Episode 47: Humdinger Follow-Ups
Aside from the birth of her children, Kathrine says that going on Oprah was the proudest day of her life. To have two of her mentors say well done was amazing, She would have sworn on the bible that she would never go back to the way that she was. Since being on the show she gained 150 lbs and now has lost over 100 again. She knew things were out of control with the first 20 pounds. It became complete self sabotage, she felt like she wasn’t worthy anymore and she began to hide. She thinks the biggest mistake she made first time around was doing it for everyone else. It was either for them or to impress them. The food obsession became replaced by getting people’s attention, doing it so they could say great job. In her closet, she has everything from a size 10 to a size 28. She got rid of most of her clothes but she is hanging on to some. She is scared that she will go there again. She just watched the video where she was so sure that she had lost the weight for good, and then she sees the reality of the last 8 years. She breaks down, and says that she thinks what if.
In the studio with Oprah Kathrine says that she kept the weight off for 7 years, she got home and got in touch with a wonderful man in her life, and she got some love in her life. She was single when she came on the show and was happy with the love of God. But she carried that into her relationships, thinking that she was only worthy if she was working hard for that grace, she was only worthy if she was thin.
They got married and she went on birth control and gained 20 pounds. She had never had a chemical weight gain before, only emotional and choice and genetic weight gains. She started hiding, then got pregnant and went into hiding. She went into solitude, she was sure that her husband would leave. Did he? Asks Oprah. No, he did not. Good for him, says Oprah. He is here and he loves her, he loved her then and loves her now.
The April issue of O Magazine is on stands for another week. The cover is red and in it Oprah boldly announces that her battle with food is over. In that issue Oprah says that she had one of those great a-ha moments after a life changing interview with Geneen Roth. When Oprah read Jeanine’s new book, Women Food and God, which they extract in the issue, Oprah had one of those profound moments, exactly like Kathrine is talking about. What she’d known for years with the help of Bob Greene is that it is not about the weight, but it’s also not not about the weight. Its about using food as a substitute for all the things that are missing in our lives. We all know that we can become addicted to gambling, drugs and potato chips but what is interesting to Oprah is that we can also become addicted to attention, like Kathrine did. Kathrinesays that she went from being imprisoned by her body to being imprisoned by praise. Each day she would dress so that people would notice that she had lost weight. If they didn’t notice, then something was wrong. It was only after she gained all the weight and then lost the weight that she could look back and see that she was addicted to praise.
In the O issue, they talk about ending the tyranny with food. If you can’t pick up the April issue of O, then pick up Geneen’s book. Kathrine read it and said it was a major a-ha throughout, no wonder, she was building a house of cards. Kathrine says that she has the technical side down, and has had for a long time, she knows what to eat and how to exercise and all that. She even thought that she had dealt with a lot of the emotional issues. Reading the book was a major a-ha moment.
To lose the weight and gain it back was almost unbearable. The first time she had to go into a plus size store felt like a complete regression, her old story was back and it felt like failure. She says that regaining the weight was harder than being fat in the first place. She felt like a hypocrite and a fraud. She lost all the weight, she lived the life for 7 years and she is in the industry, she was teaching. She was doing exactly what she knew not to do. She knew how to do fat and she knew how to do thin, and she knew about the thin person inside but she wasn’t living it. Oprah asks what is going to be different now? Kathrine says that it is already different, the 100 pounds that she has lost already… Yeah yeah yeah says Oprah. Kathrine says that the applause is nice to have, to be recognized, but it doesn’t define her. She was pleased when she went from a size 28 to a 26, because it was valuable and she knows who she is, and that she is more than her weight. Her value does not fluctuate with her weight. The amount she is loved does not vary with her weight- her husband and business colleagues proved that. It was an incredible experience.
The new book, Women Food and God has a lot of people rethinking their weight battle, Oprah included. One of the things that resonated with Oprah is when Geneen said that ending the battle with food is not about punishing, hating and depriving yourself, it is about being loving and kind to yourself. Kathrine has learned that too. When she regained the weight she’d walk past a mirror and think that she was disgusting, her first thought in the morning would be that she hates herself. And then she’d have to deal with the guilt because she has such a great life and a great family. To find that, the kindness is what healed her. To find everything that is good. She has touched the package, she has a great life.
Oprah says when you see your hips in the mirror you should say Hello Honey Buns, and touches her hips. Hello Honey Buns. You know what, says Kathrine, these hips are what birthed my children. These hips take her from here to there to love people. She began to appreciate every part of her body right where she was. She started to look at everything that is good, not what is bad. It then is not about what she’s eating, it becomes effortless. That is what Oprah is finding, this time it is easy, effortless. It’s not about counting or labeling, it’s just being with yourself in a more natural state. Catherine says that it is about preparation not obsessing. They have all the tools, they know exactly what to do, this time they just have to do it and get on with living their life. She just grabs and goes. Oprah finds it disgusting- if she could add up all the energy, time and effort that you have spent obsessing about this. If you could add up all the time, and where has it got you? Exactly, says Catherine. When she stopped that and stopped hiding, she went back to teaching. She lives in Southern California, land of the beautiful people and she has this group of the most amazing women and she’d think why do they want to learn from me? And she’d think because you are smart, you are kind, you have wisdom- they felt the same way about her and she was 300 pounds. She loved herself even at 300 pounds. Catherine says that watching the footage of herself on Oprah when she said she liked herself now was tragic to her because she couldn’t say I love me. And the “now”, the fact that she only liked herself because she had lost the weight, there was a “now” to qualify it. Now she just loves herself. Thanks very much to Catherine. Anyone who is struggling with their weight, read Oprah’s interview with Geneen Roth. If you are moved by the article, pick up the book or Kindle it. There will be an entire episode with Geneen on May 12th, it’s going to be very powerful for all of us who have been living with this issue.
Three years ago, Oprah talked to a 16 year old named Jake who was born a girl and had lived most of his life as Julia. Her team checked in for an update and there have been some twists and turns. First, let’s look back. He first knew he was different when he was about 7 and told his mom that he was a boy in a girl’s body. Julia was never there, he was always Jake but in a different body. By the time she was 14, Julia she was transitioning into a male with bi-weekly hormone injections and binding her breasts to look less like a woman. By 15 she had a full mastectomy. He wanted to be a male, a husband, a positive male role model, not just a lesbian. As Jake embraced his new identity, his younger brother Jason struggled with the new family dynamic. He missed his sister. For the past couple of years the family were really focused on Jake and Jason felt pushed to one side.
Oprah says that was her big fear when they did this story 3 years ago. Just recently they sent the cameras to catch up with them, take a look. Jake says that life is great. He’s at college and he’s finding out much more about himself. After the show he did some more soul searching and found out that he is attracted to men. He has a boyfriend, they have been together for a year, and Jake has never felt more man than he does now. He and his brother have “kind of fallen apart”. He should have taken the time to tell his parents to pay attention to his brother. They used to be best friends and have no secrets and now they don’t have that anymore. It kills him, because his brother is one of the most important parts of his life. Jason says that he is a very different person than he was three years ago, he’s not really able to connect with his brother, they are going in different directions in life and can’t really talk. Jake says that Jason was jealous of the attention, and no one really asked how Jason was feeling, it triggered Jason into a downward spiral of his own. Last year Jason was diagnosed with anorexia and dropped down to 100 pounds. Everything felt so chaotic and out of control, so he controlled what he ate, it was all he could control. Jake thought that Jason was going to die because he was so skinny, it scared him to death, he couldn’t imagine life without his brother. Jason felt unloved and unnoticed, invisible, and eventually he stopped reaching out- everyone was too busy with Jake. Their mother says that she feels her children’s pain, she admits her part in Jason’s sadness, she should have been more aware of what was going on. A year ago Jason started to date a man and came out to his parents. He didn’t want to tell his parents, to throw off the sense that his mom had at least one “normal” kid.
Oprah finds it interesting that last time she felt so strongly that this would happen, that Jason was a boy being ignored in is own home and that all the energy in the family was going to Jake. The mom says that the most profound thaing that happened was that Oprah tapped her on the shoulder as they were leaving and said be sure to take care of Jason. She was right on. Jason didn’t see that happening then, Jason didn’t think he’d be where he is, but figured that he could have his rebellious stage around this age. He figured once Jake got to a better place, that he could drift off a bit- he didn’t know what he’d be dealing with, but he knew that he’d be dealing with something. So the anorexia really is about being able to control something in your life? says Oprah. Yes, Jason had no control over his intrusive thoughts but could control the we he looked. Jake says that they are best friends to this day, and while he was going through his transition he saw his brother getting skinnier, spending 2-3 hours on a treadmill and only eating green beans. He couldn’t put it together and say that it was an eating disorder because he was too wrapped up in his own issues. Jason says that the pediatrician said it was an eating disorder, and from there they assembled a team to treat him. Oprah says that he felt disconnected and unloved and this all came about as he tried to connect with something. Jake is doing great, is wonderful. The transition was a great thing for him. He has transitioned but not done gender reassignment surgery. He says that this will make all the guys cringe but it is relatively easy to take a penis, slice it in two, fold it inward and make a vagina. But how do you take a vagina and make it into a penis? In his self exploration and finding himself attractive to males, with his partner (he feels that they will be together for always so he calls him his partner) he has found someone who gets him, which is difficult. His partner loves who he is and what he has, so Jake feels why does he need to? Oprah says that it is interesting if his partner is male and gay- yes says Jake, he is male and born with a penis, and is fully gay-identified- and Jake still has his- vagina, says Jake, yes the word.. vagina, says Oprah. Usually from what Oprah has heard, gay men don’t like vaginas. The crowd laugh a little. Jake’s boyfriend is extremely open to things and they do have sex. He apologises to his mom who says Oh my God I had no idea, while rolling her eyes, yeah we’re all so shocked adds Jason. Jake says that they have sex like a heterosexual couple would have sex. Jake says that his boyfriend is fine with it because he loves him. Oprah says that she feels we are moving towards that in the world- everyone being who they are and loving who they love. On the flip side, says Jake, he started dating men to begin with because females didn’t get it- they would ask if it made them a lesbian. He would explain that he was a man, he doesn’t have breasts. Teenage girls didn’t date him because they wanted a penis. Oprah says that she loves that he is so open, so let her ask him this. Men are always so caught up on the whole penis size thing, if you are a transgender and you have a clitoris, which is not a penis and therefore it is not that big. He says that he is pretty well-endowned for a transgender male. Oprah says that as a trans-man, size doesn’t matter? He says no, there are things that people can do, there are toys… Oprah says that she doesn’t want to hear, that she appreciates his candor, but she doesn’t need to know. She asks Jason if he identifies as being bi-sexual. He says that they were raised by their mom to love someone for their soul, not their body, so gender does not matter, neither do genitals. He doesn’t identify himself as bisexual, but others do. Oprah asks how he is now? Quite good actually, he is applying to colleges and is in a more stable relationship than before. He is not as close to his brother but he feels that it will come back again in the future, maybe they need their time to separate. Many families were not as close as they were, so maybe they need their time to grow. Oprah thanks them all and wishes the mother luck.
So it’s only been a few months since you all voted Abraham McDonald the winner of the first ever Oprah Show Karaoke Challenge. What made it even more fun was that the contestants had no idea that they were competing for $250,000 and the opportunity to work with hit-music-maker LA Reed on their own single. It’s been quite a whirlwind for our champion, take a look. Winning the challenge has been amazing, from the experiences of singing places he always wanted to sing, meeting people he has always wanted to meet, to finally getting out of his apartment has been incredible. He sang at the Lakers Houston Game and met Mary J Bilge and now he has his own house to live in with a tree and a washer dryer and own bathroom at home. He is moving in with his mother and is doing his own renovation. He is at the Record Plant recording Studios for his first session with Island Def Jam. LA Reed has given him an amazing opportunity to come and record a song, he is geeked. He is now recording his CD, it started as a single and has become a record, which he is very excited about. He loves it, he loves it.
Abraham joins Oprah in the studio by Skype from California. Oprah notes that he is growing more hair because she didn’t like the mohawk thing that he had going. He said that he liked the mohawk, but his sister said that it had to go. Oprah says good for her. She asks how the experience has been for him? He says that the beginning of the beginning, seeing his dream take legs has been amazing, the family at Island Def Jam have been incredible. It’s been growing, he went from doing a single, Mr Reed offered him the opportunity to do that, but it has become a whole album. He has been in the studio with some amazing writers and musicians. You can download his new single for free for the next 24 hours from Oprah.com. He says that he had such a good time recording the single. He says that it has felt a bit out of body, because this is your life not a movie. He has been flying by the seat of his pants. He says that he calls it Jesus’ Cadillac; he goes wherever Jesus takes him. Oprah asks what’s next and where did the album songs come from? He is doing some writing with some amazing writers, and testing out what feels good and what sounds good. It’s really about the passion pouring out of him and meeting that with his craftsmanship. Oprah asks him how it feels never to have to go to the Laundromat again? He shouts that he never wants to see a Laundromat ever again. Oprah says isn’t it wonderful to take the clothes out of the dryer and there they are-does he still appreciate that? He was appreciating that just yesterday. He thanks Oprah so much for allowing the whole contest to take place for all the contestants, he doesn’t even have the words. He calls her team The Great Machine and she says that she thinks that she has the best team in TV. She thanks him very much for acknowledging that. Oprah says she heard that he got a new car, did he make it a No Phone Zone? He sure did, he says and holds up his copy of the No Phone Zone Pledge. He had his entire family sign the pledge too. That’s good Oprah says. She is so proud of him.
Last fall we met Cheryl, a single mother of two who confessed to taking 7000 prescription pills a year, remember this? That morning when she woke up, Cheryl knew that she was out of pills and called her friend who rushed over with her pills. She knew that her Vicodin wouldn’t get her through the day, and she shared her pills with her son. Watching her son go through withdrawal was too hard, so she shared her pills with him. She no longer had a job and was days from being evicted, her addiction probably cost her over $100,000. They weren’t the only ones affected by the addiction, her daughter Veronica learned to raise herself and said that she missed when everyone was real with real emotions. It was just words, you couldn’t see through to their hearts. Back when she was in Elementary School, her mom was always there, being the parent handing out cookies for the kids. Now she’d be suprised if her mother knew what her grades were or even if she’s at school. In the studio in 2007, Oprah asked how hard it had been- its been hard but it’s like a habit. It’s their normal and she can’t change it so she has to make it her normal and get on with her life herself. Cheryl wanted to change but the cost of rehab would be astronomical.
Immediately following that show, a Treatment Center in Rockford Illinois agreed to accept Cheryl and her son into treatment. Cheryl and her daughter Veronica were on Skype but it went down so now they are on the phone. They are doing well today, and have many days ahead of them. Cheryl thanks Oprah for the opportunity to open the eyes of America and for the opportunity to heal herself; she is alive . Cheryl was an inpatient for 3 weeks and then she was an outpatient. Oprah asks if it was rough- the first three days were terrible but after that she began learning things about herself and realized that she was in the right place. She has been sober now for 205 days. Wow, good for you says Oprah, the crowd applaud. Oprah was so moved by Veronica and her desire to have a connection with her mom. Things are great now, being on the show allowed Veronica to get through to her Mom’s heart and now it is total opposite, they bond alot now. Really, says Oprah, she’s present for you? Yes definitely, 24/7. When she wants a pill, Cheryl prays to God. Three days before Oprah contacted her, she prayed to God because she had hit rock bottom and she couldn’t go further. She told God, take me and do what you will. She shared her story when she saw a call for responses from the Oprah Show asking if you were addicted to prescription painkillers. She shared her story and three days later she was contacted by the Show. It was a God thing, says Cheryl. Everything is a God thing says Oprah. I hear ya Oprah, says Cheryl. Food addiction is a God thing. Drug addiction is a God thing, Its all about being disconnected from source, and I am so pleased that you found that out, says Oprah. Thank you both so much.
Tune in tomorrow for a special announcement about our No Phone Zone Pledge which will sweep the country. Thank you.
WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:
Being overweight is not about the weight, but it’s also not not about the weight. Its about using food as a substitute for all the things that are missing in our lives.
Ending the battle with food is not about punishing, hating and depriving yourself, it is about being loving and kind to yourself.
If you have a transgender child, do not focus all your attention on that child if they have siblings.
Oprah feels that in the world we are moving towards everyone being who they are and loving who they love.
Everything is a God thing. Food addiction is a God thing. Drug addiction is a God thing, Its all about being disconnected from source.
A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:
God, God God, Jesus, addiction, recovery, God.
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