screen. There is a reason why the last 4 digits spell Hope. 1-800-656-HOPE. Before they go, photographs of 12 year old Joe from Spring Lake Michigan are shown onscreen. A driver on a cellphone ran a red light and killed this little boy. Joe is not here to speak for himself so Oprah asks us all to take the pledge and please do not use phones in the car.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

The stories behind the smiles are never revealed from childhood photos.

The innocence that every child deserves is taken by sexual abuse.

Kids don’t have the right words- so asking them if they have been molested is unhelpful as they don’t understand the concept.

Every child wants to fit in and be normal.

It is a choice, every abused child does not choose to become an abuser

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

The shame of sexual abuse is crushing and is what destroys you. The shame changes what you are as a human being.

Date: February 2nd, 2010
File Under: Family, Relationships, Tragedy

Episode 18: The Children of Elizabeth Smart’s Kidnapper Speak Out

This family portrait of 1981 shows a family of six, with the mother a homemaker and organist in the church. Two decades later, she was part of one of  the most infamous kidnappings of our time, the abduction of Elizabeth Smart. It was almost 8 years ago, 2002, when 14 year old Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped by knifepoint in her bedroom. Her sister Mary Catherine, age 9, witnessed the abduction but pretended to sleep. 4 months later, Mary Catherine had a memory from that night, and the name Emmanuel came into her head. The family recalled they had hired a man named Emmanuel to do work around their house. They worked witha  sketch artist to create an image and a woman came forward identifying the man as Brian David Mitchell, a self-proclaimed profit. The tipster said he would likely be with his wife f 17 years, Wanda Barzee. She was right- a month later, Brian and Wanda were spotted wandering the streets of Salt Lake City with Elizabeth.

Elizabeth’s ordeal was finally over. She is now 22 years old and a few months ago she testified that Mitchell chained her to a tree and raped her repeatedly for the duration of her captivity. He pled not guilty and a judge is deliberating whether he is competent to stand trial. Last year, Wanda Barzee pled guilty to kidnapping and unlawful transportation of a minor. She is confined to a state hospital and is yet to be sentenced.

Wanda Barzee’s 6 children are not surprised that their mom could do something so evil- they say that they were her first victims. A video shows them going to the home they grew up in, they haven’t been back in years. Louree says their  family appeared normal outside, but inside everything changed. Rhonda said their father was over-controlling and abusive. Derrick learned how to fend for himself from age 8, he’d find his refuge in the back yard. Their mom would lock food up in the pantry for a couple of days to torment them. The dog loved them unconditionally, so Louree would hide with her dog in the doghouse, snuggle for warmth and eat dogfood. Derrick would roast on a stick whatever animal he could shoot with his BB gun. Their mom would take them upstairs and brainwash them each that the family would be better off without them, if they were dead. Andrea says she preferred the physical abuse to this mental abuse, these scars have remained. She robbed them of their childhood and innocence.

Rhonda, Derrick, Louree and Andrea are in the studio, 4 of 6 of Wanda’s children. Andrea is on the show to reveal the monster that is her mother, she does not like the media portrayal that Barzee is a vicitim of Mitchell. She thinks that she has been sympathetically portrayed as a psychological victim, Andrea wants to show that Barzee had issues before she ever met Mitchell. They were a bad match, each with their own psychological issues; they fed on each other. As children, they received physical abuse from their father, but also physical and medical neglect and prevalent emotional abuse. Outside appearances, meant that they looked like the Brady brunch, like a good Mormom family. Derrick says they had no sense of right or wrong, he was on his way to prison. Oprah says that as a child you don’t know what you need to develop. Derek craved love. Andrea says kids need structure, knowing they’ll still be loved no matter what. As kids, they never knew what was coming. Andrea did not know their life wasn’t normal until she visited someone else’s home. She went on a camping trip with another family and it was heaven, she realised that she did not care to be at home. She then took on the role of protector. Louree was the baby, when the others could get out and hide from the abuse, she couldn’t fend  for herself in the same way. Things were lost by the time she was born. The divorce happened in 1984, then Wanda who has always been depressed and psychologically abusive did have an emotional breakdown. When Andrea started to stand up for her siblings, she got the most physical abuse from mom and dad. They were all terrified of their dad- he declined the Oprah Winfrey Show’s request to be interviewed.

Oprah asks the siblings what they feel their mother’s sentence should be. Andrea doesn’t think her mother should see the light of day ever again, as a mother and citizen herself. Louree says that her mom is getting the right medication which is a good thing, now that she had accepted her part in this after years of untreated metal illness. Derrick says he is undecided. The eldest daughter had a hard time believing that her mom had any part of the ordeal, until she pled guilty. As the oldest of 6, Rhonda had a different feeling for her mom, she was closer to her- she was the first one, the golden child. She doesn’t remember her mother being abusive to her, they did cooking and baking and Wanda made all their clothes. Oprah reiterates that each child in every family has a different experience within that family. They haven’t seen each other for a long time, they need to respect how they each feel with regards to their upbringing. Rhonda is trying to remember the good.

Wanda was married to their father for 21years, then she  remarried Brian David Mitchell the next year. Rhonda got a creepy feeling from the first hug. Derrick says that everyone got that same feeling from Mitchell’s stare and mannerisms. In a video,  Rhonda says that originally Wanda and Brian seemed to be a happy couple. Derrick says he looked normal, but was weird, he had odd mannerisms. Louree was forced to pray with the couple for 2-4 hours a day. Once Brian nudged her and showed her some photos of nude women, but she closed her eyes. Louree said it seems that he was trying to get her to participate with them that day. The final straw before she moved out came when she asked what was for dinner one day. Her mom said chicken. Neither mom nor Brian touched their food, they were kind of picking at a salad, but Wanda sat smiling. The next day when she went to feed her rabbit Peaches, she wasn’t there. She asked her mom where the rabbit was, and she was told that she’d eaten her last night for dinner.

Back in the studio, Oprah says sitting at the dinner table, finding out you’re eating your pet rabbit, when you’re 14 years old. Louree said she couldn’t stay any more, the rabbit was the final straw in the mental torment. The control was too much; the windows were screwed from the outside, the TV was locked to National Geographic, she had to work from age 12, or was expected to only do church activities. Oprah asked if it also felt weird to hug their father- Derrick said their father never hugged them. The family dispersed, and then watching TV they found out that there mother was suspected of kidnapping Elizabeth Smart.

Back in 1991, Derrick heard that his mom and Brian had hit the road to preach, in an attempt to get closer to god. Wanda disowned her children. When Derrick’s son was about 8 years old, they ran into Wanda and Brian in a parking lot, he tried to introduce his son to his grandmother, and Wanda and Brian completely ignored them. On the 4th July, Louree and her daughter saw Wanda and Brian sitting under a tree, she went over to ask her mom how she was doing. Wanda grabbed her face, screamed that her father was evil, and then yelled scriptures at Louree. Rhonda saw them once at the grocery store, wearing robes holding a sack of potatoes- she couldn’t believe what she saw. Oprah says its interesting that Derrick wanted to introduce his son to Wanda after everything that happened. He says he wanted to connect and hoped his son would be able to, but it wasn’t to be. Derrick learned of the Elizabeth Smart crime on TV – he saw Brian’s profile on America’s Most Wanted. All the ill-feelings he’d had towards Brian clicked just then, and he wanted to find him and bring him to justice. He wanted to drag him by his beard to the police station. He knew 100% their mother had to be involved. Andrea was helping her foster parents move, and was told- later that night she called the police and had an interiew. The whole family gave the police tips as to where Brian and Wanda might be found.

Oprah asks why they went after Elizabeth Smart?  Louree says that she thinks they wanted to start their own religious cult. Brian was power-hungry within the church  and he couldn’t go much further within the church, and he wanted more. Rhonda got a letter from her mother recently. Andrea and Louree don’t stay in communication with their mother, Derrick has received a couple of things but he’s thrown them away; it’s too little, too late. Rhonda as the oldest didn’t believe it at first, she thought that maybe Wanda was the victim, she never spoke up for herself. They saw Brian and Wanda at their grandparents funeral, just before the kidnapping. Brian was yelling and screaming repent, and Wanda was walking quietly beside him. They felt she just followed him. Rhonda thinks she’s his victim because she wants to be. Rhonda thinks her mother should share responsibility for her actions.

Rhonda reads from a recent letter which says Wanda has boundless love for all her kids. Wanda is so very sorry for the lives of abuse, and that they have had to live without a mother or grandmother to their children. It is Wanda’s constant prayer that each of them may find it in their heart to forgive their mother, each is so precious to her. Louree shakes her head. Rhonda and Andrea cry. Louree says it makes her sick, everyone wants a mother’s love, and Wanda was never a mother. It makes her angry that now it’s too late. Usually you get either a mother or father which loves you, and they had neither. Derrick says as children there was a taboo around mentioning their mother’s sickness, and that now after a lifetime of suffering, their mother is getting the treatment she needs but their is a chasm between them to bridge. They don’t know how to do it. Andrea says its hard when there is nothing to model off or build a foundation.  She feels that Wanda doesn’t deserve the title of mother. A mother should nurture, teach, rear, uplift, comfort and love your children unconditionally. Oprah agrees that it is the hardest job on the world when it is done well. Andrea has a 22 year old son and a 19 year old daughter. Her son is the same age as Elizabeth Smart. Two weeks or so before the kidnapping, Wanda and Brian turned up at Andrea’s door, to try and enlist her as another wife. It was an interesting experience and she asked them to leave. As an adult she was able to control her own environment in a way she couldn’t as a child. They had sat down and talked about their gospel and Brian’s part in it as a messenger, and how they really wanted Andrea to take part in it. Andrea asked them to leave and they got up. Wanda asked for a hug and Andrea refused and said no but you can have a nice life.

Oprah goes back to ask Louree about the praying and the nude pictures- was there any abuse from Brian? Louree says there was no abuse but there was innuendos, long hugs and shrugging up against her. Itw as very uncomfortable, she felt that even in a turtleneck, Brian would undress her with his eyes. It ws very uncomfortable. She says that Brian gave Wanda a little bit of power to see what she would do with it, and it trickled. Derrick says Andrea would have kicked Brian’s butt if he’d tried to abuse her.

On September 10th, 2008 Elizabeth Smart was interviewed on Oprah when she said her captors should be charged as guilty, and that if they got out they’d do it all over again. Oprah asks the family what they think when they see Elizabeth Smart. Andrea commends her for the person she is, all she has endured and all that she aspires to be. Andrea says that as adults we create our own realities, and that her mom and Brian created theirs and shouldn’t be set free. She feels Brian is competent to stand trial- she says they are both intelligent, calculating manipulators. If you look at the time frame, her sudden cooperation is to help herself.

Oprah asks how the sins of their mother  have affected their lives. Louree respects every instance of her life for making her who she is. It has made her much stronger as a mother, and very close to her children. Derrick had to evaluate who he was, to look back and realise he was on the wrong path. He had to learn responsibility and own his own mistakes. He couldn’t blame his background for where he was going.  Rhonda is unable to have any children of their own. She got a letter recently from her dad apologizing that she had to parent her siblings. Growing up she was left to watch her siblings a lot. She wants to believe her mom, she’s tried to have a relationship with her for all these years. It’s hard. She doesn’t know how a mother could give up 6 of her own children and kidnap someone else’s child. Shes missed  a lot with her kids, but they’ve all turned out pretty darn good given the circumstances. She says both her mom and dad must have done something right.

Oprah asks why they haven’t all seen each other. Andrea feels she cant move forward if she’s living in the past, so she needs to surround herself with support. Oprah asks if the differences between their stages of healing and belief keeps them apart. Andrea has had a lot of therapy. Louree says its hard to go back and live in the past- it has been crazy since the story broke, prior to that she kept her past to herself. Now she has to come out and talk about it, which is good she supposes. Everyone’s experience is different, but seeing her mother try and take knives to her wrist or try and drown herself in the tub so that the children could save her, could try and make her love them, was so hard. And it’s hard for the siblings to remake their relationship when they have been in a mode of  every day survival.

Louree got a dolls house when she was 5 and it was her favorite things, 2 weeks later it was gone. It was as if her mother got a sense of happiness from the children’s distress. Oprah asks if Louree ever worries about becoming her mother, with the depression and mental abuse and neglect. She says no, she is aware of the psychological department, she is well-educated but her awareness helps her stay away from it. Oprah says we all have levels of dysfunction in our families, even Oprah has had to say I can meet you where you are now, to not go back and want to change the past. Rhonda is at that point. Derrick has too much distance, he doesn’t know to overcome the disconnection. Andrea has no desire for contact. Being a mother she can’t conceptualize what her mother did. Louree knew a monster, but she can’t say she’d want a relationship with that person, Louree doesn’t know who her mother is now. Andrea feels that this way her mother no longer has control. Taking a stand for herslelf. She left home at 13 to go to a foster home. Since then she has had to deal with the guilt of removing the primary target from the home. She was taken out of the home by a church program. Their mother kicked them out on the streets but she bribed the 3 youngers back into the house to stop the talk on the streets that she was a bad mother- two of them refused to go back.

Rhonda has forgiven her mother, but she is not sure how honest her mom is being. From the letters she’s received, Rhonda feels that her mother wasn’t able to stick up for her kids in front of her father. Oprah says it is our mammalian instinct to protect and care for our children, when that doesn’t happen something is very wrong. Oprah wishes them all peace and says that Wada Barzee declined to be interviewed for the program. A statement issued from her attorney stating that she remains in treatment for her mental illness and is a defendant in two criminal cases. Therefore she is unable to engage in a dialogue or comment on the subject of the program. She hopes to continue mending relationships wherever possible as she proceeds through her serious and unique circumstance.

Thank you all for watching today.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Each child in every family has a different experience within that family.

As adults we create our own realities and must be responsible for them.

We have to learn responsibility for our own mistakes and not blame our backgrounds for where we are going.

We all have levels of dysfunction in our families.

It is hard to form and nurture relationships when you are in survival mode every day.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

It is our mammalian instinct to protect and care for our children, when that doesn’t happen something is very wrong.

Date: January 22nd, 2010
File Under: Celebrity, Public Service Announcement, Tragedy

Episode 11: Sarah Palin and her Daughter Bristol

Live here in Chicago, there is a major telethon on tonight- everyone should unite in front of the TV tonight. Oprah’s first guest today is always making news, and she’s just signed a deal with the Fox News Network. Oprah says look at your hair- what did you do with your hair? Sarah Palin is live via satellite from her living room in Alaska, she says she is trying to look like Oprah. Oprah says the hair is kinda cute but she’s surprised to see so many curls. The weather in Wasilla is kind of cold, colder than Chicago. Last time Sarah was on Oprah, she dodged the question of whether she would have a talk show. Now she’s signed a multi-year deal with Fox. She will be a contributor, doing some news analysis and will also do some documentaries and specials on finding some real American idols to profile, to put on the spotlight, to have some good role models for our nation. Oprah asks if she’ll leave Alaska to film- she’ll be based out of Alaska and she’ll be traveling around. It’ll be a mixture of coverage highlighting those who face adversity and overcome it. It’s like a full circle, she started in broadcasting and now she’s back there. Her parents are happy that she’s finally putting her college degree to good use.

Oprah says that Time Magazine ran a story asking if Palin is abandoning her aspirations to become President. Palin says she’s not closing any door that she may find open in the future. Maybe politics is in her future, but she’s looking forward to putting her journalism degree to good work. During the campaign, she criticised the media, and now she is part of that. She says she will rachet her coverage down to the basics of journalism, giving the bare facts; the who, what, where and why. Oprah agrees that was what she learned at journalism school. Palin says everyone is engaged in a challenge, a battle, and there are so many good stories out there to give hope and inspiration to others. She wants her kids and everyone else to be inspired by these Americana stories, to make our culture a better place.

Bristol Palin is 19 years old and her name is all over the headlines, she joins us with her mom in their kitchen. Bristol’s son Trip just turned one and Oprah wants to know what’s been the most eye-opening experience of motherhood? Bristol is surprised by the lack of sleep and how hard the daily grind is. A typical day starts at 4am, bathing Trip, going to work, working, coming back, giving him another bath and putting him to bed. Oprah asks why he gets bathed so much- he’s messy apparently. She lives at home so the babies get to grow up together. In In Touch magazine she shared a moment when she sat bawling her eyes out rocking Trip to sleep after he screamed for hours; she felt so alone, when the reality set in that she has a kid, that this is her full-time job. And then her grandmother walked in and said everything will be ok- it’s hard now, but it will be ok. Oprah asks if she has greater respect for her own mom. She does, and while she sometimes wishes she could be with her friends at college, she has a beautiful baby boy.

Oprah says we all have a dream for our kids, and that dream doesn’t usually involve teenage pregnancy. She asks Sarah if she regrets not talking about sex education more with her daughter, does she feel disappointed that her daughter isn’t living the life she could be? Sarah says yes, such lessons they have learned- she wished they’d talked more about unprotected sex, about sex before marriage. She’d assumed that everyone else was doing it, but not her kid. It was a shock to find out Bristol was pregnant- she was an athlete and a great student, the picture of someone who wasn’t supposed to get pregnant in high school. But she’s doing a great job and she is educating others very honestly. Sarah is so proud that Bristol has chosen life, and she has a beautiful baby. Candidly  she says Bristol wishes  that this would have happened 10 years from now. Oprah tells that she has 336 daughters in her school in South Africa and she constantly tells  them to make the decision before the moment arrives, because when the guy is licking on your ear, it’s tough to make the decision. Oprah says she bristled when she read that Bristol won’t have sex until she’s married. Why not make the decision only your own business? It’s Bristol’s goal, and she thinks others should have that goal. Oprah asks if she thinks she’s setting herself up for failure, and Bristol says no.

Sarah says she is pragmatic and practical, and is so proud of Bristol and others who are saying that the only sure-fire way to not get pregnant or get an STD is to be abstinent. Bristol is strong and Sarah says she believes in her, she’s proud of her goal. Rather than conceding that she’ll be haphazard about it all. Oprah interrupts to say 1 in 3 teenagers have sex by age 18, and obviously Bristol’s had sex. Teaching responsibility , teaching judgement is one thing, but Oprah asks, is this a realistic position? The Palin’s think it is a realistic role for Bristol. Oprah says she was going to give Bristol a chance to backtrack, but if Bristol holds to her point of view, more power to her. Sarah asks her daughter if that means that she will get married pretty young, and Bristol shrugs and says she doesn’t know. Sarah says she is constantly telling Bristol that she doesn’t have to go find a man, she’s making good decisions now and she can pursue her education and career and other opportunities. She says the issue is on a backburner for now, and Oprah reminds her that it is not on a backburner when you have a child with you every day.

Oprah asks what they’re having for dinner tonight, Sarah says they had popcorn chicken last night, but don’t tell anyone, she asks Bristol what they should eat tonight, and she says she doesn’t know. Sarah says she thinks she’ll make stew, moose stew sounds good. Oprah thanks them, it’s 9am in Chicago, so 6am in Alaska, so someone had to get up at 3am to start Sarah’s hair. Sarah says no, they always get up at 3am and look just like this. Everyone laughs.

Jeff Bridges got the Golden Globe last week, he dedicated it to his wife of 33 years. His performance in Crazy Heart is being called crazy great; he won the best actor award for his portrayal of addiction and destruction through the life of a washed-up country star. Jeff is live by satellite from rainy California. He turned the role down first time as there was no music attached to it. He ran into T-bone Burnett a year later and they decided to do it together. Has he always been a singer asks Oprah? Jeff says the birth of this movie goes back 30 years ago to Heaven’s Gate. Oprah and Jeff are neighbors and she heard about the film from one of their neighbors who said, hey have you seen Jeff. She said it’s like they’re all rooting for him because they’re in the neighborhood, and it was amazing. When he got a standing ovation from all his colleagues at the Golden Globes it wiped his mind clear, like an Etch-a-Sketch. He could feel the love, it was so strong and powerfull and seeing his wife there brought him back, brought him home. Oprah says we could feel 33 years of sincerity when he spoke to his wife- he says she looked so beautiful that night. His wife told him the other night that they’d been apart for 11 of the last 14 months. Oprah asks what the secret is to having an authentic connection with his wife? Jeff’s folks were a great role model, they were deeply in love despite their struggles. The bumps can be opportunities to make you stronger, then the relationship gets too precious for anything else to get in the way. Talking about the Oscars, he says it’s a double-edged sword; there is the risk of getting on stage and forgetting to thank people, but getting the nod from his peers is wonderful, bringing attention to the movie is great. He says the film was a dream come true- to work with his old friends, they had a wonderful time making it. Oprah wishes him all the best and thanks Jeff Bridges.

Oprah is determined to end the deadly craze of texting on the phone. After Monday’s show, so many responded; they play voiceovers of viewers who are promising never to play texting roulette again, with images of accidents showing behind. Oprah has banned all employees of her company from doing work on cell phones or Blackberries while driving. The executive producer, Sherri, says it’s been hard. One employee puts her phone in the back of the car so she is not tempted to answer the phone or check email. Oprah says she thinks everyone is addicted to checking their cell phones.

Lori, from Canada joins us via Skype, she was the victim of a drunk-driving accident ten years ago. She admitted she would text and drive in an email, then she made the connection. She was sickened by the guests on the show, than realised she texts while driving and is no better than the drunk driver. She says that an in impairment is an impairment- she wants to be proactive not reactive. Oprah thanks Lori for getting it. 40% of the emails they received were from people wanting the show to be re-aired so they can show it to their kids or students. It will be available for viewing on Oprah.com.

Actress Holly Robinson Peete saw the show and said it was an epiphany for the whole family. Her daughter Ryan made her mom sign the pledge because she texts all the time. Holly was judging the people on the show, but Ryan told her that it was her, and Holly realised she has to stop. Holly has an iPhone and a Blackberry and she was on them constantly. So now she realises she had a problem and they printed out the pledge. They are going to make it into an air freshener for the car. They also made a bumber sticker “Honk if you love Jesus. Text if you want to meet him”. Everyone laughs. Oprah says she loves that. Holly says that major reprogramming has to happen in the face of our addiction, just as we once had to get used to wearing seatbelts.  She loves that Ryan is so socially conscious- she sent the pledge to the whole family. Holly has an assistant, and we all have to do our part – we have to realise we shouldn’t talk or text other people when they are in their cars. Oprah is teeming up with Progressive Insurance to take this campaign to the next level. There will be more on that soon. Holly and Ryan wrote a book together called”My Brother Charlie” about Ryan’s twin Charlie and living with autism in their family. They, and Scholastic, hope that this book will be in all schools and libraries in the near future. Autism is on the rise, 1 in 50 boys have autism. Oprah says Holly has a highly evolved child. Holly says she’ll keep her.

On saturday one of the producers of the Oprah Show flew to Haiti. 27 year old Madeline has a 7 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. Their father was killed in the earthquake. They are living in a field with other familes, it’s cold and hard to sleep. The kids sleep under her at night. She has a constant struggle for food, she can’t find anything. She relies on leftovers from strangers. She has no money, no way out which makes her really sad. They go to her former home which is rubble. She says her room was not affected, but the rest of the house and the foundation were gone. Her neighbor is surprised to see her alive. She says she has to keep smiling for the kids- she has hope because she has family and she’s still alive. Back in the studio, Oprah talks to the producer, Chris,  who gave Madeline as much as she had in her pocket when they had to leave, which may be of use to her in the future. 11 water trucks did come to the area as a result of the media coverage.

There’s only one place to be tonight, in front of your television watching the benefit tonight on MTV at 8pm. It’s your opportunity to give to the people of Haiti. Thanks everyone.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Journalism should be about the who, what, where and why, from which the viewer can make their own judgements

Don’t close any doors which you may find open in the future

If you don’t want people to know what you ate for dinner last night, don’t announce it on the Oprah Winfrey Show

Oprah and Jeff Bridges are neighbors

An impairment is an impairment, be proactive not reactive

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Just because you are a teenage single parent, doesn’t mean you can’t be the poster child for abstinence

Date: January 20th, 2010
File Under: Celebrity, Grief, Public Service Announcement, Tragedy

Episode 9: Help The Victims in Haiti

Live from Chicago. This morning an aftershock of 6.1 was recorded in Haiti. Oprah’s guest today just returned from Haiti a few days ago. He says it’s an apocalypse and the media coverage doesn’t begin to describe it. Wyclef Jean, the most famous person from Haiti;  a Grammy award winning musician is here today, you may know him from The Fugees. This show is about Haiti so some of the images will be graphic.

Oprah says that Wyclef is the first person to describe this as an apocalypse. She says she’d said to friends that being there must be like being in hell. Wyclef says it’s like the 7th hell- there’s two things- what you see by the airport and then there is the belly of the beast. He says walking into the city feels like walking into a morgue. For every two blocks, there are 15-16 uncovered bodies, 3 are children. People are running holding their babies, while their babies are already dead. The aid workers can’t do much as there are so many people, and they are out of medication, and people want them to help their children but their children are already dead. Wyclef’s cousin used his Flip camera to go inside the belly of the beast.

As the footage rolls, Wyclef narrates. The first thing they heard were bone chilling screams. This is the worst thing they’ve seen in their lives, the whole country is a morgue, everywhere they walk there are bodies in the street. little kids. They spent hours in the heat moving decomposing bodies. The smell is very bad. the local cemetries are already overflowing, so the survivors are ae digging shallow graves. Their team pulled a fourteen year old out of the rubble, the rest of her family are dead.

Watching the footage, Wyclef remembers that every night they heard the Haitian people sing Amazing Grace. The Haitian people know struggle, despite what they are going through they are still chanting and singing the word of God. Oprah says that they have shown over and over that they are resilient people. Wyclef says the only thing they have is their pride.

Oprah observes that Wyclef’s team had masks on, whilst others did not. He says that the media don’t cover on the news the smell of the bodies. It’s raw meat, it’s animal, like a dead dog that no one has taken care of. Oprah asks about his friends and families. He has lost alot of friends. One of his friends was stopped by the police and a building fell on top of them all. It took two days to get his body out. Oprah says that the inital problem was the lack of heavy equipment. Wyclef says that the people who would drive the tractors are buried under rubble. They can not be where they should be, just like the President and his wife are at the airport. We was warned to be strong for he wouldn’t believe what he would see outside the airport.

About the size of Maryland, a two hour flight from the Florida coast lies Haiti, on the west end of a Carribean island- on the east is the wealthy Dominican Republic.In contrast, Haiti is home to the poorest citizens in the Western Hemisphere. Haiti is the only country on earth which gained independence by a slave rebellion. 9 million people speak two languages- French and Creole. 95% are of African descent. Civil war, violence,  famine, corruption, war and countless disasters have wreaked havoc on Haiti but it was felt that Haiti was on a path to success. Bill Clinton said anyone who has seriously followed Haiti for a long time would say that it has the best chance now to break the chains of its lifetime and build a truly modern state. Amazingly the statue of a free slave, which signifies Haiti’s spirit is still standing.

Wyclef was 9 when his family left Haiti and came to the US. He dreamed of making it big in the music business, and both as a member of the Fugees and with his solo career he has been very successful. His passion in life is to get the rest of the world to care about Haiti as much as he does. It is his mission from God, he wants to make a serious dent with his Foundation, a school for young artists in Haiti. On Wednesday, the school was flattened with no survivors. It was in the Jacmel area, which is not talked about much in the news; it is 80% devastated. He and his wife have been trying to help Haiti for a long time- Wyclef says he went from being an ant to a gorilla overnight. Oprah says there has been alot of focus on the non-filing of taxes up until 2009 with his Foundation. He says in 1996 when he did the Grammys he wore a Haiti flag; therefore his pariotism cant be questioned. He says starting a foundation needs the right people around you. Being Haitian, a foundation needs logisitics; helicopters and trucks. No one was focused on the Foundation until they noticed that they raise $1 million a day. A lot of eyebrows were raised, as they are the youngest NGO on the ground. He put his first million into the charity, he has never taken any form of payment from the charity. Oprah says she has 3 foundations and comes under a lot of scrutiny, she says the IRS lives here. She says you need the right people who know the tax laws, was he let down by his people? He says it was poorly ran and moving forward they’ll be stronger than ever. The crown applaud.

Oprah says she heard Wyclef say there should be an exodus from Port-au-Prince, but where would the people go? Wyclef says there are places outside the capital where the US army could set up tents outside of the capital. He wants the tents to be  built into communities in the future; we don’t want refugee camps. On Friday Wyclef joins George Clooney and a huge host of stars, for Hope For Haiti Now, a television event, with all proceeds going to Haiti. He’s going back to Haiti on Saturday because the food is being thrown down by helicopter, and he wants them to know that the Haitian people are not animals. He’s going to work on logisitics to distribute food and water more effectively.

Aids, malnutirition and poverty have ravaged Haiti- half of the population is under 18. 300,00 children were orphans before the earthquakes. Parents who can no longer feed children send them to be slaves in wealtheir homes where they are often abused. Tens of thousands of children live on the street eating dirt to surive, just hundreds of miles from our shores.

Rihanna is one of the stars performing for the Hope for Haiti Now TV event on Friday. She’ll be singing with JayZ and Bono. She says, we need your help, everyone should tune in. Today she will sing Bob Marley’s Redemption Song as it is so liberating. She played it as a child when times were difficult, and she still plays it now when her back is up against the wall. She feels the people of Haiti need to hear something uplifting. She sings the song, while images from Haiti  are displayed behind her. Oprah gives Rihanna a hug. For the next 48 hours you can download this song, go to Oprah.com to find out how. All the proceeds will go to Haiti. Rihanna’s new album is called Rated R.

Neurosurgeon and CNN’s chief medical correspondent, Dr Sanjay Gupta filed some of the first reports out of Haiti. We see footage of a fifteen day old baby with a head injury who needed a doctor. She has a laceration and a fracture, but she’ll be ok. Reports of violence led Belgian doctors to evacuate the Field Hospital, leaving Dr Gupta the only person to care for 25 people overnight. A few days ago, the US military evacuated Dr Gupta out of Haiti to an aircraft carrier several miles off shore. The earthquake had embedded concrete in a 12 year old girls brain- Dr Gupta performed a ninety minute emergency surgery and saved the girls life.

In the studio, Oprah welcomes Dr Gupta via satellite from Port au-Prince. She thanks him and asks about this mornings aftershock. He says it was quite scary, behind him tents have been set up behind him- people are fearful to go back inside buildings with the continued aftershocks. The roads are a disaster, there are piles of rubble everywhere. He says it is hard to imagine how it will all get cleaned up. 6.1 and 5.2 are aftershocks in Haiti, but by any standards they are real earthquakes. They will have to test for trauma to buildings, but the emotional anxiety is very high here. Oprah says she is sure the fear and anxiety level are growing, The most pressing medical problem now, according to Dr Gupta, is that although many people died, many now are barely alive. They have preventable deaths, like crushed limbs. They are walking the streets having kidney failure and heart problems. In any other situation, these injuries are easily treated. 8 days out, these things are not happening, The problem now is distribution- the supplies are at the airports, but the supplies are not getting out where they are needed. In medical emergencies  you count time in minutes and hours. So far it has been 8 days…

So many reporters are saying that this is the worst tragedy they have ever seen, worse even than Hurricane Katrina. Dr Gupta says this is the worst because Haiti is one of the most impoverished countries, there is no medical structure and they have one of the worst patient to doctor ratios in the world. From this point, there are infinitely more people needing medical care and infinitely less medical structure. In Katrina, people mainly lived or died, what they needed was food and water. In Haiti the people who lived have catastrophic injuries. They need someone on the ground to oversee the infrastructure. The security concerns are huge, there are soldiers and security there, but doctors are having problems getting in. The problems dovetail, solve the medical problems and the security issues will ease.

Thanks to Dr Gupta. Wyclef is willing to go to Haiti, he needs a taskforce, he knows Haiti. He will be in charge of distribution from the airport to the people of Haiti. He says the need for  security will decrease if the medical situation improves.

Giving hope to Haiti is near and dear to singer Maxwell’s heart. He was raised by his Haitian grandmother. He is excited to help the great people of Haiti, today he will sing Fistful of Tears. He sings with images from Haiti playing behind him. Maxwell sings and cries. Oprah hugs him. For the next 48 hours you can download this song from Oprah.com, with all proceeds going to Haiti.

Oprah says they are here to encourage us to watch Hope for Haiti on Friday, it will play on all channels. Maxwell has been devastated by the tragedy. he doesn’t know fully how it feels for others like Wyclef who have lost so many people dear to them.  He says “As someone who is you know, you know, my heritage is from there on some level”, he hopes he can stand as  a beacon of hope for the Haitians to see there is more than this devastation, that you can grab onto something alot more tighter and secure than what Haiti has been holding on to for the last 200 years. Rihanna says she she goes to bed thinking of the orphans- the children suffer most and they had almost 400,000 orphans before this. The children are hungry and hopeless, they are the next generation, the chidren are our future. Rhianna and her Foundation are helping to rebuild Haiti. After survival, there is so much more to be done. Wyclef tells the Haitians to have unity and strength. The Haitian people told him to say on the show that they don’t need any more photo-ops, what they need is logistics, people to go to the airport and get the stuff out of the airport and to the people. The crowd applauds.

Rhianna and Maxwell donate the proceeds from the downloads of their songs from Oprah.com to Haiti. Watch the benefit on Friday. Thanks.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Wyclef Jean is the most famous person from Haiti, he has a mission from God to help the rest of the world care about Haiti as much as he does

Haiti today is apocalyptic, like the 7th hell

Wyclef Jean would like to manage the distribution of supplies from the airport to the people of Haiti; he will need a taskforce

This tragedy is worse than any other, because those who lived are dying from their injuries, which should be preventable deaths

Celebrities are helping as much as they can, there is a huge benefit on all channels on Friday night

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Haiti needs a new infrastructure to end their apocalypse. Wyclef Jean is on a mission from God

Date: January 18th, 2010
File Under: Grief, Public Service Announcement, Tragedy, Uncategorized
1 comment

Episode 7: This Show Could Save Your Life: America’s New Deadly Obsession

This is the start of something really big in America. Oprah is asking us to give up something which we do all too much- texting while driving. This is maybe more dangerous than driving drunk- talking on the phone while driving is the equivalent of having 4 drinks and getting behind the wheel. The audience have taken a pledge to stop texting while driving; they are all wearing pledge t-shirts. Oprah is passionate about the issue and hopes that we will be too, that we will spread the message amongst our families, friends and communities.

The problem is not just texting, but also talking on the phone. They are both part of a dangerous practice called distractive driving. Almost 6 thousand people die, and 1/2 million are injured each year by a driver with their hands off the wheel. Drivers on the  phone are 4  times more likely to have an  accident than those concentrating on driving. 19 states plus DC have banned texting; in 7 states plus DC one can only use cell phones if they are hands free.

A year ago Shelly and Darren were happily married with 3 girls. On the way home from the doctors, Shelly saw fire trucks at end of her street. There were fire trucks and all these people and a child laying on ground. She had no idea it was her child, but then she saw Erica’s bicycle. The driver was distracted on the phone, and hit Erica face-on with her 5000lb SUV. The neurosurgeon knew she wouldn’t make it. Sheelly spend the night saying goodbye. Erica has gone because of a person on a cell phone.

Shelly’s kids at the time were 13 year old, Jessica, Erica was 9 and Valerie was 4 years old. Shelly was on her way home from doctor, she drove home talking to her dad on her bluetooth headset. She got out the car just at the end of their street, and saw her child laying still. The driver of the SUV said I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see her. The paramedics cut off Erica’s clothes- at this point Shelly realized this was serious. They spent the next two days at the children’s hospital. Darren says that Erica was out on her bike, 30 seconds from their house- 15 pedals from home, when the neighbor called him to say Erica had had an accident.

Oprah strongly believes that the laws need to change- Shelly and Darren are very proactive to try to change the law in Colorado. Shelly does not want anyone else to go through this. Shelly says we are doing too much, we must concentrate on driving- the deaths are not worth a phone call, a text, an email. Don’t talk and drive.

Throughout the show we will hear from more families who have paid the price for our deadly habit. A series of articles in the New York Times inspired this program which Oprah has waned to do for a long time.

In Oxford England- Victoria, 24, was a fashion designer. She got a flat tire, pulled over, put on her hazard lights and called her mother. 3 minutes later, Phillipa Curtis hit the back of the car, killing Victoria instantly. Phillipa was sending emails. Victoria’s mother says that seeing the car brings it all home. You never forget.

Jordan was the most lovable being that his father ever encountered. He was 18 years old, on Mothers Day. Around 4.25pm his parents called him on his cellphone and the line went dead. Soon after, the police came to the door. They went to the hospital, where they were told their son was dead. The father said he let out a primal scream like you hear in the movies. He says you feel like your whole life has died- children should not die before their parents. His job was to protect his son and he couldn’t do it; his son died. They believe he dropped his cell phone, unbuckled his seat belt and bent down to pick it up. He hit a big tree and was killed instantly.

There are two reasons why Utah has the strictest laws against distractive driving. Megan says her dad Keith was her whole world. Before the incident, Jackie was married with two kids and now she is a single parent. Jackie kissed her husband Jim goodbye as he went to pick up his colleague Keith on the way to work. At her work two hours later, Jackie was told he was dead. A 19 year old was texting while driving. Jackie lost Jim and Megan lost her father Keith. They were told the driver of a Tahoe went across the yellow line, hit Keith and Jim- their car span out of control and was blindsided by another vehicle. They were killed instantly. It was hard to believe the news. There was shock, dismay, disbelief.  Jackie insisted that Reggie, the 19 year old driver, watched the funeral; he should know who he had killed.

Reggie Shaw was the 19 year old texting while driving instead of focusing on the road. He admits he was texting, he clipped another vehicle sending it into traffic. Opra appreciates that he is here. Reggie texted maybe almost  100% of the time while driving, as did most of his friends. Oprah finds this hard to believe, knows we can’t do this at the same time as driving, perhaps because she is an older person. Reggie says he never thought about it. Oprah says she does not use the word stupid much, and she isn’t calling Reggie stupid, but she says it is a stupid thing to do, to take your eyes off the road. In Reggie’s Driver’s Ed he says that no one mentioned how dangerous texting while driving is. He felt terrible when he discovered that he’d killed two people. He says it never gets easier. It affects his life every day. He can’t forgive himself for his bad choice. He can’t sleep at night; every day is hard.

Oprah says for every single person who texts, we could be looking at ourself when we look at Reggie in this chair. He didn’t mean to do it, it could happen to any of us. Oprah asks if he thought he could text and drive safely at the same time. He says of course he did but one second later this poor choice took two people’s lives. Reggie speaks out at high schools and gatherings; he explains to high schoolers that it is absolutely not safe to take your mind off the road. In the aftermath of this accident, Utah passed some of the strictest laws. Reggie was an essential part of this- he approached lawmakers to hasten the laws. Jackie says she has forgiven him; he went above and beyond his punishment in some cases. Oprah asks what his punishment was. He did 30 days in jail and 30 days of community service. Oprah asks if he thinks that he was in jail long enough. Reggie thinks how hard it was for him in jail, and thinks about the two lives lost, and he doesn’t know if it was long enough. Oprah thanks him for his honesty and for coming on the show.

AJ was a presence; goofy and funny and he had an amazing smile. On Dec 3rd, 2007, his mother was coming down the street and saw an accident ahead- she saw that it was her son’s car. At the hospital the doctors said they did all the could but they could not save him. He rolled through a stop sign into the path of a garbage truck. he was texting his girlfriend. The accident was 100% preventable. We are not talking about statistics, we are talking about mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, aunties, and uncles. She says that her son is not a number, not a statistic, he was her son.

Linda was 61 years old. A little over a year ago, the family lost their hero. A 23 year old driver t-boned Linda’s car at a light. He was engrossed in in a conversation on his cell phone. Linda’s daughter, Jennifer. says seeing the seat was the hardest part. She asks us to put our loved one in that seat, is that phone call worth it? Before her accident, Jennifer who is a realtor, used her car as her office. Even with a headset, she says you should not talk while driving- it’s not where your hands are, it’s where your head is. The man who killed her mother  was on the phone for less than a minutes, his brain couldn’t handle it, he didn’t see the light. You can’t do it, you are not Superman. She has a bumper sticker that says “someone talking on their cell phone while driving killed my mom”.

Dr David Strayer, a professsor at the University of Utah says our brain doesn’t work the way we’d like it too- we can’t multitask the way we think we can. Many people think they are safer drivers, but we are not. Texting makes it like a multitude of drunks on the road says Oprah. David says it is worse than drunks- you are 8 times more likely to crash while texting, drunk driving is equivalent to talking on a phone- you are 4 times more likely to have accident. Talking on the phone gives us tunnel vision. Your brain won’t let you take in all the information. We have  inattention blindness- you see about half of the visual information in front of us. The brain can’t take in all the information; we are not wired to multitask that way. We miss quite a bit.

In 2008 a San Antonia bus driver was caught on video driving and texting while in rush hour traffic. He looked up to the camera a split second before slamming on his brakes and ploughing into the car ahead. Months later in LA, a train driver so distracted sending and receiving over 40 text messages, missed a red light and his commuter train crashed into a freight train. 135 were injured. 25, including the conductor, were killed, making it the 2nd worst commuter train accident in US history. Weeks later, a school bus with 21 students was rammed by an 18 wheeler, when stopped with its blinkers on The bus was pushed over 200 feet before it burst into flames. 20 students escaped but one was tragically killed. The driver of the 18 wheeler admitted he was distracted on the phone and did not see that the bus had stopped.

71% people age 18-49 admit they text or talk on the phone while they drive. If you do that and think you’re safe, the next three guests are right there with you. Sean, a father of 4, thinks he has great driving and texting skills. Carly, a stay at home mom of 2, once found herself in the opposite lane while texting. Jen is  a 19 year old college student and self-procclaimed super-texter. To gauge how dangerous their driving/ texting habits are, they went to do some driving tests. They were tested for reaction times stopping at a red light, and had to complete a slalom to measure deviation from their path. Each test was done twice;  once concentrating on driving and again while texting and driving.

Jen hit a cone while texting, as did Sean, as did Carly. Jen felt she was out of control, Sean found the test hard- he sees this as a wake-up call. Carly thinks she’s very lucky that nothing has happened to her to date.

Gerard Ball, the editor at Car and Driver Magazine, analysed the data results of the road tests.. The results are dramatic. The reaction times increase greatly- there is a 22 ft difference in reaction time. This could be a huge difference between stopping or hitting someone. Oprah puts Carly on the spot saying she went into other lane before while texting, but now says the driving test has changed her life. Carly wants to spread the word and make a change in her city, to stop these 100% preventable accidents. Jen thought she could do it because all high school and college students text and drive. She feels that if all kids did the road test, she is 120% sure that the bad habits would stop. Sean was really cocky about texting and driving, he felt he was invincible. His wife always called him on it- he found the the test to be a big wake-up call. He went into the test thinking he could do it all. Now he realises that these accidents could have been him or his family. His wife was very infuriated by his behavior. He is a defensive football player, and that attitude spilled into his driving.

Oprah calls on us to make our cars a No Phone Zone, we can take the pledge on Oprah.com and pass it on via Twitter and Facebook. She urges that we make this show the end of being on the phone in the car. She asks us to take another look at the faces of the children, husbands, fathers, mothers who were killed by a distracted driver… and look at the loved ones left behind who carry that pain for the rest of their lives. She says we should think about that next time we are tempted to use your phone when driving.

Don’t tempt fate, that text or call when wait. Believe it. Thanks everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Talking on the phone while driving is as unsafe as driving with 4 drinks in your system- you are 4 times more likely to have an accident

Texting is twice as dangerous as talking while driving- statistically you are 8 times more likely to have an accident

Distractive driving is responsible for six thousand deaths and half a million injuries per year

These numbers are not just statistics, they are mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers

These accidents are 100% preventable

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Don’t tempt fate, that text or call when wait. Believe it.



Date: January 15th, 2010
File Under: Entertainment, Live your best life, Tragedy
1 comment

Episode 6: Oprah Fridays Live

Oprah is live in Chicago and is deeply saddened by the catastrophic loss in Haiti. CNN’s Anderson Cooper was one of the first journalists on the scene, he joins us now.

Anderson Cooper says that each day is its own kind of horror- there is desperation fear, frustration, and aftershocks- after which you hear people screaming and screaming. People can’t go back to their houses, so are crammed into public spaces like parks. Even seasoned journalists like Anderson Cooper have never seen anything like this. The hospitals and clinics are utterly overwhelmed- people are dying stupid unnecessary deaths which should not be happening. You can die of a broken leg with an open wound because there are no antibiotics which cost pennies. The cemetries are utterly overwhelmed, there is nowhere to put all the bodies. They are opening old crypts and shoving in bodies. The dead are just going to disappear, there are no photographs, no records. No one will know where there relatives are or where they can grieve.

Oprah says she heard a mass grave was dug for 7000 people; Anderson says he hadn’t seen that. He is trying to keep everything very factual, to only report what he or another CNN correspondent has actually seen as their is so much hysteria with so many rumors spreading. Oprah recounts some of the footage on the 360 show. He believes some people may still be trapped alive, and that every minute counts. There is essentially no government to rely on in Haiti- the international rescue workers are a remarkable sight. The heroes here are the Haitian people, everyone is banding together to dig through the rubble with their barehands. Oprah reiterates that this is unbelievable suffering for an already troubled people. The best thing to do is to step up and give to the Red Cross. Thanks to Anderson Cooper.

Last night Stedman and Oprah went to a movie theatre for the first time since Dances With Wolves. Wowee Kazowee, was Avatar the best thing. In four weeks Avatar is the highest grossing movie, after Titanic. Director James Cameron is the man behind the film, he is a visionary genius. Every second of this 3 hour film came from his own imagination. He had a team of 3000 people and 10000 computers. For four years they worked around the clock on this movie.

They say I see you in Na’vi. Oprah says this is a Sidney Poitier moment- when she was ten she saw him receive an Academy Award and Oprah thought if he can do that what can she do. She felt that way this morning. Oprah asks if he is spiritual and Cameron says he probably is. The environmental message and the sense that we are all connected is the basis for the film. Oprah says that all the energy and good karma of the film will come back to him- with lots of money- to do so much good in the world. This is the message Oprah sees over and over in her life; we all want to be seen, to be really seen, to be understood.

This movie connects with so many people, especially women – on opening night 78% of the audience were male; now it is split 50-50. The idea for the film came from his love of nature, which he has had since he was a child. As a scuba diver he became aware of nature’s imagination. The story communcicates with people, especially women. There’s a fine line between cliché and archetype. The writing came out in a gush. A botanist designed and labelled every plant, and a linguist made a language so that there is a common accent and a common language. Cameron only knows the lines in the movie, can’t say wowie kazowie in Na’vi.

Normally he can’t watch his movies, but with this one he can still marvel at the effects, the flying scenes, as he didn’t create them. Normally Oprah watches movies at Harpo studio, last night they actually went to a movie theatre. After doing this film, Cameron has a different view of trees. They both talk of mourning trees when they fall down. As the film makes money they will make a sequel. Oprah shows images of herself as an Avatar. She asks if he’s difficult to work with- he invites her to act in the next one and find out. He says he is intense and has energy- he only and works for 16-18 hours a day. He took a half day off with the swine flu. He did not nail cell phones to the wall, he says you have to use a screw gun otherwise it is too messy. His idea of fun is hanging out with the kids and playing lego, doing science projects, just hanging out with the family. Or going to the desert and playing on dirt bikes or going scuba diving. They are on cloud nine about the response to the film, it is a worldwide success. It may knock Titanic off the top spot. Oprah wishes him continued success and tells everyone to go see the movie.

Lady Gaga is the hottest thing in music. In 15 months: 8 million records sold, 6 Grammy nominations and the first artist in history to have 4 number 1 hits on her debut album. Here she is, Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga comes onstage with her troupe of dancers. The crowd stand and clap/ dance. The performance over, the crowd applaud. Born Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, she had a strict Catholic upbringing, with a privileged NY background- Paris Hilton was her classmate. She likes being called Gaga. She can’t believe her life right now, she can’t believe all her fans, how lucky she is. She has always been a really creative visual person which not everyone knows. She wanted to paint herself blue but now Avatar came out. The name comes from Radio Gaga the Queen song. The first time she performed onstage, her father thought she was nuts. The shock art visual art performances have meaning, the VMA performance was about Diana and the media and Gaga’s relationship with Diana. Looking at her outfits she explains that they are all considered, they all have meaning; the Kermit dress speaks of how she doesn’t wear fur, meeting the Queen she wore a latex dress homage to the Queen.

She wakes up in the morning and spends the whole day planning creatively. Its all about being provocative, but being true to her vision. She spends the day arguing with the House of Gaga about what she wants to do. She says she should be able to bleed out on daytime TV if she wants. She says her work is about being true to herself and commenting on the crazy media-saturated world in which we live.
We see a backstage view of her life, her vision. All of the songs have an outfit to go with them. She show us the infamous disco bra she made herself. She says she dresses the same onstage and off. She is bossy and spends hours on the phone getting her dream show perfect. They do a prayer before the show which ends with “Joanne” her aunt who died whom she believes is on the stage with her every night.

Oprah says it looks like the most fun in the world but she was just talking to Gaga who was saying that her life is isolated, her friends are her fans. She is removed from the celebrity world. Gaga wants to say that there is Ghandi and there is Oprah, and Oprah is an amazing woman, and we really love her. We must remember that there is nothing more inportant than what is happening than Haiti. Gaga grew up in NY during 9/11 and always felt that people didn’t understand what young people were going through. All proceeds from the Monster Ball ticket sales on the 24th January and all merchandise sold on that day goes to help Haiti. Oprah’s job is to continue to talk about this in the coming weeks so we don’t forget the suffering.

Gaga is a secret foodie. Fried chicken this morning helped her find her soul, so she had a renewed soul to be on Oprah. Gaga wants people to free themselves, celebrate who they are and celebrate what they dislike about themselves. Be good to your parents, be good to yourself. she loves her fans and wants to look in their beautiful eyes. It’s about what makes you feel good. She has made some heartbeat headphones and everyone is going home with a pair of Lady Gaga headphones. Thanks everyone

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Every day since the earthquake in Haiti brings it’s own kind of horror

The heroes here are the people of Haiti

There is a fine line between cliché and archetype

Be provocative but true to your vision

Be good to your parents, be good to yourself, celebrate yourself

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Be good to your parents, be good to yourself, celebrate yourself, go see Avatar