Episode 57: Accused of Molesting Her, Mo’Nique’s Brother Comes Forward
Gerald and Mo’Nique have not spoken for years. For decades, Gerald has denied the claims his sister has made against him and refused all interview requests. A few weeks ago Gerald contacted Oprah and said that he was ready to talk. Before agreeing to do the interview, Oprah says she spoke to Mo’Nique. While she didn’t want to be involved, Oprah says Mo’Nique gave her blessing because if her brother’s account saves another family then it will be worth it.
Oprah asks Gerald why he wants to be here today. “I’m here today to first acknowledge what I’ve been in denial for for 37 years, and that is I did assault and inappropriately touch my sister in manners that were not comfortable for her,” Gerald says. “And for that, I apologize and I’m humbly sorry that those actions had taken place between her and I.” He just wants to say he is sorry to her. He has not spoken to her privately. He says that he is not angry that Mo’Nique has publicly described him as a monster, Gerald says he is happy for her. “I’m proud that she was able to finally get to a place that she could relinquish her pain and relinquish her hurt,” he says. When his sister said that he contributed to her pain so much that she could play the role so magnificently, Gerald had to understand her pain.
Oprah asks if that was the first time that he could acknowledge that? Yes, the first time that he caused pain to her and had pain caused to him when he was molested. He was not aware previously of the pain that he had cause his sister. “I accepted it as being the norm,” he says. He allowed himself to be involved in spiraling acts such as drugs and alcohol. Oprah asks how old he was when he began the abuse, and if he was doing drugs at that age. The abuse started when he was 13, when Mo’Nique was about 7 years old. “I started using cocaine, heroine, alcohol at the age of 11. I used these drugs to hide my own pain.” He never told anyone that he was being abused. Oprah asks if he can share who was abusing him without naming names. “They were all close” he says. Oprah clarifies that there was more than one abuser, yes says Gerald. He did the drugs to hide his own pain and shame. But then he became the perpetrator to abuse his sister. “Fear at that age kept me from acknowledging my own abuse.”
“The drugs weren’t an excuse. They just allowed me and afforded me the opportunity to do the things that were in the back of my mind as a kid that I always wanted to do,” he says. He breaks down a little and apologises to Mo’Nique. He says that it continued for a minute, and Oprah asks what does he mean by a minute. It went on for a year or two, he says. Oprah asks if it was regular. Gerald says “not regularly, but put it this way it happened more than I wanted it to.” Oprah says that one time is too many, and Gerald agrees.
Oprah asks if he told Mo’Nique not to tell. He never said anything to her. “Most of the time, the abuse that I did with my sister took place while she was asleep or the appearance that she was asleep.” In an interview with Barbara Walters, Mo’Nique says that she did not tell her parents until she was 15 because she was afraid. She said the only apology she ever received from Gerald was when he said, “If you think I did something wrong, then I’m sorry.”
Oprah looks at Gerald and asks him what he makes of that. Gerald says he said those words because he couldn’t admit that he had done anything he shouldn’t have. It was denial. He couldn’t admit it to her that he did something wrong. Now he can say that he did it and he is not proud of it and he is sorry. “I can only hope by coming forth today, since I couldn’t reach out to her, that … somewhere along the line with the apology and the truth of it finally coming out after 37 years, that yes hopefully somewhere, somehow as siblings we can come back together as brother and sister and say: ‘You know what? This happened. I’m sorry that it happened. I’m sorry that it happened to you, and that I was the perpetrator, the one that did it to you. However, I understand your pain, I understand your pain. I, too, was there. Now lets share this together and move on.’”
When they were growing up, Gerald says that he and his sister were close, he had her trust which allowed him to abuse her. Gerald guesses that Mo’Nique felt hurt and betrayed but they still had a bond. They were still brother and sister and he thought that everything was great. They kept the abuse a secret. The hardest thing was to admit it and apologise to his parents, it’s a hard thing to tell your parents this. He betrayed everyone’s trust. Today there is no more betrayal and lies, “here I am y’all.”
Mo’Nique says that he used candy to lure her. Gerald says that was not the case. He did not groom her. Oprah says that most abusers groom the children by making them comfortable and gaining their trust with niceness and gifts. There is a calculated process. Oprah thinks it is interesting that Gerald said that he didn’t have to groom- he was the big brother and therefore already had his sister’s trust. Gerald says that he broke that trust and bond. He could be the monster, because the little girl looked up to him.
Oprah asks him about when he partially apologized. He says that he was in denial. Oprah says that he must have been feeling the same things over the abuse that he had suffered, how could he not recognize the feelings that his sister was having? Gerald says that he couldn’t believe that he did it to her. Oprah asks what he felt when he first heard Mo’Nique say that he was the monster. “I’m not the monster, I’m her older brother.” Oprah asks if he sees that it was a monstrous act to a seven year old? Yes, he is bigger and taller than she is so to a child he is a monster. Oprah asks if he watched Precious. Yes, several times, he says that his sister was truly amazing. Oprah says that the first time she saw it she called Mo’Nique and said “you’re going to get an Academy Award for this, get your dress ready.” Oprah asks how it feels to be the fuel for Mo’Nique’s pain in the performance. Gerald says it makes him feel like “a piece of crap.”
Oprah says that she understands that 15 years after molesting his sister, he was convicted of molesting somebody else and was sentenced to 12 years in prison. Oprah’s experience has been that when someone molests, it is usually never just one. Gerald says that he has molested two people. He has apologized to the other parties involved. Oprah says that not everyone who has been molested later molests children themselves, she was molested and never has molested children. Oprah asks if his abuse was the reason that he molested. Gerald says “I hid my own molestation and pain and guilt and shame because I thought it was my fault that these things happened to me. So I internalized that and I hid behind the drugs and alcohol and then that spiraling thing in my mind, as a child, I wanted to express my sexuality, so I took it out on my sister.” The drugs allowed him to do what he wanted to do in his mind.
He has larceny, misdemeanor and assault also in his past, Oprah asks if he would say that those years of being molested by others started him on a downward spiraling path. Yes, any person who has something done to them in a humiliating way can spiral down and he was one who lost his way. Oprah mentions the show she just did with child molesters and asks Gerald how he felt when his sister told and he lied and said that it didn’t happen? Gerald says he felt ashamed and that he had betrayed her but he was afraid of what would happen to him so he denied it.
They show the clip of Mo’Nique accepting her award and saying that this is time for anyone who has been touched to tell. In the Barbara Walter special, Mo’Nique says that the last time she saw her brother was when she was in the hospital after she had had the twins. She did not want him to touch her children. Oprah asks Gerald what he remembers about that. Pat of what she is saying is correct, he says. “I went to the hospital to see my nephews Jonathan and David. … I picked up my nephew and held him, and I couldn’t hold him for so long because they were in the incubator, and I gave my nephew back to the nurse,” Gerald says. Later that same day, after he’d left, Gerald says Mo’Nique called him. “She said: ‘You know what? I don’t want you to call me or come see me or be around my boys.’” Gerald says he knew what she was saying but he couldn’t acknowledge it. He didn’t realize that she didn’t want him to be around her children. Oprah says that most people who tolerate abuse know that they do not want the abuser around their own children. Gerald says that he didn’t make that association.
Oprah says that some people may think that he is only doing this to get into the good graces of his sister now that she has an Academy Award. He says that he is doing this to publicly acknowledge what he did and to apologies to his sister. He wants to bring unity back into the family. He wants to give Mo’Nique the apology that she wants and deserves. Now he wants to bring the family back together.
Oprah asks if he would have reached out if his sister had not received an Oscar? She says that Mo’Nique was already famous but getting the world’s attention has made her more famous. Did that have any influence on his decision? He says no.
Mo’Nique said that she was 15 when she told her mother that she was sexually abused by Gerald. Her mother says that Mo’Nique told her that Gerald tried to lay on top of her long ago. Her mother asked Gerald and he denied it. She asks which of your two children do you believe? She told Gerald that he had to leave while she digested this. Mrs. Imes sent Gerald away to live with his grandmother. He returned two weeks later, and it appeared to the family that everything was back to normal. The way it played out was like it never happened. Mr Imes says that the incident never goes away, he sees his son and thinks how could you? Mr and Mrs Imes are in the studio audience, Oprah asks why did they let Gerald come back so soon. Mrs Imes said that she was hurt and had to gather her thoughts. She believed Mo’Nique and let her know that she believed her. She asked Mo’Nique if she needed to talk to someone else to talk and cleanse. Mo’Nique said that she was fine, she just wanted to tell her mom what had happened. Oprah asks if this was at the time- no it was later, Mrs Imes learned of the 7-11 age range of abuse for the first time in Essence Magazine and on Oprah’s show. Mo’Nique told her when she was 15, by which time the abuse had stopped. Gerald came back from the grandmother’s house for a visit and “It was just like we were mad yesterday but today we’re not,” Mrs. Imes says. It was like it was back to normal. Oprah asks Mr Imes if he feels that it was brushed under the rug. He says no, it was talked about. Mrs Imes says that it was hard to accept. Not until recently did they find out that his son had been molested. “You think of behaviors like this, and you accord them to other people, other families,” he says. “When it comes on your doorstep, when it comes into your household, for myself, there was a total state of confusion.” He didn’t know what to do.
Gerald feels that this could have been dealt with in-house, so that it was not publicly exposed. Mrs. Imes says she was hurt when the family secret became public. They have always been a closed family, she was upset for them all. “This is something I felt should have been discussed first privately within the family,” she says. Oprah asks if they were aware as parents of their daughter’s pain and shame and it’s affect on her. No, it was never portrayed, says the mother. That is what we do, says Oprah. Oprah sees that it is interesting to the outside word that Mo’Nique was able to take her pain and release it as an actress. Mrs. Imes says “I only hope with doing this, this can cleanse her heart.”
Mr. and Mrs. Imes say they haven’t spoken to Mo’Nique in two and a half years, but they’re still extremely proud of their daughter’s accomplishments. “I watched in glee. I was happy for her; I was excited for her. I think I was jumping and hollering more than the audience that was there,” Alice says. “For the Golden Globe, for the NAACP, for the Oscar. I’ve always been very, very proud.” Oprah asks if all this is the reason that they haven’t spoken for so long. No, Gerald has nothing to do with this, says Mrs Imes, with Mo’Nique choosing to separate herself from the family. Oprah says that she is not in the family, but certainly Gerald has something to do with this, it is all connected. Today, yes, Mrs Imes nods.
Steven, Gerald and Mo’Nique’s brother, is in the audience. He says “that this isn’t what it looks like. It’s been blown out of proportion. We’ve always been a close-knit family and after the molestation, Gerald and Mo’Nique resumed a good brother and sister relationship.” Gerald has always supported Mo’Nique and come to her aid in any and every way that he possibly could. Steven does not want the world to see that Gerald is a monster. He says that Gerald has always tried to make amends and has done an excellent job in doing so, up to this point in his life. “Which is why he has not said so. He is confused as to what has taken place between then and now for her to come out like this, that’s where the confusion lies. So as you are sitting looking at me smiling, this family is not in the turmoil that it is portrayed to be.”
Oprah says that statistically 1 out of 4 girls has been molested or touched by the time that they reach adulthood. Oprah knows that she is not alone in the room. Gerald asks Oprah to do him a favor- “not just girls’ he says. Oprah says that she is beginning to understand that more males are being molested than we realize. But the truth is that it is confusing. It is your brother or neighbor or auntie, whoever it is. The truth is that you are trying to put on your ok face when you still have that hurt, pain or shame. It is confusing to the person who has been abused and the person who is abusing. There are mixed messages because you still have to get on with and live with that person. Mr Imes says that he is not excusing the behaviour, but when did Gerald become a monster? Oprah says the first time that he laid a hand on Mo’Nique inappropriately. Mr Imes says that he witnessed the behaviors after this went on with her big brother. Mo’Nique would still ask for help from her big brother. This confuses him, the behaviors that went on for the rest of their lives.
Oprah says that it is difficult, but that she’ll say this one thing. Oprah was abused by several people, one of whom was one of her uncles. Years later she was in her father’s house and her uncle was there and Oprah made breakfast and scrambled eggs for her abuser. As an adult with her own talk show she said to herself, what the hell am I doing acting as if nothing happened? The reason she went along with this, which is probably the same for Mo’Nique and millions of others, is that you go along because that is what the family wants you to do. Gerald says stop, that is not what they want Mo’Nique to do. Gerald understands her pain, he was there. He didn’t go along with his perpetrators. Everyone is different says Oprah, everybody does the best they can in the moment. Oprah asks Gerald where he is now with his life.
He says that he has learned with his spiritual advisor to live in the power of the now, to stay in the now. Oprah loves that. “It’s not about what you did yesterday. It’s not about what you did 10 minutes ago. It’s not about what you did a week ago. It’s about what have, what you are, right here, right now,” he says.
Oprah asks Gerald how will he feel when he leaves the show that everyone who has been molested, if this has happened to you, “holler, scream, shout.. Knock the door down, make it happen.” Oprah shakes his hand and thanks him for calling her. She thanks the family and the Bishop for his spiritual guidance, “that’s what got you here, you can’t do it without the spirit,” she says. Go to Oprah.com to join the No Phone Zone team. April 30th is the special No Phone Zone event, join Oprah then. Well done, she says to Gerald. After a short pause the audience politely applaud.
WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:
Big brothers do not have to groom little sisters before molestation, they already have their trust.
Most people who tolerate abuse in their own lives know that they do not want the abuser around their own children.
The pain and shame following abuse may not be apparent to those on the outside, this does not mean that it does not exist.
Everybody does the best they can in the moment to get through, everybody deals with the pain and shame of abuse in their own way.
You can break the cycle. Do not abuse if you have been abused.
A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:
Mo’Nique was sexually abused by her older brother Gerald who now has a spiritual advisor and wants to apologize and say he feels her pain.