Every time a new episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show airs in 2010, we will blog along with it. If you have plenty of time, read the long version. If you are pressed for time, read the “What we learned today” summary. If you are really, really pressed for time, read the Twitter-sized summary.

Archive for category Uncategorized

Date: January 27th, 2010
File Under: Live your best life, Public Service Announcement, Transformation, Uncategorized

Episode 14: Before You Grocery Shop Again… Food 101, With Michael Pollan

Oprah will turn 56 in a couple of days and she still loves it when she learns something new, and she recently saw an eye-opening, fascinating documentary, Food, Inc. It makes you think, like any good documentary- we all have to start paying more attention to what we put into our bodies and look at the bigger picture beyond carbs, fat, calories etc. Do you know where your food comes from? In the studio they do a quiz. The most consumed meat in the world is not beef as the audience guessed, but rather goat. Goat is lower in fat and cholestorol than chicken and has more protein than beef. In Chicago in midwinter, grapes travel further than tomatoes or mushrooms to arrive in the grocery store. Children today drink twice as much soda as milk. Americans take 3 million pounds of antibiotics and livestock take 28 million pounds, which is why they are doing today’s show.

An extract from Food, Inc: The way we eat has changed more in the last 50 years than the last ten thousand. But the image we are sold is still the old rural America, a view of farmers, 30’s farmhouses, fields and picket fences. Food in our supermarkets  (average 47,000 products) has become seasonless, tomatoes  are available all year rounds. There are no longer bones in the meat aisle. If you follow the food chain back from the shrink-wrapped meat you have a very different reality. In the 70’s the top 5 beef packers controlled 25% of the market, now the top 45 control over 80% of the market. A handful of companies have changed what we eat and how we make our food. Modern agriculture is about  making  things faster and bigger and fatter and cheaper, nobody is thinking about the ecological health of the whole system.

Oprah says that some food industry organizations are saying that the film Food, Inc is biased and misleading but that we can make up our own minds, because we live in America. Isn’t that wonderful? For Oprah it boils down to making more conscious food decisions. Oprah recommends we watch it for ourselves and make our  own decisions.

An extract from Food, Inc: Birds are raised and slaughtered in half the time they were 50 years ago and they’re now twice as big. People like white meat so chicken’s have been re-engineered to have bigger breasts. A farmer asks why you would raise a chicken in 3 months when you could do it in 49 days? More money in your pocket, The chickens never see sunlight. In the chicken house there is dust and feces everywhere, it is an assembly line with mass production. With the rapid growth of a chicken from a chick to fully grown in 7 weeks, alot of the internal organs and bones can’t keep up with the rate of growth, so many of the chickens can only take a few steps and then they fall down. Th intensive production systems produce alot of food on a small amount of land at an affordable price.

Oprah says after seeing the film she had to spread the message. Michael Pollan award-winning journalist and 4-times bestseller author is one of the foremost authorities on food in the world. Pollan says we re-engineered the bird- it is a great achievement in one way, it is now the cheap meat- the reason is breeding, diet, antibiotics and our willingness to tolerate this feedlot system. There is a price to be paid for the shortened lifespan of a chicken, and the price is antibiotics. If we give so many to the animals, they will no longer work for the people and we see alot of antibiotic resistant germs coming out of feed lots. Cheap food is great, and we have to acknowledge the achievement, but also the cost. Oprah asks how we feed America without mass-producing food- it’s the American way. Americans have done a good job of driving down food prices; we spend 9.5% of our income on food, the smallest percentage in the world. It’s hard to  imagine we can make food production fair, humane and sustainable without increasing prices. Can we figure out how to mass-produce sustainable food? We don’t know exactly how yet but we can figure out how to do it if we can re-engineer a chicken.

Oprah asks how the Western diet relates to the rest of the world. It’s a confused treacherous landscape where cereal promises better focus in the classroom and a healthy heart. Most of what is in the supermarket is not “food”, it is an edible food-like substance. The western diet was invented about 100 years ago- lots of everything- processed meat, sugar, additives, added fat- except fruits, vegetables and whole grains. In other parts of the world people are healthy eating seal blubber or cow’s blood. Before the Western diet, people did not suffer from Type 2 diabetes, heart disease obesity etc. It’s not about fat or carbs but whole foods. The Inuit diet is very high in fat-75%- seal blubber- but they do not suffer from Type 2 diabetes, heart disease . How is that asks Oprah, we don’t know says Pollan, maybe it is all the Omega 3’s. What we know is that traditional diet eaters are not suffering high rates of chronic diseases. It is about eating minimally processed plants, meats and fungi.

The rules

#2: Dont eat anything your great grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food.

#7 avoid food containing ingredients that a third grader couldn’t pronounce

#13 Eat only foods that will eventually rot

One of theories is do you pay for real food or pay for the doctor? In 1960 they paid 18% of national income on food and 5% on healthcare. Today we pay 9% on food and 17% on healthcare. The less we spend on food the more we spend on healthcare. This is not about nutrients- as soon as you demonize one nutrient, another gets a free pass. Look at the low-fat kick we were all on for the last 40 years; everyone got fatter. Fat was taken out of the product and replaced with sugar, so now you can get a fat-free yogurt with more calories than a full-fat yogurt.

# 39 Eat all the junk food you like as long as you cook it yourself.

We shouldn’t deprive ourselves of pleasure, but we should earn it by cooking. Cooking is key to take back control from the corporations, who cannot cook well and use too much salt and so on. Oprah calls for a food revolution because it all boils down to convenience- cheap fast easy. It’s not that hard to eat well if you are willing to put a little more thought, a little more effort and a little more money into it.

Food Inc: With a dollar to spend and two hungry  kids, it is easier to get a  small burger at the drive-through which will fill the kids up more than a single vegetable. Candy and soda are really cheap. Diabetes is a national crisis.

One comment Pollan hears all the time is that people can’t afford to eat well. He says it is amazing that fast food is cheaper than fresh produce. This is because the fast food has been  subsidized through federal agricultural policy, to the tune of $56 billion in ten years and we do nothing to subsidise the fresh produce industry. Corn, soy wheat  have been subsidized. With a dollar to buy as many calories as you can, the snack aisle will get you 1250 calories, versus 250 calories in the produce aisle. The bottom line as seen in the documentary is that we see that the consumer has the biggest voice. We get three votes a day to vote with our forks. If you vote with consciousness, we can change. It is empowering.

Pollan eats everything but is very picky about what he eats. He’ll eat grass-fed beef, which is more expensive but becoming more common- they don’t need antibiotics because cows are meant to eat grass, rather than corn which is what most are bred to eat now. Corn-fed animals grow faster but they get sick. We should choose to eat meat which has been fed well. Oprah says she has nothing to say about the beef industry, she has gone radio-silent. The audience chuckles. Milk, he buys from pastured animals- it has more beta-carotene and omega 3s. He buys alot from farmer’s market. Getting out of the supermarket is a great way to get nearer to the source of our food.  If we eat real food, we don’t need to worry about nutrients. It all boils down to one rule. Eat food, mostly plants, not too much. Oprah reminds us that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that we should watch the film and make up our own minds.

Alicia Silverstone is best known as the actress in the comedy classic Clueless. What you may not know is that she suffered from asthma,insomnia  eczema, and acne, and she was constantly constipated. 12 years ago she revamped her diet and no longer suffers, she sleeps like a baby and has tons of energy. At 33 she feels great and she joins us from satellite by New York. Oprah says she loves Alicia’s book, The Simple Diet, and has got a lot of recipes from it. What did Alicia do? She stopped eating meat and dairy and processed foods and now eats a lot of deliciosus incredible easy food which makes her feel amazing. Her skin changed drastically, her body changed and her energy level changed. She used to have those white marks on her brittle nails and now they are so strong she can’t bend them. She used to feel puffy, then her eyes got really white and she feels amazing. She was on a steak and donut diet and then went cold turkey. She leaned in to it from age 8-21, because she was an animal lover. She would flirt with ideas of vegetarianism. At 21, after seeing some documentaries similar to Food, Inc  showing how the animals were raised, she decied that if she couldn’t eat her dog then she couldn’t eat any other animal species. The kind diet refers to being truly  kind to yourself, letting yourself have your best health, look your best, feel your best and feel your most vital. Being vegan is Alicia’s choice, Oprah tried it for 21 days on a cleanse and missed cheese so much she was dreaming of the cheese in an omelette. She asked if the chickens are treated well and there is music playing, and the cows are happy, is that ok?  Alicia said she’d like to see the happy chicken and cows.

The book is about taking baby steps to become your best self, to flirt with the ideas wherever you are at. Alicia understands wanting and loving cheese- even she sometimes slips up on cheese, usually after wine, and she gets gassy and her skin breaks out. It’s about weighing up the benefits- and the costs. Yes cheese is delicious. but so are all the recipes in the book. Oprah just had something from the book today and last night. But being practical, Oprah doesn’t want to frighten people into trying to give everything up. Alicia says add things in, don’t give things up -things like kale, collard greens and bok choi.

Alicia takes the cameras around the grocery store. Grocery shopping is her most favorite thing in the world, she says that you can flirt with a healthy lifestyle. She picks up vegan fake chicken breasts from the freezer counter. She is eating better food than ever before. Wholegrain rice will change your life. Rice milk and help milk are great. Have greens twice a day. Have maple syrup instead of sugar. Ice cream alternatives- Rice Dream Mud Cakes will change your life.

Alicia heads to her Broadway costar’s house, to cook up some favorites; leek and mushroom and pesto crostinis and the cheesy oozy beany guacamole dip. Oprah has some cooked up meals from the book that she says are delicious. Treat yourself more kindly because you deserve to feel your best and find your truth. They talk about vegan poop and how fabulous it is- Alicia says she wants to show it to her friend, Oprah just wants to talk about it. It’s effortless, and quick and she’s in and out 2 or 3 times a day.

The average American eats fast food four times  a week. Steve Ells, the man behind Chipotle, wants to change the way fast food is served in the US. Fast food with a conscience. Just because it’s fast doesn’t mean it has to be a fast food experience. Fast food to most means cheap and processed. At Chipotle everything is fast and never frozen, organic and local if possible. 100% of chicken and pork is naturally raised, and 60% of beef is naturally raised.  This year they will serve 70 million pounds of meat. It’s really important both taste wise and enviromentally that the animals are allowed to roam outside. Sustainable food should not be a luxury, it should be an everyday experience.

Oprah welcomes Steve and he tells her to come to Chipotle. In 1993 when he just got out of cooking school, he set up Chipotle to provide seed money for his fancy restaurant but it got really busy. They had a great attention to detaill not usually found in fast food. They keep their standards high by doing a few thing s and teaching people how to cook, and fast. In the beginning it was just about freshness. But he was sourcing a new pork supplier and came across an Iowan pork that was humane and antibiotic free and it tasted great. Looking at pork in confinement, he decided not to base Chipotle on that model. We eat 200lb per person per year of meat- if all our animals were raised outside there would be a trade off- we’d have to eat less meat but it would be better quality.

Amazon.com friends are offering Food Inc for $9.99 with a free digital download. Michael Pollan’s final thoughts are that pioneers like Steve wil help us figure it out. You have to pay a little more and decide  if it’s worth it to you. Think about how your decisions affect you and your children and their children. Thank you everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Modern agriculture is about making things faster and bigger and fatter and cheaper, nobody is thinking about the ecological health of the whole system.

We can make up our own minds about these issues, because we live in America. Isn’t that wonderful?

Most of what is in the supermarket is not “food”, it is an edible food-like substance.

Consider being truly  kind to yourself, letting yourself have your best health, look your best, feel your best and feel your most vital.

Vegan poop is effortless, quick and fabulous enough to consider sharing it with your friends.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Eat food, mostly plants, not too much

Date: January 26th, 2010
File Under: Betrayal, Celebrity, Family, Marriage, Relationships, Uncategorized

Episode 13: Denise Richards and Mrs Ted Haggard: Surviving a Public Scandal

Actress Denise Richard says she knows what you might think of her, she has been called all the names in the book. For the last five years she has just taken it – the stares, the comments, the speculation- and now she’s ready to speak her mind. At the time of her divorce she took the high road, she was advised to keep quiet, she hoped it would blow over and it didn’t- it escalated and got really, really bad.. She survived it and now she’s here to speak her piece, and to offer hope to any woman in her situation. Oprah clarifies that she means that literally, after all the anger and emotional struggle, Denise now has peace. Denise says she had so much emotional difficulties at the time that she would not have been able to talk about this while she was living it, but now she has distanced herself, and that she and Charlie are now in a great place.

Denise Richards was the beautiful Midwestern girl who set her sights on Hollywood. She became a Bond Girl, and 2 years later got together with Charlie Sheen. They were red capet regulars, but she filed for divorce when pregnant with her second child. The battle raged on for more than four years, with accusations of drugs, pornography and prostitutes, and allegations that she stole her best friend’s husband. Denies and Charlie have called a truce. But on Christmas morning in Aspen Colorado, Charlie’s wife of 20 months, Brooke, called police saying that he had  threatened her with a  knife. They have twin baby boys. Denise got a collect call on Christmas Day from jail, her first reaction was is he ok? He told her that he and Brooke had got into a fight and Brooke called the cops, but he wanted to say Merry Christmas to the girls, Sammy and Lola. He called again when he got out of jail. Oprah recalls that he threatened Denise, as written in the divorce documents. Denise takes a deep breath and says that he was abusive at times. She can’t lie- he was abusive and threatening – there were times with much verbal abuse, which got very scary. He never hit her but he would push or shove her. It’s public knowlege that she had a restraining order against him because of this. She told Charlie she was coming on the show, she told him she would be honest, but there are some things she won’t reveal. Does Denise think he has a problem with managing his temper and with the way he treats her and his current wife? Yes, says Denise. He has a very sharp tongue- he played on Denise’s insecurities, which she acknowledges that we all do in relationships . Oprah interrupts to say that it is interesting that Denise said he never hit her, and so many women use the “he never hit me” calling card yet they cower in intimidation and manipulation. Denise says it’s easy to judge when you are on the outside. Denise loved him, she wanted it to work- she doesn’t love him now, he’s not the person she married. She cares for him and would help him out if necessary because he is her daughters father. There were some very dark times, with humiliation, particularly when she filed the restraining order. She was scared, embarrassed, terrified. She didn’t have any inkling when they married that the relationship would be volatile. He was 3 years sober when they met, which she admired, she thought that his past was in the past. Did she feel put upon because alot of the press was labelling her as a golddigger and man-stealer, when he was being threatening and abusive? Denise says it was very, very difficult, and she hit rock-bottom. This is a sad situation, he now has two baby boys and they have a Dad in jail for Christmas, but perhaps people can understand what she went through. She’s not sure that she feels vindicated. As the show goes to commercial break, there is a written and spoken disclaimer that Charlie Sheen has repeatedly denied Denise Richards’ allegations of abuse.

This is Denise Richard’s first time speaking out since the Christmas arrest, but they have got to a good place together. Oprah asks how good that place will be after this show and Denise laughs and says it depends how much they talk about- she says they’ve gotten through worse with a lot of work. Their daughters did not ask to be born into a hostile situation- she and Charlie started to see  a mediator,- so to be able to have an early dinner together on New Year, is important for the kids who don’t deserve this stuff. Denise’s dad in the audience says it’s so frustrating- he respects his daughter for trying to makie it work but was angry at her for repeatedly going back. She kept going back because their oldest was 9 months and she was 6 months pregnant when she filed for divorce. She did it for the kids, she did not want this life for them. She was terrified for her own life. When she filed for divorce, they had had a very big argument, the next day he went to work and she packed a suitcase and took her 9 month old and went straight to an attorneys office. She was terrified and relieved that she had the strength to do it. When she heard he was remarrying, she had very much moved on- it was impossible to make her marriage work- she hopes he is different. Brooke is her daughters step-mom so she wants it to be a healthy relationship for everyone.

Oprah asks her how she felt when the tabloids called her a husband-stealer, what happened there? Richie was single when they were both going through their divorces. It started as a friendship, they leaned on each other and both had parents that were ill. Oprah asks if she knows the rule that the best friends husband is off limits rule, whatever the circumstances may be? Denise says that she was friends with Heather, but they weren’t best friends, and if they been friends then she would have never crosssed that line; Richie would have been off limits. The friendship was done, they weren’t friends anymore. She had mixed feelings, she was embarrassed and could feel the other mothers staring at her. Doing Mommy and Me and preschool runs was humiliating. She is now in a good place herself. Her 4 and 5 year old daughters are her pillars. Their favorite presents were their American Girl dolls- they were spoiled at Christmas. She did tell them about their Dad- a kid in kindergarten asked her 5 year old if her Daddy was still in jail. Oprah says theat kindergarten ain’t what it used to be. She asks if she is comfortable for Charlie to be with the girls, does she trust him? Denise says yes after a long pause. She says it’s up and down, a work in progress. Oprah asks if that means she didn’t trust him at some point; Denise says it was challenging. Many people said she was being manipulative and controlling, but she did what any parent in their right mind would have done. It is about the girls. Oprah asks if it’s his temper, what is it? Denise says it’s a combination of a lot of things, and Denise has always been about keeping the girls safe and healthy. Oprah says that Denise is not going to tell her what it is, as “a lot of things” is not an answer. Denise says she is starting to sweat. Oprah says Denise should only say what she feels comfortable with, but she wants Denise to know that it’s a lot isn’t an answer. Denise looks to her Dad and says everyone has read certain things, and that everyone must agree that some of those things are not appropriate for children. She can’t control Charlie or Brooke or what goes on in their home, but what she can control is the situation in her own home and keep her girls safe. Oprah leaves it at that because Denise is uncomfortable, but she says that all the things we read about prostitution, pornography and drugs are not appropriate for children. Oprah wishes Denise the best and thanks Denise for coming on the show. As the show goes to commercial break, a disclaimer says that Charlie Sheen denies that he threatened his wife Brooke with a knife, and that Brooke and Charlie want to work on their issues. He goes to trial in February.

It’s all too common; a well known, widely respected man is caught in a very public scandal, then steps forward and admits doing something wrong while his wife stands stoically by his side. Ted Haggard and his wife Gail were on the show last January after his shocking secret life was exposed – he was a powerhouse evangelist with 30 million followers, charismatic and influential, a rising star, until the sex scandal. On the show he said he wasn’t gay, but a heterosexual with homosexual attachments, as diagnosed by his first therapist. In 2006 a former male escort claimed a 3 year sexual relationship that included payment for sex and crystal meth. The details were sordid and humiliating. It was not an emotional relationship, it was strictly for sex. Ted initially denied everything, he said he never did drugs nor did he have a gay relationship, ever. Gail initially believed him but the story began to fall apart. He admitted that he called the other man for meth, for himself, but never used it. He eventually admitted to using drugs and sexual immorality. He said to Gail that he was toxic, so poisonous, that she should divorce him. Why did she stay? Gail is here and has written a new book called Why I Stayed.

Oprah read it last night and then this morning had an epiphany; she decided to approach this interview with no judgement; judge not lest ye be judged. Her conclusion is that Gail loves this man in a way that Oprah has never loved, Oprah is independent and has always made her own decisions and can’t therefore imagine ever being in the situation where someone could betray her and she would stay. It is unimaginable to her, yet Oprah can see that coming where Gail came from, Oprah can see how Gail could do it.

Gail is glad that Oprah doesn’t want to judge her- she would say that she is strong and independent and that these were her choices. She felt that the betrayal could lead to greater strength. On page 108 of her book, Gail asks if the fault lays with her- was she not enough, not attractive , not fun, not sexually satisfying enough? Gail says that most women would ask herself those questions when faced with infidelity , would ask if they failed somehow, would ask what’s wrong with me? Gail asked herself those questions then asked Ted those questions. He answered that this was his problem, not hers, and that she was enough. Oprah asks if this would be the same if the infidelities were with women? That for some women it’s easier if the man was gay. Gail says the dynamics were different, another woman would make her feel that she definitely wasn’t enough; it raises a whole different set of challenges. Oprah says another man means there’s nothing you can do about it, which can make it easier. Gail thinks that the whole woman thing would have been different challenges, but the same principles.

Oprah asks for clarification; knowing that her husband had had relationships with men in the past, why did Gail believe him when he denied a relationship? Gail says she really did believe it becasue she was too naive, there were hints. After Jonathan, their special needs son was born, Ted came to her and said that there had been an incident the previous year that he needed to share. It involved another man, it wasn’t a sexual relationship, but it was a somewhat sexual encounter that had happened when he was a graduate student in a bookstore in another city. He determined to get out of grad school and never go back, and went to see a counselor that day. He carried so much guilt that he didn’t reveal the incident for a year, a year and a half. Oprah asks if the admission of an encounter of any kind plants the seed  that he is interested in men. Yes, it did. This happened over 25 years ago. Gail understands that we all have struggles and weaknesses in our life- but if she heard that now it would have  been a huge sign for her. Then she was naive to the gravity of the situation. She wanted to deal with it and believed that he had dealt with it, and that was why she was so staggered when the situation came out.

Its been just over 3 years since Ted Haggard was brought down by a gay sex scandal. Ted joins us. Gail writes on page 67 of the day she decided to stay in the marriage. Ted reached out for her in bed, and her heart broke, and she began her journey of choosing to love. Ted, literally, cried when he read that. He realised that so many others would have withdrawn, justifiably so, and maybe just put him out. Oprah asks her what made her choose- it was the first night that he had confessed that parts of the allegations were true. Ted was already in bed, when she slowly went to bed. Oprah is outraged that he was in the bed, that he was allowed to be there, and that Gail went to join him. Ted says that’s why the book is so incredible, to see Gail making so many choices to keep there family together.  Gail clarifies that she had a sense of betrayal and had a sense of revulsion, but she fell back on what mattered in her marriage, the things she believed about her husband. It was a secret, she hates secrets, it was very painful for her; she wanted to know the truth and know her husband. But she knows what kind of man he is, the good that he’s done and the wonderful parts of their marriage. and she’s not willing to let go of that. Sharing her epiphany, Oprah says to Ted that Gail really loves her. Ted says yes she really loves him, this woman is deeply infatuated with him, she loves him, which is an incredible thing. Gail says its more than infatuation, she really loves him. Ted says its incredible for a woman to love a man the way Gail loves him, he doesn’t deserve it, it’s a gift she has given him, and that he is so grateful.

Oprah asks Gail if she trusts him as much as she loves him? Gail says this is her answer: Rebuilding trust, she had the confidence that he was faithful to her, and that she could believe what he said. Ted felt that when the scandal happened it became his responsibility to do  things so she could trust him. He took lie detector tests, he’s super accountable, he calls her constantly. He makes sure she has no doubt about where he is, so that Gail can deal with her fears reasonably. He makes it his resonsibility, he doesn’t expect blind trust. The rules he lives by are

1 He answers everything. He Tweets and Facebook’s his schedule for Gail and the public.

2. If he goes anywhere alone, he calls Gail when he gets there and when he leaves, and informs her of any adjustments of schedule

He says he stepped up and decided to do this, rather than have rules imposed by Gail, which would feel very different. He’ll mask it by asking if she wants anything from the grocery store as he’s leaving, so it doesn’t feel like checking in with his parole officer. He realises he also violated his children’s trust. If he travels and Gail can’t go, for whatever reason, something like the children or whatever, then he stays in the pastor’s home, not in a hotel. No one imposed that on him, he does it himself, it’s not a contract or anything like that. Oprah asks if he does it so that he can be trusted by them or if he doesn’t trust himself? Ted says that always when people have been in any behaviour like that, there is a chance of a problem. Ted trusts himself but step number 1 in the 12 step program encourages us to never think that we are immune. Oprah asks if the 12-step program got him through this process? He says it helped, and he’s still in counselling for other (non-sexual) issues, other things. The biggest thing that helped him was therapy, since that time he’s not had one compulsive thought or behaviour. Oprah asks if he feels he’s heterosexual and he says oh yeah, we have a lot of evidence. He laughs, Gail doesn’t. Oprah asks, and he clarifies that he no longer has any homosexual issues.

Oprah asks Gail what if he comes to her and says he’s slipped up? Gail says it’s a day she hopes never happens, but realistically she has to be prepared for that. She thinks her heart is not ready for that at this point, but she believes that the principles that got her through before could get her through again. Oprah asks if the marriage is stronger and better; Gail says absolutely. Gail loves him more now after they’ve  walked through these difficulties together and she knows his weaknesses. Before she felt she couldn’t get close enough to him, there was a wall she couldn’t get past, and once they started this process, once the huge lights were shining on her husband  they were able to get behind the wall and walk through that and that gave her more love for Ted. Gail’s book is out today, thank you Gail, thank you Ted.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Despite denials, Charlie Sheen is most likely threatening and abusive

Most people would agree that drugs, pornography and prostitutes are not appropriate for children

If Gail Haggard’s husband had been unfaithful with women, there would have been different challenges, but the same principles of recovery.

To avoid all trust issues with oneself and others, stay in the pastor’s house rather than a hotel.

Therapy can work to reverse all homosexual impulses and feelings.

A VERY CONCISE SUMMARY:

Drugs and sexual immorality can lead to a stronger, better marriage with more love.

Date: January 21st, 2010
File Under: Uncategorized

Episode 10: Life and Death Interventions

Powerful. Raw. Real And maybe their last chance.

The “family disease” is so called because it has the power to rip families apart. For the last 5 years, millions of people have tuned in to look at people dealing with addiction. Everyone has something. Each week the  A&E series “Intervention” tackles addiction and orchestrates last chance interventions. The problem could be shopping, food, sex, pills, gambling, or even rage. Help is what they get in the form of emotional intervention, they get  free inpatient treatment for 90 days.

24 year old Josh is morbidly obese, he is over 500 pounds and utterly miserable. He can’t believe he got to this point. The average adult needs 2000 claories a day; Josh gets 5-6000. He is like a walking time-bomb; his body will simply give up under his weight if he does not act now. He doesn’t know how to stop eating- he was called fat as a child, he is afraid of being hurt, his parents always made him clean his plate. His parents say he is rebelling the only way he can, by eating. He says he doesn’t get support at home- we see him baking cupcakes with his family. He is trapped in a situation he can’t control.

Josh’s family are worried and they reach out for help via an intervention specialist. In a hotel room his family and ex-girlfriend are there with the cameras rolling. Josh enters the room and says he doesn’t like surprises – he is told it’s not a surprise, it’s a gift. His Dad is worried about Josh following in his footsteps, he apologises for not being a good parent. 2 years ago he checked into rehab. In two years he has lost half his body weight, over 250 pounds. He comes into the studio.

Josh was eating himself to death, when Intervention and his family checked him into rehab. Intervention has a 76% success rate. Intervention saved his life. He doesn’t know how he managed to get around with all that weight. Oprah asks what was different this time, diet-wise? The structred environment of rehab enforced strict guidelines and focus on his emotional wellbeing. Prior to rehab he dealt with his pain and hurt with food; his drug of choice. Food really was an adiction- willpower was not an issue. He tried everything, he’d be good for  a few weeks then go on binges. He was hiding the fact that he was gay- he comes from a conservative Christian background. He was living a facade so that his whole life wouldn’t reject him- his family, his church. By being the fat guy he could keep people away from him. Oprah asks how the reaction was to coming out. He did it when in treatment; he told his mom first, who did not react well. She then told his dad. His dad called and said he still loved him but there was so much disappointment evident in his voice. Oprah says the feeling of letting down parents by just being yourself must be the worst feeling in the world. Josh says he doesn’t regret his choice at all. Over time, his parents have grown to accept him for who he is. In rehab he was told that our secrets will keep us sick. Josh knew he would never get well if he didn’t come clean. From now on, he is real. The people who love him love the real him. Thank you Josh.

Lesley, a  mother of three, struggles with alcoholism. Before her addiction, she was a wonderful mom. She married Craig when she was 27. She was the PTA mom, the homeroom mom. She started drinking at 41- she would drink in the afternoons with a girlfriend. Soon she was having 2 or 3 bottles of wine a day. Her friends told Craig that Lesley had a problem. The alcohol doesn’t fix her problems. At her lowest she drank mouthwash and two pints of vodka a day. In video footage, she says she can only exist, she can not be a good mom right then. The footage shows her drinking dregs out of bottles in the trash while the kids are around. She feels like an unworthy mother.

A few days later the family staged an intervention. She has been sober now for a year and a half. Watching the tape is devastating to her, the pain she caused her family can not be reversed. Oprah asked how did it happen? Lesley can count nine times in her life that she was drunk until she was 41. She wasn’t happy with herself but the alcohol could not fix it, could only cover it up. We need to be taught coping mechanisms. She was a drug counselor teaching kids not to take drink or drugs, but she got caught up in it herself. She would have a morning drink, trying to hide it from the kids, to face the day. She’d drink until preschool pickup at 11am. She was able to hide it from her husband, and she thought she was hiding it from the kids, but they knew. Oprah asks about her drinking out of bottles from the trash while her kids watch- did she realise what she was doing this to her kids. She did not. All that was important to her was the alcohol. Alcoholism is an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body. She learned that mouthwash made her high- it’s 26.9% alcohol. She got high from it and learned it made her high- it became another means to get drunk. She will never have enough I’m Sorry’s for his kids. She deals with the pain that she does not raise her kids anymore- Craig took the children. She talks to them everyday but they never want to come visit. She finds the disease terrible, embarrassing and shameful.

We watch painful footage of the intervention. The addiction specialist says that children are not normally present because it’s too painful, but in this case they need the children to make it work. They are the mainstay of why Lesley should decide never to drink again. Her oldest son says its embarrassing, the loving mom has gone, and that if she doesn’t take control of her drinking, she’ll lose her family and relationships. She says she loves him, they embrace. Her daughter says she could die if she does this, she could die in a car- Lesley thanks her for sharing that with her. the younger son reads through the tears- they used to do so much together but now she does nothing but sleep in the car, ashe is not there for him when he needs her. She apologises and hugs him and says she wants to be there for them. In the audience, her son says it was hard, he didn’t want to be around her when she was drinking, he’d have to take care of her. Oprah says he had to parent his parent, and parent his siblings. The daughter, Margo, says it was hard to see her mom through it, even in 4th grade she found it embarrassing. Now she’s sober it’s easy to be around her, they talk two times a day. Ryan, the middle son can trust her now that she is sober, he could never trust her before. Now they can talk about anything. Oprah asks her husband where he was mentally when this was happening? He wasn’t thinking about alcohol, and he couldn’t figure out why she was acting this way. She’d blame hormones, PMS, she was a good liar. She’d go to the doctor for these things. They’d argue alot about dumb things- she was a good housewife and mom but all that stopped. She was neglecting her family responsibilities. She had been the trophy wife, the team mom, and all that stopped.

Lesley was told she had a high “bottom”- she hadn’t lost anything, not her family or her job. Through relapses she lost everything- dignity, home, family, marriage, finances, her home- she became homeless. She had to hit absolute bottom to begin to climb up. Over a peiod of three or four years she’d be sober then relapse. Then Craig had to take the kids. Lesley advises that alcoholism is a disease and that people should not be ashamed, they are not a bad person, they need to get help. Oprah asks if you should take responsibility for what you’re doing? Lesley says you need to get help and you shouldn’t be ashamed to get help. Last time she was sober for 2 1/2 years, this time round it’s 1 1/2 years. Lesley says she has to take things day by day, sometimes even minutes by minute. This is the nature of addiction, but she feels stronger in her sobriety than she has ever been.

Jason was a star athlete form a middle-class family in Colorado. After Columbine, his family watched him slowly kill himself. For five years, he had been injecting heroin. He was panhandling to feed his addiction. His mom would text him everyday to say she loved him, just incase. His addiction was destroying the family. He was the perfect child, he had everything. But at 16 he started experimenting with marijuana and cocaine. 10 months after graduating from Columbine High School, the deadly massacre occured. 12 off his former classmates and one teacher were killed. The shooters were retaliating against the jocks- Jason says a big reason for the rebellion was because him and the other athletic kids picked on them; they were bullies. After the Columbine incident, it became very apparent that Jason was using drugs. Cameras followed Jason to an Intervention with the A&E program. His family wants to fight to get Jason back. He agrees to listen. His family say that he has to change, they will no longer give him money for drugs. He agrees to go to rehab for an intervention.

Jason says that right is now the first time he has ever really broken down and started to feel his emotions. When his intervention took place, he couldn’t feel anything because he was too high. Columbine sent him into a downward spiral- his name came up as being at fault as a jock and a bully. He didn’t know the shooters personally, but he did pick on them- Jason was in the elite group. Guilt and shame piled upon him, so he began to do more drugs to try and not feel. Oprah says we all do it to try and escape stress. All Jason knew was how to get high. He has been clean for eleven months. The crowd applaud. He learned breathing skills and how to think about his emotions  before he acts. The pain in his past is a motivator for what he is doing today. He doesn’t want to be that low, to hurt his family again. Heroin was his soulmate, he couldn’t stop it. Jason is grateful that his family are hear for him and that he is alive today. He is going to be a diving instructor. It’s a whole new world. He has a new passion for diving.

New episodes of Intervention are airing Mondays on A & E. Goodbye everyone.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Our secrets will keep us sick

We need to be taught coping mechanisms

Addiction is a disease, not a choice

Do not be ashamed, you are not a bad person, ask for help if you need it

Take things day by day, minute by minute if need be

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Addiction is a disease which can be treated, but be honest- your secrets will keep you sick

Date: January 18th, 2010
File Under: Grief, Public Service Announcement, Tragedy, Uncategorized
1 comment

Episode 7: This Show Could Save Your Life: America’s New Deadly Obsession

This is the start of something really big in America. Oprah is asking us to give up something which we do all too much- texting while driving. This is maybe more dangerous than driving drunk- talking on the phone while driving is the equivalent of having 4 drinks and getting behind the wheel. The audience have taken a pledge to stop texting while driving; they are all wearing pledge t-shirts. Oprah is passionate about the issue and hopes that we will be too, that we will spread the message amongst our families, friends and communities.

The problem is not just texting, but also talking on the phone. They are both part of a dangerous practice called distractive driving. Almost 6 thousand people die, and 1/2 million are injured each year by a driver with their hands off the wheel. Drivers on the  phone are 4  times more likely to have an  accident than those concentrating on driving. 19 states plus DC have banned texting; in 7 states plus DC one can only use cell phones if they are hands free.

A year ago Shelly and Darren were happily married with 3 girls. On the way home from the doctors, Shelly saw fire trucks at end of her street. There were fire trucks and all these people and a child laying on ground. She had no idea it was her child, but then she saw Erica’s bicycle. The driver was distracted on the phone, and hit Erica face-on with her 5000lb SUV. The neurosurgeon knew she wouldn’t make it. Sheelly spend the night saying goodbye. Erica has gone because of a person on a cell phone.

Shelly’s kids at the time were 13 year old, Jessica, Erica was 9 and Valerie was 4 years old. Shelly was on her way home from doctor, she drove home talking to her dad on her bluetooth headset. She got out the car just at the end of their street, and saw her child laying still. The driver of the SUV said I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see her. The paramedics cut off Erica’s clothes- at this point Shelly realized this was serious. They spent the next two days at the children’s hospital. Darren says that Erica was out on her bike, 30 seconds from their house- 15 pedals from home, when the neighbor called him to say Erica had had an accident.

Oprah strongly believes that the laws need to change- Shelly and Darren are very proactive to try to change the law in Colorado. Shelly does not want anyone else to go through this. Shelly says we are doing too much, we must concentrate on driving- the deaths are not worth a phone call, a text, an email. Don’t talk and drive.

Throughout the show we will hear from more families who have paid the price for our deadly habit. A series of articles in the New York Times inspired this program which Oprah has waned to do for a long time.

In Oxford England- Victoria, 24, was a fashion designer. She got a flat tire, pulled over, put on her hazard lights and called her mother. 3 minutes later, Phillipa Curtis hit the back of the car, killing Victoria instantly. Phillipa was sending emails. Victoria’s mother says that seeing the car brings it all home. You never forget.

Jordan was the most lovable being that his father ever encountered. He was 18 years old, on Mothers Day. Around 4.25pm his parents called him on his cellphone and the line went dead. Soon after, the police came to the door. They went to the hospital, where they were told their son was dead. The father said he let out a primal scream like you hear in the movies. He says you feel like your whole life has died- children should not die before their parents. His job was to protect his son and he couldn’t do it; his son died. They believe he dropped his cell phone, unbuckled his seat belt and bent down to pick it up. He hit a big tree and was killed instantly.

There are two reasons why Utah has the strictest laws against distractive driving. Megan says her dad Keith was her whole world. Before the incident, Jackie was married with two kids and now she is a single parent. Jackie kissed her husband Jim goodbye as he went to pick up his colleague Keith on the way to work. At her work two hours later, Jackie was told he was dead. A 19 year old was texting while driving. Jackie lost Jim and Megan lost her father Keith. They were told the driver of a Tahoe went across the yellow line, hit Keith and Jim- their car span out of control and was blindsided by another vehicle. They were killed instantly. It was hard to believe the news. There was shock, dismay, disbelief.  Jackie insisted that Reggie, the 19 year old driver, watched the funeral; he should know who he had killed.

Reggie Shaw was the 19 year old texting while driving instead of focusing on the road. He admits he was texting, he clipped another vehicle sending it into traffic. Opra appreciates that he is here. Reggie texted maybe almost  100% of the time while driving, as did most of his friends. Oprah finds this hard to believe, knows we can’t do this at the same time as driving, perhaps because she is an older person. Reggie says he never thought about it. Oprah says she does not use the word stupid much, and she isn’t calling Reggie stupid, but she says it is a stupid thing to do, to take your eyes off the road. In Reggie’s Driver’s Ed he says that no one mentioned how dangerous texting while driving is. He felt terrible when he discovered that he’d killed two people. He says it never gets easier. It affects his life every day. He can’t forgive himself for his bad choice. He can’t sleep at night; every day is hard.

Oprah says for every single person who texts, we could be looking at ourself when we look at Reggie in this chair. He didn’t mean to do it, it could happen to any of us. Oprah asks if he thought he could text and drive safely at the same time. He says of course he did but one second later this poor choice took two people’s lives. Reggie speaks out at high schools and gatherings; he explains to high schoolers that it is absolutely not safe to take your mind off the road. In the aftermath of this accident, Utah passed some of the strictest laws. Reggie was an essential part of this- he approached lawmakers to hasten the laws. Jackie says she has forgiven him; he went above and beyond his punishment in some cases. Oprah asks what his punishment was. He did 30 days in jail and 30 days of community service. Oprah asks if he thinks that he was in jail long enough. Reggie thinks how hard it was for him in jail, and thinks about the two lives lost, and he doesn’t know if it was long enough. Oprah thanks him for his honesty and for coming on the show.

AJ was a presence; goofy and funny and he had an amazing smile. On Dec 3rd, 2007, his mother was coming down the street and saw an accident ahead- she saw that it was her son’s car. At the hospital the doctors said they did all the could but they could not save him. He rolled through a stop sign into the path of a garbage truck. he was texting his girlfriend. The accident was 100% preventable. We are not talking about statistics, we are talking about mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, aunties, and uncles. She says that her son is not a number, not a statistic, he was her son.

Linda was 61 years old. A little over a year ago, the family lost their hero. A 23 year old driver t-boned Linda’s car at a light. He was engrossed in in a conversation on his cell phone. Linda’s daughter, Jennifer. says seeing the seat was the hardest part. She asks us to put our loved one in that seat, is that phone call worth it? Before her accident, Jennifer who is a realtor, used her car as her office. Even with a headset, she says you should not talk while driving- it’s not where your hands are, it’s where your head is. The man who killed her mother  was on the phone for less than a minutes, his brain couldn’t handle it, he didn’t see the light. You can’t do it, you are not Superman. She has a bumper sticker that says “someone talking on their cell phone while driving killed my mom”.

Dr David Strayer, a professsor at the University of Utah says our brain doesn’t work the way we’d like it too- we can’t multitask the way we think we can. Many people think they are safer drivers, but we are not. Texting makes it like a multitude of drunks on the road says Oprah. David says it is worse than drunks- you are 8 times more likely to crash while texting, drunk driving is equivalent to talking on a phone- you are 4 times more likely to have accident. Talking on the phone gives us tunnel vision. Your brain won’t let you take in all the information. We have  inattention blindness- you see about half of the visual information in front of us. The brain can’t take in all the information; we are not wired to multitask that way. We miss quite a bit.

In 2008 a San Antonia bus driver was caught on video driving and texting while in rush hour traffic. He looked up to the camera a split second before slamming on his brakes and ploughing into the car ahead. Months later in LA, a train driver so distracted sending and receiving over 40 text messages, missed a red light and his commuter train crashed into a freight train. 135 were injured. 25, including the conductor, were killed, making it the 2nd worst commuter train accident in US history. Weeks later, a school bus with 21 students was rammed by an 18 wheeler, when stopped with its blinkers on The bus was pushed over 200 feet before it burst into flames. 20 students escaped but one was tragically killed. The driver of the 18 wheeler admitted he was distracted on the phone and did not see that the bus had stopped.

71% people age 18-49 admit they text or talk on the phone while they drive. If you do that and think you’re safe, the next three guests are right there with you. Sean, a father of 4, thinks he has great driving and texting skills. Carly, a stay at home mom of 2, once found herself in the opposite lane while texting. Jen is  a 19 year old college student and self-procclaimed super-texter. To gauge how dangerous their driving/ texting habits are, they went to do some driving tests. They were tested for reaction times stopping at a red light, and had to complete a slalom to measure deviation from their path. Each test was done twice;  once concentrating on driving and again while texting and driving.

Jen hit a cone while texting, as did Sean, as did Carly. Jen felt she was out of control, Sean found the test hard- he sees this as a wake-up call. Carly thinks she’s very lucky that nothing has happened to her to date.

Gerard Ball, the editor at Car and Driver Magazine, analysed the data results of the road tests.. The results are dramatic. The reaction times increase greatly- there is a 22 ft difference in reaction time. This could be a huge difference between stopping or hitting someone. Oprah puts Carly on the spot saying she went into other lane before while texting, but now says the driving test has changed her life. Carly wants to spread the word and make a change in her city, to stop these 100% preventable accidents. Jen thought she could do it because all high school and college students text and drive. She feels that if all kids did the road test, she is 120% sure that the bad habits would stop. Sean was really cocky about texting and driving, he felt he was invincible. His wife always called him on it- he found the the test to be a big wake-up call. He went into the test thinking he could do it all. Now he realises that these accidents could have been him or his family. His wife was very infuriated by his behavior. He is a defensive football player, and that attitude spilled into his driving.

Oprah calls on us to make our cars a No Phone Zone, we can take the pledge on Oprah.com and pass it on via Twitter and Facebook. She urges that we make this show the end of being on the phone in the car. She asks us to take another look at the faces of the children, husbands, fathers, mothers who were killed by a distracted driver… and look at the loved ones left behind who carry that pain for the rest of their lives. She says we should think about that next time we are tempted to use your phone when driving.

Don’t tempt fate, that text or call when wait. Believe it. Thanks everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Talking on the phone while driving is as unsafe as driving with 4 drinks in your system- you are 4 times more likely to have an accident

Texting is twice as dangerous as talking while driving- statistically you are 8 times more likely to have an accident

Distractive driving is responsible for six thousand deaths and half a million injuries per year

These numbers are not just statistics, they are mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers

These accidents are 100% preventable

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Don’t tempt fate, that text or call when wait. Believe it.