another one year project

Date: May 5th, 2010
File Under: Celebrity

Episode 62: Celebrities Go Back to Their First Jobs

Some of TV’s biggest stars are going back to their first jobs today. First up is Brooke Burke, co-host of Dancing with the Stars. Oprah welcomes Brooke and comments that she is tiny in real life. Brooke says not as tiny as when she was dancing. Brooke calls it the nerve diet, it’s stressful and hard to keep weight on when you are dancing all the time. Brooke visualized getting the hosting job, it was on her bucket list- she put it out there on her blog and let herself be vulnerable. Another thing on her bucket list was coming on Oprah. Brooke loves her job, she gets to dress like a princess two days a week. She has 4 kids, ages 2, 3, 8 and 10. She does the carpool, goes to work and is back in time for bed, which is very lucky.

Brooke takes the Oprah cameras to the dress rehearsal of Dancing with the stars. Kate Gosselin talks about the science of spray tanning. Nicole talks of the costume designers who work magic. They are sewn into their costumes. Tony show how the male abs are accentuated by make up. The dancers wear hair extensions. Pamela Anderson is enjoying it, she is fully clothed. Thanks for letting them back there, says Oprah.

Brooke was rooting for Kate, as a mother Brooke had so much admiration for what she did. To go out and get bashed for what you are doing is hard. It was an emotional night when she went. Oprah says that everyone seems worried about Pamela Anderson’s wardrobe in case of malfunction. Brooke confirms that the stars do get paid, and the longer they are there the more they get. But at the end of it is the confidence of knowing that you became a dancer in three months.

Before she was a dancer, Brooke landed a part-time job at her hometown pretzel shop. She was 15 years old and “did everything. I baked the pretzels. I worked the cash register. I cleaned up the place.” More than 20 years later, Brooke rolls up her sleeves to see if she still has what it takes to make a tasty twist. Brooke reports for duty at an Auntie Anne’s Pretzels shop to train with Farid. After donning a signature blue apron, Brooke learns to make pretzel dough. “When I worked at Mr. Pretzel, they were frozen,” she says. “I just had to thaw the pretzels out and then pop them in the oven and bake them.” Once the dough is ready, Brooke tackles the hard part—the twist! Farid says he can twist 40 pretzels in just three minutes, but it takes Brooke a little longer to perfect her technique. She dips the unbaked pretzels in the “secret solution.” Derek Hough from Dancing With the Stars comes in to learn from her to to twist. The staff rate their technique, they get a 3, 5 and a 4.

“It’s all in your wrists,” she says. “It’s not easy.” Brooke shows Oprah who twists and twists. They have a twist off in the audience, Brooke chooses three people to twist the perfect pretzel in 15 seconds. Brooke demonstrates. The women make their pretzels. Edna won. She is going to go with a guest to the season finale of Dancing with the Stars. Edna screams and hugs Oprah. Oprah announces that there are Auntie Anne’s pretzels for everyone in the audience.

Before she became the queen of Southern cuisine, Food Network superstar Paula Deen was barely making ends meet at her first job as a bank teller. Paula started cashing checks and depositing paychecks at age 18. To relive her humble beginnings, Paula clocks in at a bank in Studio City, California, for an afternoon behind the counter. After taking a tour of the vault, Paula reports for duty armed with supplies. “I brought some of my wonderful oatmeal cookies here,” she says. “I can always bribe my customers if they get aggravated with me or something.” Paula chats with the customers, makes jokes and asks someone to sign the No Phone Zone pledge for Oprah. “The clients loved Paula,” branch manager Anna says. “She was funny; she was friendly. I would hire Paula Deen in a second.” For two and a half hours, Paula counted cash with ease. “It has been 23 years since I’ve been in a bank, and it felt like I was gone 23 minutes,” she says.

Paula did it off and on for twenty years. When Paula was a teller, she made $5 an hour. “I got paid twice a month, and my check was $379.18,” she says. Wow, says Oprah. Oprah says that is less than she was making. Oprah asks how she dreamed bigger for herself. “When I started the business 21 years ago, I just wanted my children and I to be able to pay our bills and buy groceries. While I was raising my boys, I taught them that they could be or do anything they wanted to be,” she says. “While I was selling this to them, I don’t know that I was buying it myself. Because I didn’t know I could dream big. I didn’t know that. I know it now.” Now, Paula has some simple advice for anyone with a dream. “Go for it,” she says. “There’s no sin in failing, but the sin is in never trying.” The crowd applaud.

Coming up the delicious meal that Paula made for her sons when times were tough, says Oprah. And I still make it, laughs Paula. Paula shows Oprah how to make her Hash Brown Casserole that she used to make when on a tight budget. Oprah is excited by the words “hash brown” and “casserole”. Oprah sautés the onions in butter and then they add some frozen hash browns. In the other pan they have sausage cooking. Paula makes an egg custard with 8 eggs, mustard, nutmeg, salt and pepper and milk. Oprah says that she likes to cook. Oprah sprays the casserole dish with oil. She has cheddar, parmesan and bread cubes. Oprah puts the onions and potatoes in the casserole dish. Oprah says that she loves to hear Paula talk with her Southern accent. Paula says that Ryan Seacrest and Paula are from the same state and yet talk so different, because she never had voice lessons. Paula puts in the sausage, bread and custard, tops it with cheese and bakes at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. Some of the cheddar is reserved to add 10 minutes from the end. They put it in the oven and take out one that is already done “in Paula world.” Wow, wow, wow, says Oprah as Paula cuts her a hunk. “Y’all can make this tonight for dinner,” shouts Oprah. They give it to Brooke to fatten her up. Oprah mentions Paula’s new book about interior decorating with Southern charm. They tell Brooke to eat all of the casserole.

Before he mentored American Idol contestants on how to carry a tune, Randy Jackson carried, stocked and shelved groceries as a 13-year-old in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. He “worked in a little mom-and-pop grocery store,” he says. He goes to the store he will be working in and reads the rules, saying that he can’t wear jewels. “I’m going to teach him how to bag,” his co-worker Matt says. “It’s been awhile since he’s done it, so I’ll make sure he’s not too rusty.” As the line grows longer, Randy takes orders from his cashier, Isabel. “Speed it up a little, dawg,” she says. When he’s not bagging, Randy’s hard at work stocking shelves and helping customers to their cars. “I’m perspiring already, man,” Randy says. “It’s a lot harder than I remember.” Randy’s return to the checkout line taught him an important lesson. “Treat people how you want to be treated. They’re in there grocery shopping. There’s no excuse for any kind of attitude,” he says. “A little bit of kindness goes a long, long way.”

Oprah talks to Randy via Skype. It feels like I never left it,” he says. “But you’re glad you did,” says Oprah. Yes, Randy agrees. Oprah asks if working young gives you a sense of appreciation when you make it big. Randy says working at an early age helped him get where he is now. “I was working in a family grocery store for my uncle and my dad, so there was no free ride given,” he says. “So I think at an early age when you can learn to work hard, I think that work ethic definitely helps you throughout the rest of your life.” Randy is having a blast on Idol this year and he loves Ellen. He’s still close with Paula Abdul who is doing well. Oprah asks if Randy will miss Simon- of course, he is one of Randy’s dearest friends, but they will be friends for life. Oprah asks what the future is for American Idol. Randy says that it has a long future, it can thrive alongside Simon’s other show. He is having a great time, he loves it, he’s having a blast. Thanks says Oprah.

She jumped out of a plane, danced with the Dallas Cowboys’ cheerleaders and got naked on a beach, all for her job. But can Ali Wentworth survive a day with Oprah’s production team? Ali has her ID badge, it is 6am and she has to check in the studio audience. Next she has a pre-show meeting to go over team assignments. Ali preps Jenna from J.Crew. 80lbs of cake have to be cut, plated and ready to go. Ali is in charge of the waiters serving the cake. Next she has to have the flowers come out. Ali has one final job to go into the voiceover booth with Oprah to do the voiceover for the TV stars to go back to their old jobs. Oprah talks to Ali via Skype, asking if she learned a lot. Ali says that she was so stressed out she couldn’t wait to get back to motherhood. She says that the show looks so gorgeous and seamless. She says that now watching Paula Dean she is thinking of the 8 producers running around behind the scenes in high heels. Ali says that all jobs are stressful but as everyone as manically running around, they are vivacious and have smiles on their face. Ali says that she is not licking the hand that feeds her, but it does trickle down from the top. Thanks Ali, says Oprah.

Oprah asked all her guests to take the No Phone Zone pledge, and they all signed it. In the past 3 months, 63 celebrities have signed it along with almost 200,000 viewers. April 30th is National No Phone Zone Day. Oprah thanks everyone, and says bye.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Brooke Burke says that making a bucket list and being vulnerable pays off: She wanted to come on the Oprah Show, she put it on her list and now she’s on the Oprah Show.

Paula Dean says There’s no sin in failing, but the sin is in never trying.

Randy from American Idol says treat people how you want to be treated.

Randy thinks that a strong work ethic definitely helps you throughout the rest of your life.

The Oprah Winfrey show may look like a seamless production, but there are many people running around behind the scenes to make it happen.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Celebrities are just like us! They have first jobs too! They worked in banks and pretzel shops and grocery stores. And now they can laugh at those wages.

Date: May 4th, 2010
File Under: Celebrity, Entertainment

Episode 61: Fridays Live with Jordan’s Queen Rania and Melissa Etheridge

It’s Friday and they are live in Chicago. Thank you, says Oprah. So, like many others, she is a working mother who carpools and makes a mean chocolate chip cookie, but she lives in a palace. Take a look. Queen Rania of Jordan is one of the most intriguing and beautiful women on the planet. She has 1 1/2 million followers on Facebook, You Tube and Twitter,- she is plugged in to social media. Born in Kuwait to middle-class Palestinian parents, Rania al Yassin was busy pursuing her own career when she met Jordan’s Prince Abdullah at a dinner party. Five months later, 22-year-old Rania married the prince and started a family. In 1999, Jordan’s ailing King Hussein made a shocking announcement, and named his son, Prince Abdullah—not his own brother—as heir to the throne. At 28 years old, Rania became the world’s youngest queen.

It’s been a few years, says Oprah but we welcome her back, “Welcome back Her Majesty Queen Raina”. Oprah says that it must be great to be queen, Queen Raina says there are good days. Queen Rania says she doesn’t think of herself as royalty at heart. “Eighty percent of my life is normal like any other mother. I worry about my children, if they’re doing all right. I worry that my husband is doing well,” she says. “The 20 percent is just the queen aspect that factors in. But for me, it’s life as usual and it’s just taking care of my family.” Oprah asks if she has anything to worry about. She thinks about the 6 million people in her country and the issues that affect them. It is overwhelming sometimes. Queen Rania says her day begins like any other mom’s—getting the kids ready for school. “There’s a typical mayhem in the morning of taking care of the children, making sure they’re ready for school and they’ve had their breakfast and everything,” she says. “I have some help, but there’s some things that only a mother can do.”Once the kids are off to school, Queen Rania says she has a little time to herself. “I go into my email, check my Twitter, all that kind of thing,” she says. “If I have the energy, I’ll do a little bit of exercise.” Oprah asks what she Tweets about? Oprah says that she is too busy to use Twitter. Queen Raina finds that her online self is easier to get close to- her title keeps people at a distance. She finds that being online demystifies what she does and open a window into her life. She wants to hear how people really are, and reaching so many people changes how things work. She can reach out and use it as a good tool to educate and break down the barrier between East and West. “My virtual self can get closer to people easier than my real self,” she says. “People sometimes think of queen as a title that’s shrouded with protocol and formality, and for that reason sometimes people are not easily saying what they want to say. They’re reluctant to express their opinions, and I kind of find that frustrating because I want to know what people really, really think. “Being online “creates a space where titles mean little and people can just say what they want,” she says. “It opens a window to my life and opens a window for me into other people’s lives so I can see what people are thinking or what the sentiment out there is all about.”

Last month she hosted a fabulous event with a star studded guest list where she took Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman and others to her favorite places in Jordan. She shows Oprah some photographs of the Dead Sea, the desert, one of the Seven Wonders of the World, the beach. She says that there are many diverse experiences in such a small country. When people come to the Middle East, she says that people are always surprised by the warmth of the welcome they receive. In Bedouin culture, hospitality is the highest virtue. It is important for them to have happy guests, and they serve great food, so don’t go there to lose weight.

In July 2009, it was announced that Queen Rania’s oldest son, Prince Hussein, would be heir to the throne of Jordan. Queen Rania admits she had mixed feelings about the decision. “A mom part of me wants him to just have a normal life and just have the normal teenage experience and have friends and not have any pressure,” she says. “But another part of me understands that by having the title, he can learn more about the people, the problems and the protocol of our country.” Oprah asks how to raise kind, warm generous kids whe they are born with a lot? Queen Rania says she works hard to keep her children grounded. “With my son, I make sure that he understands that he, at the end of the day, needs to be a decent guy,” she says. “He needs to be compassionate and inclusive.” Queen Rania says she most hopes her son learns that it’s more important to be likable than popular. “Being popular comes when you have everything,” she says. “But to be liked, it means that you must be treating people with respect and you must be showing kindness toward them.”

Oprah asks what they do to whoop it up for the night. Queen Rania says their favorite thing to do is stay in for a movie night. “Just sitting around eating popcorn,” she says. She liked Avatar, as did Oprah. “The Hurt Locker was great. The Hurt Locker was filmed in Jordan, actually.” Oprah asks what she eats to pig out- not that she looks like she pigs out. Queen Raina says she loves chocolate and peanut butter and jelly. She has a good appetite, she is not a picky eater. To help teach tolerance, Queen Rania wrote a new children’s book, The Sandwich Swap. The story of two little girls who learn a lesson in tolerance when they swap sandwiches. The story is based on something that happened to the queen herself when she was 5 years old.

Queen Raina says that it is nearly 10 years since 9/11. It was a horrible day that “shook humanity.” “We’re still suffering from the aftershocks. There was the physical stuff that we saw—the destruction, the death,” she says. “But there was invisible stuff—the fear that entered our hearts. The mistrust that we view when we see new places or new faces. The suspicion that informs our decisions.” All of a sudden, anyone who was different became more visible. This to Queen Raina is one of the cruelest legacies of that event because it changed the world, changed what is between East and West. At the time, she was a new queen and she was feeling her way through and was suddenly bombarded with questions. It made her realize that there is such a lack of understanding between both sides. The fact that Queen Raina can transition so easily between East and West is probably because of her upbringing. “I went to an international school, and I used to go every day and at lunchtime I would proudly open my lunch box to find my hummus sandwich,” she says. Oprah asks her to explain what hummus is. Oprah likes to use it as a dip. “The girl sitting next to me, she was eating something that I thought looked horrible. It was just this gooey, pasty, brown-purpley stuff.” Queen Raina felt sorry for her, One day, the girl offered Queen Rania a bite. “I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so I kind of scrunched up my face and closed my eyes and took a bite. And then I wanted to take another bite,” she says. Which is when her love affair with peanut butter and jelly started. She was 5 years old. “On a subconscious level, I think I understood that I shouldn’t fear the unknown, that I shouldn’t judge something without trying it.” From that point on she began to embrace differences. Oprah says that in the book animosity arises from the sandwich and they begin to call each other names and make judgements about other things. For Queen Raina, that is a metaphor between east and west. There is so much animosity, and the sandwiches also show what can happen with the peanut butter and hummus. It’s a simple childhood story that Queen Rania says adults in the East and West can learn from. “If we don’t look each other in the eye, if we keep our backs to each other, then we’re never going to see face to face,” she says. “I think that that’s a tragedy and we all stand to lose by that.”

Oprah says that Queen Raina seems so wise and yet she is not yet forty. Queen Rania says that she is almost 40. She says she still feels like a kid inside. Oprah says that she always will, it’s just a number. “The lines crept on my face when I wasn’t looking,” Queen Rania says. “Now when I go to department stores and the saleswoman’s like, ‘Do you want to try this anti-wrinkle cream?’: ‘Who is she talking to? She must be talking to somebody else.’” Still, Queen Rania says she’s ready to embrace aging. “We’re programmed to believe that time is the enemy, that it takes away from us or that it diminishes us,” she says. “I have found that it’s done the opposite to me. Life is in perfect balance. It’s just that our perception of it isn’t.” With time she has more confidence, she is more sure footed, she can put things in perspective and not worry about the small stuff. Oprah says that it only gets better, the confidence when you turn 40 gets bigger and you become more of yourself. Queen Raina wants to embrace it and enjoy it. Oprah says that she makes 40 look really good. Queen Raina has agreed to sign the No Phone Zone Pledge, the first queen to do so. Oprah signs the Queen’s One Goal petition for education because when you educate a girl and save her life, you educate a community. She thanks Queen Raina.

She’s a powerhouse and her new album Fearless Love hits stores this week. Grammy-winning artist Melissa Etheridge has been rocking out for more than 20 years. Come on out Melissa, says Oprah. Oprah asks how she is doing, and Melissa says that she is alright. Nine years were spent with her wife, Tammy Lynn Michaels; recently, Melissa and Tammy announced they were breaking up, and Melissa says she’s ready to talk about it. In seven minutes, says Oprah. Melissa knows that you can’t distill a relationship in a few minutes. “People really want that sound bite of this happened and that happened and he said and she said and something like that, but it’s not that simple,” she says. “It’s about growth, and it’s certainly not even fair of me to stand here and tell my story when Tammy doesn’t have an opportunity.” Melissa says the breakup was mutual. “As mutual as those things can be. It’s sad, and we share two children and she will always be in my life,” she says. “She’s a wonderful woman and an incredible mother.”

Oprah asks if it is true that when women break up there is a mutual understanding about the sharing of the children and not as much fighting. Melissa says that she doesn’t know about that but she and Tammy both agree that the children come first. “We want to do all the things that are best to keep our children healthy and secure,” she says. With every life experience, like a breakup, Melissa says she learns more about personal growth. “As I’ve gone through this life, having gone through breast cancer almost six years ago now,” (the crowd applaud) “it’s about evolving,” she says. She’s 49, and says that the 40’s were an incredible learning experience. Oprah says that the 40’s are about learning who you are and the 50’s are about being everything that you have been meaning to be. Good, awesome, says Melissa. “I feel like now I’m walking my life. I’m realizing that I’m no good to anyone else unless I’m completely in love with myself and good with myself.” Yeah, says Oprah and the crowd cheer.

Melissa says that she doesn’t know why they say that there is no gay marriage when she has two ex-wives and children from both relationships. She still lives near her first wife, Julie. Oprah asks if her cancer was a wake up call to her, rather than letting it destroy her. Melissa says cancer was an eye-opener for her. “That’s what [my new] album is about. It’s about every day our choice between love and fear. And cancer was the first real huge one for me,” she says. “I can look at cancer as a disease that picks me out and ‘why me,’ or I can look at it through love and say ‘This is a wake-up call. This is my body telling me: Hey, you’re out of balance here. It’s time to get in line with yourself.’” Oprah says that she loves the new title of the album, and asks if it hard to stay in a position of fearlessness. Life really is what you make of it, Melissa says. “You have to make a choice to perceive life as: ‘Is this the most horrible thing that ever happened to me? Or is this the greatest opportunity for me?’”

Oprah says that you have to have some crying time. Melissa says that she was reading A Brief History of Everything and then the cancer came and that opened everything up and it has been an awesome path so far, especially working with Al Gore. Melissa says she’s finally realized that life is about the journey. “Especially in our sort of work where we think that there’s a ‘there.’ There’s a place that we can be the most successful or something. It doesn’t exist,” she says. Oprah shouts hello to the bucket listers in the audience. Melissa says “I don’t have a bucket list because it is my dedication to live every day of my life there. I don’t have a bucket list because I’m doing it that day. I don’t want to go to bed and say, ‘Oh, I wish I had done this.’” Oprah says that you can’t just get tickets to her show, it has to be on a bucket list. For some people it has been ten years or so.

She’s strong, she’s clear and fearless, says Oprah, give it up for Melissa Etheridge. Melissa sings her new song, Fearless Love. That is so great, so great, the hairs on Oprah’s head were rising, she says. She hugs Melissa and says again, that was so great.

Do not miss next Thursday, Oprah’s interview with Rielle Hunter. Over 85 million books sold and a smash hit at the box office, Twilight is a phenomenon. Only the Oprah show has an exclusive preview of the new movie trailer, Eclipse, but before they show it, Dakota Fanning joins Oprah by Skype from LA. Dakota is a little sick with a raspy voice. Oprah shows the little doll that Dakota gave her a few years ago when she was on for Charlotte’s Web- Dakota remembers it like it was yesterday. Dakota was honored to be in Twilight; her role, costumes and red eyes are amazing and she is so happy to be part of the phenomenon. The red eyes are hand-painted contacts that the technician puts in every morning. They take a little time to get used to “they are a little blurry and you can’t see out of your peripheral, but you look cool and that is all that matters.” Oprah asks if she was into the phenomenon before she was in the film. Yes, she has read all the books and she hasn’t met anyone who is a teenage girl and isn’t a fan. Oprah gave her girls in Africa the books and that was their, and their moms, favorite present. The crowd cheer. Oprah says that we have all watched Dakota grow up, but Oprah thinks that Dakota has done an incredible job of being so grounded and so sweet. She is a junior at high school, she thinks she’ll go to the prom. She doesn’t have a date, she may just decide to go with her friends. Oprah asks how she is an A-list movie star and yet so grounded. Dakota says that she has a normal family and going to school helps a lot, as do her supportive friends, and she has the help of others. Oprah says that she is also gracious, and asks if being in Twilight has given her extra cool points. Yes, her school is K-12, so all through the school people think that it’s cool. Little kindergarteners, says Oprah, can you imagine? Dakota laughs.

Oprah says that the moment all the Twi-hards have been waiting for is here. Dakota introduces the exclusive worldwide premiere of The Twilight Saga Eclipse. They play the trailer. The crowd scream and applaud. Tantalizing, Oprah whoops and whoahs. The movie will be in theaters on, June 30th. Oprah will have Dakota and all the other big stars in the studio for a Twilight special on Thursday May 13th. Oprah thanks Dakota and wishes her a good day at school.

Finally they have their own phone app, says Oprah. Starting today Oprah.com is mobile and downloadable on smartphones, for a small fee. Instant alerts for last minute tickets for the show will be available as well as Tweets, guest news, exclusives and more. Don’t forget next week is National No Phone Zone Day. Melissa Etheridge has agreed to sign the pledge. She agrees that she will stop texting on the freeways and says that the car should be a place for meditation. Have a great weekend everybody, says Oprah.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Queen Raina of Jordan uses Twitter, Facebook and her blog to connect with the world and try to break down the barrier between East and West.

Oprah says that the 40’s are about learning who you are and the 50’s are about being everything that you have been meaning to be.

Melissa Etheridge says that she doesn’t know why they say that there is no gay marriage when she has two ex-wives and children from both relationships.

You have to make a choice to perceive life as: ‘Is this the most horrible thing that ever happened to me? Or is this the greatest opportunity for me?’

Red contact lenses makes things a little blurry and you lose your peripheral vision, but you look cool and that is all that matters.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Queen Raina tweets, Melissa Etheridge sings and Dakota Fanning acts to connect with their fans.

Date: May 3rd, 2010
File Under: Aha Moment, Public Service Announcement

Episode 60: Oprah’s Earth Day Mom Swap: An Eye-Opening Intervention

Happy Earth Day everybody, says Oprah. Do not change the channel, says Oprah, they are not going to push a bunch of green products or tell us to change lightbulbs like they did one year or show you how to compost with Julia Roberts, like they did. Instead, there is an Earth Day intervention with two families, which family are you?

Meet the Weir family from New Market Maryland. Angela and Chris admit they are about as ungreen as you can get. They have four big cans of garbage every week. They throw out their recycling because it is cluttering up their garage with it’s every other week collection date. The Everharts, from the greenest city in the US, Portland, Oregon recycle a lot. They think their recycling is three times the size of their actual trash. Saving the earth is a passion they share with their two daughters. Chris Weir says that he is no scientist but he doesn’t believe in global warming. The Everharts remodeled their home to be extremely energy efficient. The Weir’s have the central air on and the windows open, he runs the water in the kitchen because he likes the sound of the running water. The TV is on all day, from 6am for themselves or the dogs. They throw away maybe $60 of food a week. The Everharts believe all choices have an impact and unless you work at this, you are sending your children into a world with no future.

Oprah thought this would be a good mom swap. So Angela went to live with Tad and the kids in Portland, and Maria moved in with the Weir’s. This is some of what happened. Angela gets to choose a glass for water to use for the whole weekend to save on washing up. Maria is distressed by the lights on all the time. Back in Oregon, Tad is upset by a couple of lights left on. Their electricity is $33 a month and the Weirs spend around $400 a month. Tad is shocked. Meanwhile Maria is upset that the air conditioning is on. It’s set to 68 degrees at all time. Chris does not like to be hot at all. Maria finds it a disconnect from reality. Chris runs the water to relax him and then he wipes down the surfaces with wipes and uses harsh cleaning products. Maria is upset that he says that water is a first come, first served thing. Angela is shocked that the Everharts save water by having showers two or three times a week- the idea is to have a 5 minute shower. Angela says she can’t get everything done in 5 minutes. She is horrified that she was given a 5 minute timer to use. She couldn’t use conditioner but she would not compromise the electricity needed to dry her hair. Oprah says that maybe there is a balance between the familes.

It’s the 40th Anniversary of Earth Day, is the message sinking in? In Oregon, the family bikes just about everywhere. Angela asks how they carry the packages- on their backs. In Maryland, the family drives everywhere. Maria asks Chris to turn off the car while they wait for the family. She says if you sit idle for more than 10 seconds, like in traffic, you should turn off the car. In Oregon they Reduce, Reuse, Recycle almost everything. Tad brings home the used paper towels from the mens room at work, but Angela finds that gross. Tad takes the food scraps out to the compost bin. He explains that putting the food into the garbage is environmentally costly and ineffective. The Weir’s enormous weekly trash is emptied out in the garage by Maria, she wants to see what could actually be recycled. Reaching into the trashcans was unpleasant. The family got down to one trashcan full of trash, Chris says that Maria is a miracle worker.

The familes are back together at home and they join the Oprah Show by Skype. Angela says that they learned a lot, especially seeing the Everharts electricity bill. Chris learned how to recycle, how to do it properly. He thinks many people probably do it wrong. Oprah asks if he is willing to turn the AC off when the windows are opened? They have reset it to 72 degrees. Sam, one of the kids, thinks that they can do better about recycling. Oprah asks if it has made the family more conscious? Absolutely, says Angela, the TV is only on when they watch it, lights are off and doors are closed. Oprah asks if Angela has changed her opinion that what they do doesn’t impact the rest of the world. Absolutely, says Angela, the education and information on the bigger picture has really helped. Oprah asks the Everharts how the experiences were for them. Maria was surprised by how much she actually knew and could teach, the changes for them have been gradual, and she found that the Weir’s were a great family to be with. She says that she had a good conversation with Chris about how becoming a parent makes you protective of your children and their future. Oprah says that Tad lost everyone with the paper towels from the bathroom at work, everyone. Would he say that they are extreme? Tad says that he doesn’t want to be so extreme that people don’t want to make little changes. He says that they use the towels that would otherwise in a landfill for cleaning up paint or caulk. He had his own little aha moment,- he doesn’t want to do thing that people think are weird. Oprah says that the most important thing is that we realize that what we do affects the world. Oprah says that this has been fascinating and that they have got the message out. Thanks to both families.

It sounds like a horror movie, says Oprah, a killing spree of thousands filmed in the dead of night and people scared for their life. It is real and it is a movie, and it just won an Oscar. Take a look at the Academy Award winning movie, The Cove. There’s a picturesque lagoon in Taiji, Japan, a small fishing village, where outsiders and cameras are forbidden. Shielded by steep cliffs, this body of water is protected by people who have a shocking secret. In 2007, dolphin activist Ric O’Barry set out to expose what really happens here. Alongside director Louie Psihoyos and a dedicated team of filmmakers, Ric documented his mission in Taiji. “The fishermen told me, they said, ‘If the world finds out what goes on here, we’ll be shut down,’” Ric says.

What most people don’t know is every year, from September to March, thousands of dolphins are slaughtered in this small body of water. Some are spared and sold to marine parks around the world, but the rest, thousands, are killed for their meat. “They’re looking for bottlenose dolphins, primarily,” Ric says. “They’re looking for Flipper.” Despite threat of arrest and tight security, Ric and Louie set out to capture this slaughter on film. Their footage eventually became The Cove, the 2009 Oscar-winning documentary co-produced by Fisher Stevens. Ric’s mission is personal. He says he’s desperately trying to put a stop to an industry he helped create.In the 1960s, Ric captured and trained the dolphins for the hit TV series Flipper.”I feel somewhat responsible because it was the Flipper TV series that created this multibillion-dollar industry,” he says. “It created this desire to swim with them and kiss them and hold them and hug them and love them to death. It created all these captures.”

After seven years of training dolphins, Ric says he realized these intelligent mammals were suffering in captivity. He became an activist the day he says Flipper took her own life. “She was really depressed,” he says. “I could feel it. I could see it.” Dolphins and other whales are not automatic air breathers like humans, Ric says every breath they take requires conscious effort. “They can end their life whenever life becomes too unbearable by not taking the next breath. She did that,” he says. “She swam into my arms and looked me right in the eye and took a breath and didn’t take another one.” Ric let her go and she sank on her belly to the bottom of the tank. The next day, Ric went to jail for trying to free a dolphin, and ever since, he’s been on a mission to release dolphins from captivity. When Ric first started training dolphins, there were only three dolphinariums in the world. Now, you can swim with dolphins and see them in action in hundreds of zoos, water parks and vacation destinations around the world. “All of these captures, help create the largest slaughter of dolphins on the planet. I have to see this end in my lifetime,” Ric says. He is focused on the tiny body of water where the slaughter takes place “Nobody has actually seen what takes place back there, and so the way to stop it is to expose it.”

Oprah says that what we are about to see is graphic, so tell small children step out the room. Ric and a dedicated group of filmmakers went undercover and risked everything to expose the truth of the cove. “The secret cove is a natural fortress. It’s surrounded on three sides by steep cliffs,” says Louie, the film’s director. “High fences surrounded by razor ribbon.” When the local Japanese government banned Louie’s cameras, he found another way in. He assembled a brave team willing to risk arrest. “I wanted to have a three-dimensional experience of what’s going on in that lagoon,” Louie says. “The effort wasn’t just to show the slaughter. You want to capture something that’ll make people change.” They had to assemble a team, a sort of Ocean’s 11 team. Louie asked Hollywood special effects masters to build fake rocks to conceal cameras, and a military expert created a balloon device that shot secret aerial footage. Then, under the cover of night, world-class divers planted sound equipment deep in the water. After seven attempts and the scariest night of Louie’s life, the cameras and microphones were in place. Then, at daybreak, the slaughter began. The blood of the slaughtered dolphins turned the blue water red. The cameras captured it all. “It was kind of a collective horror when we started to see the footage. It was mind-boggling,” Louie says. “They are doing it exactly like they did with the large whales, they’re slaughtering every one they can get.”

“It’s not about intelligence. It’s about consciousness. They are self-aware like humans are self-aware,” Ric says. We look in the mirror and know what we are looking at. “I don’t believe that the fishermen are aware of that.” The Japanese government says that they allow the slaughter of up to 19,000 dolphins a year. The Oscar-winning team who made The Cove are here, Oprah is so happy that they are here. Happy Earth Day, Oprah says, and congratulates them on their Oscar. Oprah asks how it was to see the footage of the slaughter. When he first saw the horrific footage of the slaughter, Ric says he saw a light at the end of the tunnel. “I knew it was going to be exposed,” he says. “The light at the end of the tunnel was not an oncoming train. It was the sunshine. Finally, we’re going to get this out to the world.” Oprah asks if they were afraid for their lives? Louie says that they still are, they still get death threats, it’s ongoing. They are trying to push to get the movie distributed in Japan where most change can happen. In July 2010, Fisher says a distribution company is planning to release the film in 20 Japanese theaters. To reach even more people, the filmmakers are also producing a 15-minute version in Japanese, which will be streamed for free on the Internet starting today. Oprah asks them to tell us what does the dolphin slaughter have to do with the rest of the world in our lives. Louie says that this is a microcosm of the ocean. The dolphin is the only animal in history to save human lives- one saved his life in Polynesia. Ironically, the only way that we can prove that we need to save their lives is to prove that we have made their environment so toxic that we should not eat them. Louie says The Cove isn’t just about how dolphins, whales and humans affect our oceans. “It’s about us trying to save humanity,” he says.

Ric says that right now it is about getting the movie out in Japan. Fisher, Louie and Ric also want it shown to millions of Japanese citizens who have not seen it. “It’s not about us Westerners telling the Japanese, ‘You’ve got to do this,’” Fisher says. “It’s us Westerners showing the Japanese what’s going on in their country and hopefully motivating them to shut down the cove.” The crowd applaud.

Oprah asks if some of those dolphins end up in theme parks over here? Ric says that if they could get the dolphin dealers out of Taiji, they could probably shut down the slaughter. Oprah says that despite some reports, a statement from the Japanese embassy says The Cove can be screened freely in Japan, and they believe it may have been shown at the Tokyo International Film Festival. The mayor of Taiji says: “The movie portrays false claims not based on science as if they are true. We regret that. It’s important to mutually respect food culture based upon the understanding of long-standing traditions and circumstances in each region.”

Over the past 10 years, however, Louie says all dolphin meat tested in Japan has been deemed toxic by Japanese standards. Ric says this meat contains very high levels of mercury. “When Ric and I first got to Taiji, they were feeding it to school children because school lunch is compulsory. You’re not allowed to bring your own, and you have to eat everything on your plate,” Louie says. “We put a stop to that.”

In the fifties and sixties, the lack of regulations over water standards meant that many rivers and waterways in America had junk piled up and they were like sewers contaminated with waste. Without environmental laws, The Cuyahoga river in Ohio was so toxic it ignited a raging fire, pollution plagued major cities and 500 people died in New York in intense smog outbreaks in the fifties. DDT and other chemicals were a part of everyday life and almost brought anational treasure, the bald eagle, to extinction. But on April 22nd, 1970, twenty million Americans came together to demand a cleaner world with the launch of Earth Day. This emerging green movement could not be ignored and soon the was Environmental Protection Agency was born and environmental legislation was passed to clean up our water, air, land and wildlife. Lots of progress over the last 40 years, says Oprah.

Oprah asks Louie what this progress means to him. He says that film is the most powerful medium in the world so he has a lot of hope. Ric too is hopeful. Yesterday he was in the Solomon Islands where villagers have just agreed to stop harvesting animals. That can happen in Taiji. “[Ric] proved to us that one person can make a difference,” Louie says. Everybody can make a difference. Fisher says that Oprah is making more of a difference than any government he knows. Oprah says that the most important thing is to educate the younger generation. Yes, Fisher says that young people who experience nature and the ocean are the ones that want to change it. Oprah says that we have nothing but applause for the team, they are all heroes. She asks what we can do to stop the slaughter from happening again in September, Ric says that to help stop the dolphin slaughter, everyone should visit SaveJapanDolphins.org to sign his petition. “We need to get more signatures. We almost have a million for President Obama and for the Japanese government,” he says. “That will be really helpful.” Oprah says that everyone in the audience and watching at home should do that right now. The Cove is out on DVD now, it makes the perfect gift for anyone for Earth Day. Buy it, watch it and pass it on and stop the senseless slaughter of these magnificent creatures, says Oprah. She thanks the team from The Cove. Oprah reads a statement from SeaWorld vice president Fred Jacobs. “SeaWorld opposes the dolphin hunts documented in The Cove. We do not purchase any animals from these hunts. More than 80 percent of the marine mammals in our care were born in our parks. We haven’t collected a dolphin from the wild in decades.”

On last year’s Earth Day, Oprah showed how our garbage is wreaking havoc on our planet, Oprah called it the most shocking thing she’s seen. In April 2009, oceanographic explorer Fabien Cousteau exposed the truth about the world’s largest trash dump—the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Estimated to be twice the size of Texas, this trash swirl stretches across the Pacific Ocean from the coast of California to Japan. In some places, the debris is 90 feet deep. British explorer David de Rothschild, first heard about the Pacific garbage patch in 2006. This ecological disaster, which has killed millions of seabirds and marine mammals, inspired him to build a boat made of 12,500 plastic bottles and other recycled materials. He named it the Plastiki. In March 2010, David and a small team of environmentalists set sail from San Francisco on this one-of-a-kind boat to get people to rethink waste as a resource. This risky voyage will take them through the Great Pacific Garbage Patch before docking in Sydney, Australia. “We’ve tried to make everything on this boat as sustainable as possible,” David says. “From the energy we use, the food that we eat and the way that we travel.”

David de Rothschild, heir to the Rothschild banking fortune joins Oprah by Skype from his boat. The map shows that he is a week or two away from hitting the northern tip of the garbage patch. While the Pacific garbage swirl is the largest on earth, David says there are actually five floating trash dumps plaguing the world’s oceans. He says that he has been at sea for 21 days on the Plastic, he is as far away from land as you can possibly be. “Anywhere where there is a current in our ocean, the plastic that makes up 90 percent of our marine debris is getting into the ocean,” he says. “It aggregates and tends to pack together. David says there are four main polluters in our oceans—plastic bags, Styrofoam cups, Styrofoam containers and soda bottle lids. So we are seeing a huge accumulation of plastic, these big human fingerprints, in our ocean right now.”

Oprah asks why the garbage is a threat to the planet? “Every year, hundreds of thousands of marine mammals are needlessly ingesting plastic, little flecks of plastic. That’s blocking their system and causing most of the fatalities,” David says. “Those little flecks are also being ingested into the fish that we are then consuming. So there’s a toxic transfer going on from plastic into fish into us, if we consume fish.”

Oprah asks what he hopes to achieve by sailing around the ocean in the Plastiki? David says that the reality is that there is a big list of solutions available to us today. As evidenced by the creation of the Plastiki, David says plastic and other waste doesn’t have to end up in a landfill. “Around plastics, we need to reduce, reuse, recycle and the fourth R—refuse the single-use plastics,” he says. “I hope that the Plastiki showcases that we’ve used innovative materials, … new glues that we’ve actually engineered out of cashew nuts and sugar, which show that there are solutions to those problems out there. We can all do something about it.”

Oprah thanks him and says that the world needs more people like him. One of the fastest growing problems in garbage dumps is cell phones. About 125 million mobile phones are discarded every year, and many of them are made with hazardous materials like lead, mercury and flame retardants. Some even contain arsenic. In honor of Earth Day and the No Phone Zone pledge, they are pushing to recycle old cell phones. The audience brought in over 600 phones to recycle, and you can do this in your family. Best Buy has cell phone recycling kiosks in their stores. Go to Oprah.com to find somewhere to recycle your phone. While you are there, sign the pledge. Happy Earth Day everybody, be kinder to the earth. Goodbye.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Recycle, recycle, recycle. Reduce, reuse, recyle

Every act that you do creates an impact. Educate yourself, make an improvement in the world.

Thousands of dolphins are slaughtered annually in a cove in Taij, Japan, as captured on the Oscar winning documentary, The Cove.

Ric O’Barry captured and trained the dolphins for the hit TV series Flipper. He feels somewhat responsible fro the dolphin trade and that is why he is now a dolphin activist and filmaker.

The heir to the Rothschild banking fortune is sailing a boat made of 12,500 plastic bottles through the Great Pacific Garbage Patch to get people to rethink waste as a resource.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Don’t be ignorant. Reduce, reuse and recycle. Be humane, don’t slaughter animals or pollute the oceans.

Date: April 30th, 2010
File Under: Live your best life

Episode 59: Glamorous, High-Flying, Action-Packed Dream Jobs

Live in Chicago, Oprah is outside HARPO studios and way above them is stuntswomen Angela Meryl. Oprah is a little nervous, but Angela has assured her that this is just another day in the office for her. There is an ambulance standing by, this is a show about dream jobs, and Angela says that she loves every minute of her death-defying work.

But first, meet the woman who helps millions of people get dressed every morning, sometimes including the FIrst Lady. She is the visionary behind J.Crew. Watch this and Oprah will meet us back inside.

Jenna Lyons, the executive creative director at J.Crew, has had to convert an entire bedroom into her closet to house her clothing and shoes . She color codes her shoes. She shares her Brooklyn townhouse with her husband and 3 year old son. “I love going to work every day. I never sit on the edge of my bed and think, ‘Oh, I don’t want to do this today,’” Jenna says. Since she was a child, Jenna has had a flair for fashion, adding ruffles and sequins and switching out buttons on outfits. Jenna landed her first job at J.Crew when she was only 21 and has been flying up the ladder ever since. Today, she oversees a creative force of more than 100 designers and every aspect of the J.Crew kingdom. She has back to back meetings on the day the Oprah crew were there, weighing in on new J.Crew creations starting on summer 2011, then moving on to wedding gowns and what is new for fall. She also directs the designs, layouts and looks for the catalogue. Jenna makes it a point to be home by 6.30pm each night even though her buzzing Blackberry comes home with her. Coming home to her son is the perfect end to any day. Better even than puppies, says Oprah.

Oprah says that she is dressed head to toe in J Crew and she didn’t realize that they made shoes and they are so comfortable. A reasonable heal and a comfortable shoe, she says. Jenna says that there is an interior platform which makes them that much more comfortable, it makes a big difference. Oprah asks if Jenna recognized that this was a dream job. Jenna said that she never dreamed that she could have a job this great. Oprah says that she used to wear J.Crew all the time for casual wear, and the first time that she saw Michelle Obama wearing J.Crew, she went out and bought J.Crew stock. And that was a very good decision. Other than Jenna, Oprah said that the First Lady is the face of J.Crew. One of the most exciting moments of Jenna’s career was seeing Michelle Obama appear on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno in head-to-toe J.Crew. “The trailer came up and she comes up on the screen, and I could barely breathe.” She could barely talk or breathe, she slapped her husband on the head and Blackberries were flying. Jenna is a huge fan of Michelle anyway- as am I says Oprah- So to have her wear J.Crew and mention them on national television was amazing. Oprah mentions when Michelle wore the sweater, and Jenna says “she is the gift that keeps on giving, in many ways.” They laugh. Jenna lives by a few fashion rules she says everyone could benefit from following.

*Make a statement with jewelry.

*Balance feminine pieces with tomboy accents, like a military blazer.

*Wear opposites. If you’re wearing something tailored, sprinkle in some sequins.

*Mix textures—pair tweed with silk, for example.

Oprah noticed that in the film Jenna wore the same striped shirt, (“I was. I was shopping my closet,” says Jenna) with sequined pants which Oprah would never in a million years have thought to do. An easy rule to go by, says Jenna is to always pair opposites. Oprah asks how she scored such a dream job. Scoring your dream job is about doing what you love, Jenna says. “You don’t actually think about what time it is. I never look at the clock. I love what I do ,and I think I don’t care about whether I’ve been there, you know, until 10 p.m.,” (although she no longer does that now that she has a child). Oprah says that anyone who is successful says the same- do what you love and find a way to get paid for it. “And do it 110 percent, whatever you do—whether it’s getting the coffee, whether it’s putting the finishing touches on that dress—do it 110 percent. The people you work with will notice, and that will be rewarded,” says Jenna.

Oprah asks if we are in an era of our own personal style and we can mix it up. Yes, says Jenna, that is exactly what Michelle Obama does, wearing sneakers and a t-shirt and J.Crew pants. Wearing all different designers, anything goes, it is about finding your own personal style and what feels like you. Oprah asks what they are looking for when they are doing the catalogue- Jenna says that they are looking for what feels new, what they like this year, which is often what they didn’t like last year. Oprah thanks Jenna for coming on the show. And the shoes, thanks for the shoes, says Oprah. Oprah is so excited that she can wear these shoes all day, normally they are her 45 minute shoes. That makes Jenna very happy.

He is the Cake Boss. Buddy Valestro has been running his family bakery since he was 17. From rhinos to dragons to the NY skyline to a life size race car, it’s all a piece of cake. Today, customers line up for Buddy’s sweet treats, and millions tune in to see him at work on his TLC show, Cake Boss. Now he’s taking on one of his biggest jobs to date: making a cake for Oprah. He says that it is one of the most important jobs that he’s worked on. The team works tirelessly on this. The clock is ticking and the driver needs to hit the road. They ship it in one piece and drive it to Chicago.

Let’s see it, says Opah, wow! She screams. Oh my God, she screams. There’s my tree, there’s my tree! She shouts, wow. His creation is a cake in the shape of Oprah’s favorite tree, complete with Oprah and her dogs sitting beneath it. “I wanted to make something that made you feel happy,” Buddy says. “And I know that you love to sit under your oak tree.” Oprah is so excited that there is a mini version of her under the tree with the dogs, and she is reading Buddy’s new book with him and her on the cover. Wow, says Oprah, that is so good, thank you. The first time Buddy worked in a bakery, it was as a punishment. “Me and my friends got caught actually playing with matches. I was 11,” Buddy says. His Dad said: “You want to play around with your friends on weekends? I’m going to put you to work, and you’re going to start to understand what it’s really like to work.” So I went to the bakery, and to my amazement, I instantaneously loved it.” From that moment, Buddy says he knew he wanted to be a baker. Buddy’s dreams were initially inspired by his father, he says. “I so looked up to him and he was my idol and my mentor, and I wanted to be just like him,” Buddy says. “My dad passed away when I was 17, and me and my family had to keep the business running, and I had to step into my father’s shoes, which were really big shoes to fill.” To gain the respect of all the employees at 17 was a hard job. Oprah asks what his Dad would think if he saw Buddy now with his own TV show. “He would be so proud,” says Buddy, tearing up. Oprah hugs him. Buddy promised his mother, wife and sister that one day he would be on Oprah and make a cake for her. This has been a dream of his for a long time. Oprah asks his family to stand up. When it comes to landing your dream job, Buddy says it’s about working hard, following your dreams and finding your zone. When he makes cakes, “It’s like an artist painting his painting. I don’t hear nothing. I feel no pain, and I just concentrate,” he says. “When you’re done, you feel like you’re so tired because you gave everything you have into that project, but you look at what you made and you’re like, ‘Wow.’” To see someone’s reaction after you did it, it’s the best, he says. Oprah says that the description of the zone is what athletes describe. Oprah asks if he ever gets bored making cakes. He says you always change it up and raise the bar. Sometimes he needs to just make cakes, it’s his zen. For all the people who want to be the next cake boss, follow your dreams and work hard and you never know what will happen. “I mean I’m standing next to Oprah Winfrey and I made her a cake!” They hug again. Thank you Buddy and his family, says Oprah. His family is here with his signature canolis and cake for everyone. The crowd cheer as the food comes in.

Dubbed the rock ‘n’ roll florist, Jeff Leatham has made a name for himself with his unconventional style and bold designs. He’s perhaps best known as the star of TLC’s Flowers Uncut, but he’s currently the artistic director of the Four Seasons Hotel George V in Paris. He was blown away by the artistry of the flowers at the Four Seasons in LA and right away he knew that it was something that he wanted to do. He has created beautiful bouquets for Cher, Tina Turner and Eva Longoria.

Jeff is in the studio, he asks the boys to bring out the flowers- over 32,000 stems. He loves the color blocking but this is Plan B. Originally the flowers were to come from Amsterdam but there is a “little volcano problem.” The audience get some flowers. They cheer. Jeff shows Oprah the hydrangea clouds made from chandeliers. The peonies are some of Oprah’s favorites. Jeff says that doing this job for Oprah was so much fun.

Oprah thinks it’s interesting that for his first job with flowers, he said that he had experience, but he didn’t. He’d worked in the yard with his father before. “I never wanted to work with flowers. I trained to be a model in L.A., and worked for the GAP for many years and I said, ‘I have to either move back home to Utah or get a job.’ So, luckily enough, I had a friend that worked at the Four Seasons in Los Angeles at the flower shop,” he says. They gave him a chance. “I walked into that hotel and I saw it was like art. This is like walking into a museum, and they’re creating something so special that I said, ‘I have to be a part of this.’” Jeff says his designs are inspired by both passion and color. “People often say to me: ‘What do you do with your designs? Do you sketch?’ I used to sketch a lot, but my sketches are really bad, it’s like a Curious George book” he says. “It’s better to kind of sit back and look at color and go from there.” Oprah remembers walking through the Four Seasons in Paris and had one of those Oh My Gosh moments- she asked who did this. They told her about Jeff and gave her a book. She says that there is a tilt to it- Jeff says that his whole life has a tilt to it. He thinks that you have to re-imagine what can be done with flowers. Oprah thinks having flowers in the house is one of the nicest things that you can do for yourself. If you’re looking to send flowers to someone, Jeff suggests sending a bouquet without a vase and passing on arrangements of many different types of flowers. “Just say [to the florist], ‘What’s the most beautiful flower you have in your shop right now?’ … Just send a big bunch of the same type,” he says. Spend more money on the flowers, we all have too many vases in our homes. “It’s really important, too, to really think clean, simple and chic.” Don’t get nervous. A luxury flower tip is to use carbonated water like Perrier to make bubbles around the stems and the flowers. Oprah asks what advice he would give to someone to find their dream job. He needed a paycheck, that is what he was after originally. But, like Buddy said, it’s finding your passion and doing what you love to do and creating something that stops people in their tracks. “We’re all so busy in the brouhaha of everyday life,” he says. “If you stop a businessman in the lobby of a hotel or if you make something in a restaurant and they’ll stop and say, ‘That’s amazing,’ you’ve done your job.” It’s about taking time in life to say it’s not so bad, he says. Oprah says it’s filled with flowers. The audience cheer. She thanks Jeff and his team.

Oprah asks Angela if she is still on the roof outside and if she can come down. Angela turns around and leaps off the roof.

One of Hollywood’s leading stuntwomen Angela Meryl jumped off the Harpo Studios roof. This mom has smashed through glass, tumbled down stairs, dangled from helicopters and walked through fire. She says that everyone has a dream job, and this is hers. Come on out Angela Meryl. Oprah says that this would not be her dream, how come it is Angela’s? As a girl, Angela says she was a tomboy who loved playing in the yard and getting into trouble alongside her brother. This adventurous spirit led to a successful career in Hollywood, where she’s been a stunt double for actresses like Halle Berry, Beyoncé and Vivica A. Fox, one of the stars of the Kill Bill movies. Oprah asks her if she ever gets scared, Angela says yes, but being on Oprah is more scary than jumping off a building. Oprah asks if she has ever been hurt? She got stitches in her hand falling through a glass table for Kill Bill. They show an extract of her in Kill Bill. When she looks at it, Angela says that she doesn’t know who that girl is. She says that she is shy and timid. Oprah asks what Angela’s mother thinks? At first, Angela says her mother didn’t take her kick-butt career aspirations seriously. “She told me to get a real job, actually,” she says. Thankfully, Angela didn’t listen. Angela says she lives by the belief that if you follow your passion, you’ll never work a day in your life. A delight to meet you says Oprah, thanks. Then Oprah says don’t try this at home.

If you love gadgets and gizmos, Internet analyst Omar Wasow might just have your dream job. Ten years ago, he introduced Oprah to email, when Oprah thought why would anyone want to do that? He got one of the firtst iPad’s in the world- he got it a week before it was released. He wanted to tell all his friends but he was sworn to secrecy, like the CIA. Oprah says that she had to wait until the release day. This is what Omar loves about his job, he gets to play with the future. Oprah loves books and loves the Kindle app so that you can take the books from your Kindle and put them on your iPad. Oprah loves the light. “I love to read the news, and now I read the news in bed on the iPad,” says Omar. He loves the digital photography. Yes, yes, yes, yes enthuses Oprah. It’s great for sharing photos and board games. Oprah does Scrabble! She loves it! They high five. He shows an interactive example of an interactive book, Alice in Wonderland. “I know there’s going to be a generation of kids who learn to read on interactive books. Oprah gets excited about a moving element on the screen. Omar says that it will make books more interesting for children. A mom can record her voice reading to the kid if she is away. It’s going to change the way kids learn, says Oprah. He shows her Oprah.com and the email system. His favorite thing to use it for is reading and photographs. He has all of Oprah’s photos on his iPad. He says it’s nice for watching movies and it’s super easy to navigate. He uses it for many things instead of his laptop. With 10 hours of battery life, they talk about how fabulous it is, they go to Oprah’ book club. Oprah thinks it will change the way we read. “I never knew I needed it, and now it’s hard to live without it,” Oprah says. “That iPad can do things you didn’t imagine.”"I learned to read from comics,” Omar says and he believes there will be a generation of kids who learn to read from interactive books. Oprah thanks him and says that he has a cool job. He grew up loving gadgets. As a child, Omar says his parents and grandparents encouraged his curiosity, and now, he puts it to good use.

Many people dream of soaring high through the air, and for Daphne and Eboni, it’s all in a day’s work. These women are two of the acrobatic “wine angels” at Aureole Restaurant in Las Vegas. Their job description? To gracefully ascend Aureole’s four-story wine tower and retrieve bottles for diners below. Inspired by the movie Mission Impossible, the wine angels are strapped into an elaborate harness system and pulled to top of the 42-foot glass and steel tower, which holds 10,000 impressive bottles of wine. This is an extreme job. “It’s one of the greatest jobs I’ve ever had,” Daphne says. “I love it.” Welcome Daphne and Eboni, they ascend into the studio. How cool, says Oprah. They give her wine. They have never dropped a bottle. Daphne grew up in the Philippines and says that her family consider her to be a celebrity, especially now she’s been on Oprah. Eboni says this is also her dream job…for now. “Ultimately, I want to become an amazing accountant,” she says. Oprah thanks them and says next time you are in LA, check out the wine angels at Aureole Restaurant. The dream job team have all agreed to sign the No Phone Zone Pledge today, so Oprah is excited about that. Friday April 30th is the National No Phone Zone Day special event. Oprah’s first boss in television, Harold Krump stands up in the audience. When Oprah was earning $112 a week, Harold called all the staff upstairs one Thanksgiving and gave them all a week’s salary as a bonus. Because of that for the last 24 years, Oprah gives all her staff a week’s salary as a Christmas and Thanksgiving bonus. The audience each get $100 gift card from Lowe’s. They cheer.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Dream Job Hunting Tip 1: Do what you love and find a way to get paid for it.

Dream Job Hunting Tip 2: Do it 110 percent, whatever you do—even if it’s getting the coffee.

Dream Job Hunting Tip 3: If you follow your passion, you’ll never work a day in your life.

People who have to convert entire rooms to house their clothes and shoes get to “shop their closets,” whilst the rest of us just put on clothes.

The audience today received flowers, cake and a Lowe’s gift card… But no iPad.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

You might not know what it is yet, but you can get your dream job by working hard at something that you love so much that it isn’t work to you.

Date: April 29th, 2010
File Under: Celebrity, Family

Episode 58: The Controversial Octuplet Mom Nadya Suleman

Today Oprah’s cameras go inside a fascinating life. A controversial mom that we have all heard of, she has made media headlines. Recently she sent Oprah a letter saying “Thus far, the media has depicted a completely false picture of who I am. The trial I’ve been put through has forced me to see my true self—something I have avoided most of my life. I have been compelled to dig deep inside and pull out strengths I never knew I possessed in order to protect my family. I am not a victim. I do not blame anyone for the circumstances of my life.” Signed sincerely, Nadya Suleman, otherwise known as Octomom. Before the octuplets, Nadia already had six children, the octuplets are now 14 months old. Think about that mothers, says Oprah, you’ve all been through it with one or two…

Oprah says she had never spoken with Nadya before that letter. To be honest, she says, “I had reservations about putting myself in this whole media swirl that seems to always surround her. But I reconsidered after reading this letter from her. And she says she wants the world to see her for who she really is.” Nadya gave the Oprah Show full access to her life for 24 hours. She invited Oprah to stay but Oprah declined and said she would send the crew. The audience laugh. Oprah says she’ll see it on tape and get a feel for what it is like, take a look.

At 5am the babies and two of the others start to wake up. Nadya has three nannies who work shifts during the day and she has no help at night. Nadya’s oldest, Elijah, is 8 years old. Next are 7-year-old Amerah, 6-year-old Joshua and 5-year-old Aiden, who has autism. Twins Caleb and Calyssa are 3, and the octuplets—Noah, Maliyah, Isaiah, Nariyah, Makai, Josiah, Jeremiah and Jonah—are 14 months old. She makes french toast, she says that the kids eat a crazy amount of food, and they eat 4 times a day. She spends around $1000 on groceries a week. She goes through about 35 loaves of bread, 21 dozen eggs and 20 gallons of milk in a typical week. She says she had childish desires to have a big family, but this is a huge family. When she had 6 kids she was in the swing of things on her way to getting her masters. She has a huge amount of energy and she says she took advantage of all her excess energy. She doesn’t have her own bed, 4 or 5 kids sleep in her bed. She does constant head counts. Her life is her children, they are the most important part of her life. At 9.30am she can’t find Caleb- he’s in the playroom. Shortly after lunch the ear infection flares up in Jonah. As it is a Sunday, he needs to go to ER. With one car and 14 children she needed to find a friend to take Jonah to the hospital.

Oprah says that a friend did take Jonah to the hospital. 14 human beings are dependent on Nadya. We pick up her day at bathtime. Every other day they get a bubble bath. Once they are all in their pajamas it’s time for dinner, Jonah comes back from the hospital with new medicine. At 5.30 it’s time for the younger kids to go to bed, but they are not all ready. Nadya reads to them, At 7.45 it is dinner and bedtime for the older kids. Jonah is crying- if she knows that they are ok and she is busy she has to let them cry. She doesn’t know that the twins are out of bed. After the kids are all in bed, she says that she is really craving a shower. She hopes that she can somehow get 3 hours sleep tonight. At 2am Jonah is screaming with his ear infection. Nadya ends up spending the entire night in the nursery and gets no sleep. At 6.30am she calls for help as the nannies have not shown up for work. Calyssa steps on her brother and gets a time out. The producer asks if she is afraid that someone else will quit, Nadya gets very defensive saying that she has fired anyone who no longer works for her. The older kids have to go to school. The producer asks if any of the schedules are written down. Nadya says that it changes all the time; as soon as she’d write it down it changes, then people say that she’s contradicting herself. Try and live my life for a day without contradicting yourself she says.

Wow, says Oprah.

Nadya says “I’m not a celebrity. I’m a pseudo-celebrity catapulted into this big media mess. Did I want it? No. Was I in denial thinking that it wouldn’t happen? Yes.” She had no idea that helicopters would swarm over the hospital when the octuplets were born. To Nadya, Octomom is nothing but a fictional character. At first she thought it was hilarious. But now, it is all the media perpetuating this. It’s a money sucking cycle. They said that she had plastic surgery and she never has had it in her life. In the beginning they said that she was all bad, all crazy. They said that she wanted to be like “this Jolie actor” and she heard of the name but she had no idea who that was. “I’ve done things in the media I was not only not proud of, I was ashamed of,” she says. She’ll do something to provide for the kids, like the photoshoot in January was $100,000. They have another month of that money and then they have nothing left. “Basically If I were to secure something in the media, I could in 20 minutes make what I could make in two months working 9 to 5 and being away all the time. It’s unrealistic. It’s a double-edged sword.”

Nadya walks a fine line between keeping the public interested in her so that she can sell her Octomom image, and feeling that she has zero privacy. Taking the kids to the park and being stalked by the paparazzi, she feels like a carnival attraction, This is why they don’t really go the park anymore, she says that it is invasive and disgusting. They go home to the swing at the house. Nadya complains that it is ridiculous and exploitative and invasive. “That’s exactly what Octomom is: a carnival attraction,” she says.

Nadya joins Oprah by satellite from California. “I want you all to know we did not pay Nadya a dime for this interview, neither have we ever paid in 25 years,” Oprah says. “I don’t believe in that.” The paparazzi turned those photos at the park into their own headline- “…Octomom shoots her own reality show.” Oprah thanks Nadya for writing to her and Nadya thanks Oprah for giving her the opportunity to get her real voice heard. Oprah says “I thought that was really insightful of you to say that you were a carnival attraction, but do you feel that you have contributed to that?” Nadya says yes. Absolutely.

Oprah says “Because when I saw that, like everybody else, I saw that cover of you on Star with my new bikini body, and I tell you, the first thing I thought was, “Why are you doing that?”” “Right. Right. I need to tell you why,” says Nadya. “14 hungry mouths. Then a 15th here. And it is my responsibility. I own full responsibility for providing for my children. A parent must provide for their kids, not the other way around. I will never—from the beginning I’ve always been consistent with this—I would never do a reality show. That has been a lie from the very beginning. And I must provide for my children. Deep down, I was ashamed of that. That is not my character. I am shy. I always have shied away from cameras. But I feel as though I needed to do something. And in doing so, I was able to provide for my kids. We have some of that money still left until I figure another way to make ends meet.”

Oprah asks “so you made $100,000 from that?” Yes. I did, Nadya replies. Oprah heard Nadya was offered an opportunity to do a porn film too. Nadya says “Again, another outlet trying to steal a piece of the situation. I feel as though exploiting me, disrespecting me, that, in turn, disrespects and exploits my children. I personally perceive that to be a publicity stunt. I mean, they have started from the very beginning. Right after I had the babies they were offering that. Really? I mean, I would obviously need the money if I did something like that to move my family to a deserted island far, far, far away from civilization. That is completely unfathomable, obviously.” Oprah wants to clarify, “Let’s just be clear about this. So you were offered money to do a porn film, and you have turned them down.” Nadya says “They have offered this probably three weeks subsequent to the birth of the babies. Maybe at least three times. And I feel as though it’s completely, utterly disrespectful to a mother, to anyone who is just trying to survive. I was just catapulted, again, as I mentioned, into this unfamiliar life as a carnival attraction. I never imagined it would end up being like this.” Oprah says “Nadya, tell me this: Do you think that you could ever be in the situation where you have 14 hungry mouths to feed and you’d ever have to resort to doing a porn film? Would you do that if you had to feed your children?” Nadya says “If they offered $100 million I would never, never, never resort to something like that. It stems now to boundaries. I’m teaching my children to have healthy boundaries, and there are ways. There are other ways that are much more obviously more respectable.”

Oprah says “So let’s go back to before the octuplets were born…” Most of Oprah’s audience have children, and the most is 9 children. 9 is a lot, 4 is a lot, 2 is a lot and 1 is a lot, to do it really well. “You didn’t think six was enough?” Nadya replies, “I believe going back, reflecting back, I feel as though I was so caught up with my own childish desires to compensate. There’s an amalgamation of factors contributing to why. I didn’t do one or choose one thing for one particular reason. There were so many reasons. And perhaps selfishness—perhaps trying to compensate for being an only child, trying to fill some missing piece inside. And I maybe wrongfully looked outside of myself when I should have been filling that in from within.”

Oprah says “That’s a very insightful thing to say. So do you think now, looking back, that you were perhaps using children to fill the void or space for something else that was missing that an adult or a real relationship with someone else could have or should have filled?” Nadya says, “Yes. Absolutely. I believe that perhaps, looking back, I’ve always coveted that connection, that attachment to another being. And the connection felt safer with children than with a significant other, more predictable. The security—I was hungering for the security.” Oprah asks “Now would you say that you’ve sort of crowded yourself out of that? Now you don’t even have time to develop a relationship because now, it looks like from the film that I’ve seen, that you’re just trying to keep up. You’re just trying to keep your head above water.” Nadya says “Absolutely. I’m trying to stay afloat and holding my children in that raft with me. We’re still in the midst of survival. We’re surviving. We’re so busy going, going, going, moving, moving, moving, trying to keep up that you don’t have time to think, to reflect, to feel anything. And it is a choice. I own all of the responsibility for my poor choices in the past. Do I regret? You can’t regret children. But the choices were childish. They were immature. They were selfish. Are we defined by our choices? Our behavior? Our actions? No. I don’t believe that defines our worth. Oprah says “I don’t believe it defines our worth; but when you’ve got 14 children, it’s pretty defining, wouldn’t you say?” Nadya replies “I do believe you’re right. Absolutely. I feel as though I wasn’t thinking at that time. If I could go back, would I make different choices? Maybe. At this point, I know and I need to teach my children that we need to learn, we need to grow, we need to keep on growing and transcending, and we need to make the best possible choices. And when we make poor choices, all you can do is really, really learn from that and grow from that. Try not to repeat it.”

Oprah says “Now I had heard something. I didn’t see you on The View, but I heard that you said on The View that if you met somebody and they wanted to have children that having another child is not out of the realm of possibility for you. Is that true?” Nadya replies, “You know what? At this point in my life, that is the furthest thing that I would ever even imagine. I cannot grow additional eyes or hands. I’m not an octopus. I can barely give them—nobody could, not two people, not four people even could give them—all the emotional, psychological and physical needs. You can’t possibly. I live every single day, every hour of the day with a tremendous amount of guilt. And I feel guilty when I hold the one or two and then that I can’t be there for the others. And they’re crying. And then I feel guilty. Look at the older ones. They all have different unique needs. And I’ll live with this forever. But all I can do now is keep on going, keep moving. Keep on trying to be the most devoted mother I can be. I was…no. That was a conversational thing, and I was thinking, “Oh, one thing in life is uncertainty is certain.” I can’t say five years from now something won’t be different or that something like that won’t happen. Right now, at this moment? Absolutely not. That’s the farthest thing from my mind. I couldn’t even waste my energy thinking about something like that. Oprah says that the world would want to see the man willing to take on 14 children and ask for number 15. Nadya laughs. They go to commercial break and Oprah asks the audience where is that man. They laugh.

On January 16th 2009, Nadya made global headlines when she gave birth to the only surviving octuplets in the world. She was a 33 year old single mom already raising 6 young children. Nadya allowed the cameras in for the first time to show what her life is really like. She says that it’s sort of a relief when they go to bed but then she starts the next shift with the older kids. The oldest have to do the homework, then go to bed, then Nadya takes a shower and goes to bed. The producer asks what time she goes to bed. Nadya says that it depends, sometimes 2 or 4am, depending on how exhausted she is. She is trying her best, she does what she can.

Oprah says to Nadya “As we were watching that tape, just taking a 24-hour look at your life, it’s very clear that you, like a lot of mothers who have far fewer children, don’t have enough time to really look after yourself. So if you’re up all night long looking after your kids, pretty soon it takes a toll and you’re running on empty. If you’re on empty then you don’t have anything left for the children. And that’s for every mother out there, it’s the hardest job on earth. How are you surviving? Nadya says “Breathing, Oprah. Taking deep breaths throughout the day and staying connected to my kids. And you know what? Mothers have to understand, and this is really hard for me.” Oprah interrupts to say that Nadya hasn’t had any sleep. Nadya continues. “That is when I am thankful for help. I thank you, friends. I thank you, whoever is altruistic enough to help me and my nannies, for allowing me that opportunity to get some sleep, and then I recharge. And healthy lifestyle—I cannot reinforce that enough. I am obsessed with healthy eating, and then I even think the crew saw me constantly chasing the kids to eat healthy food. Fruit, vegetables…”

Oprah interrupts to say that she doesn’t know what Nadya was spooning out of the can for dinner though. Nadya said that she was embarrassed that the crew were there to see that but she has to accommodate all the groups of children and their wishes.

Oprah asks so how are the children? We saw Elijah who didn’t want to go to school and the three year old stepping on one of the babies. Nadya says “They have their own needs. Elijah is 14 kids all in one, in my opinion. And the eight babies, actually they’re very, very, very easy babies. They are all incredibly healthy. And I have to tell you: I wouldn’t be even thinking about anything other than it—the one child, let’s say—if there were a problem. I am thanking God every day for their health. The twins, they need attention and I’m trying my best to give them their own special time every day. Aiden has autism. He is doing amazing. He’s five. Now he’s saying a couple words and he’s waving bye, and he just did that for the first time a week ago.”

Oprah asks if she feels that she can give her children what they need and deserve? Nadya says “Absolutely not. No parent can. I live in guilt. And no parent could ever even imagine giving six children all of what they need emotionally, psychologically, physically. Again, you cannot. No couple could.” Right, says Oprah.

They show footage from Nadya’s day where she says that it is not easy but life is not supposed to be easy. Being sad or crying is human, and she will do it when she is alone and safe. She is her children’s rock.

Oprah asks, and says that this is a hard question, “Have you ever thought of putting a child, two children, some children in foster care or giving up some of the children for adoption so that they could be better cared for and you maintain some kind of relationship with them, obviously as their mother, but creating an environment where they would have, say, multiple parents so that the children could get more of what they needed? Have you ever really considered that?” Nadya says “No. I will do anything in my power to secure what I need to, on my own, without exploiting my children, to secure revenue so I can provide that. There are a couple nannies that are very, very close to them, and they’re very, very good friends. And I will do everything, everything as a mother to avoid that at all costs. Even Aiden. A family member, it broke my heart when a family member, I’m not going to disclose who, years ago said: ‘How are you going to handle Aiden? In a few years you should put him in a hospital.’ I would die before I ever—”

Oprah interrupts to ask “So you would never consider giving up any of your children?” Nadya says “I know that may sound selfish, but I breathe for my children. I wake up for my children. I will do anything to secure the revenue on my own to provide for these kids.” Oprah asks how is she taking care of 14 children, paying a mortgage and taking care of the three day nannies and being up all night? Oprah says that she would take a day nanny and use her at night. Nadya says “Not on government help. That has been one of the most erroneous beliefs out there. From the very beginning, I canceled food stamps. I was receiving food stamps with the six children for one year. Once I found out it was affiliated to welfare—and I was oblivious, I guess, at that time—I terminated them… We were on private insurance, and we went on MediCal. Then we went off of MediCal back to private because I do not want to be a burden on anybody. This is my choice. It is my responsibility to take care of them. So I have been ashamed of myself for going through certain, let’s say, media outlets to provide for my children. And it has helped. It has helped significantly.

Oprah interrupts and asks if the only way she can take care of her children is to make money through the media? Nadya says “Unfortunately. And I have never ever had a history of even wanting or been interested in the entertainment industry prior to having children. That’s another erroneous misconception. I have never been interested in this industry. I would never do a reality series, anything associated to that, because that robs them of their childhood. And I think it’s borderline abusive.” You do, asks Oprah Yes, I do. Absolutely, says Nadya. Oprah asks “Would you consider it? Maybe you will have to at some point to feed them.” Nadya says “I feel there must be, Oprah, there must be some other way. I feel I may be decently intelligent. I know I want to delve into something in regard to education. Maybe using my voice to make, I don’t know, some kind of difference in younger people’s lives. There will always be an opportunity in an appropriate, respectable manner, not ever resorting to exploiting children. These are innocent lives, and they did not ask to be born. I brought them into this world, and it is my responsibility to take care of them. But I must provide for them. I’ve always felt that way.”

Oprah asks will she ever name the children’s father? Nadya says “It is not my place, and that would be completely disrespectful of me. He and I may have unresolved issues, but what does that have to do with exploiting him? I respect his life. I’m loyal to him. That is not even something I would even fathom to do.”

Oprah asks Nadya “What do you think is the biggest misconception about who you are?” “Everything. Everything. Everything. From the moment I woke up, I have been placed into this unfamiliar life, foreign and foreboding, not familiar. This fictional character, Octomom, completely is the antithesis of who I am as a person and who I represent. And I know by strangers telling me who they think I am has allowed me to really see who I know I am and who I always believed myself to be,” says Nadya. Oprah asks “What do strangers tell you you are? What do they tell you?” Nadya says “Octomom. Seeking fame. Having eight babies to be famous. I did not know even one would grow, let alone twins, let alone triplets. My goodness, who could imagine having a litter? I don’t think cats have that many at the same time. I never ever could have conceptualized something like this happening based upon an immature, selfish choice that I made. Who’s gonna suffer? The children. Am I gonna exacerbate that and put them out in the media like they say I’m doing or am going to do? Absolutely not. I’ve been consistent in saying, no, I will never do a reality show. I was embarrassed to do the bikini shoot in January. That is not who I am. That is not my character. And I needed to make money to put food in my children’s mouths. It is you, Oprah, I thank you for allowing me to finally speak the truth because thus far the media has been feeding people erroneous rumors and lies because sensationalism sells. The truth is boring.”

Oprah says that the truth is, Nadya has a lot of work on her hands. Nadya agrees, a tremendous amount of work. Oprah says that all the babies now are 14 months. “You’ve got months, Nadya, before they’re all 2.” Nadya says “Oh, boy. But remember, Oprah, as they get older, it’s more challenging. For me, my 8-year-old in and of himself is more challenging than all the babies combined. He has his own unique needs and he is very demanding, and I try so hard to get to his level and go into his world and try my best to meet his needs. Does that happen? No. Not always. But I try.”

Oprah says “Here’s a big question for you: Have you dated since the octuplets?” Nadya says “No. No. Absolutely not. I have many, many reasons why. First and foremost, I mean, I already feel guilty as it is. I’m spreading myself too thin as it is. How could I even fathom taking or stealing an ounce of energy away from them and giving it to a stranger? And then how selfish would that be for that man? I couldn’t devote any time to that person. Things change when kids get older. That’s different. But as of now, I mean all of my energy I am sublimating into raising these children as well as I possibly can.”

Oprah says that she heard that her home is going into foreclosure. Is that true? Nadya says “It is not at the moment. I have been consistent in paying the mortgage. And I’m considering, because the mortgage is high, I must secure some type of revenue to continue paying it. Within a month, I have a friend who’s offering to loan me some money until I get a little bit more secure in regard to it.”

Oprah asks has this experience shown her who her real friends are? Nadya says “Absolutely. That’s a fascinating question. Unfortunately, in the beginning, acquaintances were flocking to the center like starving geese. They liked the limelight. I did not. I was shying my best away from all of it and trying my best to protect my kids. But I have many trust issues that I need to work on throughout the day every day and for the rest of my life because I do not want to project that onto my children.” Oprah says “So you’re telling us you don’t like all the attention.”Nadya replies “No, I do not. My children don’t either. And they act out, especially my older ones. They will act out. And they sometimes do not have the words to convey: ‘Mom, we don’t want this. We don’t want these cameras.’ So they will act out. That is sending me a message: Keep them away; protect them.”

Oprah says that “You told me in your letter that you’d done a lot of self-analysis. We all mistakes.. What have you learned about yourself in this process?” As a second part to that question, if she had it to do over would she implant the 8? Nadya says that they transferred 6 embryos based on her reproductive history, they didn’t do anything different. But if she knew then what she knows now, then she may have had them transfer in far fewer. “I never wanted more than six or seven children, total, not double that.” She was receiving bills saying that her embryos in storage could be disposed of and she couldn’t conceive of that. She thought that her kids were doing well and she had lots of energy so why not transfer in the rest of the embryos and who knows, one might grow?

Oprah asks what Nadya has learned about herself in this process. “What I’ve learned about myself is so much. Sometimes just when I feel so stressed out I will just journal—2 in the morning, 5 in the morning. I’ll journal. And I have learned that this experience has, and I think most mothers can agree, when you’re faced with extraordinary stressors, you are compelled to tap inside yourself, deep inside, and look at yourself. Face what you maybe have not wanted to face for most of your life. Maybe you’re learning you have extreme extraordinary strengths, resources that you never knew you possessed. How much I have learned? I have grown. I have grown up probably more in a year than in 34 and a half years of my life. And in that growth, I have learned how much more growing I really do have to do. I have learned that not one human being can possibly give to one child, two children, three, all of what they need. Not even to one child.”

Oprah says “Because obviously you didn’t get what you needed. Otherwise you wouldn’t be out seeking this.” Nadya says “Obviously. Exactly. Point being, I love that point you just made. How prevalent is it, and I am admitting, I absolutely looked outside myself to give me something I lacked from within. How prevalent is it? I think many, many people can relate. Not in regard to children, but how often do we look outside ourself and find something—success, achievement, a significant other—to give us affirmation we should be sending from within? Confirmation that we are okay—that needs to come from within.”

Oprah says “I just had an epiphany here. Other people have addictions. You were addicted to having children.” Right, says Nadya. “The connection perhaps that felt so safe with the kids. Kids won’t leave you. You can create this safe, predictable little society. I created this village, my own little safe, predictable, safe village.” You’ve got a village, says Oprah. Nadya laughs.

Oprah asks if there is one last thing that she feels is a misconception. “Everything that they have said so far about me and about my choice, wanting to do this on purpose, I would never have done this on purpose. I would never have wanted to seek out fame or use children for fame. If that were the truth, there would have been history of that. If that were the truth, I would have had a reality show by now. I am struggling. I am surviving. I am still staying afloat.” Oprah wishes her the best. She says that she has two new puppies and that is enough. Oprah says that she has said for years on this show that if you are a mother, a good one with one or two or however many, it is the biggest challenge in the world to do that right. Thank you Nadya, “God bless you and all your children.”

On April 30th it is National No Phone Zone Day. Spread the word, they want a national movement. Good bye everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

14 kids is a lot of children to look after, it is twice the number that “Octomom” Nadya Suleman ever wanted.

Nadya needs the media to pay her so that she can afford to feed her kids, but she feels that they are preying on her situation.

Oprah’s two puppies are a handful.

Oprah has an epiphany, some people are addicted to drugs or alcohol, Nadya Suleman is addicted to children.

Nadya says that she is growing her own village.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Living in a house with 14 kids is not in any way peaceful, calm or restful.

Date: April 28th, 2010
File Under: Betrayal, Celebrity, Public Service Announcement, Relationships

Episode 57: Accused of Molesting Her, Mo’Nique’s Brother Comes Forward

Academy award winning actress Mo’Nique has been outspoken about being molested by her older brother Gerald. In fact, Mo’Nique told Oprah that she drew from the pain her brother inflicted on her to portray Mary Jones, the vicious and vile mother in Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire, the role that earned her an Oscar. “I knew very well who that monster was. I knew Mary Jones,” Mo’Nique told Oprah. “So when he would say, ‘Action,’ that’s the monster that I became.”

Gerald and Mo’Nique have not spoken for years. For decades, Gerald has denied the claims his sister has made against him and refused all interview requests. A few weeks ago Gerald contacted Oprah and said that he was ready to talk. Before agreeing to do the interview, Oprah says she spoke to Mo’Nique. While she didn’t want to be involved, Oprah says Mo’Nique gave her blessing because if her brother’s account saves another family then it will be worth it.

Oprah asks Gerald why he wants to be here today. “I’m here today to first acknowledge what I’ve been in denial for for 37 years, and that is I did assault and inappropriately touch my sister in manners that were not comfortable for her,” Gerald says. “And for that, I apologize and I’m humbly sorry that those actions had taken place between her and I.” He just wants to say he is sorry to her. He has not spoken to her privately. He says that he is not angry that Mo’Nique has publicly described him as a monster, Gerald says he is happy for her. “I’m proud that she was able to finally get to a place that she could relinquish her pain and relinquish her hurt,” he says. When his sister said that he contributed to her pain so much that she could play the role so magnificently, Gerald had to understand her pain.

Oprah asks if that was the first time that he could acknowledge that? Yes, the first time that he caused pain to her and had pain caused to him when he was molested. He was not aware previously of the pain that he had cause his sister. “I accepted it as being the norm,” he says. He allowed himself to be involved in spiraling acts such as drugs and alcohol. Oprah asks how old he was when he began the abuse, and if he was doing drugs at that age. The abuse started when he was 13, when Mo’Nique was about 7 years old. “I started using cocaine, heroine, alcohol at the age of 11. I used these drugs to hide my own pain.” He never told anyone that he was being abused. Oprah asks if he can share who was abusing him without naming names. “They were all close” he says. Oprah clarifies that there was more than one abuser, yes says Gerald. He did the drugs to hide his own pain and shame. But then he became the perpetrator to abuse his sister. “Fear at that age kept me from acknowledging my own abuse.”

“The drugs weren’t an excuse. They just allowed me and afforded me the opportunity to do the things that were in the back of my mind as a kid that I always wanted to do,” he says. He breaks down a little and apologises to Mo’Nique. He says that it continued for a minute, and Oprah asks what does he mean by a minute. It went on for a year or two, he says. Oprah asks if it was regular. Gerald says “not regularly, but put it this way it happened more than I wanted it to.” Oprah says that one time is too many, and Gerald agrees.

Oprah asks if he told Mo’Nique not to tell. He never said anything to her. “Most of the time, the abuse that I did with my sister took place while she was asleep or the appearance that she was asleep.” In an interview with Barbara Walters, Mo’Nique says that she did not tell her parents until she was 15 because she was afraid. She said the only apology she ever received from Gerald was when he said, “If you think I did something wrong, then I’m sorry.”

Oprah looks at Gerald and asks him what he makes of that. Gerald says he said those words because he couldn’t admit that he had done anything he shouldn’t have. It was denial. He couldn’t admit it to her that he did something wrong. Now he can say that he did it and he is not proud of it and he is sorry. “I can only hope by coming forth today, since I couldn’t reach out to her, that … somewhere along the line with the apology and the truth of it finally coming out after 37 years, that yes hopefully somewhere, somehow as siblings we can come back together as brother and sister and say: ‘You know what? This happened. I’m sorry that it happened. I’m sorry that it happened to you, and that I was the perpetrator, the one that did it to you. However, I understand your pain, I understand your pain. I, too, was there. Now lets share this together and move on.’”

When they were growing up, Gerald says that he and his sister were close, he had her trust which allowed him to abuse her. Gerald guesses that Mo’Nique felt hurt and betrayed but they still had a bond. They were still brother and sister and he thought that everything was great. They kept the abuse a secret. The hardest thing was to admit it and apologise to his parents, it’s a hard thing to tell your parents this. He betrayed everyone’s trust. Today there is no more betrayal and lies, “here I am y’all.”

Mo’Nique says that he used candy to lure her. Gerald says that was not the case. He did not groom her. Oprah says that most abusers groom the children by making them comfortable and gaining their trust with niceness and gifts. There is a calculated process. Oprah thinks it is interesting that Gerald said that he didn’t have to groom- he was the big brother and therefore already had his sister’s trust. Gerald says that he broke that trust and bond. He could be the monster, because the little girl looked up to him.

Oprah asks him about when he partially apologized. He says that he was in denial. Oprah says that he must have been feeling the same things over the abuse that he had suffered, how could he not recognize the feelings that his sister was having? Gerald says that he couldn’t believe that he did it to her. Oprah asks what he felt when he first heard Mo’Nique say that he was the monster. “I’m not the monster, I’m her older brother.” Oprah asks if he sees that it was a monstrous act to a seven year old? Yes, he is bigger and taller than she is so to a child he is a monster. Oprah asks if he watched Precious. Yes, several times, he says that his sister was truly amazing. Oprah says that the first time she saw it she called Mo’Nique and said “you’re going to get an Academy Award for this, get your dress ready.” Oprah asks how it feels to be the fuel for Mo’Nique’s pain in the performance. Gerald says it makes him feel like “a piece of crap.”

Oprah says that she understands that 15 years after molesting his sister, he was convicted of molesting somebody else and was sentenced to 12 years in prison. Oprah’s experience has been that when someone molests, it is usually never just one. Gerald says that he has molested two people. He has apologized to the other parties involved. Oprah says that not everyone who has been molested later molests children themselves, she was molested and never has molested children. Oprah asks if his abuse was the reason that he molested. Gerald says “I hid my own molestation and pain and guilt and shame because I thought it was my fault that these things happened to me. So I internalized that and I hid behind the drugs and alcohol and then that spiraling thing in my mind, as a child, I wanted to express my sexuality, so I took it out on my sister.” The drugs allowed him to do what he wanted to do in his mind.

He has larceny, misdemeanor and assault also in his past, Oprah asks if he would say that those years of being molested by others started him on a downward spiraling path. Yes, any person who has something done to them in a humiliating way can spiral down and he was one who lost his way. Oprah mentions the show she just did with child molesters and asks Gerald how he felt when his sister told and he lied and said that it didn’t happen? Gerald says he felt ashamed and that he had betrayed her but he was afraid of what would happen to him so he denied it.

They show the clip of Mo’Nique accepting her award and saying that this is time for anyone who has been touched to tell. In the Barbara Walter special, Mo’Nique says that the last time she saw her brother was when she was in the hospital after she had had the twins. She did not want him to touch her children. Oprah asks Gerald what he remembers about that. Pat of what she is saying is correct, he says. “I went to the hospital to see my nephews Jonathan and David. … I picked up my nephew and held him, and I couldn’t hold him for so long because they were in the incubator, and I gave my nephew back to the nurse,” Gerald says. Later that same day, after he’d left, Gerald says Mo’Nique called him. “She said: ‘You know what? I don’t want you to call me or come see me or be around my boys.’” Gerald says he knew what she was saying but he couldn’t acknowledge it. He didn’t realize that she didn’t want him to be around her children. Oprah says that most people who tolerate abuse know that they do not want the abuser around their own children. Gerald says that he didn’t make that association.

Oprah says that some people may think that he is only doing this to get into the good graces of his sister now that she has an Academy Award. He says that he is doing this to publicly acknowledge what he did and to apologies to his sister. He wants to bring unity back into the family. He wants to give Mo’Nique the apology that she wants and deserves. Now he wants to bring the family back together.

Oprah asks if he would have reached out if his sister had not received an Oscar? She says that Mo’Nique was already famous but getting the world’s attention has made her more famous. Did that have any influence on his decision? He says no.

Mo’Nique said that she was 15 when she told her mother that she was sexually abused by Gerald. Her mother says that Mo’Nique told her that Gerald tried to lay on top of her long ago. Her mother asked Gerald and he denied it. She asks which of your two children do you believe? She told Gerald that he had to leave while she digested this. Mrs. Imes sent Gerald away to live with his grandmother. He returned two weeks later, and it appeared to the family that everything was back to normal. The way it played out was like it never happened. Mr Imes says that the incident never goes away, he sees his son and thinks how could you? Mr and Mrs Imes are in the studio audience, Oprah asks why did they let Gerald come back so soon. Mrs Imes said that she was hurt and had to gather her thoughts. She believed Mo’Nique and let her know that she believed her. She asked Mo’Nique if she needed to talk to someone else to talk and cleanse. Mo’Nique said that she was fine, she just wanted to tell her mom what had happened. Oprah asks if this was at the time- no it was later, Mrs Imes learned of the 7-11 age range of abuse for the first time in Essence Magazine and on Oprah’s show. Mo’Nique told her when she was 15, by which time the abuse had stopped. Gerald came back from the grandmother’s house for a visit and “It was just like we were mad yesterday but today we’re not,” Mrs. Imes says. It was like it was back to normal. Oprah asks Mr Imes if he feels that it was brushed under the rug. He says no, it was talked about. Mrs Imes says that it was hard to accept. Not until recently did they find out that his son had been molested. “You think of behaviors like this, and you accord them to other people, other families,” he says. “When it comes on your doorstep, when it comes into your household, for myself, there was a total state of confusion.” He didn’t know what to do.

Gerald feels that this could have been dealt with in-house, so that it was not publicly exposed. Mrs. Imes says she was hurt when the family secret became public. They have always been a closed family, she was upset for them all. “This is something I felt should have been discussed first privately within the family,” she says. Oprah asks if they were aware as parents of their daughter’s pain and shame and it’s affect on her. No, it was never portrayed, says the mother. That is what we do, says Oprah. Oprah sees that it is interesting to the outside word that Mo’Nique was able to take her pain and release it as an actress. Mrs. Imes says “I only hope with doing this, this can cleanse her heart.”

Mr. and Mrs. Imes say they haven’t spoken to Mo’Nique in two and a half years, but they’re still extremely proud of their daughter’s accomplishments. “I watched in glee. I was happy for her; I was excited for her. I think I was jumping and hollering more than the audience that was there,” Alice says. “For the Golden Globe, for the NAACP, for the Oscar. I’ve always been very, very proud.” Oprah asks if all this is the reason that they haven’t spoken for so long. No, Gerald has nothing to do with this, says Mrs Imes, with Mo’Nique choosing to separate herself from the family. Oprah says that she is not in the family, but certainly Gerald has something to do with this, it is all connected. Today, yes, Mrs Imes nods.

Steven, Gerald and Mo’Nique’s brother, is in the audience. He says “that this isn’t what it looks like. It’s been blown out of proportion. We’ve always been a close-knit family and after the molestation, Gerald and Mo’Nique resumed a good brother and sister relationship.” Gerald has always supported Mo’Nique and come to her aid in any and every way that he possibly could. Steven does not want the world to see that Gerald is a monster. He says that Gerald has always tried to make amends and has done an excellent job in doing so, up to this point in his life. “Which is why he has not said so. He is confused as to what has taken place between then and now for her to come out like this, that’s where the confusion lies. So as you are sitting looking at me smiling, this family is not in the turmoil that it is portrayed to be.”

Oprah says that statistically 1 out of 4 girls has been molested or touched by the time that they reach adulthood. Oprah knows that she is not alone in the room. Gerald asks Oprah to do him a favor- “not just girls’ he says. Oprah says that she is beginning to understand that more males are being molested than we realize. But the truth is that it is confusing. It is your brother or neighbor or auntie, whoever it is. The truth is that you are trying to put on your ok face when you still have that hurt, pain or shame. It is confusing to the person who has been abused and the person who is abusing. There are mixed messages because you still have to get on with and live with that person. Mr Imes says that he is not excusing the behaviour, but when did Gerald become a monster? Oprah says the first time that he laid a hand on Mo’Nique inappropriately. Mr Imes says that he witnessed the behaviors after this went on with her big brother. Mo’Nique would still ask for help from her big brother. This confuses him, the behaviors that went on for the rest of their lives.

Oprah says that it is difficult, but that she’ll say this one thing. Oprah was abused by several people, one of whom was one of her uncles. Years later she was in her father’s house and her uncle was there and Oprah made breakfast and scrambled eggs for her abuser. As an adult with her own talk show she said to herself, what the hell am I doing acting as if nothing happened? The reason she went along with this, which is probably the same for Mo’Nique and millions of others, is that you go along because that is what the family wants you to do. Gerald says stop, that is not what they want Mo’Nique to do. Gerald understands her pain, he was there. He didn’t go along with his perpetrators. Everyone is different says Oprah, everybody does the best they can in the moment. Oprah asks Gerald where he is now with his life.

He says that he has learned with his spiritual advisor to live in the power of the now, to stay in the now. Oprah loves that. “It’s not about what you did yesterday. It’s not about what you did 10 minutes ago. It’s not about what you did a week ago. It’s about what have, what you are, right here, right now,” he says.

Oprah asks Gerald how will he feel when he leaves the show that everyone who has been molested, if this has happened to you, “holler, scream, shout.. Knock the door down, make it happen.” Oprah shakes his hand and thanks him for calling her. She thanks the family and the Bishop for his spiritual guidance, “that’s what got you here, you can’t do it without the spirit,” she says. Go to Oprah.com to join the No Phone Zone team. April 30th is the special No Phone Zone event, join Oprah then. Well done, she says to Gerald. After a short pause the audience politely applaud.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Big brothers do not have to groom little sisters before molestation, they already have their trust.

Most people who tolerate abuse in their own lives know that they do not want the abuser around their own children.

The pain and shame following abuse may not be apparent to those on the outside, this does not mean that it does not exist.

Everybody does the best they can in the moment to get through, everybody deals with the pain and shame of abuse in their own way.

You can break the cycle. Do not abuse if you have been abused.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Mo’Nique was sexually abused by her older brother Gerald who now has a spiritual advisor and wants to apologize and say he feels her pain.

Date: April 27th, 2010
File Under: Celebrity, Entertainment

Episode 56: Sir Elton John and Oscar Winner Russell Crowe

Woo woo woo, we’re excited, says Oprah. Oscar winer Russell Crowe is here, and as you can see it is standing room only here because the one and only Elton John is here. The crowd roar, Oprah leads them in an Elton chant. He comes onstage, they hug and kiss.

Oprah says that it’s 9am live in Chicago so the audience have had a lot of sugar. She asks Elton if it still feels great after all these years, coming out to that applause. Yes. He played last night in Chicago and he said then that it has been 40 years since he first played here and it gets better and better, and it is the people. After every utterance, the crowd cheer. Oprah gives some stats. Elton has sold more than 250 million albums worldwide, won five Grammys, earned a Best Song Oscar for The Lion King’s “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” and has the best-selling single of all time, “Candle in the Wind.” His Broadway hit Billy Elliot earned him a Tony and continues to sell out theaters, and he has been knighted by the Queen.

Growing up in the London housing projects, Elton says he never could have dreamed of such success. “Music was something I grew up with and I loved passionately and I always wanted to be involved in,” he says. “I never really imagined being a singer. I was an organ player in a band, and I got fed up while doing that.” Elton says he then auditioned at a record company, which was also looking for songwriters. “I said I couldn’t write lyrics and they said, ‘Well, there’s some lyrics from a guy from Lincolnshire,’ who turned out to be Bernie Taupin,” (the crowd roar) he says. “I started writing songs for other people and nobody recorded them, and so in the end I recorded them myself and became a recording artist, which wasn’t on my radar. Everything that happened after that was the biggest surprise.”

Oprah says that the world views Elton as a music legend, how does he see himself? “I see myself as someone who’s taken a long time to get where I am personally,” he says. “I’ve got now balance in my life, where the first 30 years of my success—or maybe 20 years of my success—I had a great time and then I took a lot of drugs, drank a lot of alcohol and lost my way.”

Elton says he was inspired to seek sobriety by a very special person, Ryan White, the Indiana teen who was infected with HIV after a blood transfusion. He died in 1990 at age 18. “I was at his funeral, and I spent the last week of his life in Indianapolis with [his mom] Jeanne and his family,” he says. “The way they handled themselves pointed out to myself that I was a self-obsessed, not very nice person, and I hadn’t become the person I wanted to be.” After Ryan died, Elton got sober, and it has been 20 years this week. The crowd cheer and Oprah says wow.

Listen to this, says Oprah; Elton’s Broadway smash hit is the musical Billy Elliot and it has just opened in Chicago. Oprah was so excited to get the opportunity to see it- she says that it is so exhilarating you can feel every note of Elton’s passion with every song. Here is a brief look. Critics are calling Billy Elliot seductive and smashing, the best show you will ever see. Before it was a play, it was a small British movie about a boy with a passion for dance. Elton premiered the play in the UK where it received rave reviews and moved to Broadway where it won an astonishing 10 Tony awards, including best musical. Now it is on stages all over the world and just this week Oprah was Elton’s guest at the big Chicago premiere. After the show Oprah says she love, love, love loved it and she cried three times. Elton was proud of everyone, the first night went great.

Oprah was sitting next to Sir Elton who had seen it about 30 times, but they cried together. The role of Billy is so demanding that it requires four actors to rotate in and out. The Chicago Billy’s are introduced to a screaming crowd. Oprah says that people come away feeling so exhilarated, all the audience will get a copy of the soundtrack and tickets to go see Billy Elliot, The crowd stands and screams, Oprah and Elton hug.

Hanging out with the Music Man, Elton John, says Oprah. Oprah asks him what he thinks when he sees himself in all those outrageous outfits. He says that he wishes that he could still fit into them. Oprah says that she knows how that feels. “It was a part of my life which I had so much fun,” he says. “I lived as a teenager and I didn’t really have the ability or the chance to wear what I wanted to as a kid. So I think when I became successful in 1970, the just all hell broke loose.” He just wore what he wanted. “When you’re sitting at the piano, you’re not David Bowie, you’re not Mick Jagger, you’re not Rod Stewart, you’re not Freddie Mercury,” he says. You’re not running around on stage or the skinny kid in jeans, he was the guy at the piano. “So I just needed to put some attention on me.” The crowd cheer. The piano is just a 9 foot plank, you can’t make it fly, at least not back then. In those days he wanted to have fun. Oprah asks what happened to the costumes. Many were sold for charity, a lot are still at the storage place. “We sell clothes every two years,” he says. “David and I take our personal wardrobe, sell them all and give the money to the AIDS foundation, and then sometimes we sell a couple of stage outfits as well.” Oprah asks if Elton is comfortable in his own skin at this point in his life. “I am so comfortable. I’ve been with David for 17 years,” he says. He has balance in his life now. “It’s important that you have someone really wonderful to share your life with.”

Oprah asks if the fame got to be too much. Elton says that he didn’t know how to be himself off stage. Elton says “There’s so many artists that we can look through the history books and say, ‘God, they were so brilliant onstage and then they had so many problems off,’” he says. “I became one of those people.” Elton says that he came to Chicago to detox. The crowd cheer. That’s a great claim to fame says Oprah, that could be a play, “I got sober in Chicago” says Oprah. Elton says that Chicago will always have a special place in his heart “It’s been 20 years this year,” he says. ” the best six weeks I ever did for myself. Then all things happened for me—The Lion King happened. David happened. We formed our own movie company. The charity—the Elton John AIDS Foundation, we produced a play on Broadway.”

Oprah asks if it is true that Elton and David are trying for a baby. Elton says he and David tried to adopt two Ukrainian boys. “Unfortunately, it was so complicated that we couldn’t do it. There were too many laws that said we couldn’t do it in Ukraine,” he says. “It broke our heart because we fell in love with these kids. One was 15 months; one was 3. They were brothers. One was HIV-positive, and one wasn’t.” Oprah asks if he’s ready to be a Papa. “I said until that point no- because I’m too old,” he says. “And I thought: ‘You know what, Elton? You’re not too old. You’re still very young at heart. You’ve done everything you possibly can in your career—the only thing you haven’t done is be a good parent. I think that life’s all about learning. It’s all about as you get older trying to learn a little bit more, trying to change the way you are. And I think that a child probably would be the icing on the cake.” After their disappointment, they are still talking about adoption.

Oprah asks what advice Elton would give to his younger self. “Don’t go out with the feathers,” he jokes. “I learned so much in my life, and even the drug use got me to where I am now. But I would definitely say to people and looking at myself then: Be true to yourself. Be honest. Be loyal. And stay away from those bloody drugs for Christ’s sake.”

Oprah says that those of the audience who have seen the play, and they will all see the play, the message of Billy Elliot is be true to yourself. That was what made Oprah cry when she first saw it. Oprah asks how much of the story resonates with Elton growing up. He says that it was a different time, the 50’s, rock and roll was seen as evil. “My father never really encouraged me. Even when I became successful as Elton John, he never came to see me,” he says. “At the end, the father comes to the opera house in London and sees Billy come onstage and dance Swan Lake. It made me cry because my dad never, ever saw me.” Still, says Elton, “I wanted to prove a point,” he says. “I just wanted him to say: ‘Good, well done. I was wrong.’ But, no, that never happened.” That was why you were crying, says Oprah. Exactly, says Elton. Thank you Elton, he’ll be back to sing, says Oprah.

Russell Crowe has made a name for himself playing a slew of fascinating characters, from a hard-nosed boxer in Cinderella Man to a schizophrenic mathematician in A Beautiful Mind. In his latest film, Russell reunited with Gladiator director Ridley Scott and draws his bow as the legendary hero Robin Hood. There’s only one way to describe the results- epic. Academy Award winner Cate Blanchett plays the beautiful Maid Marian, who is anything but a damsel in distress. The story tells how the man became the legend.

Come on out Russell Crowe, shouts Oprah. The crowd scream. They hug. He waves to the crowd. Oprah whoops and says mmmmm. Oprah says “May I say you are so good at this” and Russell thanks her. Obviously he learned to shoot a bow and arrow well, says Oprah. He spent some time on it and did his best, says Russell. Oprah says that she heard that he read 30 books to prepare for the role. “We wanted to really understand where the mythology had started from,” he says. “It became apparent to us that the difference between the hundred years of cinema and the previous 800 years of story being handed down from mythology to legend to a political tool to a tool of the church to a parlor game when King Henry VIII was in power, you know, it just seemed to us that there was something intrinsic about that story that we should maybe wipe away all that other stuff and get back to the core.” Oprah asks if he is a perfectionist. He thinks that is a silly word, he tries his best. What he can do on a day is what he can do. “That is a central tenet,” he says. “Every single day on a movie set I just get up and I try to do something special.” Oprah asks how long shooting Robin Hood took. It took 100 days, but Russell says it was a lot of fun. He says that he has been instructed not to swear on the show. Yes, because we are live, says Oprah. As soon as he is told not to do something, that is what he wants to do, he says. Now he has so many swear words running around in his head that wouldn’t have been there otherwise… “You sort of get beaten up a lot, but I love being on Ridley Scott movies because they work well,” he says. Oprah interrupts to say, “That Ridley Scott, can we just give him a round of applause” The crowd cheer. “He’s so well organized, and that’s one of the things people don’t understand, because I come from a simple, working-class background and he has the same background that, you know, yes, he makes expensive movies, but he ensures that they don’t cost a dollar more than they should cost. And I like that about him. I like that he’s not cavalier. I like that he knows exactly how many severed heads he has in the effects department.” They laugh.

Oprah says that there is a lot of severed heads in this movie. Russell says that actually there is none. In case you wanted to take kids to the movie, it is PG13 which is probably the first one Scott has made. Russell says Ridley made the decision early on to make Robin Hood appropriate for younger audiences. You don’t see the sword in the skin, there is no blood spewing everywhere. You get the impression, says Oprah. Yes, says Russell, he is the one that made an alien come out of someone’s chest, it gets pretty gnarly. Russell even took his two sons, 6-year-old Charlie and 3 1/2-year-old Tennyson, to see it. He took them to a special screening, “They were so jazzed because this has been in their life for two and a half years, so the nervous energy was pumping,” he says. But it took about 35 minutes for the film to start and the kids were running around everywhere. Russell thought that this probably wasn’t going to go so well. “So we sit down, the movie finally starts. Within five minutes, my oldest boy, Charlie, goes, ‘Oh Dad, can we go now?’” Oh no, says Oprah. Then the little one says, Dad, when do you get a horse? And the oldest is going can we go now, and the little one is saying Dad, when do you get a horse? And then the little one says Dad, now you’ve got a horse, and then they say, ok can we go now…

Oscar winner Russell Crowe is here. There’s a key saying in Robin Hood, “Rise and rise again until lambs become lions,” Oprah asks what that means. Russell says that he basically ad libbed what it means, saying it means “Never give up.” Ridley said he would never use that, but it is in the movie. Russell says that it is really applicable to Oprah, and that the sword from the film is centrally important in the film. He brings out the sword which has the saying engraved on it. Russell says that Oprah can keep it by her bed, just in case. Oprah’s jaw drops and she asks if he is giving it to her? She repeats the question. To be completely truthful, Ridley Scott is giving it to her, it’s his possession, says Russell. He also gives her a long-bow. Russell explains how the English worked out how to use wood with flexibility at it’s heart. He shows her how to string it, They decide not to shoot any arrows. Oprah asks how much practice he did. Quite a lot, says Russell. Oprah loves the phrase on the sword. Russell says. “It’s applicable to anybody in any pursuit,” he says.

Oprah asks what has been the biggest misconception about him. “Probably that I’m an angry person. I’m not really,” he says. Oprah says that isn’t it true that once something happens it gets printed over and over again. “I played a lot of angry men when I was young. I played skinheads and disgruntled cops and all this sort of stuff. And, quite frankly, I think the problem was I’m not a very interesting person. I’m just not. I play interesting roles and I put a lot of effort into the roles and stuff, but I kind of left a big gap between who I really was and the characters that I was playing and, over time, that area just got filled in.”

Oprah asks him if he thinks the less interesting you perceive yourself to be means that the more you can fill yourself up with other people, like a chameleon? Russell says. “Anthony Hopkins, when I was a young fellow, he put it to me that, in fact, you come to the gig as a vanilla slice, and you don’t say, ‘What is it that’s special about me that I can bring to the character?’ You say, ‘What is it that the character needs?’”

Oprah asks abut Cate Blanchett. “When we started to reshape the story, we needed a Marian who had to be an individually strong woman,” he says. “The thing about Cate, you see the characters that she plays and I think the assumption about Cate is that for some reason she’s not a warm person. But I can tell you that that’s not true.” After a hard day’s work she is the first person to put her feet up and grab a vodka and have a chinwag. This is essential in a job like this, it informs the collaboration, talking about what you are going to do next. Their love on-screen took some time to build, based on Robin passing the tests that she sets for him.

Speaking of love, says Oprah, Russell has been married to his wife, Danielle, for seven years, and they have two little boys who didn’t exactly love the movie. They haven’t see the movie, says Russell. They laugh. Oprah says that every father has a dream for his family, what is Russell’s?”The father’s job.. ultimately, apart from loving them and taking care of them, is to fill them full of the confidence that they need to deal with the world by themselves,” he says. You have to set them up for the time when they are not with you. Bit for him really, “It’s whatever makes them happy. That’s what it’s got to be. You try and provide for them, be there for them, you give your time over to them. In fact, you be the person that they want you to be.” You do give your time over to them, says Oprah. They are spectacular kids, he says. Oprah asks what have they taught him lately, other than humility? “Just the other day, I was doing Lego with my son Charlie, and it was a Lego piece that was actually his little brother’s, and I watched him get impatient with his little brother and start putting the thing together himself. So I kept going: ‘Hey, Charlie, this is Tenny’s thing. We’re helping him, but we’re not making it,’” he says. “And only a few minutes later when both of them were distracted I found myself putting the thing together and I went: ‘Oh! He gets it from me.’” They laugh.

With a chorus of real people ready to sing their hearts out, here is the one and only Sir Elton John. He sings Tiny Dancer. The crowd sing and sway with glow sticks. The lyrics are shown in the studio on monitors and are displayed on the TV screen. The crowd cheer when he finishes. Oprah stands alongside Elton at the piano on stage and says very nice up there. Am I on TV now she asks? Oh I am, how happy are we? Sir Elton has agreed to sign the No Phone Zone Pledge, thank you Sir Elton. Go see Billy Elliot. Being the music man that he is, Elton says that he can turn any words into music. Let’s see him do that with the No Phone Zone Pledge, says Oprah. He takes the pledge and plays the piano, singing the lyrics to the pledge. He stops to say that he can’t see it because he doesn’t have his reading glasses.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Oprah and Elton John sat together at the Chicago premiere of Billy Elliot and cried.

Elton John got sober in Chicago twenty years ago.

Elton John feels that having a child would be the icing on the cake of his life.

Russell Crowe thinks that the term perfectionist is silly.

Russell Crowe considers himself to be uninteresting and not angry.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Elton John and Russell Crowe are Oprah’s special friends.

Date: April 26th, 2010
File Under: Marriage, Public Service Announcement, Relationships, Tragedy

Episode 55: Stay Alive

Oprah would like us to listen to a tape recording of a 38 year old woman stuffed in a garbage can with duct tape around her wrist, ankles and face. The operator asks what she needs and the woman reports she is in the back of a green Dodge 4×4 and her husband is trying to kill her- she’s in the back of the car and doesn’t know where she is going. The operator asks if she is handcuffed and she says that she is bound by masking tape.

That was the frantic voice of Teri, a mother of two who should be dead but survived, says Oprah. Oprah is so tired of seeing headline after headline of women hurt or killed at the hands of their abusive partners. Based on the statistics, Oprah assumes everyone is with, or knows someone who is with, a man who is capable of becoming violent. That is why she is really happy to have Gavin De Becker back who has advised everyone from the CIA to World Leaders on how to be more safe. His book, which he wrote 10 years ago “The Gift of Fear”, is a gift that Oprah thinks everyone should give their daughter. Gavin says when a man kills his spouse or girlfriend, it is often predictable and preventable. He has developed MOSAIC, a new tool that will save lives. Oprah welcomes him back. This is his passion in life, if he was to be killed by a bus tomorrow, this is the thing which he would be most proud of, he says. It is artificial intuition, basically. It takes the factors of a situation and breaks them down, and sees the pieces of the puzzle and puts them back together so a woman can see the full picture for the first time. Say a woman is interviewed by the police and she says, yes he hits me but only after he has been drinking, or yes he is sexually abusive but only after a hard day at work, with MOSAIC there is no way to back away from the issues, they are addressed one by one. The early versions were used to assess threats for justices or the CIA, and all of a sudden it hit Gavin that these people were not getting attacked very often and he thought that the strategy should be made available to women, as one is killed by a partner every 4 hours. Oprah says that the stories we see on the news again and again scare women; being abducted or attacked by a stranger, but most are killed by someone that they know. Particularly women, says Gavin. If you look at the 3100 women who are killed each year in the US, the majority are killed by a husband or boyfriend. You can use the MOSAIC questionnaire for yourself or on behalf of someone else, it is totally anonymous. The link is on Oprah.com, it is a series of 48 questions which help assess how much of a threat an abuser poses to a family.

What is so interesting to Oprah after many interviews with domestic abuse victims, is that women always says that he doesn’t hit, but he does push- there is something that makes women think it is ok as long as there is no actual hitting. Gavin says that this is just one of the indicators- others include symbolic violence (tearing up wedding pictures or gowns), another is the pace of the relationship- when it is accelerated in the beginning that is a control strategy, another is persistence. We often confuse perseverance and persistence. Perseverance is good, but persistence does not mean that you are special, but that he is controlling. Oprah never forgot The Gift of Fear (which is now on Kindle and all women should read), if you say no to anyone in any situation and the other person persists, then you should ask why are they trying to control me. Gavin says that anyone who persists after no, be it salesperson or 2 year old, they are trying to control you. Gavin says that when a man says no it is the end of the discussion, when a woman says no it is the beginning of a negotiation. A man learns that if you buckle at the beginning of a relationship, it can cycle on- he learns that your no does not mean no, it means start the negotiation. Oprah says wow, how fantastic to have that information.

Terri, the caller in the 911 call earlier, is what Gavin calls a textbook example of how an abusive relationship can escalate to homicide. First, see what happened when Teri took Gavin’s MOSAIC test the other day. Teri answers the questions revealing the situation prior to her being beaten with a baseball bat and shoved into a garbage can and left for dead. She had a restraining order and a divorce… MOSAIC expresses results on a scale out of 10- Teri’s situation was ranked at a 9. Had he abused alcohol, a serious factor, it would have been a 10, says Gavin. Oprah asks Gavin if he agrees that Teri sitting here is a miracle. He says it is. He says it is chilling and macabre but the reality is they study thousands of women who are killed; he has never interviewed someone who basically was killed- only by medical intervention and great policework is she alive. Oprah welcomes Teri and says that she knows that the story will save many people. They will probe into Teri’s story so that the audience can apply that information into their life.

Teri, a mother of three, came dangerously close to becoming a statistic. When she met David, she thought he was the perfect mate for her, “Good job, churchgoing, fun-loving, wanted kids,” she says. “What else could I ask for?” After three months of dating, Teri says David started talking about marriage. “I wasn’t really ready for that. It was too soon. But he persisted and persisted, so of course I said yes.”

Teri had doubts before the wedding. Her parents and friends saw the warning signs, and she did too but she didn’t want to acknowledge them.

On her wedding day, Teri says her dad asked her to reconsider. “He turned to me and said, ‘We can turn around and walk out the door,’” she says. “I thought to myself, ‘It’ll be fine.’ She thought once they were married, everything would work out well.

Teri and David’s Hawaiian honeymoon should have been paradise.. “Probably about the second day we got into a dumb little argument about what to wear on a hike. He said: ‘I’m your husband. You listen to me. You do what I say,’” she says. “Because I said no to him, I got a couple blows to my head with the palm of his hand.” Teri says she tried to write the incident off as a fluke. “Maybe that’s all the stress that was built up from getting married,” she says. She thought maybe she could make it all better.

Oprah says that nothing that she says here today is meant to be in judgement of Teri, Teri nods. Oprah knows that Teri is here to help people. Before the wedding, Teri thought: ‘I don’t know if I want to do this. I’ve seen his temper. My parents told me they didn’t like him. He wasn’t very respectful to my parents or to his own parents. And I saw this. But being the type of person I am, I thought ‘Well, I’ll marry him and I’ll fix it. I’ll make him happy. He’ll be a better person when he’s married to me.’ I fooled myself.” Oprah asks Gavin to walk us through the red flags. First Gavin says that “being the type of person I am” is now the type of person that Teri was. Now she has the courage to do what she is doing. Intuition is there, showing the warning signs. Teri knew that things were not right. It is not typical for a father to say that they can leave just before the wedding. Gavin says there’s a big difference between cold feet and running for your life. “If you say: ‘I don’t know if I’m ready. I don’t know if I want to be in a marriage,’ that’s a different animal from: ‘I have fear. I have fear of this person,’” he says. There’s no role for fear in marriage. Fear is the real indicator there. The other thing is the profoundly accelerated pace. You don’t have to do it if it is too fast.

Oprah asks Teri what questions stood out for her when she took the MOSAIC test. The huge standout for her was, Does he take responsibility for his actions. He never did, with her, his job, with anything in his life he always blamed others. Oprah says that she never gets the moment that you are hit it is humiliating and degrading- what did Teri tell herself to overcome that? Teri says “The first thought that came into my mind was, ‘I’m leaving,’ But he had the flight tickets. He had the credit card. He had everything. I felt sort of stuck.” “But then I started thinking, logically, ‘Well, my parents don’t want to come down to Hawaii and get me.’” Then she thought maybe she’ll listen t him and do what he wants next time to make him happy and then it won’t happen.

Oprah asks if her danger signs went off. The first thing she did was to pick up the phone to call the police but she didn’t know if 911 worked in Hawaii. Gavin says all her original instincts were correct. “So it comes up into your mind, which is a total gift, these ideas, these plans, and then we start to debate and prosecute our own ideas and go through this process that lets us stay in situations we don’t want to be in.”

Oprah says that Teri was divorced, is it true that most spousal murders happen after the spouse leaves? Absolutely, Gavin says, most spousal murders happen after the woman leaves. “About 77 percent of the time,” he says. “That’s why you need help because separation, estrangement, that’s the time that the homicides happen.” Oprah asks if the situation escalated after the divorce? Teri says yes, it continued to escalate. “We had police intervention many times. We shared custody of our two daughters, so there was always that back and forth. We always had to see one another,” she says. “The name-calling, the hitting—it just continued to get worse and worse. The thumbing the nose at the court orders. Anything he could possibly do to stay in control and to say, ‘I am in charge.’”

Oprah asks Gavin to address what people should do when they have to communicate- when there has to be contact because of the children. Gavin says that it has to be addressed and it does not lend itself well to a magazine article or TV show. The biggest message Gavin can share is you cannot do this entirely alone. The good news is you don’t have to, there are resources such as thehotline.org and women shelters in the community. Often it is the last place women want to to go to, but it is like an emergency room- you go when you have to. A battered women’s shelter knows what to do about the kids and the bank account and the emergency plan. They can help. One of the things we often hear is “I was hit” and people ask if it is a clue. It is not a clue, it is the conclusion, it is the end of the mystery. Being hit says that it is over and done. Being hit does not work in relationships and it does not usually get better. It is a rare circumstance that it happens once only and the relationship improves, says Gavin.

Oprah says that we often mistake control for being really loved- Gavin says abusers are typically controlling and exercising complete control means giving the other person a lot of attention. “We’re brought up to think attention equals love,” he says. “Control doesn’t equal love.”

Gavin De Becker has used his thirty plus years in the security business to help women find out if they are at risk of being murdered by an abuser. One Saturday, January 31, 2004, five years after her divorce, Teri drove to her ex-husband David’s Wisconsin house to pick up the girls. When she arrived, David told Teri the girls were playing hide-and-seek and invited Teri inside, which seemed odd. Oprah says that the funny feeling Teri had about that is like a little whisper to says that is strange or odd. This is what can happen when you ignore it.

“My gut was saying, ‘Why is he letting me come in his house?’” Teri says. “Right away I knew, this is kind of weird. He hasn’t allowed me in his house since the day I left. But I was cold. My car was running out of gas,” she says. “Most of all, my kids were hiding. They wanted me to come find them, and I didn’t want to disappoint them.” She overlooked, and talked herself out of, that feeling. “I walked into the foyer, and I remember saying, ‘Gee, I wonder where they are?’” she says. “And, bam, a blow to the back of the head.” Teri says David continuously struck her with a baseball bat, numerous times. “He said: ‘You always said I abused you. Now you can see what abuse really is.” When he was trying to strangle Teri. “He was saying: ‘Go to sleep. Just go to sleep. Just stop breathing,’” she says. “He was mad again that he was ordering me to stop breathing and I wasn’t.”

Teri says David then duct-taped her wrists and ankles and her entire face. “He then had this big garbage can. I could feel he was putting me in it,” she says. “I’m bleeding everywhere. I’m in this garbage bin, and he’s filling it up with snow. What started going through my head was, ‘I’m going to die today.’”

Oprah asks what happened next. Teri says she didn’t die. “He put me on the back of his truck and actually he went back in the house and I knew it had to be to get the kids,” she says. “Knowing that they were 4 and 6, it would take a few minutes.” Remembering she had her cell phone in her pocket, Teri managed to dial 911. She tells people to practice dialing 911 with their eyes closed. “It took just a few minutes and I heard sirens. But by that time, he came back to the truck, started it up and we were on our way,” she says. The police were looking at his home for something and didn’t know that we were on the road. “I heard the sirens pass me right up.” Teri didn’t know but when she was in the back of the truck, David went to Milwaukee and dumped her car. He went through a drive through and had the girls in the cab at the front. “At one point I thought, ‘I’m going to stick my hand out, because the lid wasn’t on the garbage can, and somebody is going to see a hand hanging out and call the police,” she says. “His truck stopped after that. He came back. I was either hit in the head with a baseball bat or kicked.” At that point her phone rang, she doesn’t know who called and none of her friends will admit to it. “He took the phone. He got back in the cab, drove around. I was blacking in and out. I had no idea how long it was.”

As she learned later, David had driven across state lines to Illinois and stopped at a storage locker. She was lifted up inside the garbage can and dragged into the locker. He left her inside an unheated storage locker in January. “All I remember is boxes and all these things being slid against the floor,” she says. “I had no idea where I was.” Teri says intuition told her to play dead. Then, Teri says David stacked anything he could on top of and around the garbage can. “There was no way I was getting out of there,” she says. She heard the door closed and figured that he had left. Teri was trapped for more than 20 hours in the freezing cold. Doctors estimate Teri only had an hour left to live when she was discovered—her body temperature dropped to 84 degrees.

Det. Chris Schooling was one of the police officers on the case and he is in the audience. Oprah asks how they found Teri. He says there was an amber alert put out. Authorities were tipped off by Teri’s first call, which they interpreted as a woman who had difficulty breathing. The deputies made forced entry into the home and they saw signs of struggle and some blood. Interviews with neighbors escalated suspicion as one reported seeing Teri’s car hitched to David’s truck. An Amber Alert was issued. David was arrested at work right after leaving Teri in the storage locker. Teri eventually lost all of her toes to frostbite. Oprah asks what happened after he was picked up. “He’s picked up, and he’s real matter of fact,” Det. Schmaling says. David was very articulate, they told him that ‘There’s an Amber Alert. Where’s your wife? Where’s your kids?’ and he said, ‘I just dropped my children off at Elmwood Park, Illinois, to a girlfriend’s house’ and hasn’t seen Teri since the Wednesday prior.”

Oprah asks Gavin how women can stay safe if they still have to see their exes because of the children. Gavin says that it is the toughest question. Gavin says all abuse cases are tough, but it’s even more difficult to leave when there are children involved. Seek help, Gavin says. Women looking to leave a violent situation with their children can turn to TheHotline.org, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) or contact a local battered women’s shelter. “There is no other way to develop all that you’d have to do,” he says. “It’s like going into the witness protection program. There are so many parts to an escape plan.”

Oprah says that the most important thing to say to women in this situation is that you have to have a plan, and the shelters and hotlines will help you to get a plan. Gavin says that a relationship that is difficult to be in, will also be difficult to exit. That leverage is often used to keep women in by the men. Most often, women are told that they will be killed if they leave. It takes courage and you can not do it alone.

Oprah says that what most people didn’t realise is that the option is you will be killed if you leave or you will die a little every day that you stay. Gavin says that he interviewed a woman who said that she feared she might be killed. Gavin said that he asked what advice the woman would give her teenage daughter, and she said she would tell her daughter to leave. The woman didn’t know what the difference between her and her daughter was- Gavin told her that the teenager has the mother and the mother does not have herself. She had lost herself so much.

Oprah asks Det. Schooling how they found David. After six hours of interrogation, which was basically begging and pleading on the part of the police, David wouldn’t tell them. David asked for a break at 3.30am—and detectives went through his wallet, which was packed with business cards. “He goes back to his cell, wraps himself in a warm blanket and falls fast asleep. Unbeknownst to us, she’s lying there dying,” he says. “So we go back, we take a look at this wallet, we find a business card. That business card is to a storage facility in Wheeling, Illinois.” They were suspicious that a Racine County, Wisconsin man had a storage locker in Illinois. Wow that is good detective work says Oprah. The crowd applaud. Det. Schmaling and his partner, Det. Keith Dobesh, called the number on the card. “The storage facility said he had been there the prior day,” Keith says. “They had gone out to the unit, and they had actually heard her voice inside the unit pleading for help.” Wow, says Oprah. They told the facility to hang up and call 911 and that is when they found her.

Wow, says Oprah. She asks Gavin what we learn from this. As always the message is to listen to your intuition. “We learned that being out of a relationship, particularly if there’s custody and children, you’re not really out of it. You’re just out of it on paper,” he says. “Getting truly out of it takes a lot of work and a lot of effort, and you can’t do it alone.” Oprah asks if you are ever truly out of it when someone is violent. In cases where men don’t let go and persist, there are cases where women relocate to different states. It is like the Witness Protection Program. There are so many extreme answers, and we look for the simple answers. Questions are complicated, not simple, especially when you have kids. “The best thing is identifying these warning signs before you get into relationships and before you get kids, when it’s possible,” he says. Oprah says that she never forgot from Gavin’s book, that we are the only animals who will have that feeling of intuition and walk into the fear. Any other animal without reason or thinking will leave. Gavin says that an antelope does not go and check if a lion is in the bush, if he feels it is the case. That is where it is about instinct says Oprah. It is about intuition and respecting your opinion and recognizing that your opinion is as valid as his opinion, says Gavin. Which is not how it culturally works.

Oprah asks Gavin what Teri could have done to prevent this form happening. Gavin says that earlier in the relationship, it would have be eneasier to end it. “At those times, the men are usually less invested emotionally. It’s much easier to end a relationship early than it is to end it later on because of that emotional investment.” Gavin says, “I often say the first time a woman is beaten, she is a victim. And the second time, she is a volunteer,” he says. “That’s a very controversial thing for some people because they think I’m blaming the victim. But what I’m actually doing is saying, ‘If you don’t recognize that staying in that relationship is a choice, you’ll never recognize that leaving the relationship is a choice.’” Staying in a relationship for a long time is the number one thing that people can do differently. A lot of people believe that they can’t leave. The history of marriage is about property, the woman is the man’s property. Gavin had a case recently where a 24 year old man was having sex with a 17 year old girl. He is going to do 28 years in prison because of that, if she had been 18 there would be no crime, because at 18 you don’t belong to your father anymore- you are your own property. Gavin is not saying that marriage is bad, he likes marriage but he does not own his wife, he does not own his kids. The culture says that she doesn’t have the freedom when she is married, she is led to believe. There was a part of Teri that believed David when he said she was married now to him and that he was in charge. It’s like you are bought and paid for, says Teri. Wow, says Oprah.

David is now serving a life sentence for kidnapping and attempted murder. (The crowd applaud) Though he’s behind bars, Teri says she still fears him. “He’s an angry, bitter person that will never ever change,” she says. He is not trying to be a better person. Teri says he never showed any remorse in court. “The judge even said to him, ‘Would you like to say anything?’ And he said, ‘Not at this time.’ And the judge said, ‘This is your time,’” she says. “He didn’t even have the decency to get up and say, ‘I don’t care about Teri, but I’m sorry what I did to my kids.’” Nothing. Thank you Teri, your story is going to save some people today, says Oprah. Oprah is glad that Teri is alive to tell her story.Oprah says so many women stay because they say that he is doing this to me but he cares about the kids, what does Gavin have to say about that? Gavin says that a relationship that is violent is not good for anyone. As a young girl sees her mother receive those blows, so is she likely to in the future. As a young boy sees the father deliver those blows, so is he likely to. That is what you are teaching your kids. Kids don’t do what you say, they do what you do, says Oprah. Thank you Teri and Mr De Becker, says Oprah. Gavin’s cutting edge MOSAIC assessment is available to everybody watching today for free, it may save a life. Go get this book, the Gif of Fear, it is a must read. Everybody in the audience gets a copy (they cheer). Oprah also says that she sounds like a nag but make your car a no-phone zone. Bye everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

If you say no to anyone in any situation and the other person persists, then you should ask why is that person trying to control you.

When a man says no it is the end of the discussion, when a woman says no it is the beginning of a negotiation.

There’s no role for fear in marriage.

Your instincts are a gift, follow them.

A relationship that is difficult to be in, will also be difficult to exit.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

We are the only animals who will ignore our intuition and walk into the fear: every 4 hours a woman in the US is killed by her partner.

Date: April 24th, 2010
File Under: Celebrity

Episode 54: Oprah’s Million-Dollar Announcement and Billionaire Richard Branson

We are live in Chicago today, says Oprah. On this day, someone is going home with one million dollars, can you imagine? Says Oprah. The crowd scream. All it took is a little flour, an egg or two and some creativity – this week one hundred hopeful home cooks went to Florida for the 44th Pillsbury bake-off. We sent Ali Wentworth down to Orlando where there was lots of tension, says Oprah.

Over 10,000 entries were narrowed down 92 women and 8 men. It’s very exciting, says Ali. One woman has the Pillsbury dough boy painted on her nails. The bake off begins and they all cheer. They have 4 hours to make their recipes- they make it 3 times and choose the best to submit to the judges. Ali slaps the dough boy. She talks to the contestants and makes jokes. Inside the door the judges are tasting all the recipes and making big decisions. No bribes have been offered.

Oprah says 100 masterpieces, 12 judges and $1million up for grabs. There are 20 minutes to the end of the bake-off, Ali says that the stress is making everyone crazy and mean. 3 minutes left, Tony is the last one cooking. He is shaking and sweating and there is smoke coming from his station. Ali says that she needs a Xanax. Tony got it to the judges just in time.

After 7 hours the judges chose 4 finalists. This could be you next year, says Oprah. On Monday night the final four came to Chicago in a private jet. Let’s meet the home cooks who could be the next Pillsbury millionaire, says Oprah. Evelyn is a retired mom of 5, her Salmon Pecan Crusted Tartlets got the first prize for the most entertaining appetizer. Best breakfast and brunch went to Niki who is back at college for a degree in Social Work, for her Tomato Basil Eggs Alfredo. #1 in the dinner made easy with her Zesty Lime Fish Taco’s is Kellie- she knew it was a hit when her 4 kids cleaned their plates. Single mom who was once a disaster in the kitchen is Sue with her mini Ice Cream Cookie Cups. By the end of this hour, one of these home cooks will walk away with $1 million. Stay tuned to find out who it is. Thanks ladies, says Oprah.

The four finalists are on pins and needles, they didn’t sleep last night, says Oprah. That said, Oprah thinks its amazing that you can take Pillsbury dough and… “make anything” says Nate Berkhus. While Ali was sweating over hot stoves in Orlando, Nate Berkus was roughing it in the Caribbean with one of the most fascinating visionaries of our time, Richard Branson. Nate just had a wardrobe malfunction, his pants just split. Eric Logan, the president of Harpo, gave up his pants for Nate. They show a photo, the crowd laughs. Oprah is handed the ripped jeans. She says that Nate couldn’t have worn them. No, that is a different show, says Nate.

Sir Richard Branson is a billionaire, the 212th richest man in the world. He was born outside London to a lawyer father and free spirited mother. He struggled in school with dyslexia but his poor grades never held him back. At 19, he launched a mail order record company out of the trunk of his car, he named it Virgin, as a nod to his lack of business experience. A record label and stores followed. Today the group includes 300 companies and is one of the most recognized brands in the world. His new endeavor, Virgin Galactic, will offer trips into outer space for anyone with $200,000.

After today the Pillsbury winner can travel to space, says Oprah. With change, adds Nate. Richard Branson has travelled the world many times over but there is one spot he calls home, his private island in the Caribbean, Necker Island. For the first time ever he allowed cameras into his home.

Nate meets Richard and admires the view. The island represents the beginning of the romance with his wife. 25 years ago he was chasing a beautiful woman and they discovered the island- now he has the island and the woman is his wife and the mother of his children. There was one palm tree and lots of cacti when he bought it. Over the years he has created his own dream on the island bringing everything over by boat, including some wild animals. He has just finished building his dream residence. They go to look at the house. No cameras have ever been here before. Looking around, Branson is thankful for everything in his life, he says that he was born under a lucky star, he says. Growing up, he had lots of love and praise and encouragement, and that is how he tries to raise his family. Off the great room is a moon shaped infinity pool. There are no walls in the house. The house is all to do with the view, he says. There is room for two in the tub. Nate asks if there is a moment when it felt like home. Richard tells of the male weaver bird who makes the nest in Africa. If the female comes along and is not happy with the nest, he rips it apart and starts over. When his wife approved the house, that was his moment. Richard’s office has a hammock. His favorite spot is the guest house perched on the cliff. Richard sits on the toilet and puts on a cloth crown and says that he is a Knight of the Realm on his throne. He says he forgot to mention that there is only one way out of the bathroom. They ascend to the beach below by zipline.

Boy, you get the good ones, says Oprah. Nate says to Oprah that he has seen everything now, from people living in small apartments to this. He had to keep reminding himself that he was at work. He says that the energy of the island was amazing, the people who work for Branson were so happy and laid back, staying there for 5,6,7 years, not the 6 months or so that you would expect. Oprah confirms that you can rent it out. Nate says that some very famous people are in the guest book. Oprah took her staff there when she had fewer staff. She loved it, she gained 11 pounds in 10 days, that is the most weight that she has ever gained at one time. It was everything says Oprah.

Richard is known for his adventurous spirit, says Oprah. His new toy is a brand new sleek high tech mini sub that flies underwater he is the only person to own one. It’s like a little fighter plane that flies underwater and it can go down 150 feet and explore wrecks, explains Richard. This is the maiden voyage of the Necker Nymph. Nate wishes him luck. He is not scuba certified so Nate stays on the boat. With the two-way radio Richard describes what he is seeing, “beautiful… fantastic” Its battery operated and silent. Branson really liked it.

That is cool, says Oprah. Nate says that he is so mad at himself that he is not scuba certified. Becky the producer went to the ocean floor with the camera. Nate is inspired by Branson to learn scuba diving. He says that he is very happy in the city and not attracted to outdoor adventure but Richard’s why not do it attitude has inspired him. Oprah says that she is the girl under the tree with the book.

Richard and Joan have been together for 34 years and have 2 children- Oprah loves that. Oprah says that Nate emailed her from Richard Branson’s yacht, while she was in Idaho with child molestors. The yacht is the Necker Belle, with a bar and Japanese style bedroom, Nate asks what it cost, about $30 million Branson says. Spending time with Richard is like being a kid again, says Nate. They jump on the trampoline and go to the top of the mast despite Nate’s fear of heights. Richard’s two children, Holly and Sam join them on board. Nate asks what the best advice is that they have received from their father. Sam says that they should be themselves, they have always had the freedom to do what they want to do and be who they want to be. Nate says they are very balanced- they say that their mum is very down to earth, the opposite of their dad. They were also kept out of the media spotlight as kids. Richard is very proud of his family, that they have each chosen their own path and they are great kids.

Oprah asks Nate where Richard works- he has always worked from home, he works from his hammock. He bought the island in the 70’s for $200,00 but it only had one palm tree and cacti, no running water or house or anything. Oprah asks Nate why he thinks that Branson is so successful- because of the access that he gives everyone, says Nate. Everyone is allowed to approach him and ask questions- his staff on the island, people from his company in from London. He solves problems and Nate found that fascinating. Oprah says to Nate that he had to do the Titanic “I’m the King of the world” thing on the yacht. Nate says that he couldn’t resist. Oprah was in Idaho, Ali was at the bake-off, and he was on the front of the yacht, it was so cool, so cool.

Oprah is concerned about the president of Harpo who currently has no pants on. She asks Nate if he will steam them, he says that he is clean, it’s morning, he’s bathed.

At the beginning of the show Nate revealed his wardrobe malfunction. The president of Oprah’s company, Eric Logan, leant Nate his pants. Eric comes out in a spa robe. He stands with Nate and says nice pants. Oprah says he adds a new meaning to the phrase “the shirt off my back.” She asks what he thought when he was told that Nate had split his pants. Eric says that he was in the middle of a meeting and in barged the producer saying that Nate needs his pants. Eric took them off in the dressing room and found a robe to wear to go back to his meeting. Nate says that the funny thing was that everyone in the green room scattered as the situation was so uncomfortable. Oprah thanks Eric for stepping in.

Nate had a final assignment to see if Richard would sign the No Phone Zone Pledge. Richard recalls that once we didn’t wear seatbelts and now it is second nature. He signs and thanks Oprah and urges others to sign. Remember April 30th is National No Phone Zone Day, says Oprah. Oprah thanks Nate for his report, anytime, he says.

Earlier in the show we met the finalists for the 44th Pillsbury Bake-Off. The judges have already decided and the decision is locked in a suitcase backstage. Oprah asks members of the audience which they preferred of the recipes that they tasted. There is an advocate for each recipe. They talk about basil season. Oprah hugs each and the audience applauds. This could be you next year, says Oprah. The moment that they have been waiting for, says Oprah. The suitcase is brought on stage, Oprah opens the envelope and calls for a drumroll. The grand prize winner is Sue Compton, creator of the ice cream cookie cup. Sue screams, confetti falls and the audience go wild. Sue and Oprah hug, Sue hugs the other contestants.

Sue Compton from New Jersey just won $1 million, she says that it feels awesome. She was once not so good in the kitchen, she’d be asked to bring potato chips to a pot luck. Her son John is on stage and says that he is surprised to be here. Oprah asks Sue how she came up with the recipe. Sue bought the allowed ingredients and played around with them. Oprah asks if she will be going to Necker Island with her winnings, Sue says no. Oprah asks her if she’s thought about what she would do if she’d win- Sue says that her towels are frayed, so she may replace those. You should, says Oprah. Sue thanks everyone and says that the million dollar recipe can be found on Oprah.com.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Nate Berkus wore the president of Harpo’s pants after a wardrobe malfunction. The president of Harpo wore a spa robe after Nate Berkus’ wardrobe malfunction.

Richard Branson does all of his work from his hammock.

Richard Branson likes his toys very much, including his $30 million yacht and his flying submarine.

Richard Branson’s Caribbean Island house has no walls, but it does have an infinity pool in the Great Room.

Sue Compton of New Jersey won $1million for her sugar cookie dough/ ice cream/ chocolate concoction in the 44th Pillsbury Bake Off.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Richard Branson is very, very, very rich. And yet he is only the 212th richest person in the world.

Date: April 22nd, 2010
File Under: Celebrity, Public Service Announcement, Transformation

Episode 53: Superstar Mary J Blige & Malaak Rock

We love ourselves some Mary J Bilge here in Harpo land because she never disappoints, says Oprah. Even hopping on a plane today in a last minute crunch. She’s our friend but today she shows us a side that we have never seen before. But first, let’s see her big, big, big career. She has been lighting up our stage for years. Over the past 2 decades she has dug deep into her personal pain to connect with fans on an emotional level. Her soul inspired music has won her nine Grammy awards. In true MBJ fashion, her new album, Stronger With Each Tear, shot to number one on the Billboard Charts.

Many people may not know that Mary J has a rocker chick side. She’s a huge Led Zeppelin fan. Singing their classic hit Stairway to Heaven, here is Mary J Bilge, says Oprah. She sings, wearing her shades.

Who knew you were a Led Zeppelin fan and a rocker chick? Asks Oprah. Mary J says that she heard the song when she was 5, her father was a hippy and she heard this music all the time. She heard it again a couple of months ago and her body just froze. It was a memory hit, says Oprah. The new album is called Stronger With Each Tear, what does that mean to you asks Oprah? “For so long I felt like a weakling because I cried,” Mary says. Because she was trying to be so strong for everyone, for the world. “But I feel like I’m cool with that vulnerability now. I’m stronger with each tear. I’m stronger after every mistake I make because I’m not going to make those mistakes anymore.” Arent we all, yeah says Oprah. The crowd applaud.

We all see Mary as a strong passionate woman who overcame a rough childhood, abuse and addiction, says Oprah. When she offered to take the Oprah Show to the projects in Yonkers, New York, where she grew up, Oprah knew that this was an opportunity for young girls everywhere to dream big.

With Oprah Show cameras in tow, Mary returned to her childhood home. This is where I grew up, she says. It was her mom and sister when they first moved here. She would walk out of her building and this woman was being beaten and it looked like her head came off when he slapped her. She’ll never forget it. Women were out here getting beaten, screaming, you know, they were running out of their houses naked, and it affected her a lot as a child. Mary turns round to see her old neighbor, Nancy. They say hi and Mary tells her she should change, she is on the Oprah WInfrey Show. This is her building, and seeing all the abuse hurt her and affected her because she suffered abuse too. There was no way round it, it was as if they had it programmed into their psyches that this is the way that they were supposed to live as women. It was relentless.

They go upstairs to the third floor, waiting for the elevator. They had some fun, says Mary, but there was so much violence and abuse and drugs and the constant threat of rape or something. They used to get stuck in the elevator, don’t be stuck in here with a water bug. On the third floor they used to live near some of their friends, Rest In Peace Helen and Paul they are all gone. She knocks on her old door and a dog barks but no one answers. They would try and get away from people by going to the back of the building but they’d often run into abuse, where women would be getting a beating where the men thought no one could see them. It came full circle, she says. “I could have been dead because of this environment,” she says. “But because of this environment, I’m alive too.”

Oprah says that when you go home, wherever that may be, it is always smaller than you imagine it to be. Mary said that it did feel small but that she felt loved, this is it, this is where she goes home, this is where she was raised. Oprah says that before Mary became a superstar she vowed to get out of Yonkers and help the women whose screams kept her awake as a child. She did exactly that, take a look.

This is the Mary J. Blige Center for Women and she is so proud of this place. Last year she opened the learning center for struggling young women. They go into a GED class, then a computer room where women can search for jobs and create résumés. “My thing is if you save women, you save the world,” Mary says.

In 2009, Mary opened the doors to the Mary J. Blige Center for Women. The learning center serves struggling young women in Yonkers. It offers GED classes and has a computer lab. The center also provides childcare. “This is probably one of the most important places because when women are looking for jobs, a lot of time they don’t have babysitters,” she says. “That’s another thing that holds them back.” A 33 year old single mother of three was never able to go back to school, and that is why she is here. Mary says they’re just getting started. “From mothers to daughters to aunts, black, white, it doesn’t matter who you are: If you need help, the Mary J. Blige Center for Women is here,” she says. “It’s starting small, but we’re going to get bigger.”

Mary takes the cameras to Yonkers Pier because this is where things started. This is where she began to dream and have visions of what her life could be. She knew that she was going to get out of the projects. “I remember one day being here. I was sitting there, and it was a cloudy day. I started praying. I was really depressed that day, and I was crying and I was, like, ‘Father, if there’s a way out, please show me,’” she says. “As I was asking him that, the sky was full of clouds and it opened up and the sun came down. And I knew at that moment I was going to get out.”

Wow, says Oprah, that’s a miracle moment. Mary says it was real, real true, and she said thanks to God, of course. My Life, No More Drama and now Stronger With Each Tear, Mary’s new album- her albums are like little diaries of her life says Oprah. Oprah loves that Mary says that looking back at her music is like therapy for her, and that she says you have to learn to forgive that which you can’t forget. Mary says that is what works for her, she sdoesnt know what works for others. She has lived through so much hatred for herself that it turned into hatred for other people. Oprah asks if she knew it was hatred for herself? No she didn’t but when she did she had to realise that she had to let go of these people and release them to God, otherwise she would suffer so she had to forgive the unforgettable, for real. It is no cakewalk but it really works. You have to surrender what it is that is keeping you captive forever and she can’t give or show love through her eyes or music if she doesn’t have it. She is no angel but she does the best she can honestly. She says to God that she is not perfect but help her with this. They laugh. Oprah knows what she is saying

Mary says never forgetting where she came from has led to the greatest joy in her life—the ability to give back. Her charity, Foundation for the Advancement of Women Now (FFAWN), allows Mary to help the women whose screams kept her up at night as a child. “It’s a dream come true,” she says. Mary is also mentoring high school students at the Women’s Academy of Excellence, the only public all-girls school in the Bronx. Mary is so excited by this, she wishes that she was one of these young women growing up. Mary dropped out of high school in the 11th grade, which she deeply regrets. Mary has adopted the school whose goal is to get the girls to college.Even getting the uniforms is a struggle for these low income families. Mary is in the classroom, she wants these girls to do something she never did—graduate with a high school diploma. “When I was growing up, it wasn’t cool to be educated, so I fell into that slump,” she says. “When you’re in a peer pressure situation where you’re forced to do what everyone else does to survive, then you end up like I did.” “When you’re educated, you’re confident,” she says. “You know what you’re speaking about. You know who you are.” This spring the first class will graduate and many will go to college thanks to Mary’s help. The students find Mary to be inspiring and motivating, they are extremely thankful to her.

Wow says Oprah. What does it mean to Mary to give back to these girls? It means everything to her, says Mary. “I’m living vicariously through them, I wish I was them. I wish that I was graduating.” And they wish that they were you, says Oprah. Yeah, but can you understand what I am saying, says Mary. Yeah. Thanks to Carol’s Daughter for their contribution, a company owned by herself, Jada Pinkett, Will Smith and JayZ who have contributed money and scholarships to send these women to college. The only way she feels to give back is to be beautiful, to be smart, but it all starts in here, but it starts here so you want to put lotion on your body real good, so go get some Carols’ Daughter Lotion or make up.

Oprah thinks it is shocking that Mary has all this growth and is truly amazing and is not yet 40. What is Mary’s dream for herself for her 40’s? “I strive to be educated, to grow older gracefully, be happy and comfortable with myself,” she says. “And to have helped more women with my walk—not with what I’m saying but what they’re seeing.” Oprah asks what has been her greatest learning tool? Letting go of the ignorance and pride that you cant teach me anything. That comes from being married but at the end of day its about surrendering for yourself, for you. Fantastic, says Oprah, Mary will be back to perform a song at the end of the hour.

She’s married to one of the funniest men on the planet, but Chris Rock’s wife Malaak Compton-Rock is completely serious about why she is here. Her hopes zest and zeal for her new book, If It Takes A Village, Build One, catches on and spreads across the country. Oprah asks why she is so passionate about giving back. Malaak comes from a family of volunteers, her mom in the audience was a 60’s activist and she read the books of Marian Wright Edelman, founder of the Children’s Defense Line, as a child. For her, service is the rent you pay for living. Oprah loves that. Malaak has met people and been to places that she never would have been to otherwise. Oprah wants people to know that this is not a celebrity wife thing, it is part of who Malaak is. She used to work for UNICEF where she realized that the folks in the field are doing God‘s work, and it was a huge inspiration. Malaak took 30 at risk kids to South Africa on a Journey For Change. CNN’s Soledad O’Brian covered that trip, take a look.

These kids come from the Salvation Army community center that her husband attended as a child. The kids went to volunteer for two weeks in South Africa. As kids who were on the receiving end of aid, Malaak hoped that this experience will give them confidence and let them know that they have something to give. The kids are welcomed by aid workers who take them to visit local homes with no running water, plumbing or electricity. The kids know American poverty but this makes them cry. They take supplies to the family and realize that their giving makes a difference. Malaak sees changes in each of the kids. All of the kids have so much potential, and she loves them all and will be there for all of them.

Malaak and Chris believe in leading by example, especially when it comes to their daughters. This is something any family can do in any afternoon. Their 5 and 7 year old are learning all the ways in which they can give. This day they are going to deliver food and donate toys to a local shelter. The kids pick out toys to donate from their playroom. They go to a bagel store and they get enough food for 150 people. They go to a food assistance center where families in need go for dinner and they run a shelter. They help plate the food and give it out. They clean up and talk to some of the people eating.

Oprah finds it so interesting that Malaak‘s mom was an activist, and now Malaak is and her children will see that and that is how you pass it on. Oprah asks if the man at the bagel place just gave them all that food. He did, he was throwing away 100s of bagels a day before he knew that he could donate them. Chris is a silent giver, she says. He has been giving back to the center since he made his first dollar. Oprah asks what he thinks of her work? He supports everything she does and he is a phenomenal father. She couldn’t go and hold other people’s babies in South Africa every few months if she didn’t know that he was at home holding her babies.

When you give back, it gives to you. If you give a gift, why not give something that gives back? In their family, they have the give a gift, get a gift policy. Before they can play with new toys, they have to pick out an equal number from their playroom to give away. They then donate their gifts, which is a great way to teach her about giving. Oprah says that we should do that with our shoes too. Some of Malaak’s favorite products which give back include Laga handbags. A family who were moved by the tsunami, who are originally from Indonesia, now have Indonesian women make the bags for an above fair wage. Red is a business, they make money to help eradicate Aids in Africa. Red products help fund the eradication of AIDS. This coffee is Starbucks, it costs the same as regular, but $1 from each purchase goes to help. A Starbucks swipe gift card gives 5c each time it is used. Everyone loves chocolate, yes we do says Oprah. Divine chocolate is made in Ghana where the farmers are getting a fair wage, and they also own 45% of the company. The white chocolate is to die for, says Malaak. The UNICEF greetings cards help women and children across the world. Thanks you, says Oprah.

Oprah has a little business to do, but Mary wants to mention that 30% of each Carol’s Daughter purchase goes to FFAWN. Malaak and Mary have agreed to sign the pledge. Malaak needs to improve, the pledge is a wake up call. Mary can not multitask so this is easy for her. They sign. Coming soon on April 30th is National No Phone Day. Mary is going to sing Each Tear, the title track from her new CD, Stronger With Each Tear. She sings, the crowd applaud. Oprah says wow and they hug. Goodbye everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

If you save women, you save the world.

You have to learn to forgive that which you can’t forget.

When you give back, it gives back to you.

Teach your children to give unto others.

Pass on activism to your children by being an activist.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

God told Mary J Blige she could get out of the projects by revealing sunshine on a cloudy day.

another one year projectThis year we follow the words of Oprah Winfrey