Episode 12: Rosie O’Donnell: Life After The Breakup and Her New Love
It’s been 13 years since she was last on the show, but she did call Oprah once at 2 in the morning, crying after Columbine saying that they have to form a union to save the children of the world. Oprah was so good, telling her to breathe. Oprah realised that that tragedy affected different people in different ways. Rosie says when she first started her show she had a delusion of fame that the power of fame could stop bad things from happening- she felt she could get the other superhero media women together to change things, to make the world a better place. Rosie says that Oprah plays a central role in the movie of Rosie’s life, but Oprah doesn’t realise that she’s cast in it.
Oprah asks where Rosie has been the last couple of years, and Rosie says she’s been at home trying to figure out what to do with the second part of her life. Her mother died at age 40, so Rosie spent her whole life thinking she would only live to be 40. Her goal was to do everything she could by 40 then retire and wait to be told she was going to die. And yet every year her mammogram is clear. Rosie got divorced, although she and Kelly were in the first group to be married and it was annulled so they didn’t need a divorce as such. Rosie says that a lesbian divorce is a different paprdigm- the emotional connection remains. Every woman but one of Rosie’s past relationships is still in her life. They prioritise looking after the kids, they are the focus, that is what it is about. Oprah asks why they broke up. Rosie says that what they wanted and and needed at 30/ 35 and 40/ 45 changed. They did not grow apart, they both came back to being their authentic selves. When they met they were very wrapped up in their careers, and fame. For the last two years, she was at home painting and spending alot of time alone. She took her show as a job, with the aim of being at home with her children. She finds it impossible that fame doesn’t corrupt people, it is a toxic drug. Oprah agrees that it is a drug, but says that she hasn’t been drugged by it. Rosie didn’t realise until she was done with her show. She did alot of charity work, and her son asked why she didn’t stay home and take care of them instead of running out to compulsively raise money for charity. Oprah says that in the last 5 years, fame has become an obsession. Rosie agrees that as a nation we have become obsessed with fame, so that trivial news such as who she’s dating can be a headline on CNN.
Video footage shows Rosie’s guesthouse in New York state, where she has made a radio studio, The best part of her gig is that she can wear pajamas. She does a radio show with her kids. Back in the studio, Oprah says Rosie has a new radio show and an HBO documentary about families. Oprah asks what she has learned from her kids now, the oldest of whom is 14. Rosie said she has had to learn alot lately, especially with the idea of co-parenting, Her whole life she has wanted to be a mother, a full-time mother. They co-parent and spend equal time together with the kids. The kids are free-flowing, some are always here and there. Kelly lives close by, but not quite in the same town. One night when she was crying, her son said calm down mom, I’ll always be your son, no matter where I am. Rosie always wanted to be a family with a mom who stayed. She could do the things she could only dream of as a child- provide matching socks, clean underwear. She was raised with love, compassion and grace by a community of women with no blood relation- the neighbor women. Sadly her mother’s death was never talked about- Rosie never said out loud that her mother died until she was at college. Oprah is sure that affected her – Rosie says she’s almost annoying to her kids by asking what are you feeling? Should we talk? She wants her kids to remember that family is forever, change is inevitable and you can always survive it, that you can survive unexpected huge challenges. She hopes to teach them by doing it herself; that there is always something new in the future and you don’t now what that might be, but it has the potential for tremendous joy and to remember what was without the pain of what it is not now.
Despite the divorce, they do all the monumental events together- first day at school, the red carpet… The documentary is about family, and truth is what works for her and her family. She has been working for the last 2 years on “A Family is a Family, is a Family: A Rosie O’Donnell Celebration of Love”, an HBO documentary. They play an extract from the documentary, Rosie is talking with her daughter, about how a family is forever and family is love. Oprah asks why Rosie wanted to make that documentary? She says that she had been a rolemodel for the gay/ lesbian community, and she wanted to be honest in this documentary- gay families are just like other families, and divorce happens. It’s been the most painful experience of her adult life.
Rosie started in stand-up, then became most famous in her 6 year stint hosting the Rosie O’Donnell Show starting in 1996 , where she got 11 Emmy’s. She quit to spend more time with her family, then in 2006 returned to daytime television as a co-host on The View. Ratings soared and so did the controversy. It all came to a head with a heated political debate with co-host Elizabeth Hasselback. They’d had a friendship and it didn’t ring true. Rosie decided she’d had enough. Rosie asked Elizabeth how she felt about her comrades on Fox, where Hasselback is a commentator, calling Rosie un-American and saying she didn’t care about the troops. Elizabeth said she wasn’t going to defend her. Rosie said they were friends, and that Elizabeth had been to her house, and that what viewers saw were her hurt feelings and betrayal. Oprah asks if that’s why she didn’t come back- Rosie says that the producers had pre-prepared a split-screen. Rosie knew that and felt that she had been manipulated. She doesn’t feel that the best use of her talent is arguing and fighting. Living legend Barbara Walters was the person who’s show it was, it was not Rosie’s show. They play a clip of Barbara Walter’s on the Oprah Show, saying Rosie is loving and wonderful but had a moment of pure rage in the dressing room once that she didn’t want to talk about.
Oprah had read in Rosie’s Book, Celebrity Detox, about the incident. Rosie had made fun of Donald Trump’s hair. Oprah reads from the book saying that if Rosie stands up after a confrontation, it is because her rage is too big for her body. Rosie says she stood up, said a lot of terrible things and regretfully she says she scared Barbara Walters. Rosie regrets that moment because no one speaks to Barbara that way. They liken Walters to the queen; Oprah says she is the queen. Rosie was demanding an emotional connection.They think that maybe Rosie was projecting stuff onto her; Rosie says she didn’t think Barbara was her mother, but anyone in that age range, she has reverence for. Rosie was hurt because she felt Barbara should have come to her defense and she didn’t. Rosie tries to teach her children, her 12 year old, what are you feeling? She tries to show her children what their feelings are. If she had been braver, at that moment she would have just cried. Oprah says that is so interesting- when crying is so often perceived as the weak thing to do, why does Rosie say it would be braver? Because it would have been authentic, the true feeling . Rosie’s armour is to stand up and shout. She did go home and cried, alot. Kelly would say to her that she has to get her feelings under control. She is lucky that in her business she can express those emotions but sometimes she gets overwhelmed. Oprah asks how it healed her, the process. Rosie says you get to face yourself over and over, that you evolve and at some point the stories have to change. There are so many stories; by telling the same one over and over you define yourself in the past. What has healed Rosie is a willingness to step out of her history and into her present. Now she can live more authentically, she can speak without putting her guard up.
Rosie’s video blog has quite a following. That’s how she met Tracy- she wrote on the blog asking if she wanted to trade art. Rosie looked her up, she’s an artist and a single lesbian mom of 6 – 5 adopted from foster care and 1 she birthed with down syndrome. She’s a doula, surfer, gardener, recycler, works for gay foster care rights… Rosie wrote to her and asked if she was for real or a joke. She was the perfect match for Rosie’s wants. Her big heart appealed to Rosie. Rosie invited her to Miami, she didn’t even know if it was a date. They had never spoken, nor had she seen her. Tracy got out of the car and Rosie said zoinks, because she is absolutely gorgeous. They are moving to live together, they are going to blend the families. Rosie says her kids know her. When she told her oldest about Tracy, he said it sounds pretty perfect. Rosie is very happy, and it’s not that Kelly made her unhappy, it’s just that they wanted different things at different times.
Oprah asks her to reveal something that she’s never revealed. Rosie says that’s hard, that she tends to tell everything, almost too much- in her book she says she told how she used to self-injure as a child. That’s a tough thing to say, but a important one. She understands how you feel the need to make a physical pain to override the emotional pain. Right now, her secret, she is not wearing underpants.
Oprah asks if Rosie has healed some of the rage? Yes, but it took a long time and self acceptance and understanding that you can choose to see the glass as half empty or half full. Whenever she teaches that lesson to her kids, she relearns it for herself. Oprah advises every family to watch the family documentary on HBO on January 31st. Oprah and Rosie both have a radio series on Sirius FM; Rosie bought a Sirius radio or everyone in the audience. The audience go wild. Goodbye everybody.
WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:
Menopausal hot-sweat discomfort for those with thick hair can be eased with the right haircut.
Fame corrupts. Fame is a toxic drug.
Family is forever, change is inevitable and you can always survive it, you can survive unexpected huge challenges
There is always something new in the future and you don’t know now what that might be, but it has the potential for tremendous joy, without the pain of the present.
Crying is not weak; it is brave, authentic and true.
A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:
What has healed Rosie is a willingness to step out of her history and into her present
REPLY))
Rosie needs to speak for herself only when it comes to whether fame corrupts completely. Perhaps that’s her experience because she someone who is immature to begin with but there are many celebrities who know how to handle there fame and use it to do good in the world. Of all the celebrities out there Rosie is the most stupidest there is.