Every time a new episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show airs in 2010, we will blog along with it. If you have plenty of time, read the long version. If you are pressed for time, read the “What we learned today” summary. If you are really, really pressed for time, read the Twitter-sized summary.

Date: April 22nd, 2010
File Under: Celebrity, Public Service Announcement, Transformation
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Episode 53: Superstar Mary J Blige & Malaak Rock

We love ourselves some Mary J Bilge here in Harpo land because she never disappoints, says Oprah. Even hopping on a plane today in a last minute crunch. She’s our friend but today she shows us a side that we have never seen before. But first, let’s see her big, big, big career. She has been lighting up our stage for years. Over the past 2 decades she has dug deep into her personal pain to connect with fans on an emotional level. Her soul inspired music has won her nine Grammy awards. In true MBJ fashion, her new album, Stronger With Each Tear, shot to number one on the Billboard Charts.

Many people may not know that Mary J has a rocker chick side. She’s a huge Led Zeppelin fan. Singing their classic hit Stairway to Heaven, here is Mary J Bilge, says Oprah. She sings, wearing her shades.

Who knew you were a Led Zeppelin fan and a rocker chick? Asks Oprah. Mary J says that she heard the song when she was 5, her father was a hippy and she heard this music all the time. She heard it again a couple of months ago and her body just froze. It was a memory hit, says Oprah. The new album is called Stronger With Each Tear, what does that mean to you asks Oprah? “For so long I felt like a weakling because I cried,” Mary says. Because she was trying to be so strong for everyone, for the world. “But I feel like I’m cool with that vulnerability now. I’m stronger with each tear. I’m stronger after every mistake I make because I’m not going to make those mistakes anymore.” Arent we all, yeah says Oprah. The crowd applaud.

We all see Mary as a strong passionate woman who overcame a rough childhood, abuse and addiction, says Oprah. When she offered to take the Oprah Show to the projects in Yonkers, New York, where she grew up, Oprah knew that this was an opportunity for young girls everywhere to dream big.

With Oprah Show cameras in tow, Mary returned to her childhood home.  This is where I grew up, she says. It was her mom and sister when they first moved here. She would walk out of her building and this woman was being beaten and it looked like her head came off when he slapped her. She’ll never forget it. Women were out here getting beaten, screaming, you know, they were running out of their houses naked, and it affected her a lot as a child. Mary turns round to see her old neighbor, Nancy. They say hi and Mary tells her she should change, she is on the Oprah WInfrey Show. This is her building, and seeing all the abuse hurt her and affected her because she suffered abuse too. There was no way round it, it was as if they had it programmed into their psyches that this is the way that they were supposed to live as women. It was relentless.

They go upstairs to the third floor, waiting for the elevator. They had some fun, says Mary, but there was so much violence and abuse and drugs and the constant threat of rape or something. They used to get stuck in the elevator, don’t be stuck in here with a water bug. On the third floor they used to live near some of their friends, Rest In Peace Helen and Paul they are all gone. She knocks on her old door and a dog barks but no one answers. They would try and get away from people by going to the back of the building but they’d often run into abuse, where women would be getting a beating where the men thought no one could see them. It came full circle, she says. “I could have been dead because of this environment,” she says. “But because of this environment, I’m alive too.”

Oprah says that when you go home, wherever that may be, it is always smaller than you imagine it to be. Mary said that it did feel small but that she felt loved, this is it, this is where she goes home, this is where she was raised. Oprah says that before Mary became a superstar she vowed to get out of Yonkers and help the women whose screams kept her awake as a child. She did exactly that, take a look.

This is the Mary J. Blige Center for Women and she is so proud of this place. Last year she opened the learning center for struggling young women. They go into a GED class, then a computer room where women can search for jobs and create résumés. “My thing is if you save women, you save the world,” Mary says.

In 2009, Mary opened the doors to the Mary J. Blige Center for Women. The learning center serves struggling young women in Yonkers. It offers GED classes and has a computer lab. The center also provides childcare. “This is probably one of the most important places because when women are looking for jobs, a lot of time they don’t have babysitters,” she says. “That’s another thing that holds them back.” A 33 year old single mother of three was never able to go back to school, and that is why she is here. Mary says they’re just getting started. “From mothers to daughters to aunts, black, white, it doesn’t matter who you are: If you need help, the Mary J. Blige Center for Women is here,” she says. “It’s starting small, but we’re going to get bigger.”

Mary takes the cameras to Yonkers Pier because this is where things started. This is where she began to dream and have visions of what her life could be. She knew that she was going to get out of the projects.   “I remember one day being here. I was sitting there, and it was a cloudy day. I started praying. I was really depressed that day, and I was crying and I was, like, ‘Father, if there’s a way out, please show me,’” she says. “As I was asking him that, the sky was full of clouds and it opened up and the sun came down. And I knew at that moment I was going to get out.”

Wow, says Oprah, that’s a miracle moment. Mary says it was real, real true, and she said thanks to God, of course. My Life, No More Drama and now Stronger With Each Tear, Mary’s new album- her albums are like little diaries of her life says Oprah. Oprah loves that Mary says that looking back at her music is like therapy for her, and that she says you have to learn to forgive that which you can’t forget. Mary says that is what works for her, she sdoesnt know what works for others. She has lived through so much hatred for herself that it turned into hatred for other people. Oprah asks if she knew it was hatred for herself? No she didn’t but when she did she had to realise that she had to let go of these people and release them to God, otherwise she would suffer so she had to forgive the unforgettable, for real. It is no cakewalk but it really works. You have to surrender what it is that is keeping you captive forever and she can’t give or show love through her eyes or music if she doesn’t have it. She is no angel but she does the best she can honestly. She says to God that she is not perfect but help her with this. They laugh. Oprah knows what she is saying

Mary says never forgetting where she came from has led to the greatest joy in her life—the ability to give back. Her charity, Foundation for the Advancement of Women Now (FFAWN), allows Mary to help the women whose screams kept her up at night as a child. “It’s a dream come true,” she says. Mary is also mentoring high school students at the Women’s Academy of Excellence, the only public all-girls school in the Bronx. Mary is so excited by this, she wishes that she was one of these young women growing up. Mary dropped out of high school in the 11th grade, which she deeply regrets. Mary has adopted the school whose goal is to get the girls to college.Even getting the uniforms is a struggle for these low income families. Mary is in the classroom, she wants these girls to do something she never did—graduate with a high school diploma. “When I was growing up, it wasn’t cool to be educated, so I fell into that slump,” she says. “When you’re in a peer pressure situation where you’re forced to do what everyone else does to survive, then you end up like I did.”  “When you’re educated, you’re confident,” she says. “You know what you’re speaking about. You know who you are.” This spring the first class will graduate and many will go to college thanks to Mary’s help. The students find Mary to be inspiring and motivating, they are extremely thankful to her.

Wow says Oprah. What does it mean to Mary to give back to these girls? It means everything to her, says Mary. “I’m living vicariously through them, I wish I was them. I wish that I was graduating.” And they wish that they were you, says Oprah. Yeah, but can you understand what I am saying, says Mary. Yeah. Thanks to Carol’s Daughter for their contribution, a company owned by herself, Jada Pinkett, Will Smith and JayZ who have contributed money and scholarships to send these women to college. The only way she feels to give back is to be beautiful, to be smart, but it all starts in here, but it starts here so you want to put lotion on your body real good, so go get some Carols’ Daughter Lotion or make up.

Oprah thinks it is shocking that Mary has all this growth and is truly amazing and is not yet 40. What is Mary’s dream for herself for her 40’s? “I strive to be educated, to grow older gracefully, be happy and comfortable with myself,” she says. “And to have helped more women with my walk—not with what I’m saying but what they’re seeing.” Oprah asks what has been her greatest learning tool? Letting go of the ignorance and pride that you cant teach me anything. That comes from being married but at the end of day its about surrendering for yourself, for you. Fantastic, says Oprah, Mary will be back to perform a song at the end of the hour.

She’s married to one of the funniest men on the planet, but Chris Rock’s wife Malaak Compton-Rock is completely serious about why she is here. Her hopes zest and zeal for her new book, If It Takes A Village, Build One, catches on and spreads across the country. Oprah asks why she is so passionate about giving back. Malaak comes from a family of volunteers, her mom in the audience was a 60’s activist and she read the books of Marian Wright Edelman, founder of the Children’s Defense Line, as a child. For her, service is the rent you pay for living. Oprah loves that. Malaak has met people and been to places that she never would have been to otherwise. Oprah wants people to know that this is not a celebrity wife thing, it is part of who Malaak is. She used to work for UNICEF where she realized that the folks in the field are doing God‘s work, and it was a huge inspiration. Malaak took 30 at risk kids to South Africa on a Journey For Change. CNN’s Soledad O’Brian covered that trip, take a look.

These kids come from the Salvation Army community center that her husband attended as a child. The kids went to volunteer for two weeks in South Africa. As kids who were on the receiving end of aid, Malaak hoped that this experience will give them confidence and let them know that they have something to give.  The kids are welcomed by aid workers who take them to visit local homes with no running water, plumbing or electricity. The kids know American poverty but this makes them cry. They take supplies to the family and realize that their giving makes a difference. Malaak sees changes in each of the kids. All of the kids have so much potential, and she loves them all and will be there for all of them.

Malaak and Chris believe in leading by example, especially when it comes to their daughters. This is something any family can do in any afternoon. Their 5 and 7 year old are learning all the ways in which they can give. This day they are going to deliver food and donate toys to a local shelter. The kids pick out toys to donate from their playroom. They go to a bagel store and they get enough food for 150 people. They go to a food assistance center where families in need go for dinner and they run a  shelter. They help plate the food and give it out. They clean up and talk to some of the people eating.

Oprah finds it so interesting that Malaak‘s mom was an activist, and now Malaak is and her children will see that and that is how you pass it on. Oprah asks if the man at the bagel place just gave them all that food. He did, he was throwing away 100s of bagels a day before he knew that he could donate them. Chris is a silent giver, she says. He has been giving back to the center since he made his first dollar. Oprah asks what he thinks of her work? He supports everything she does and he is a phenomenal father. She couldn’t go and hold other people’s babies in South Africa every few months if she didn’t know that he was at home holding her babies.

When you give back, it gives to you. If you give a gift, why not give something that gives back? In their family, they have the give a gift, get a gift policy. Before they can play with new toys, they have to pick out an equal number from their playroom to give away. They then donate their gifts, which is a great way to teach her about giving. Oprah says that we should do that with our shoes too. Some of Malaak’s favorite products which give back include Laga handbags. A family who were moved by the tsunami, who are originally from Indonesia, now have Indonesian women make the bags for an above fair wage. Red is a business, they make money to help eradicate Aids in Africa. Red products help fund the eradication of AIDS. This coffee is Starbucks, it costs the same as regular, but $1 from each purchase goes to help. A Starbucks swipe gift card gives 5c each time it is used. Everyone loves chocolate, yes we do says Oprah. Divine chocolate is made in Ghana where the farmers are getting a fair wage, and they also own 45% of the company. The white chocolate is to die for, says Malaak. The UNICEF greetings cards help women and children across the world. Thanks you, says Oprah.

Oprah has a little business to do, but Mary wants to mention that 30% of each Carol’s Daughter purchase goes to FFAWN. Malaak and Mary have agreed to sign the pledge. Malaak needs to improve, the pledge is a wake up call. Mary can not multitask so this is easy for her. They sign. Coming soon on April 30th is National No Phone Day. Mary is going to sing Each Tear, the title track from her new CD, Stronger With Each Tear. She sings, the crowd applaud. Oprah says wow and they hug. Goodbye everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

If you save women, you save the world.

You have to learn to forgive that which you can’t forget.

When you give back, it gives back to you.

Teach your children to give unto others.

Pass on activism to your children by being an activist.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

God told Mary J Blige she could get out of the projects by revealing sunshine on a cloudy day.

Date: April 21st, 2010
File Under: Betrayal, Public Service Announcement, Tragedy
2 comments

Episode 52: The Most Dangerous Child Sex Offenders in America

Right here in America there is an island where hundreds of the nations most violent sex offenders are being held and treated. Cameras are almost never allowed inside this controversial facility, but our own Lisa Ling was granted rare access. Here is why you need to watch- what we learn from these predators could and perhaps will save your children. It is Part 3 in our in-depth series of child sexual abuse and already the response has been everything we hoped for and more. Young victims are coming forward and in some cases the abuse has actually been stopped. Here’s a look back at parts 1 and 2, says Oprah.

They air extracts from February’s episode where child sexual offenders confessed their crimes. A week later they explored the rarely discussed topic of mother’s who molest their own children. They air extracts from the show.

Both of those shows struck a nerve for so many viewers and we will hear from them a little later, says Oprah. But first, Lisa Ling’s report from a place in America that is home to the nation’s most violent sex offenders. Lisa says that they are one hour outside of Seattle, in a beautiful town known for it’s luxurious homes. That is not where they are going. They are about to board a ferry to a small island where 300 of Washington’s State most dangerous sexual predators are housed. At the port, Lisa is met by Kelly Cunningham, the superintendent of this special commitment center on McNeil Island. This is a mental health facility for Level 3 sexual predators, Lisa says. “The worst of the worst.” All the people on the island have completed their prison terms. Yes, this is a civil commitment, says Kelly. “It’s not voluntary, not by any means,” Kelly says. “Our primary purpose is public safety. We don’t want any more victims.”

After serving their prison sentences in Washington State Prison, violent sexual predators who were deemed too dangerous to return to society, were committed to McNeil Island indefinitely. As they pull up, Lisa says that it looks more like a prison than a treatment center.  Lisa tours the $60 million facility with Kelly. First, she visits the control center where guards monitor 200 security cameras. This is the heart of the institution. “There are only three other facilities in the country that have a similar system,” Kelly says. “They’re all super max prisons.” Despite the need for high-level security, most residents roam freely around the 5-acre campus. Walking through the yard they are approached by a man. Lisa asks Kelly is they can talk to the gentleman on camera. Lisa asks him if he should be here or should be kept away from the general population. He says no, not after treatment, he would not reoffend, he would not want to.

Inside is set up like a college dormitory with a gym, rec room and library. Computers and TV’s are permitted in the rooms but the internet is strictly off limits and only approved TV shows are allowed. Phone calls can be made freely but no inappropriate phone calls are allowed. Lisa asks what kinds of magazines are permitted. “Something as seemingly benign as a catalog isn’t allowed,” Kelly says. “We’ve had residents take those catalogs and tear out the pictures of the little kids in their underwear and use them for deviant fantasies.” Lisa learns that about 60 percent of McNeil Island’s residents are pedophiles.

Wow, says Oprah, Lisa joins us by Skype from North Hollywood, California. Oprah asks what it was like for her- as “all of us in this business” have been in uncomfortable situations- but what did it feel like to be with so many people who molest children?

“This assignment was certainly one of the most disturbing assignments of my career, especially to be amongst so many people with literally thousands of offenses toward children,” she says. “But I really tried to approach this with an open mind.” We are increasingly hearing more warped stories about child molestation in this country, but Lisa wanted to understand the behavior more.  “I believe that the only way to be able to treat this issue is if we understand the behavior.”

So these people have served their prison time, who decides that they spend more time here? Asks Oprah. All of the residents, as they are called, have been before a judge and review board who will determine if the person is fit to be out in society or have to go to the civil commitment facility, explains Lisa. They can stay there indefinitely – they have the option of going in to treatment, and only if they go through the process and get reevaluated, do they have any chance of leaving, otherwise if they refuse treatment they stay indefinitely. Oprah asks how effective the treatment is? Well, no one knows definitively. Since its inception in 1990, 4 residents have been able to leave unconditionally and 16 others have been able to leave with supervision. But we are talking about a small number of the hundreds of residents. Oprah asks if they are a population who cannot control their sexual desires, what is going on there in the facility? Lisa says that they are stringently monitored, there are cameras everywhere and it is set up like a prison. Sex with other residents is strictly forbidden. Oprah asks if Lisa believed the man who said that he didn’t need treatment. Lisa says that initially most people say that they need to be there before treatment, but that if that man who is having treatment says that he is able to control his behavior then he may not reoffend. This is a controversial program, Lisa says, in a sense these people are being sent to this island to prevent them from committing crimes that they haven’t yet committed. There’s a lot of debate about this, says Lisa. Oprah says that she knows a lot of families who have lost their children, their babies, to predators, who wish that there had been programs like this to stop the death of their children.

Lisa says it costs taxpayers $165,000 per resident each year to keep them on the island. Dr. Carey Sturgeon, the clinical director for McNeil Island’s special treatment program says “There are some who say that taxpayer dollars shouldn’t fund treatment,” she says. “That people who commit crimes against children or sexual crimes should just remain in prison or remain locked up without services.”"I guess I want to live in a world where we believe in grace and that people can change,” she says. “Knowing that treatment can work for sex offenders is one way of living that.”

For the first time ever, Dr. Sturgeon allows cameras to film her therapy session with a group of convicted sex offenders. Not all of the residents want their faces shown. Lisa is introduced to the group. Since therapy is voluntary, Lisa says less than half of the residents participate. The ones who do are required to go to group sessions three times a week. While sitting in on the session, Lisa meets Brent, a man who has multiple convictions against both boys and girls. He talks about his victims and his deviant thoughts- he was attracted to the way the children looked. After an hour in the therapy session, Lisa says “When Brent first started talking, it was very uncomfortable for me,” she says. “It felt very, very awkward sitting there listening to the things that he had done.” She says that she looked around the room and it became clear to her that everyone else in the room had engaged in similar behaviors- she tried to just listen. It was certainly challenging, is seemed as an addiction and whether it can be cured, or not, all she tried to do was listen.

After therapy, Brent agreed to talk more with Lisa in his room. She asks why he asked to be here- one reason is that he saw one of his victims in the courtroom and didn’t want to put anyone through that process again. Lisa asks him how many victims? Over the years, he says he’s molested more than 40 children. Lisa asks what his life was like on the outside; he was married for 9 1/2 years he says and has 3 children. He says that he molested other children throughout his marriage but was never sexually attracted to his own. Lisa asks what would be going through his mind when he was around children he was attracted to. He says he would experience sexual preoccupation. “putting them in a role, elevating them to like a partner instead of seeing them as a child,” he says. When he was 10-11, he was a victim of sexual abuse from the man down the street. Lisa says that she was struck in group that he said he would go to church to look for victims. Brent says that it was to spend time with them, not find them.  “Some of my victims attended the same church that I did,” he says. “So that was a place for me to go and spend time with them.” It was part of his front, that he believed in God, that he was going to church, that everything was ok. Lisa asks if there was always penetration.  With almost every victim—up to 98 percent—Brent says the assaults involved sexual penetration. There was occasional touches through clothes but almost always there would be penetration, whether that would be anally or orally. “If you are able to get off this island, do you think you’ll ever be able to be around children?” Lisa asks.

“Realistically? Probably not. Not in the sense of having interpersonal relationships,” he says. “I never offended against my children. They’re adults now. But to be around say, my grandkids? No. My nephews? Nieces? No. No. That’s not an option, and that’s a tough one to take.”

Back in the studio, Oprah says to Lisa that Brent is one of the more enlightened ones as he knows that he cant be around children. Lisa says that she was told that during treatment the residents often come to realize that they may get off the island but they will still have fantasies about children, they know that they would engage in wrong behavior. Oprah asks if Lisa got a sense that Brent had a sense of remorse? Lisa says that she got the feeling that after a lot of treatment, he had a sense of what he had done wrong. He is someone who said that he would have reoffended when he got out of prison, and that is why he asked to be sent to the island.

Oprah says that we are watching this so that If you have ever been molested, or if you have children, to understand and get into the minds of predators. Out of the nearly 300 residents on McNeil Island, only one is a woman. Until now, Laura has never spoken to a reporter about her crimes against children.

Lisa is in the housing unit for the one female resident, to see if she is willing to talk. She is a little intimidated by this but agrees to talk if there is Lisa and one camera man only. Lisa thanks Laura. Lisa asks her why she’s here. In 1989, Laura was sent to prison for the first-degree rape of a child. Lisa asks if Laura should be here-absolutely says Laura. Lisa asks if she is a danger to society and Laura says that is a tough one, she’ll just say that she has more things to work on. Lisa asks how many offenses she has committed? Laura says she took responsibility for 15 offenses, but she says she’s guilty of many more. “I would say, as I said in all of my testings and stuff, that I’ve done, I would say, 100 or more,” she says. Before she was arrested, Laura was a caretaker for babies and toddlers. She admits she sexually abused her young victims while babysitting them. Lisa asks what would go through her mind when Laura was offending “It’s not like every time I see a kid, I get aroused and know I want to hurt them,” she says. “It’s being in the line of their care, like having to bathe them or change them or take care of them physically … I did bad things, really bad things.” Once, Laura says she almost killed one of her victims by suffocating her with a pillow. “I had a friend there, so that got interrupted, which I was very glad for after the fact,” she says. Lisa asks if anything would have stopped her- Laura says she doesn’t think anything would have stopped her.”I didn’t need to groom my victims because they were so young,” she says. “But I did have to groom their parents.” Laura says she groomed low-income, drug-addicted moms by offering them drugs and alcohol.

Lisa asks her what things parents should be aware of. “Don’t just let any Joe Blow babysit your kids. If your kids are uncomfortable around that person or they don’t want to leave with that person, don’t make them go,” she says. Lisa asks if there were signs, if people were paying attention? Yes, that’s the thing says Laura. “I think that there are actually more women out there just like me. I just think they haven’t been caught.” “Back when I was offending, if I saw a parent who seemed negligent or they didn’t want to be bothered with their kid or they didn’t want to go to the park or they didn’t want to play with them or they were messy and dirty or they needed a bath, those were the kind of people that I targeted,” she says. Any child is vulnerable, says Laura, but especially those who don’t get what they need, says Laura. Lisa asks if she has had any interactions with her victims? No, she is not allowed to talk to them, she prays for them, she hopes they are happy and that their lives are not ruined by what she did. Lisa asks if she feels remorse, Laura believes that she does. She has 4 children, 4 girls, they don’t live with her and they never have. She offended against her youngest- it was more physical abuse than sexual abuse, but it was still abuse, their is no difference, she says. Lisa asks if she was molested as a child? Yes, she was, she was 7. Lisa asks if it was violent- Laura says that all molestation is violent, or rape. She has a hard time with the word molestation, because it’s like you didn’t molest, you raped. She sometimes thinks that molestation is an attempt to clean it up. So, Lisa says, you raped. Yes, says Laura.

Back in the studio, Oprah says she agrees with Laura- the word molestation gives everyone a break. Lisa was shocked by Laura’s candor and to reiterate what she said, she sought out environments where she could be in the care of children. This is why these programs they are doing are so important, to inform parents that they need to be ultra diligent: people may not have a criminal background, but they may have multiple offenses against children, like Laura did. Oprah says that she found interesting that Laura said the same as the offenders that she interviewed; they are looking for kids who are neglected and needy, whose parents have not paid attention to them. The abusers are preying on vulnerable children, often of single mothers. Lisa says that they are professional exploiters. Oprah says that the stories we hear on the news of children being chopped up and left in a ditch are the extreme stories, what we are talking about here are the rapes and sexual abuse by people that the families know, by those who gain the trust of the family. Lisa agrees that this is the most important issue- the fact that Brent went to church with his victims to build up confidence and trust within the family. Oprah says that we are looking fro the bogeyman but he may live down the street or be in the house. He may be a relative says Lisa. It often is, says Oprah.

After Oprah aired her no-holds-barred conversation with four admitted child molesters in February 2010, letters, emails and phone calls started pouring in. “We were overwhelmed by the response to that interview. So many victims and parents—and even molesters—came forward. That is exactly the reason why I wanted to do these shows,” Oprah says. “To get people to step out of the shame, to come forward, to tell somebody.” They wanted to create a platform for people to continue to share their stories. For the rest of the program, they will show just what happened when they kept that conversation going in their studio.

After her no holds barred conversation with four molesters, this is what one woman wrote: I’ve been living with the secret for 50 years and having you look into the camera and saying that it was not your fault, you were the victim, I feel  like 50 pounds have been lifted from my shoulders.”

Some people have disagreed with the point that Oprah made when she said if an abuser does his or her job well, the abuse feels good. This can add to a victim’s feelings of shame and confusion. A survivor of sexual abuse, Diane, wanted to share a differing viewpoint, based on her own violent childhood. On the phone she says that “I just wanted to make people aware that it’s not always that you’re going to feel good or get pleasure from it. A lot of times, it’s fear and intimidation. It’s abuse. It’s the fear of being beat again. It’s the abuser using abuse to get you to do what they want.” Oprah asks her how old she was when it started.  She was raped at 9 years old “There was violence throughout my childhood,” she says. “He abused us enough that, when he said he was going to do something, we believed it.” Oprah says she understands where survivors like Diane are coming from. “There are many situations where that happens,” she says. “And as I’ve said before on this show, I’m speaking broadly and in, of course, general terms.” Diane says that she does not disagree with Oprah at all, but she wanted to tell others that sometimes it is violent. Oprah asks when the abuse stopped. The abuse stopped just before Diane’s 13th birthday. Diane says she and her sister, who was abused by the same man, were intimidated into keeping their terrible secret. she says. Oprah asks if others in the household knew that it was going on? No, absolutely not- there was so much physical abuse going on that no one saw beyond that. Oprah asks why they didn’t tell? “When he said he would kill us, we believed him.” He stabbed her mom, he did so many different things that they believed what he said. I get that, says Oprah.

Since Oprah launched her series, two convicted child molesters have also come forward. Ken, one of the molesters, calls in to share a message with vulnerable children and parents. “Once a child molester, always a child molester,” he says.

First off Ken says that he was molested for 1 – 1/2 years by a man who was living with them at the time. When Ken was 10 or 11 years old, he says he was groomed and subsequently molested by a man well known to his family. Now, at 48 years old, he admits that he followed the same violent pattern. “I molested my relative, a 10-year-old girl,” Ken says. Ken says this was the only time he molested a child…but he tried unsuccessfully twice before. “I tried with two other relatives, but they didn’t let me,” he says. “I didn’t force.” “What did they do that stopped you?” Oprah asks. “One, when I started reaching my hand, she would block it, and I never actually got to touch her,” he says. “In the back of my mind, I think that child, either somebody else had done something with her or somebody taught her well. The other relative, I tried a quick, accidentally-on-purpose touch, and I got a very negative response from that person.”

The reason that Oprah is doing this series of shows is to educate parents and children on their own power. Oprah says to her girls at the school all the time- when you are 4 and 5 it’s hard to stand up for yourself and have a voice but when you get old enought to use your voie or block, you can. Oprah says this is an important takeaway for children and parents. “No molester wants trouble. No molester wants to be identified,” she says. “Train your children that, regardless of who it is, you’re not supposed to be touched in a certain way, in a certain place or you’re not supposed to allow that to happen to them. If they say no immediately, the molester is going to look to find somebody who will.”They are looking for a more vulnerable child, they will move away from the big mouth. Nobody wants to mess around with somebody who will expose them.

Oprah continued raising awareness about childhood sexual abuse in part 2 of the series by by touching on a subject that’s rarely discussed—mothers who abuse. Gregg Milligan, a man who says he was brutally raped by his mother when he was a boy, shared details of his horrific childhood. His story inspired even more victims to come forward. Tom, a 39-year-old who says he’s a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, joins Oprah on Skype to thank her for bringing Gregg’s story to light.  Unlike Gregg, Tom never got married or had children because he says he’s afraid to bring children into this world. For many years, Tom also felt lost. Tom says that the story does not compare to Gregg’s, that story brought him to tears, he feels a lot for Gregg.

“A lot of us, I guess, it happened when we were younger, 8 or 9 years old. … You really don’t have much in your life at that age but your family, and for some people, a relationship with God,” he says. “When something like that does happen, and it’s a family member, you pretty much shatter that duality of the comfort of your family and your spirituality.” Tom was lost for a long time, set himself up and sabotaged himself on a number of occasions. He thanks Oprah for talking about this; 30 years ago this was taboo and would never have happened. Oprah says that as a reporter in Baltimore she had never shared her story. She was in her 20s and a woman came on the show and told her story- she was abused by her uncle and a friend of the family. Oprah was too ashamed and even though she wanted to say that it happened to her too, she couldn’t. “I know what it’s like, and I also know how freeing it is to recognize you are not the only one,” she says. At 22, she thought she was the only one that this had happened to. Gregg says that at first you believe that it is normal and happens in every family, then there is the dramatic shift where you think that you are the only person in the world that this is happening too. So you must be a freak, adds Oprah. Oprah thanks Tom.

We know Dr. Laura Berman as a sex therapist and as the author of books like The Book of Love. However, Dr. Berman has also worked extensively with child molesters and victims of sexual abuse, and she sees the aftermath. As Oprah keeps saying, its not just the act itself, it’s what happens after the act.  Dr. Berman says that even after the abuse ends, a survivor may struggle for decades. According to Dr. Berman, long-term effects of childhood sexual abuse may include:

Poor body image because the body was the instrument used during the sexual abuse. There are often bad attitudes towards the body, seeing it as bad and dirty and that deeply affects the survivor. The common feelings are shame, guilt, isolation, depression and low self-esteem. Sexual confusion or promiscuity can be a result of not dealing with the emotions and feelings surrounding the abuse. Confusing rape or sexual abuse fantasies may be a way of taking their power back. Many victims suffer with eating disorders, obesity and anorexia- the anorexia is a way to find control in a world that feels out of control. Obesity is often used to keep sexual attraction at bay and to stop the emotions.

If these feelings are not dealt with, it can often lead to other destructive behaviors such as

  • Drug abuse and alcoholism
  • Poor decision-making in relationships
  • Difficulty with intimacy
  • Suicidal behavior

Oprah thanks Dr Laura Berman and stresses the importance of listening to our children. She says that the caller gave great advice today- if you teach your children well, if an offender comes to them and they say no, that person will move on. If you are a child, tell someone today. Tell a teacher, and if they don’t believe you, tell a friend or a parent. And if you are a parent and you have that “Hmm, something is off there” feeling, that is an instinct, that is what it feels like. This is what has to happen. Parents all across America have to risk blowing up their families and stirring up all kinds of trouble  if you want to stop the molesting of your children. Thanks and bye.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

The treatment facility on McNeil Island houses 300 Level 3 sexual predators who are deemed to be unable to return to society without re-offending.

The facility is controversial as the”residents” are there to prevent them from committing crimes that they haven’t yet committed.

Interviews with the predators reveal that parents and childrena nd society need to be ultra-vigilant in our battle to stamp out child sexual abuse.

Predators prey on the needy and vulnerable. Teach your children to speak loudly for themselves.

The offense is only one part of the equation, the aftermath can have devastating consequences for the victim, including eating disorders, poor body image, drug abuse, alcoholism and suicide.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

A child sexual predator may be in your house. Be ultra vigilant. Teach your kids that they have their own power.

Date: April 13th, 2010
File Under: Celebrity, Entertainment
3 comments

Episode 51: Oprah Fridays: Superstar Kenny Chesney

It’s Friday. He’s one of country’s biggest superstars, a self-described hillbilly rockstar; one of his biggest hits is called  She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy. Fans just love this good old boy from Tennessee, take a look. Kenny Chesney started playing music seriously in college when he got a guitar for Christmas and practiced hard hoping that one day he’d hear one of his songs on the radio. We all know how that turned out- he is now country music’s biggest star with 8 Entertainer of the Year Awards and 30 million albums sold. He has sold more concert tickets than any other person on the planet. He hopes to get even closer to his legions of loyal fans by singing his heart out and sharing his thoughts in his new movie, “Kenny Chesney Summer in 3D.” For all you Chesney nuts, this one is for you, coming to theaters on April 21st.

Yay! Shouts Oprah, Kenny comes into the studio and the crowd scream. He shakes some hands on his way in and hugs with Oprah. The crowd keep screaming. We ought to make this a ritual, says Oprah, you were here last year for your birthday and now you’re here again. It’s been almost a year, says Kenny. How’s the year been, asks Oprah? It’s been great says Kenny, there’s been a whole tour and he got off the road in September and thought he’d take a year off, but not only is he in the film but he made it. And you have to be present for that, says Oprah. Yes. Kenny says that he and his fans have a unique relationship, its a very unique love affair. The crowd whoop. Oprah says that it is an interesting thing; she feels the same way, that she has a relationship with her fans. Kenny says that there are a large number of people who grew up with him and were there when there was nothing. He watched the montage the Oprah Show did and says that you separate it from your perspective and to see what that looks like is interesting. Oprah asks what it does look like to have thousands of fans screaming his name and some are throwing their panties- no one has ever thrown their panties at Oprah. When people are doing the wave and throwing their panties, how does it feel? That’s alot of fun right there, says Kenny. So many nights he wants the audience to see what he sees and feel what he feels, it is so amazing. One of the things putting the movie together was how much fun and how passionate the fans are and how much they care- it showed him how deep it really goes. Oprah asks about his pre-show ritual. He always goes to the top of the stadium or the arena; the people in the back row are as important as those in the front. It’s important to see how far he has to go to touch the people in the back, to make them feel that they are in the front row. He talks to the audience in the back row in the studio and Oprah says that they have some good seats back there. She says that she is putting on an accent talking to Kenny and he says that he doesn’t think that he has an accent. I think you do, says Oprah. Kenny is from Tennessee.

In this scene from the final stop of the summer tour, the fans get to see what they mean to KC- when he can’t find his voice, they sing it for all of us, he narrates. Songs and dreams and people do matter. That’s such a beautiful moment says Oprah. Kenny says that everything he ever felt in his life he felt right then. The song lyrics contained every emotion and he couldn’t sing. He and everyone knew that this was going to be it for a while, he wasn’t going to tour as much, and he was so exhausted he didn’t know if he could continue, but he feels different now.

Oprah asks is he has time for relationships when music is his life- is that why his relationship with Renee Zellweger failed? Yes, that and he panicked. Kenny looks at his life as a box, at least musically. Everything that he put in the box- guitar playing, friends, career, songs, success, awards all went in the box and it grew to a beautiful house. You protect that house. This is the first time he has talked about this, he protected the box. Oprah asks if the marriage is inside or outside of the box? Kenny laughs and says that Renee is a sweet soul. Oprah says that she never married, she was relieved that she was asked, but felt that the idea of doing it made her panic too. Kenny always had the idea that marriage would make him lose his identity. Oprah identifies with that. Kenny hasn’t found anyone bigger than that yet, he hopes it happens. Oprah ask if he has the time to give to a relationship. Right now, he is busy running a radio station, doing his lives and other peoples lives depend on him- people are building houses and having babies based on him not getting tired. Oprah asks if he is in a relationship right now, then calls him on it when he glosses over the question. Yes he is.

They show a clip from the movie celebrating his grandmother’s first ever flight- on her grandson’s airplane. Oprah asks if he has any dreams left, if he has new dreams. He’d like to get better, have a kid. Oprah says it’s interesting that he said he’d like a kid, as he can have one any time. Would he like to settle down? Does that cause him anxiety? He doesn’t think it causes him anxiety- five years ago it would have, but now music willl always be part of his life and he can see himself settling down. Oprah asks what makes him happy when he is not on stage. He loves water, he loves to be on his boat. He likes to get up, put on Bob Marley and watch the sun move in the sky. Oprah asks when someone last ticked him off. He says that he went on TV once and someone asked him about Rene Zellweger. He laughs and laughs, the crowd clap. He couldn’t resist, he says. He doesn’t get mad easily but people know if he is upset. He does the stare, he doesn’t blast them. Oprah doesn’t blast them either, she becomes an iceberg.

Dr Brian Stern an oral surgeon from Columbus Ohio introduces Crystal Johnson, his office manager who is Kenny Chesney’s biggest fan. She decorates the office for his birthday, she has a full size cut out of Kenny. She has a tiki bar in his basement. Crystal thinks they are having a presentation about their website filmed, but Kenny comes on the computer and tells her he appreciates his birthday party and will send along some key lime pie. He tells her to take the day off and come meet him in Chicago at the Oprah Show the next day.  Crystal screams and cries, she says “I love that man”. In the studio she gives Kenny a birthday hug and kiss and tells him that she loves him. He says he loves her too. She celebrates Kenny’s birthday every year. This is a really good year, says Oprah. He has his guitar with him and is taking requests. He sits next to Oprah singing. The crowd applaud. He takes another request from a woman who says it brings back wonderful memories of a trip she took with her mother 4 years ago. The crowd applaud. To hear all of Kenny’s hits and experience the thrill of his life up close and personal, go see his film in the theater- it’s up for two weeks starting April 21st. Thanks Kenny.

Ok says Oprah, whats on your list of things to do before you die? One thing for Kenny was to take his grandmother on her first plane ride, Oprah has always wanted to go to the Pyramids and to officially be a teacher. What’s on your list? Watch this and be inspired. 4 years ago four disillusioned friends from Vancouver, Canada asked themselves what do they want to do before they die. With cameras rolling, they made a list of 100 things, got a purple bus and got to work. In Dallas, Ben gave a toast at a stranger’s wedding. In LA they entered a dance competition. Duncan told a joke on late night TV and they all wanted to experience the miracle of birth so they made it happen. They helped delivered a baby in Memphis. Everywhere they go they ask strangers what they want to do before they die. Queen wanted to visit her mom’s graveside. In the wake of Hurricane Katrina her mom died from a water-borne disease. She was in the Superdome and was bussed to Denver. Queen was in a hotel with the rest of her family. Touched by Queen’s story, the friends worked in a restaurant to earn the money to fly Queen to her mom’s final resting place, the cemetery in Denver. They find the headstone amongst the thousands, Queen just wants her mom with her.

Please welcome the guys from MTV’s The Buried Life, Duncan, Dave, Johnny and Ben. The crowd applaud. That’s a powerful moment says Oprah. Yes they say; they just met Queen on the street in Memphis, They found the woman whose baby they helped deliver on Craigslist. They worded their ad carefully saying that they would support her. Her boyfriend was afraid of blood- they looked like they were too, says Oprah. They said it was terrifying, Oprah says isn’t it amazing too? Yes, the most amazing experience of their lives, one of them says. Oprah asks how they came up with this- is there one master list? They started this 4 years ago from their garage. Doing this started out 3 years ago, before the TV show, but #53 on their list was to make a TV show, so they decided to just do it. The crowd applaud. Oprah is curious how many people have “come to the Oprah Show” on their list. Many of the crowd put up their hands and cheer. Oprah says it’s a bucket list- check, done that. What does The Buried Life mean, she asks? It sounds dark, they say but it is not. One of them read the poem by Mathew Arnold in English Class and it just struck them. You have your life where your things to do can kill you, so they decided to celebrate life rather than be buried by it.

The boys from The Buried Life took to the streets of Chicago two days ago. It’s windy, they ask strangers what they want to do before they die. Eventually they meet Tamika a mom of two working in Ben and Jerry’s on Navy Pier. Her dream is to get over her debilitating fear of heights- she has never been above the 16th floor of any building. She gets bubbles in her stomach when she goes above the 10th floor. If she could conquer her fear of heights she would go everywhere and go in all the buildings. They offer to help Tamika to make this a day she’ll never forget. She is undecided but agrees to do it for her kids. They take her to the 3rd tallest building in the world, the Willis Tower, formerly known as the Sears Tower. That’s kind of high she says, they have big hugs. She thinks it is too high. They say they understand that this is a big thing so they will take it slow, they take her to the 103rd floor. At first she didn’t want to get out of the elevator. Their goal is to get her to walk on the glass skydeck, overlooking the city. An hour later she still isn’t sure, the crowd rally behind her and she does it. She says that it feels amazing, she’s on the glass.

You did it shouts Oprah. She asks Tamika to stand up and asks her how it felt. It felt wonderful, but Tamika is not sure she would have stood on the glass if the crowd had not been there cheering her on. Oprah asks Dave about checking off #95. They were trying to check off playing basketball with Barack Obama. Wow, says Oprah. They went to DC and tried everything that they could but by the end of the episode the President’s Assistant, Reggie Love, told them that they couldn’t do it. A week ago they went back to DC because Reggie said that they could come see the basketball courts. They went and were shooting around and all of a sudden, Reggie goes, I think we have company and Barack Obama walks over and says that he heard that they were in town and wanted to shoot some baskets. The President said that he was pretty busy, had this little healthcare thing going on, but he could shoot some baskets. He’s really good too, they say. They played with him for ten minutes, then he had to head back to the office. That is so cool, so cool, says Oprah.

Oprah says that the technically savvy guys of the MTV Generation could be ambassadors for their generation by signing the No Phone Zone Pledge. They agree and say that they can hand them out when they hit the road in summer. They are signing all three pledges and says they know how important it is and they are happy to do it. Oprah thanks them, says that what they are doing is so inspiring and she is delighted that they have been picked up for a second season. Goodbye everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

There is a country singer called Kenny Chesney who is apparently extremely popular.

Kenny says that he and his fans have a unique relationship, its a very unique love affair.

No one has ever thrown their panties at Oprah.

If one of the items on your Things To Do Before I Die list  is to play basketball with Barack Obama, your chances of success are raised if you are filming a hit MTV show. Also, he is good at it.

Likewise if four of you and a TV crew want to be present at the birth of  a stranger’s baby, write a carefully worded Craigslist ad offering “support”. The MTV hit show bit probably helps.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Kenny Chesney and his fans have a unique love affair. He even loves those who celebrate his birthday and have a life size cut out of him in their tiki bar basement.

Date: April 9th, 2010
File Under: Marriage, Relationships

Episode 50: In The Bedroom: Sex Therapy With Dr Laura Bergman

Way back in 1993 one of the earlier topics of the Oprah Show was called My Love Life is Deader Than a Doornail. Based on the emails she has been receiving, Oprah thinks it is time to revisit that topic. The Oprah Show is sending their resident sex expert, Dr. Laura Berman into the trenches to see where it all goes down—or doesn’t—inside bedrooms across America. Before they get into it, now is a good time to send young children out of the room so they won’t be asking “Mommy, what is a vagina?”, says Oprah.

Shayna and her husband, Dan, have been married for eight years. Oprah says that when the team first saw them they thought there is no way that this cute young couple are not having lots of good sex. But Shayna says that it is so bad that she doesn’t even want to kiss her husband. So they sent Dr Berman in, take a look.

Shayna 32 has been married to Dan for 8 years. Dr Berman arrives at their house. They have 3 kids between them already, they are a mixed family.  “There was a lot of chemistry when we first got together,” Shayna says. “We couldn’t get our hands off each other.” Since getting married, though, Dan says the sex has dwindled. “In the beginning, we’d probably have sex a couple, or a few times a week,” he says. “Then that week turned into two weeks turned into probably two, three times a month.” Shayne is sad that her relationship has come to this. One of the biggest obstacles in Shayne and Dan’s sex life is that Shayna doesn’t like kissing, on the mouth or anywhere else. “It makes me feel repulsed,” she says. “It makes me feel disgusted, and it makes my skin crawl.”

Perhaps not surprisingly, Dan has started to take this personally. “It makes me wonder sometimes if it is me—if she’s just not into me, or if she’s not into me or turned on by me anymore or if I’m lacking somewhere,” Dan says.  Dr Berman asks what would happen if she asked them to go kiss somewhere. Shayna wouldn’t want to. She wants to want to but doesn’t understand why she doesn’t want to. “Foreplay consists of Shayna having her vibrator and me sitting there pretty much waiting till she’s ready to have sex, “ says Dan. Dr Berman asks about manual foreplay or massage. That’s ok, she says, she likes massage. Dan says that his wife will barter for massage. “If I give her a massage, she’ll have sex,” Dan says. Dr Berman asks what else they barter for sex. “Just everyday things that I don’t like to do” says Shayna, like making their three children’s sandwiches or filling the gas tank. “It’s like, if I have to do a chore, then you have to do a chore.”

Back in the studio, Oprah says to Dan that hearing his wife say that she is repulsed by kissing, what does that feel like? Dan says it is the first time he heard that but it doesn’t make him feel good, he doesn’t know if it’s his looks… Oprah says “you’re cute”. “Thank you Oprah,” says Dan, ”you’re beautiful. We’ll talk,” says Dan. They laugh, Oprah says OK, later. Shayna hasn’t always hated kissing, she says. “I remember that person that I used to be, that couple we used to be, and I really didn’t understand what had happened over the years,” she says. Oprah says that is unusual- because she likes kissing, and most women do. But often women don’t want to kiss because it leads to foreplay. Dr Berman says that kissing is a big part of most women’s libido. Oprah says that the first thing that Dr Berman does with couples is to take a sexual history, just like a doctor would take your medical history. It took some digging to find what was at the core of Shqyna’s problems in the bedroom. There is always something.

“I grew up with just my mom and my sister, so there was no man in the house at all,” Shayna says. “I was 14 at the time I remember her meeting her husband now, and it was very difficult because I just remember them going on dates or her even just laughing with someone else, and I felt betrayed. … I felt like it was disgusting. I didn’t want to think about it. I was angry.”

Dr Berman asks if she can integrate being a mom and a sexual being, can she be both? Shayna says she doesn’t know how to integrate both being a mother and a sexual being. She wants to be able to do both. Dr Berman asks how her need to be seen as the perfect mom by those around her plays out in her sex life? Shayna is not able to let go and allow herself to be a sexual person. “I feel like I would destroy their worlds. Like they would think that’s disgusting or gross,” she says. “I don’t want to be responsible for them ever feeling mad.”

Dr. Berman says that Shayna is giving her kids everything that she didn’t have, and the reason that she was traumatized by her mom’s sudden sexuality was because you lost her. She asks if her kids will lose her? Never, says Shayna. “I’m not saying that any child should see their parents having sex or know the details of their sex life, but the best family structures, the best relationships that children experience, is the balance,” Dr. Berman says.

To allow your children seeing you being intimate, not having sex but kissing and touching and loving is the way that they grow up and apply that back to themselves says Oprah. “You’re their model of what a loving, intimate relationship is. So, you don’t want them knowing the details of your sex life, but to have a sense of the sensual and sexual chemistry between their parents is important.” Says Dr. Berman. What makes Shayna feel safe is her false sense of control of everything around her, including Dan, says Dr. Berman. Oprah says that a lot of women use having sex, or not, as a form of control.

After four hours of therapy, to start the work of getting intimate again, Dr. Berman gave Dan and Shayna two shared homework assignments. Assignment #1 was to spend 15 minutes kissing, with no sex. Assignment #2 was to spend time talking. Not about the kids or the roof or chores… Shayna thinks they’ll have nothing to talk about. They went out to dinner and talked about what they appreciate about each other and their fantasy vacation. They had a great time. Shayna has a foreboding feeling about the kissing homework. She tries to center herself to get out of the routine. Two minutes later they give up. “It was a big failure,” Shayna says. She doesn’t know if she should fake it because it still makes her feel gross and she doesn’t know how to get over that. Dan is frustrated because Shayna gave up so quickly.

Back in the studio, Oprah asks who initiated the kiss. Dan said that they went to the bedroom. Shayna says that “I was supposed to initiate the kiss when I was ready. He was holding me and right away I started to feel pressure because I felt out of control. I had this flood of emotion. I started to think about all of the things riding on this moment.” Oprah notes the control issue. “The way I soothe myself is I try to find things that I can control, so the only thing I can control is being a good mom, because that’s the story in my mind of who I am. That’s where I feel safe. … I thought about my kids, and then I felt disgusted and I couldn’t even lift my face up to his.” Dr. Berman says that they figured out that Shayna likes kissing but is afraid of being turned on by her husband. In her mind she feels that if she is turned on then her children will lose her, because that is what happens with her mom.

Shayna and Dan’s second homework assignment was to take a field trip with Dr. Berman. The strategy was that Dan will help Shayna confront her deepest fears. It will help with control issues and let her put more trust in Dan. She is asking them to climb the rock wall. “When I walked in and saw the rock wall and realized I was going to be climbing it, I thought I was going to faint,” Shayna says. Shayna said to Dan that she can’t do this either, she is ruining everything. Shayna tells Dr. Berman that she is really afraid of heights, she can’t even look at the climbing wall. Dr. Berman says this is a symbol of their relationship. Shayna is getting mad and scared and blocking out her husband and everything around her. She is going to let Dan literally support her. Dr. Berman says that it is ok to cry. Shayna is literally supported by her husband- Dan holds the harness so she can’t fall. Shayna and Dr. Berman climb the wall together. After a few steps, Shayna says that it is not as hard as she thought it would be. Dr. Berman tells her to let go, she cries, she holds Dr. Berman’s hand. She is afraid to come down. Dan gently lowers her down, and she hugs Dan at the ground. Dr. Berman says that the transfer of control to Dan is really important and healthy for their relationship and that this will translate into their sex life. Dan and Shayna kiss.

Shayna says that she feels really good right now, really free and that words can’t express how she feels. She did something that she didn’t think she could do. Before she was so afraid she couldn’t look at it, but now she sees after doing it that it is just a wall. “A wall is just a wall, a kiss is just a kiss” says Dr. Berman. She already gave me one, says Dan. She wanted to, this was something they did together, this was so cool, says Shayna.

Oprah asks what just happened. Dr. Berman says that when people are stuck emotionally, they talk but often finding a physical manifestation of the problem makes a connection for them. In Shayna’s case she had to put her trust in Dan and let go, and she didn’t fall, she actually let go. That is huge, says Dr. Berman. Of course not all their problems are solved but a huge lightbulb just went off. Oprah recaps that Shayna was repulsed a couple of days earlier, was she not thinking about the kiss? “It literally felt like a spiritual awakening. I had not been able to let go for so long, and physically letting go, I was able to see what was on the other side, and it felt like freedom,” she says. What is on the other side says Oprah? Freedom, I felt empowered, like a different person says Shayna. From letting go of a rockwall, says Oprah. Isn’t that amazing says Dr. Berman? Yes, where is that rockwall? replies Oprah.

Dr Berman asked them to repeat the kissing for 15 minutes assignment. Yesterday’s homework was an A+ says Dan, it went really well adds Shayna. Dr Berman asks why they are smiling. They had sex this morning says Shayna. You cheated says Dr. Berman. But I wanted to, says Shayna. She says that she’s feeling happy for the first time in forever and she wanted to live in this moment. Dr. Berman says that they might slip back a little now that they will go back to routine but she is thrilled that things are coming together so quickly for them. Oprah asks why they weren’t supposed to have sex. Because they had such a dysfunctional pattern of sex, it was about bartering- they were having sex but were not physically or emotionally together. Dr. Berman likes to take sex out of the equation in these instances so that the couple can build a renewed relationship. In this case, she would have been happy if they had kissed. She was surprised that there was enough of a release in Shayna that she could cheat on her homework. Oprah asks what was different this time. Shayna said she stopped seeing things through the eyes of her children. “I think I finally realized that I am allowed to be Shayna outside of mother. I’m allowed to be a wife,” Shayna says. “It doesn’t mean I don’t love my children, and it doesn’t mean I’m not going to be there for them. Just that physical release of control to me felt so empowering that I was able to let go.” Oprah asks if the sex was different this time… Dan nods. Oprah recounts that at the beginning of the show Dan said he would sit and wait while Shayna used the vibrator, so when she was almost at orgasm he would say ok I guess it is my turn. Right, says Shayna. How was it different? Dan said it started with a kiss straight after the wall, lots of kissing, lots of foreplay. Shayna was able to relax and enjoy it, be in the moment with the feelings. Dr. Berman says. “Their work is just beginning because they made this huge breakthrough, but now it’s about keeping the momentum going, especially now that they’re back in their regular lives and she’s back in mommy mode. That’s when the real work begins, to be able to keep the mommy mode going, feel good about that and to keep being Shayna and to keep being a wife.” Thanks so much to Shayna and Dan says Oprah, that was very brave of them to let us into their private life.

Last year the New York Times reported that married couples have sex 58 times a year—that’s a little more than once a week. They also found that 15 percent of people say they aren’t having sex more than ten times a year. On average, Dr. Laura Berman says sexless marriages are the number one problem she sees in her couples therapy practice. Linda and Doug say they’ve had sex only a handful of times over the past five years, and they’ve had no sex at all for the past two years.

Before Dr. Berman arrives at their house, Linda says that she is feeling a little nervous. Doug wants to make sure that they get something out of it. Linda is 39 and has been married for nine years to Doug and they have three children. There’s a connection with her husband that is lost because they are not having sex and they want to change that. “The dynamic of our sex life changed after we got married just because more things started getting into our lives,” Doug says. Linda says. “I feel like we’re living two separate lives caring for our three boys,” she says. “It’s hard to see the man that I originally fell in love with.” They chat with Dr. Berman in their bedroom. It’s been 2 1/2 years since they had sex. Doug feels removed from his wife. 2 1/2 years ago they conceived their third child. “I want to feel that he’s attracted to me, that he’s excited to be with me,” Linda says. “I questioned whether I was still attracted to Doug.” Doug says he’s questioned whether his wife is still attractive “It’s like she’s so worn down she’s just trying to get through the day,” he says. Linda is very concerned about the future. Dr. Berman says that they sit next to each other but it is almost like there is this invisible wall between them. They don’t touch, there is no physical connection happening. “If this doesn’t get fixed, I think our marriage is at stake” says Dug.

Oprah asks how the weeks turned into months turned into 2 1/2 years without sex? Doug says that you alllow yourself to focus on how busy you are and the kids and you stop talking and get separated from each other. You almost kind of lose track of how you did it,” Doug says. “Before it was so natural, so easy. We really wanted the connection.” Oprah asks if it was spoken of- yes, says Doug but it was an angry conversation. “When it was spoken of, it wasn’t productive at all,” she says. Dr. Berman says that there was a lot of blame and anger and they were both pointing fingers at each other. “When we spent time together, it was a lot of those logistics: ‘Who’s doing what? What do we have to get done?’ You know, kind of domestic stuff,” Doug says. Linda says that they ended up getting used to it.

Dr. Berman asks Doug how things work physically. He says that things still work but that Linda seems a little disinterested. Things still work but not at the level they used to. He finds that Linda seems critical of the process which is hard to deal with. Dr. Berman asks Linda about her sexual history. Linda cries and says that she has never told anyone this, Linda told Dr. Berman she had once been forced to have sex against her will. “I could have put him in jail, if I had told someone,” she says. “I was essentially raped.” She didn’t want to tell anyone that she was kissing someone and that this happened. She says that it feels incredible to tell someone. Linda says she’s never told Doug about her sexual past. “With Doug, it is just something I don’t want to do that often.”

Dr. Berman says that the rape and subsequent secret keeping was a big piece of what caused Linda to shut down and Doug had no idea what was going on. Rape changes a person’s relationship with sex, Dr. Berman says. “Your power is taken away, and it’s a major sexual trauma. So not to have told anyone, not to have had a chance to work through it in therapy, not to have had a chance to heal and be carrying that secret around, the weight of that secret—when she knows that that was part of what was making her hold back—that was part of what was helping her shut down.” When Linda finally told Doug about the rape, he says he had mixed emotions. “I was angry and empathetic at the same time. I was kind of back on my heels and wanting to be there and not sure what to do.”

Their first assignment from Dr. Berman was simply to touch each other. “They had to get naked. They had to spend like 10 to 15 minutes, each of them on the other. No genital touching. No breast touching. Not about arousal. Just about sensuality and touch,” Dr. Berman says. OK says Oprah, how did that work? Doug says “It was great because of the connection, but then our conversation at the same time, you know? It wasn’t about anything outside the bedroom. It was just us talking,” he says. Linda says that it was so nice to focus on each other and their relationship.

The couple’s second assignment was a step out of your comfort zone  field trip to Tantric yoga. They are going to learn how to non-verbally support each other and learn techniques for getting on the same page. The only thing Doug knows about Tantric yoga is that it is supposed to be erotic. The Yogic version of having sex, the tantric yoga exercise was supposed to help Linda and Dough reconnect with themselves and each other. The instructor wants them to relax as they both carry alot of tension in their bodies. Ideally they will be able to see each other in the now and forget their bagage. They realize that their bodies have tension and tightness they carry with them daily. They let out a yell of all the last ten years’ tension. The yoga was awesome, they say. For their third assignment, Dr. Berman sent Doug and Linda to the Pump It Up Kids Zone. “The idea is to kind of bring you here to a place where we can let your silly side out a little bit and have some fun together,” Dr. Berman says. When you try something new and adventurous, it triggers the dopamine centers of the brain which is the part that lights up when you are in a new relationship in that initial stage when you cant get enough of each other. One way to stimulate that is to do novel exciting things together. “It was kind of neat to have a giggle,” Doug says. It made them feel connected to have a good time without the kids says Linda. The last field trip is to the G boutique, a sex shop filled with outfits, devices and aides for their sex life. Dr Berman tells them not to get too overwhelmed. They found it great fun to step out of their comfort zone, it was Doug’s favorite field trip.

Linda and Doug’s final exam: to have sex. “It took a little longer than we thought just because after those three intense days, we got into a pretty heated argument that evening,” Doug says. “I think some of the stress and stuff were hitting us, and we really had to reflect upon what Dr. Berman had told us about communication, how to talk. And, I think we got back to a good point when we went to bed, but we still hadn’t had sex yet.”

The next morning, Doug says he and Linda started cuddling and connecting. “Linda kind of jokingly said, ‘We really need to do our homework,’ and it was really inviting and connected, and so we did our homework, and it was great fun. It reminded me how that used to be with her, more than five, ten years ago. It was fantastic.” Dr. Berman says that as soon as she gives a couple permission to have sex they sabotage it- in this case with an argument. But what she thought was so cool was that therapy together gave them the tools to communicate and get through to the other side to feel closer to each other. Arguing is not bad, but you must use it as a tool in your relationship. Oprah says that after 2 1/2 years without sex, does doing it once give them a 6 month pass or do you re-engage. Doug says they are scheduling for it so they don’t fall back into old patterns. “I really found that knowing that it was scheduled, I was really looking forward to it.” Dr. Berman says that they have to schedule time for each other and time for sex because they have crazy schedules and have not been committed to each other in this way. Oprah asks if scheduling sex takes the romantic spontaneity out of it, but Dr. Berman says it’s necessary. “It’s a mind shift that you have to make because our instinct, our belief and the way we’ve been socialized, is that sex is supposed to happen spontaneously,” she says. “But in most of our lives, our crazy, busy, kid-ridden, mortgage-ridden lives, if you wait for it to happen spontaneously, it’s not going to ever happen.” If you can embrace the scheduling and get excited for it, then foreplay can start in the morning on those days. Oprah says that foreplay starts with men helping around the house, that is the most fantastic foreplay. The crowd applaud. “Put your dishes in the sink, play one,” says Oprah. Thanks for being so open lInda and Doug

Dr. Laura Berman’s new book “The Book of Love” is in stores now. Oprah points out Dr. Berman’s husband and says that she has heard that they have a great sex life. Dr. Berman says that she thinks that they do, she works hard on it, but that her husband sometimes says that she should practice what she preaches more on the relationship stuff. Her husband says that he is the luckiest man in America. Dr. Berman says that is why they have such a great sex life. Oprah says that she thinks that there must be alot of pressure to have a good sex life if you are Dr. Laura Berman. While they are here, Oprah wants to ask if they have taken the No Phone Zone Pledge? Dr. Berman says that she was hesitating because she doesn’t text but she does use her Bluetooth in the car. She is going to take the leap but it requires her to make some lifestyle changes. That’s what it is all about, lifestyle changes, says Oprah. Go to Oprah.com and take the pledge. Goodbye everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Problems in the bedroom always have a source somewhere else.

Parents are the model of what a loving, intimate relationship is to their children.

A wall is just a wall, a kiss is just a kiss; leave your baggage and see each other in the now.

The New York Times reported that married couples have sex 58 times a year.

To stimulate the dopamine centers of the brain which light up when you are in a new relationship and cant get enough of each other, do novel exciting things together.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

In our crazy, busy, kid-ridden, mortgage-ridden lives, if you wait for sex to happen spontaneously, it’s often not going to ever happen.

Date: April 8th, 2010
File Under: Entertainment

Episode 49: TV’s Most Talked About Show: The Cast of Glee

Don’t you just love it when something unexpected and fresh and clever breezes into your life? Like you turn on the TV… The crowd are very happy… A smile comes on your face, you’re singing and dancing. Of course Oprah is talking about the new hottest show, Glee. If you’re not yet a fan, take out your hairbrush and get ready to sing along. Take a look.

It’s the quirky surprise smash hit show which has hit a high note with TV viewers across the country. Glee is the story of a misfit high school glee club with big dreams of ruling the school. The little show-choir that could is led by Rachel, the self absorbed bossy diva played by Broadway sensation Lea Michele. In their never-ending quest to fit in and be show choir champs, the members of New Directions endure endless torment.  Just when it seemed like the Glee club was headed for total failure, a handful of the cool kids reluctantly agree to put their popularity on the line. The star quarterback Finn is played by Hollywood’s newest heartthrob Cory Monteith . Fresh faced newcomer Dianna Agron is the outwardly perfect but secretly pregnant cheerleader Quinn. TONY nominated Broadway veteran Matthew Morrison wins hearts as the endearing choir director Will Schuester. The hilarious Jane Lynch rounds at the cast as Sue Sylvester, Mr Schuester’s arch nemesis, the scheming cheerleading coach who has it in for McKinley High’s newest stars.

Singing Queen’s Somebody To Love, please welcome the cast of Glee. The crowd go wild and are all singing along, including Oprah. The applause is deafening. Much more Glee to come, shouts Oprah. Glee mania has given birth to a brand new brand of superfan, Gleeks. From Milwaukee to Melbourne, Gleeks have gone global. They have an entire audience full of Gleeks, screaming and cheering. Ok thanks says Oprah, let’s meet America’s most popular Glee club- Lea, Cory, Dianna, Amber, Chris, Kevin, Jenna, Mark. From the audience, 4 others stand up. The most dedicated Glee club director on TV, Matthew Morrison. Mr Schuester is here, Oprah shouts. Oprah Winfrey is here, Matthew shouts. Wow, says Oprah. So everybody wants to know who is most like their character. Matthew says that Lea is, because she is a very strong woman and knows exactly what she wants. Lea rubs his arm and says thank you. Oprah asks if it is also because she has been performing since she was 8 years old. Yes says Lea, “I’ve been performing since I was 8 years old on Broadway, and I was very much like Rachel when I was younger, so I kind of draw upon that. But I think she’s amazing. If I can say I’m like Rachel, you know, she knows who she is and she’s proud of that, and I think it’s amazing. I’m so honored to play a character like her.” Really, says Oprah. Matthew says that they call her Child Star. Oprah asks Cory if it’s true that before being cast he only sang in secret. Yes, in the shower, in the car. But it wasn’t really something that he did, he was a drummer, so he never really thought of himself as a singer, so this is all new. Now you’re singing, says Oprah. How do you explain the phenomenon? Matthew says it’s hard to pinpoint one reason Glee has become such a big hit. “If you asked any one of us, I think we’d have a different answer, and I think that’s what makes the show work so well—it works on so many different levels. For me, I think music is the language that we all speak, everyone in the world speaks. So I think its the universal language, and I think the music is the most important part of the show.”

When Glee won their best TV comedy musical Golden Globe. Dianna says attending the Golden Globes was a dream. “The room is full of people that you admired your whole life and, you know, Julia Roberts came up to the table…and I thought just us girls were going to go quiet, but the boys went quiet too,” she says. “She talked to us! And Tom Hanks and all these wonderful people were saying they watch the show with their families, and it was outstanding but astonishing at the same time.”  Oprah asks if it felt kind of out of body. Everything feels out of body, this feels out of body says Lea. Oprah asks if they are all friends in real life. Amber says they are. “We do love each other,” she says. “The funny thing is, we were planning a trip to Cabo and then we found out we’re going to The Oprah Show. So Oprah trumps Cabo.” The crowd whoop. Oprah asks her what it means to her to be in this cast.  She says being part of Glee is especially exciting because she gets to do everything she loves. “I get to dance, I get to act and I get to sing, and I do them all equally on this show,” she says. And the show is loved and they love their viewers and they are on Oprah, what can I say? Says Amber. The crowd go wild. Oprah says that she has heard that Chris finds being on the show therapeutic.  “When I was in high school, I was kind of daily reminded of my imperfections by other students and sometimes the teachers,” he says. “To be a part of a project that kind of celebrates your differences and makes your disadvantages your advantages has been very therapeutic.” The crowd cheer and applaud.

One of the most surprising things fans may notice when they see the Glee cast live is that Kevin McHale, who plays wheelchair-bound Artie, is not actually in a wheelchair. “I love playing Artie in a wheelchair as he is,” Kevin says. “It’s an honor to get to play a character like that.” We have some Glee moms here today, says Oprah Lea’s mom Edith Is here (“My mom is going to freak out” says Lea), Dianna’s mom Mary, Amber’s mom Tiny, they must be so proud. Is must be great to have your mom’s in the audience too.

Oprah asks Jenna what a typical day is like when they are shooting. During a typical day, Jenna says the cast is juggling shooting scenes, learning dances and recording songs. “It’s quite the mash, but we love it all and it keeps us fresh,” she says. Fantastic, says Oprah. Is it as fun as it used to be Mark? Asks Oprah. No, he says, it’s better. He says the busy days, which are usually 14 to 16 hours long, keep him on his toes. “It’s just a whole bunch of extremes. Sometimes you’re just, you know, tired, and sometimes you’re on cloud nine, like today” he says. “But every one of these people is so talented and hardworking, and I’m just so proud of everybody. Our crew, we have to shout out to the crew”.

Oprah asks if they shoot one day a week. No, they shoot every day, says Lea. Every day they are dancing rehearsing and singing. They do 14-16 hour days. It’s a grueling schedule. Lea says what keeps them together is the energy they provide each other that gets them through the days. Their writers provide incredible material that inspires them and pushes them through the day. Oprah asks Dianna if it is fun to be mean and snooty and snarky, yes she laughs. Luckily she doesn’t get mistaken for her character, people don’t push her for being mean. But they do think she is pregnant on the lot, they’ll look he up and down thinking she is very young to be having a baby.

She plays the ruthless, scheming and gleefully mean Cheerios coach Sue Sylvester, come on out movie veteran Jane Lynch. The crowd go crazy. Wow, Jane and Oprah both say. Oprah says they were just talking about playing mean characters, and Sue is the snarkiest. I love it says Jane, Anne Brennan writes all the stuff that comes out of her characters mouth. “Sue Sylvester has like that devil on her shoulder that’s whispering in her ear that we all have, although we have filters, we don’t let it come out. She just lets it fly,” Jane says. “It’s liberating. It’s wonderful. It’s delicious to play her. I’m a much nicer person.” The crowd scream. Oprah asks if she gets mistaken for a mean person, Jane says fans never mistake her for Sue, luckily. “They just love it. They go, ‘You’re so mean!’ She’s almost cartoonishly mean,” Jane says. “If I had a mustache, she’d be [twirling it] all the time.” After playing Sue Sylvester for six months, Jane says she’s suddenly hip again. “My demo is 16-year-old boys. They never noticed me when I was 16, you know? I wasn’t in the hip crowd. But now all of a sudden there’s these cool people in coffee shops going, ‘Hey!’ I go back to my 14-year-old self,” Jane says. “And they like me”. They show a photo of Jane at 14. Oprah asks what kind of student Jane was at school. “I sang in the choir for four years and I did plays and I was also in sports and I kind of kept under the radar in terms of being mocked and made fun of.” She hung out with popular girls and dweebs. Oprah asks if the others were made fun of at school. Lea was the musical theatre girl, which was not understood, nor was it cool like playing sports. She loves that the show shows you can be cool too. Oprah says that is so cool. She says that she loves the quote attributed to Bill Gates- be careful of the geeks you make fun of because they’ll be your boss some day. They all nod.

The cast and crew of Glee have never given anyone an all-access pass to the show, so when they offered one to the Oprah Show, they jumped on it. At Paramount studios, it is 7am and they have a big day ahead of them. In the dance studio, the tin shed, they are learning a new number. First they learn the dances without the music, then they go through with the music. It can take 3-8 hours, working on 2-4 dances at any time. Jane Lynch shows them wardrobe, her track suits in a rainbow of colors. In the trailer they get their costumes, hair and make-up. The crew are setting up lighting and cameras in the High School choir room. Neil Patrick Harris is on set, playing a villain, he thinks that the program is amazing. Jane Lynch shows her office with trophies, fake books and cheerleading memorabilia. Amber shows the singing studio, where they do all their own singing. They are now at the final step at their location High School where they get to shoot today. The Oprah Show producers said after that tour that they have to be the hardest working cast in TV. The countdown is on to the highly anticipated Spring season of Glee, starting April 13th it will be on Tuesday nights on Fox at 9pm Eastern.

Glee executive producer and co-creator (and former real-life glee-clubber) Ryan Murphy said the award was for anybody who ever got a wedgie in high school, in his Golden Globe acceptance speech.  “To me, the show is about celebrating the difference in you. I think when you’re that age you think the difference in you is the worst thing, and I think the older you get, you find out that it’s the best thing,” Ryan says. “So that’s what the show is about. That and about that the arts matter.”  Oprah says that she is already worried, what happens when everybody graduates? They never will says Ryan. The crowd applaud. It’s a ten year high school, he says. Oprah asks where the idea came from “I had wanted to do something optimistic. I thought that there wasn’t anything on television that was really sort of upbeat and had a happy ending every week. So I’m as shocked as anybody that it got picked up, but it did.”  Oprah says that she heard that he told Rolling Stone that Lea has a once in a generation voice. He did say that, he thinks that it is true. “It sort of cuts through you. It pierces through you. It’s incredibly moving and soulful beyond her years.” It’s great to have her in their midst he says. “Like that next sort of Barbra or Patti LuPone or just that great, big, universal talent that is so inclusive to people.”

Oprah asked if casting was like casting a Glee club, was it like art imitating art? “We took three or four months and we went all around the country and we wanted unknowns.” They spent a lot of time in New York, they got Mat and Lea from the Broadway auditions. “We encouraged people to just come in off the street. I think Chris had to drive down from where he lives and walked into the room and sang and was so unique and we’re like, ‘We’ve got to write a part for that guy.’ And we did. That was the spirit of the show. New voices, new talent, fresh faces.” They are casting 3 or 4 parts for season two and they have alot of online auditions and all of the talent is going to come from those auditions.

Wow says Oprah. Matthew wasn’t in the performance earlier and they can’t let the show go by without something from him. Mr Schuester has agreed to show off some of his best dance moves. The crowd cheer. As the elder statesman of the group he says that he’ll do his best. As they are dancing he wants to bring up one of the biggest hitters, he’s so pleased that Glee can showcase the talents of someone who just breathes dance. He asks Harry Shum Jr to come on up. Mr Schuester isn’t backing down for nobody they both say. They both dance, Matt waves a white handkerchief.

Ryan Murphy told the Oprah Show that while researching the show, he spent a lot of time looking online at choir groups, and one of them served as a great inspiration for Glee. The choir room was even modeled after theirs. Just last week, a few of the show’s stars helped deliver some big news to them.

Amber, Matthew and Cory are at John Burroughs Public High School  in Burbank CA, and those inside have no idea what is about to happen. The Glee cast walk into the room and the choir are shocked. Matthew says that the cast of Glee are going to be on Oprah and they are excited, and that the High School choir are all going to fly out to be on Oprah too. Some of them cry, they all scream. They all sing together.

All the way from Burbank California, please welcome the John Burroughs High School Choir Powerhouse. They perform Madonna’s Vogue dressed in Baroque period costumes. That was fantastic, says Oprah. She hears that they practice every day of the school year and they do all their own fundraising. They are big Glee fans. Oprah says that when the producers were at the school they noticed one piece of equipment that was on its last legs. Oprah’s friends at Dove had an idea, and made some calls and here is their new Baldwin Grand Piano. Thanks to Baldwin. That is not all says Oprah. The students are responsible for raising 99% of their annual budget for their school music program. Dove Haircare wanted to help them keep doing what they love, because that is what this show is all about, feeling the glee inside. Inside the piano is a little gift from Dove, a check for $100,000. Thanks to Dove, that should help you in your fundraising. Thank you, thank you so much says Ashley of John Burroughs High School.

Before the show the cast of Glee did something really spectacular. Each of them signed the pledge to never, ever text while driving and to only use a headset if they absolutely have to talk on the phone. The John Burroughs Choir has also signed the pledge. Oprah appreciates it, spread the word everyone. For all the Gleeks in the audience, they are all going home with Season one of Glee on DVD. Stand by for the season 2 premiere on April 13th. Thanks everyone.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:
Glee is extremely popular; fans in the audience of the Oprah Show shout and scream alot.
Glee has inspired a new breed of Superfan, the Gleeks.
The cast of Glee are probably the hardest working cast on television.
The cast of Glee are on set 14-16 hours a day singing, dancing, rehearsing and filming.
The cast of Glee are all very proud of each other and they love each other and they are the best of friends.
A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:
Glee shows that the uncool can be cool. Oprah thinks that is so cool.
Date: April 7th, 2010
File Under: Celebrity, Entertainment

Episode 48: Funny People

They are two of the funniest people on earth and they are both here today. Welcome Tina Fey and Steve Carrell. They both hug Oprah, the crowd go crazy. OK so you all just saw Date Night, right, isnt it laugh out loud funny? Oprah asks the audience. Oprah just saw it and it is crazy, it’s a crazy premise, but it is so funny. Is it your first time working together? It is, they met each other over the airwaves to say hi, but this is the first attempt, says Tina. How fun was that? Says Oprah, she could watch the out-takes all day, they are as funny as the movie. Steve says that Tina is a “national treasure” somebody that he wanted to work with, he’s a big fan. When your expectations are not only fulfilled but exceeded… she was fantastic, it was great. Oprah asks if they ad-libbed most of the time in the movie. They did a lot, says Steve. They would shoot the scene as scripted because they had a really good script, then the director would have them do it their way, says Tina. There’s something that is ad libbed in almost every scene, like Steve licking a stripper pole then getting nauseous. Yes, says Oprah. Improvised, says Tina. The stripper pole scene is hilarious says Oprah, when you get down on the floor and you are humping the floor, that is so funny. My parents are going to be so proud of me, says Steve. They all laugh.

Tina, as you all know, is the creator, writer and executive producer and star of the hit show 30 Rock, says Oprah. The crowd applaud. She has a brand new movie and is on the cover of Vogue. How was the cover of Vogue for you? Asks Oprah. Oprah cried when she saw the Polaroids. Tina says yes, and you keep them. It was really fun, she says. Anything like that she goes into with no pressure- they know they didn’t hire a model so she just goes and has fun. Oprah asks about Esquire magazine, and says that cover was hot. Tina says that was fun, the dirty photo shoot was a little easier for her, she doesn’t know why. More comfortable. Oprah says that now Tina is the thinking man’s sex symbol. Steve says “Say it, you have the best response to this ever”. Tina says that sometimes she’s heard that and she feels like that isn’t a thing, because even the thinking man wants Jessica Simpson. Steve says that she is the sex symbol of the thinking man and the idiot, quite frankly.

Oprah says to Steve that we all know him from The Office, of course “and my Vogue cover” Steve interjects. He’s been called a comic genius- once you have been labelled that is there pressure to live up to it? No, you just go off the cliff, he says. If you ever invited him to a cocktail party, he would go right against that, he says. Tina says that he is very quiet in real life. Steve says that is another way of saying that he is quite boring. Oprah says that is why he is invited to cocktail parties. To be boring? asks Steve. No, to be the comic genius says Oprah. Oprah asks him when he knew that he was funny. He’s never really thought of himself as funny per se, he doesn’t sit and watch himself and say damn that is hilarious. He has no idea, really, no answer. He knows what he thinks is funny- Steve Martin, John Cleese, and Peter Sellers among others are people that he respects and emulates. Oprah asks why he thinks that people are calling him a comic genius? Argh, he err,… Tina asks if she can answer for him? Yes. Tina says that Steve is a comic genius because he is one of the greatest improvisers in the world, yes, that’s it, says Steve. The detail and specificity that he brings to his character in The Office, where it is so painful and embarrassing that you can’t help but laugh at it. He will sink into an awkward and uncomfortable moment so deeply and commit to it so hard, but he is always playing his character, not trying to act crazy, just playing this sad, sad little character.

The movie, Date Night, opens April 9th. Steve and Tina play the Fosters a run of the mill suburban couple whose lives are overtaken by boredom. Determined to spice things up they plan a date night at a fancy restaurant. When they can’t get a table they claim to be another couple, a couple who turn out to be on the run from angry mobsters. This case of mistaken identity turns their romantic evening into the wildest night of their lives.

Well, there is lots of funny scenes in here but the pole dancing scene is the funniest thing that she has ever seen, says Oprah. The whole scene just said on the page that they danced, says Tina. They decided that the characters were not prepared for that so they shouldn’t be either, which was quite clear says Tina. There was no choreographer, there was nothing. They did two takes, says Steve and the director started yelling things at them like “sex robots” so they did whatever they felt that would mean. Oprah asks what caused Steve to start humping the floor. Tina thinks the director called out “sexy worm” or something. Well it’s what you do when you hear the words sexy worm says Steve.

In honor of the movie, they filled their audience with some couples on a date including one who are on their first ever date. Where are you? Stand up, says Oprah. They stand and look embarrassed. Tina asks if they just met today. No they met in October and this is their first date. It’s going pretty well they say. That’s pretty cool says Oprah.

Tina Fey and Steve Carrell, both masters of improv comedy, had fun going off script and ad-libbing through their new movie Date Night. They show some out-takes from the film. They both got their start with Second City in Chicago. To show off their improv skills, the Oprah Show shot some footage of the audience members and Steve and Tina are going to improvise the dialogue. Tina improvises, the crowd applauds. They both improvise, the crowd applauds. Oprah hears that they have questions for her.

Yes, Tina asks if Oprah could have dinner with any person living or dead in the whole world, what would she order? Oprah says that is a good question. It depends on whether she is on a program or not, if she’s juicing or not. She would probably have Jesus over for fried chicken. That would be great, says Tina. Tina asks what is going on with Oprah and Jamie Foxx, because Tina feels that Jamie may be in love with Oprah. Oprah says that there is a good vibe, they are good friends, they email and text. Tina says that she’ll know if they get home and this part is edited out… Oprah says that it is a friend thing, but that is good, a real question. Steve says that his are not real questions. “Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?” For sure, says Oprah. The second question is “Who let the dogs out?” Make it a date night with Steve and Tina’s new movie Date Night, it is laugh out loud, knee slappingly funny. Thank you.

He’s been called outrageous, unpredictable and politically incorrect. Tracy Morgan burst onto the comedy scene in 1996 when he joined the cast of Saturday Night Live and his popularity soared with his hilarious impersonations from Star Jones to Maya Angelou. Now he is getting Emmy nods for his role as the pampered impulsive TV actor he plays on 30 Rock. Making his Oprah Show debut, welcome funny man Tracy Morgan. They hug, and bow and the crowd goes wild. Oprah says she meant to ask Tina what she should be careful of with him, but he can handle it. Tracy says that Jamie Foxx got problems now, “Oprah Morgan right here”. She heard he said that to David Letterman- yeah, he meant it. She welcomes him to the show and he says he loves her. She says that he has a reputation for being outrageous, is that really him? He’s not like that in real life, he’s a regular subdued guy in real life. His humor is based in reality, based in the moment, so he’s observing but not being funny.

Oprah has heard that Lorne Michaels is Tracy’s Obi Wan Kenobi. Tracy says that he came from a world of black and never did comedy in front of white people, and he would get discouraged, because it’s really hard at Saturday Night Live. And then one night, it was about 4 in the morning, Lorne Michaels called him and saw him frustrated and he said: “‘Tracy, you’re not here because you’re black. You’re here because you’re funny’. And my fangs came down and I began to feed. …and I was like, yo, I didn’t have the burden of having the black community on my.. because sometimes that can just weigh you down. It was just about being funny and free and not worrying and exposing your flaws. Because the writers come from a different world, and sometimes you have to be patient because they don’t know your voice.” That’s why he loves Tina, because she understood his voice, she gets that.

Oprah asks if he always knew that he was funny? He knew he was funny when, he is from where Jay-Z is from- Oprah has been there – Tracy shouts that her street cred is intact. His older brother has cerebral palsy. So when the kids sometimes could be mean in the schoolyard, he couldn’t go get his big brother. So he had to learn how to make the bullies laugh, he says. “I knew I was funny when the bullies were on my side and they protected me.” Wow, says Oprah.

Oprah asks what Tina Fey has meant to him and his career. She is my friend and I love her, he says almost crying. She got your voice, says Oprah. Tina understood his voice, and knew who he was. This whole career is chance and Tina understood that he was making choices on TV, she would write things and encourage him. Oprah asks if a lot of the scripts were written with him in mind- yes he says. Because Tina partied with him and thinks this dude is funny and having a good time, she knew how to use him.

On David Letterman, Tracy said that Oprah is his Valentine. She is his, but they are having some problems because Oprah is always on the phone with Gayle. It’s Gayle this, Gayle that… That was cute, says Oprah. Oprah says she also heard that Tracy and Stedman got into a fight over her at the airport. Yes he says, it goes back to High School when his lady was messing around. Oprah laughs. This is my woman, Stedman knows it, says Tracy.

Oprah read that Tracy thinks he is irresistible to all women. Yes, it is a curse and a blessing he says. Charm, charm. All you have to do is smile he says. Look I got this one right here, he says, look into my eyes I am the black Svengali, he gesticulates to a woman in the audience.

Oprah asks what kind of woman really, really keeps his attention and keeps him stimulated mentally and otherwise? It helps if she has her own talk show, says Tracy. Oprah laughs. He likes a strong woman who is weak enough to need him. He needs to be there, they have to need each other “United we stand divided we fall, we’ve got to be tied with pantyhose two sizes too small.” Oh gosh, says Oprah. A strong woman mustn’t let him get away with too much. He says that he tries to be faithful and monogamous, he’s a man. “Women are God’s greatest creation, it would be Planet of the Apes without y’all”. The most romantic thing that he’s ever done… Wow, bought a puppy, or sent 50 dozen roses, or he might bring home a box of Calgon and let it take all night , with the best of Billy Joel, things like that. Keep it simple. The most romantic thing he ever did was paint his woman’s toe nails. Very good says Oprah, that’s a lovely thing. He tells the man in the audience on his first date, to paint her toenails, she’ll love you forever. Oprah doesn’t know if it’s a first date thing- where I come from it is, says Tracy.

One of the reasons that he is so funny is his honesty, says Oprah, and a lesson that he learned from his father is to be honest. His father was a righteous man and never lied about anything, his drug addictions, the reason he and his mom split up. His great grandmother taught him to be nice and affectionate, she gave him the affection and his father was a very funny man on a level with Richard Pryor. Where he comes from, humor is the knife which cuts through the despair, and he had alot of despair growing up. But his father and Richard Pryor were honest and he learned that he had a story to tell and it was him. His father said one word to him as he grew up, “legacy”. What are they going to say about you when you are gone? Him being honest made Tracy a better man, to thyself be true. Oprah heard that after his drunk driving arrest that he had to wear a bracelet for a while. That was his rock-bottom, says Tracy. “Death is rock bottom for a lot of people because of their addiction and sickness, and for me that was rock bottom because there was a time where professionally things were happening—I’m making a movie with Ice Cube, I’m doing this and I’m doing that and then I’m home one day and I’ve got this thing on my ankle and my oldest son is looking at me and he… ‘What are you doing? What if I started drinking and driving, would that be cool?’ And that was the last time. That was it.”

Tracy says he’s been sober now for three years. The crowd applaud “It’s not even like I try. I don’t even think about it,” he says. “If I go to a club or to a restaurant, I don’t focus on what I don’t want. I don’t go into a restaurant: ‘Oh, I hope I don’t drink. I hope I don’t get drunk.’ No, I’ll go: ‘I want a seltzer water. This is what I want now.’ I focus on what I want rather than what I don’t want.”

The bottom for him was not being arrested but it was his son’s disappointment. Oprah did a show once on fathers, and one man stood up and said something that Oprah has never forgotten: every man has a dream for his family. What is Tracy’s dream for his sons? Tracy says his dream is simple. “I would just want them to have happiness, joy and good health in their life. And to just be respected and respectful,” he says. Respected and respectful Oprah repeats. Are you a good dad? “I’m a great dad. I think I’m number one. That’s what they tell me.” Good says Oprah.

Tracy’s movie is Death at a Funeral- what was it like to play with some of your heroes? “It’s surreal for me. I mean Martin and Chris Rock are my heroes. They’re two of my heroes in comedy, and to be able to work with those guys? It was a dream. I did a movie with those guys! And I made Chris Rock and Martin Lawrence laugh on the set.” Chris Rock is from right up the block from where Tracy is from, so he was inspirational. His next goal is to work with Will Smith and Eddie Murphy. Oprah says wow, I believe that will happen for you. “William Smith and Ed Murph” he says. OK says Oprah. Death at a Funeral opens April 16th, thank you Tracy.

It was the breakout commercial of the Superbowl, and it is making 88 year old Betty White red hot again. Betty has been making people laugh for more than 6 decades. She’s best known as the sex-crazed Sue Ann Nivens on The Mary Tyler Moore Show and as The Golden Girls’ sweetly naive Rose Nylund. Betty’s big comeback began in 2009. Playing opposite Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal, Betty stole the show as a brutally honest, rain-dancing granny. A whole new generation of fans crated a massive Facebook campaign to land Betty a Saturday Night Live hosting gig. Guess what? It worked, yay Betty. Yay Betty shouts Oprah as Betty joins her live by Skype. Yay Betty. So Betty, hi, how are you? says Oprah. “I couldn’t be better thank you very much and thank you for the invitation” says Betty. Oprah asks how she feels “The silly part about everything is that I didn’t know I’d been away, and then all of a sudden that Snickers commercial kind of turned a lot of other things on,” she says. “Now I’m busier than I’ve ever been.”

You are 88, you look great and you have tons of energy, what’s your secret? asks Oprah, are you juicing or something? No, she’s blessed with good health and she loves what she is doing, and the Saturday NIght Live thing she doesn’t know where that came from. Actually she started it herself, she jokes. Lorne Michaels told her that he didn’t have her on Saturday Night Live because she’s white, but because she is funny. Oprah laughs, that is so good she says. The crowd applaud. Oprah asks if the whole SNL campaign surprised her? Totally, says Betty. “First of all, it’s a young people’s show, and it’s all the young humor and stuff. And I’m a little past that—just a little,” she says. “I think they’ve lost their minds if they have an 88-year-old woman doing the show. But what do they know?”

She’s hosting in May in New York and the very next day, she starts her new series, Hot in Cleveland for TV Land. So it’s going to be a busy kind of May.

Betty has starred in some of the most beloved television shows of all time, Oprah says that her favorite sit com of all time was The Mary Tyler Moore Show and of course she was on Golden Girls, another great show with a great cast. Oprah asks which was her favorite character to play. Betty says that it is a toss up between the “neighborhood nymphomaniac” Sue Ann Nivens and Rose. Rose was not dumb, she was “terminally naive.” Betty would have to say she had the most fun playing Rose on The Golden Girls. “I was on every week there, and with Mary, I just did like six or seven shows out of twenty two,” she says. “So it was more fun to play with those other wonderful gals every week.”

Oprah says that people still think of Betty as Rose, is there a part of her that still has a little of that Rose-ness in her? Betty likes Rose because she thought life was like a musical comedy. It was going to have a happy ending no matter what ever happened. The “neighborhood nymphomaniac” Sue Ann Nivens was great fun to play. She used to ask her husband, Allen Ludden, ‘How close to Sue Ann is Betty?’” she says. “He’d say, ‘Well, she’s actually the very same character except she can’t cook.”Oprah laughs.

Looking toward her future, Betty says she consults her to-do list—not a bucket list. People always ask her if there is something that she’d like to do that she hasn’t yet done. No matter how the question is framed, her answer is always “Robert Redford”. The crowd applaud, and Oprah asks Betty if she wants to do Robert Redford. Betty says that we don’t get technical about it. “Bless his dear heart, he’s heard me take his name in vain for decades. And he wrote me a very sweet congratulation note when I got the Lifetime Achievement Award from SAG. I was thrilled. I haven’t stopped ringing his doorbell since.” Oprah laughs and asks if she has anything else to do on her to-do list. Betty thinks that what she has will keep her pretty busy. Oprah says that doing Robert Redford will keep her tied up for a while. It’ll keep me happy too, says Betty

Her life is blessed “My life is divided in two parts—half animal work and half show business,” she says. “So when you’re lucky enough to be doing the two things you like best, that is my to-do list. It’s such a blessing.” Wonderful, says Oprah, you are an inspiration and a national treasure. We’ll watch you on Saturday Night Live in May. Thank you.

So, April 30th is going to be National No Phone Zone Day. Everyone is going to be talking about it, they’re taking it to the streets and want you to be part of it. Tune in on April 30th for an Oprah event to help stop texting and talking on the phone while driving. Betty White and Tracy Morgan have agreed to take the pledge. Tracy says pull over, Betty says that she couldn’t agree with it more. Thanks everybody.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Licking a stripper pole made Steve Carrell nauseous.

When someone shouts “sexy worm”, that means hump the floor.

If Oprah could eat a meal with anyone in the world alive or dead, she’d have fried chicken with Jesus.

Tracy Morgan says that where he comes from, humor is the knife which cuts through the despair, and he had alot of despair growing up.

Betty White really wants to cross Robert Redford off her to-do list.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:
Steve Carrel and Tina Fey improv-dance spectacularly well when instructed to be “sex robots” and to do the “sexy worm”.

Date: April 6th, 2010
File Under: Aha Moment, Transformation
1 comment

Episode 47: Humdinger Follow-Ups

It’s Monday and we are live the day after Easter here in Chicago. Hope you all had a great holiday. For the last 25 years we’ve been celebrating weight loss, clapping at the before and afters. Recently, says Oprah “I found something very profound that struck me to my core, and it seems to be helping me in the battle with food”. More on that later. But first, this is exactly what she has been talking about- 8 years ago Kathrine Lee cha-cha’ed on stage after losing 175 pounds, that’s a whole man, really. Let’s take a look.

Aside from the birth of her children, Kathrine says that going on Oprah was the proudest day of her life. To have two of her mentors say well done was amazing, She would have sworn on the bible that she would never go back to the way that she was. Since being on the show she  gained 150 lbs and now has lost over 100 again. She knew  things were out of control with the first 20 pounds. It became complete self sabotage, she felt like she wasn’t worthy anymore and she began to hide. She thinks the biggest mistake she made first time around was doing it for everyone else.  It was either for them or to impress them. The food obsession became replaced by getting people’s attention, doing it so they could say great job. In her closet, she has everything from a size 10 to a size 28. She got rid of most of her clothes but she is hanging on to some. She is scared that she will go there again. She just watched the video where she was so sure that she had lost the weight for good, and then she sees the reality of the last 8 years. She breaks down, and says that she thinks what if.

In the studio with Oprah Kathrine says that she kept the weight off for 7 years, she got home and got in touch with a wonderful man in her life, and she got some love in her life. She was single when she came on the show and was happy with the love of God. But she carried that into her relationships, thinking that she was only worthy if she was working hard for that grace, she was only worthy if she was thin.

They got married and she went on birth control and gained 20 pounds. She had never had a chemical weight gain before, only emotional and choice and genetic weight gains. She started hiding, then got pregnant and went into hiding. She went into solitude, she was sure that her husband would leave. Did he? Asks Oprah. No, he did not. Good for him, says Oprah. He is here and he loves her, he loved her then and loves her now.

The April issue of O Magazine is on stands for another week. The cover is red and in it Oprah boldly announces that her battle with food is over. In that issue Oprah says that she had one of those great a-ha moments after a life changing interview with Geneen Roth. When Oprah read Jeanine’s new book, Women Food and God, which they extract in the issue, Oprah had one of those profound moments, exactly like Kathrine is talking about. What she’d known for years with the help of Bob Greene is that it is not about the weight, but it’s also not not about the weight. Its about using food as a substitute for all the things that are missing in our lives. We all know that we can become addicted to gambling, drugs and potato chips but what is interesting to Oprah is that we can also become addicted to attention, like Kathrine did. Kathrinesays that she went from being imprisoned by her body to being imprisoned by praise. Each day she would dress so that people would notice that she had lost weight. If they didn’t notice, then something was wrong. It was only after she gained all the weight and then lost the weight that she could look back and see that she was addicted to praise.

In the O issue, they talk about ending the tyranny with food. If you can’t pick up the April issue of O, then pick up Geneen’s book. Kathrine read it and said it was a  major a-ha throughout, no wonder, she was building a  house of cards. Kathrine says that she has the technical side down, and has had for a long time, she knows what to eat and how to exercise and all that.  She even  thought that she had dealt with a lot of the emotional issues. Reading the book was a major a-ha moment.

To lose the weight and gain it back was almost unbearable. The first time she had to go into a plus size store felt like a complete regression, her old story was back and it felt like failure. She says that regaining the weight was harder than being fat in the first place. She felt like a hypocrite and a fraud. She lost all the weight, she lived the life for 7 years and she is in the industry, she was teaching.  She was doing exactly what she knew not to do. She knew how to do fat and she knew how to do thin, and she knew about the thin person inside but she wasn’t living it. Oprah asks what is going to be different now? Kathrine says that it is already different, the 100 pounds that she has lost already… Yeah yeah yeah says Oprah. Kathrine says that the applause is nice to have, to be recognized, but it doesn’t define her. She was pleased when she went from a size 28 to a  26, because it was valuable and she knows who she is, and that she is more than her weight. Her value does not fluctuate with her weight. The amount she is loved does not vary with her weight- her husband and business colleagues proved that. It was an incredible experience.

The new book, Women Food and God has a lot of people rethinking their weight battle, Oprah included. One of the things that resonated with Oprah is when Geneen said that ending the battle with food is not about punishing, hating and depriving yourself, it is about being loving and kind to yourself. Kathrine has learned that too. When she regained the weight she’d walk past a mirror and think that she was disgusting, her first thought in the morning would be that she hates herself. And then she’d have to deal with the guilt because she has such a great life and a great family. To find that, the kindness is what healed her. To find everything that is good. She has touched the package, she has a great life.

Oprah says when you see your hips in the mirror you should say Hello Honey Buns, and touches her hips. Hello Honey Buns. You know what, says Kathrine, these hips are what birthed my children.  These hips take her from here to there to love people. She began to appreciate every part of her body right where she was.  She started to look at everything that is good, not what is bad. It then is not about what she’s eating, it becomes effortless. That is what Oprah is finding, this time it is easy, effortless. It’s not about counting or labeling, it’s just being with yourself in a more natural state. Catherine says that it is about preparation not obsessing. They have all the tools, they know exactly what to do, this time they just have to do it and get on with living their life. She just grabs and goes. Oprah finds it disgusting- if she could add up all the energy, time and effort that you have spent obsessing about this. If you could add up all the time, and where has it got you? Exactly, says Catherine. When she stopped that and stopped hiding, she went back to teaching. She lives in Southern California, land of the beautiful people and she has this group of the most amazing women and she’d think why do they want to learn from me? And she’d think because you are smart, you are kind, you have wisdom- they felt the same way about her and she was 300 pounds. She loved herself even at 300 pounds. Catherine says that watching the footage of herself on Oprah when she said she liked herself now was tragic to her because she couldn’t say I love me. And the “now”, the fact that she only liked herself because she had lost the weight, there was a “now” to qualify it. Now she just loves herself. Thanks very much to Catherine. Anyone who  is struggling with their weight, read Oprah’s interview with Geneen Roth. If you are moved by the article, pick up the book or Kindle it. There will be an entire episode with Geneen on May 12th, it’s going to be very powerful for all of us who have been living with this issue.

Three years ago, Oprah talked to a 16 year old named Jake who was born a girl and had lived most of his life as Julia. Her team checked in for an update and there have been some twists and turns. First, let’s look back. He first knew he was different when he was about 7 and told his mom that he was a boy in a girl’s body. Julia was never there, he was always Jake but in a different body. By the time she was 14, Julia she was transitioning into a male with bi-weekly hormone injections and binding her breasts to look less like a woman. By 15 she had a full mastectomy. He wanted to be a male, a husband, a positive male role model, not just a lesbian. As Jake embraced his new identity, his younger brother Jason struggled with the new family dynamic. He missed his sister. For the past couple of years the family were really focused on Jake and Jason felt pushed to one side.

Oprah says that was her big fear when they did this story 3 years ago. Just recently they sent the cameras to catch up with them, take a look. Jake says that life is great. He’s at college and he’s finding out much more about himself. After the show he did some more soul searching and found out that he is attracted to men. He has a boyfriend, they have been together for a year, and Jake has never felt more man than he does now. He and his brother have “kind of fallen apart”. He should have taken the time to tell his parents to pay attention to his brother. They used to be best friends and have no secrets and now they don’t have that anymore. It kills him, because his brother is one of the most important parts of his life. Jason says that he is a very different person than he was three years ago, he’s not really able to connect with his brother, they are going in different directions in life and can’t really talk. Jake says that Jason was jealous of the attention, and no one really asked how Jason was feeling, it triggered Jason into a downward spiral of his own. Last year Jason was diagnosed with anorexia and dropped down to 100 pounds. Everything felt so chaotic and out of control, so he controlled what he ate, it was all he could control. Jake thought that Jason was going to die because he was so skinny, it scared him to death, he couldn’t imagine life without his brother. Jason felt unloved and unnoticed, invisible, and eventually he stopped reaching out- everyone was too busy with Jake. Their mother says that she feels her children’s pain, she admits her part in Jason’s sadness, she should have been more aware of what was going on. A year ago Jason started to date a man and came out to his parents. He didn’t want to tell his parents, to throw off the sense that his mom had at least one “normal” kid.

Oprah finds it interesting that last time she felt so strongly that this would happen, that Jason was a boy being ignored in is own home and that all the energy in the family was going to Jake. The mom says that the most profound thaing that happened was that Oprah tapped her on the shoulder as they were leaving and said be sure to take care of Jason. She was right on. Jason didn’t see that happening then, Jason didn’t think he’d be where he is, but figured that he could have his rebellious stage around this age. He figured once Jake got to a better place, that he could drift off a bit- he didn’t know what he’d be dealing with, but he knew that he’d be dealing with something. So the anorexia really is about being able to control something in your life? says Oprah. Yes, Jason had no control over his intrusive thoughts but could control the we he looked. Jake says that they are best friends to this day, and while he was going through his transition he saw his brother getting skinnier, spending 2-3 hours on a treadmill and only eating green beans. He couldn’t put it together and  say that it was an eating disorder because he was too wrapped up in his own issues. Jason says that the pediatrician said it was an eating disorder, and from there they assembled a team to treat him. Oprah says that he felt disconnected and unloved and this all came about as he tried to connect with something. Jake is doing great, is wonderful. The transition was a great thing for him. He has transitioned but not done gender reassignment surgery. He says that this will make all the guys cringe but it is relatively easy to take a penis, slice it in two, fold it inward and make a vagina. But how do you take a vagina and make it into a penis? In his self exploration and finding himself attractive to males, with his partner (he feels that they will be together for always so he calls him his partner) he has found someone who gets him, which is difficult. His partner loves who he is and what he has, so Jake feels why does he need to? Oprah says that it is interesting if his partner is male and gay- yes says Jake, he is male and born with a penis, and is fully gay-identified- and Jake still has his- vagina, says Jake, yes the word.. vagina, says Oprah. Usually from what Oprah has heard, gay men don’t like vaginas. The crowd laugh a little. Jake’s boyfriend is extremely open to things and they do have sex. He apologises to his mom who says Oh my God I had no idea, while rolling her eyes,  yeah we’re all so shocked adds Jason. Jake says that they have sex like a heterosexual couple would have sex. Jake says that his boyfriend is fine with it because he loves him. Oprah says that she feels we are moving towards that in the world- everyone being who they are and loving who they love. On the flip side, says Jake, he started dating men to begin with because females didn’t get it- they would ask if it made them a lesbian. He would explain that he was a man, he doesn’t have breasts.   Teenage girls didn’t date him because they wanted a penis. Oprah says that she loves that he is so open, so let her ask him this. Men are always so caught up on the whole penis size thing, if you are a transgender and you have a clitoris, which is not a penis and therefore it is not that big. He says that he is pretty well-endowned for a transgender male. Oprah says that as a trans-man, size doesn’t matter? He says no, there are things that people can do, there are toys… Oprah says that she doesn’t want to hear, that she appreciates his candor, but she doesn’t need to know. She asks Jason if he identifies as being bi-sexual.  He says that they were raised by their mom to love someone for their soul, not their body, so gender does not matter, neither do genitals. He doesn’t identify himself as bisexual, but others do. Oprah asks how he is now? Quite good actually, he is applying to colleges and is in a more stable relationship than before. He is not as close to his brother but he feels that it will come back again in the future, maybe they need their time to separate. Many families were not as close as they were, so maybe they need their time to grow. Oprah thanks them all and wishes the mother luck.

So it’s only been a few months since you all voted Abraham McDonald the winner of the first ever Oprah Show Karaoke Challenge. What made it even more fun was that the contestants had no idea that they were competing for $250,000 and the opportunity to work with hit-music-maker LA Reed on their own single. It’s been quite a whirlwind for our champion, take a look. Winning the challenge has been amazing, from the experiences of singing places he always wanted to sing, meeting people he has always wanted to meet, to finally  getting out of his apartment has been incredible. He sang at the Lakers Houston Game and met Mary J Bilge and now he has his own house to live in with a tree and a washer dryer and own bathroom at home. He is moving in with his mother and is doing his own renovation. He is at the Record Plant recording Studios for his first session with Island Def Jam. LA Reed has given him an amazing opportunity to come and record a song, he is geeked. He is now recording his CD, it started as a single and has become a record, which he is very excited about. He loves it, he loves it.

Abraham joins Oprah in the studio by Skype from California.  Oprah notes that he is growing more hair because she didn’t like the mohawk thing that he had going. He said that he liked the mohawk, but his sister said that it had to go. Oprah says good for her. She asks how the experience has been for him? He says that the beginning of the beginning, seeing his dream take legs has been amazing, the family at Island Def Jam have been incredible. It’s been growing, he went from doing a single, Mr Reed offered him the opportunity to do that, but it has become a whole album. He has been in the studio with some amazing writers and musicians. You can download his new single for free for the next 24 hours from Oprah.com. He says that he had such a good time recording the single. He says that it has felt a bit out of body, because this is your life not a movie. He has been flying by the seat of his pants. He says that he calls it Jesus’ Cadillac; he goes wherever Jesus takes him.  Oprah asks what’s next and where did the album songs come from? He is doing some writing with some amazing writers, and testing out what feels good and what sounds good. It’s really about the passion pouring out of him and meeting that with his craftsmanship. Oprah asks him how it feels never to have to go to the Laundromat again? He shouts that he never wants to see a Laundromat ever again. Oprah says isn’t it wonderful to take the clothes out of the dryer and there they are-does he still appreciate that? He was appreciating that just yesterday. He thanks Oprah so much for allowing the whole contest to take place for all the contestants, he doesn’t even have the words.  He calls her team The Great Machine and she says that she thinks that she has the best team in TV. She thanks him very much for acknowledging that. Oprah says she heard that he got a new car, did he make it a No Phone Zone? He sure did, he says and holds up his copy of the No Phone Zone Pledge. He had his entire family sign the pledge too. That’s good Oprah says. She is so proud of him.

Last fall we met Cheryl, a single mother of two who confessed to taking 7000 prescription pills a year, remember this? That morning when she woke up, Cheryl knew that she was out of pills and called her friend who rushed over with her pills. She knew that her Vicodin wouldn’t get her through the day, and she shared her pills with her son. Watching her son go through withdrawal was too hard, so she shared her pills with him. She no longer had a job and was days from being evicted, her addiction probably cost her over $100,000. They weren’t the only ones affected by the addiction, her daughter Veronica learned to raise herself and said that she missed when everyone was real with real emotions.  It was just words, you couldn’t see through to their hearts. Back when she was in Elementary School, her mom was always there, being the parent handing out cookies for the kids. Now she’d be suprised if her mother knew what her grades were or even if she’s at school. In the studio in 2007, Oprah asked how hard it had been- its been hard but it’s like a habit. It’s their normal and she can’t change it so she has to make it her normal and get on with her life herself. Cheryl wanted to change but the cost of rehab would be astronomical.

Immediately following that show, a Treatment Center in Rockford Illinois agreed to accept Cheryl and her son into treatment. Cheryl and her daughter Veronica were on Skype but it went down so now they are on the phone. They are doing well today, and have many days ahead of them. Cheryl thanks Oprah for the opportunity to open the eyes of America and for the opportunity to heal herself; she is alive . Cheryl was an inpatient for 3 weeks and then she was an outpatient. Oprah asks if it was rough- the first three days were terrible but after that she began learning things about herself and realized that she was in the right place. She has been sober now for 205 days. Wow, good for you says Oprah, the crowd applaud. Oprah was so moved by Veronica and her desire to have a connection with her mom. Things are great now, being on the show allowed Veronica to get through to her Mom’s heart and now it is total opposite, they bond alot now. Really, says Oprah, she’s present for you? Yes definitely, 24/7. When she wants a pill, Cheryl prays to God. Three days before Oprah contacted her, she prayed to God because she had hit rock bottom and she couldn’t go further. She told God, take me and do what you will. She shared her story when she saw a call for responses from the Oprah Show asking if you were addicted to prescription painkillers. She shared her story and three days later she was contacted by the Show. It was a God thing, says Cheryl. Everything is a God thing says Oprah. I hear ya Oprah, says Cheryl. Food addiction is a God thing. Drug addiction is a God thing, Its all about being disconnected from source, and I am so pleased that you found that out, says Oprah. Thank you both so much.

Tune in tomorrow for a special announcement about our No Phone Zone Pledge  which will sweep the country. Thank you.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Being overweight is not about the weight, but it’s also not not about the weight. Its about using food as a substitute for all the things that are missing in our lives.

Ending the battle with food is not about punishing, hating and depriving yourself, it is about being loving and kind to yourself.

If you have a transgender child, do not focus all your attention on that child if they have siblings.

Oprah feels that in the world we are moving towards everyone being who they are and loving who they love.

Everything is a God thing. Food addiction is a God thing. Drug addiction is a God thing, Its all about being disconnected from source.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

God, God God, Jesus, addiction, recovery, God.

Date: April 3rd, 2010
File Under: Celebrity, Grief

Episode 46: Janet Jackson and Tyler Perry

Since her brother Michael’s shocking death, Janet Jackson has been very guarded about her feelings. But now she says she’s in a new place, with a fresh perspective  9 months later, she’s drawing on all that she has been through and is putting herself out there in a way we’ve never seen before.

We all remember where we were when we heard the news, the world was stunned when we heard of the shocking death of Michael Jackson. Several days later, younger sister Janet spoke on behalf of the family. At the time of his death, Janet had just started production on her latest film, Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married Too? You can feel the pain and raw emotion in Janet’s performance. Welcome Janet Jackson.

They hug. Oprah says that every woman needs a golf club now and then, referring to the scene in the film. Janet says that it felt nice. On the first take she broke the club and it hit her in the ankle and it hurt. Really, says Oprah. Oprah says that obviously Janet was in character but had to use her own self and emotions. Janet says that she used her own pent up emotions and it was very therapeutic. Oprah says that we all remember where we were when we heard the news about Michael, it’s one of those seminal moments in history. Janet was at home in New York, she got a call from her assistant who said that there was something on TV about Michael being ill. She called home and reached her sister Latoyah, her nephew and her brother Jermaine. They were all on their way to the hospital. She can’t remember who she called back to see how he was doing, but then she was told that he had passed. Oprah reiterated that in Janet’s statement after the death, she said that to the world he was an icon, but to them, he was family. Does it feel surreal? Janet says that it is still hard to believe, not a day goes by when they don’t think about him. Oprah asks who in the audience has seen This Is It? Some of the audience applaud. Janet has not seen it and doesn’t know if she will ever be able to watch it. She had to turn away at the clip. Oprah says that it was great to see him in process and it’s great fro fans to have that document. He did look awfully thin and didn’t seem to be the Michael that we’d known in the past, says Oprah. Was Janet and the family aware of a problem? Janet gave her parents a surprise party a month before and they knew he had a problem, as he was thin then. They had tried interventions but he didn’t think that he had a problem. Of course they were all worried, but he was in denial. The last time she wasn’t able to attend, but everyone else was there. Oprah was at an intervention once and says that it is remarkable, it is like being bombarded with love, with everyone trying to reach out. Janet says that she had to leave once, she was so overwhelmed with emotion she had to walk out the room, it was too much for her to handle. What people were saying, and knowing him and hearing what everyone said, and knowing that he had a problem but seeing the denial. We have to remember that a lot of Janet’s relationships have had problems with addiction so she knows something about it. Its difficult when you recognize it because she has dealt with it with past relationships. Oprah says that some reports said that Michael was severely depressed before he died, does Janet think that was true, because we can’t tell because he was such a consummate performer, and that he was most himself when on stage? Janet says that she thinks you have to be to get to that place. Oprah says that we all know how lack of sleep affects us, how we feel when we haven’t slept for a couple of days. In Feb, Los Angeles prosecutors charged Dr Conrad Murray with involuntary manslaughter in the death of Michael Jackson. They say that he administered a lethal dose of Propofol, a powerful operating room anaesthetic which actually killed Michael. He pled not guilty to the charges and has returned to practice. Oprah asks if Janet blames the doctor for Michael’s death. Yes she does. He is the one that was administering the drug from what she knows. Oprah asks about the children. Janet says that they are well. Oprah says that for years Michael protected them and kept them out of the public eye and it is interesting that wherever they go now, to the store or to get an ice cream cone the paparazzi are there, how are they handling that? They are ok, all her nieces and nephews are ok , says Janet. It is difficult, there father passed but they are dealing with it. Thank God they have their family around and all their cousins, some of whom are very close in age. Are they being raised as Jehovah’s Witnesses asks Oprah? No, they used to go to the Kingdom Hall, Michael would take them from time to time. Oprah says that in the religion you don’t celebrate birthdays or holidays, so she wonders how Janet feels with them being raised Jehovah’s Witnesses.; how Michael would feel about that? They do celebrate birthdays says Janet, they do celebrate Christmas, it was a foundation. They do get to celebrate birthdays.

They show footage of Janet awarding the Lifetime Achievement Grammy Award to Michael, seventeen years ago. Oprah notices that Janet can’t watch it. Janet says that she can’t watch images of him or listen to his music

Isn’t it hard says Oprah because you cant be in Los Angeles, without seeing billboards everywhere? Oprah was in LA before This Is It came out there were adverts everywhere. Janet says it was hard, she had to keep looking away. Oprah asks Janet when she is able to go the space, the warmest place with thoughts about him, what are those thoughts? Janet says that when they were kids, how much fun they had together. They spent all day together. She can look at the photos of them as kids, it takes her to that place where they were as kids, she has a beautiful photo of them as babies in her home. They take her to that place she missed even when he was here. Oprah asks when she began to lose him as a brother? Janet replies around the time of Thriller, she wound up getting into music and left home and he was still at home. They still kept in touch. Oprah asks if Janet was the closest to him in the family- growing up, yes, says Janet. Oprah asks if she was still able to give him advice as the younger sister? Once in a while, Janet says he’d look at her and say what, and she’d know he didn’t want to hear it. But he listened. Oprah reiterates that Janet is able to be surrounded by earlier memories because that was a different time. She mostly remembers his laughter. The last time she saw him was two days before her birthday at the surprise party. She was being silly like they did as kids and he was looking at her just cracking up. The last thing they said was I love you. That’s a good thing, says Oprah. Yes, says Janet.

At the time of Michael’s death, Janet was filming with Tyler Perry, who said he could see  Janet channel her emotions into the role. Come on out Tyler Perry.

The crowd goes wild, Tyler kisses them both. Oprah says that she doesn’t know how to introduce him anymore, he is so all of that and everything. Your friend says Tyler. Obviously you had contacted Janet with the movie script and written the script with the golf club scene, which people thought was a Tiger Woods thing, says Oprah. He says he wrote it long before there were any golf clubs in the news. Oprah says that he says that Janet channeled her emotions into the scene. Tyler says that Janet is extremely private with regards to her family and they spoke of intervention but that he will not speak of it more than she wants her to, but that he wants to tell everyone that they really tried so hard. Oprah says that its really important to say for Janet’s family and the millions out there dealing with abuse, that the perception was that Michael had been enabled. Oprah thought when she heard it, who loved him, as she has participated in an intervention. Tyler knows that Janet is very private but he wants to make sure that everyone knows how hard they tried. Oprah says that it is hard to do when a person is in denial, but it is extremely hard to do when they are in denial and have power and money. But you never give up says Janet. Oprah asks Janet if she was shocked when she heard he was gone from drugs. Janet always felt that day could come, everyone feels that when they have a family member struggling with drugs. Which is your fear, which is why you do an intervention, says Oprah.

In his latest film, Tyler Perry reunites with Janet Jackson for Why Did I Get Married Too? Where four couples meet in the Bahamas for their annual get-together, but soon there is trouble in paradise, secrets are uncovered and everything unravels. There you go, says Oprah. Ok. Oprah asks if it has hard for Janet to cry on cue? Not that week, says Tyler, not really says Janet it’s been easy since she was a kid. That’s really…really, says Oprah. Tyler says that the first movie was so much fun and they really wanted to see each other again, and they all came together at this time and were so protective of Janet. Tyler wanted to be sure that she was protected, they took the snotty crying pictures out of the film, they didn’t want them to be leaked to the press and taken out of context. He changed the ending so that she didn’t have to speak at a funeral. Janet didn’t want him to do that but he did anyway They hold hands. Janet says that Tyler is so kind and everyone was so kind and she just wants to thank him. Oprah says that Tyler is a nurturing guy. Janet says that he was by her side the whole time making sure that she was ok. Oprah was going through some stuff one day and Tyler showed up at her place in California and turned up to say that he wanted to see her face and see that she was ok. Janet is working on a book, she has been doing it for a while,. Many people had asked her about her weightloss and instead of writing a nutrition book she decided to go back into her childhood and look at issues of self esteem. Oprah asks her if she’s an emotional eater. Absolutely. Oprah asks if she put on weight during all this because it would have sent her to a bag of chips. I did, says Janet. Oprah says that she said to someone the other day that they don’t need to worry about her with drugs or alcohol, but if they ever see her with a bag of blue chips she’ll be mainlining them. The crowd laugh. Janet turns to food when she is stressed and down. Other people forget to eat; Janet and Oprah turn to food. Oprah asks if she has girlfriends who helped her through this? A few, yes. Oprah asks if they go away together for a trip like in the films. Janet says has she done it with her girlfriends? No, but she has done it with guy friends.

Oprah loved the scene where all the women were gathered around Janet. She says that she loved it because first of all, women gather. It is like a laying on of hands- did that happen with your friends? Yes, says Janet. Tyler felt that it was a pivotal moment in the film where they could all gather and cry about everything that was going on. Tyler speaks of the Wailing Women in the Bible, and the power of women coming together to cry and bawl and pray. Janet brought so much to the film, it was great. Oprah asks how he writes so well for women? My momma, he says. They all cheer.

Tyler Perry has been in Chicago this week with a funny musical, Madea’s Big Happy Family. They go backstage with Tyler. He introduces two of the lead singers that Tyler found on You Tube. They sing, he tells them they are going to Oprah. Tyler loves making people’s dreams come true. Oprah says that she surprised Tyler by going to his show in Winston Salem North Carolina. She came in the turnstyle with 6000 other people, and all the crowd were screaming. Oprah says that the show is like a revival, a picnic, a show, a good time, its like an entertainment that you have never seen, and people take their whole families. Oprah talks to the You Tube guys, who have never worn suits before and says that she was so impressed by them, but surprised that Tyler found them on You Tube. They were doping around singing the Brady Bunch. They were friends working at a restaurant, they were on You Tube singing and then they got an email from Tyler’s people and they thought it wasn’t true. They met Tyler on a Wednesday and were rehearsing for the play the next day. They go on stage to sing the Brady Bunch song. That’s great says Oprah, they do gospel like she has never seen on that show. Thanks to Janet Jackson, Tyler will stick around. The film comes out tomorrow.

He is all over TV in one of the steamiest ad campaigns of the year, it’s the manly man Old Spice commercial. Oprah loves that commercial. She loves it so much that she’s going to buy some Old Spice. Isaiah Mustafa is the man in the commercial, he joins them from his bathroom by Skype. Look at your audience, then back at me, then at the audience and back at me, he says. Anything is possible when you are Oprah, he says, if she flies him to Chicago next week she can smell him. Oprah says she loves it. How is he doing? Its been amazing, its opened alot of opportunities for him, its getting him up the ladder. Oprah asks wasn’t he a major football player? He says yes but not major. He’d be cut in and out for a few weeks, he played for the Raiders, Tennessee Titans, Cleveland browns and Seattle Seahawks. Wow, that’s major, says Oprah. How did he get this advert? As an actor you take commercial jobs to pay the bills. He asked his mom to look after his daughter while he ran over to do the audition, on the way he called his buddy, left his audition as a message, listened to the way he did the take and liked it so that was what he went with. To get people to listen to you, you “pull it back a little bit and drop the register”. Oprah chuckles and says very good. So every woman wants to know what are the chances of smelling him? He says that he is not smellable, he is taken, only his girlfriend Brandi can scratch and sniff.

Oprah asks if he’s had any big offers since doing the advert, he says that it has been fast and furious and that he just went up for a Tyler Perry movie. Oprah says that she had Tyler here a couple of days ago, what was the film? Colored Girls. Oh yeah, says Oprah. Oprah says that Tyler is a good friend of hers, Isaiah says that maybe she could put in a good word for him. You can do that yourself says Oprah, Tyler is here in the studio. Isaiah is shocked. Tyler asks him to put his shirt on and get out the bathroom. He got the part, he did a great job. Oprah says that is terrific, all from an Old Spice commercial. Congratulations Isaiah, we’ll look forward to seeing you on the big screen.

They play an extract from Janet Jackson’s latest CD Number One. Everyone in the audience is going home with that, yay. Tyler’s movie is coming out today, and they will all go and see it. Oprah asks if he goes to boost the box office numbers, he says that he likes to see it in real time with the audience. Oprah has a screening room but she has a ticket bought for her, so that her vote counts. Tyler agrees to sign the No Phone Zone Pledge, he will commit to only using a hands-free set. Oprah says that means that he can only use a hands free set only if necessary, don’t conduct your meetings in the car. He signs it and says that he had everybody in the studio sign it. Wow, oh my, says Oprah. Tyler says that this is very important because only a few days ago someone was injured here in Chicago. Oprah says that it is happening all over and that having his whole studio sign the pledge was a great surprise, one that she could handle. Why Did I Get Married Too? opens tomorrow. Thanks everybody, goodbye.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Janet Jackson and her entire family repeatedly tried to stage interventions for Michael Jackson.

Janet Jackson believes that the doctor who administered Propofol to her brother is responsible for his death.

Janet Jackson can not look at images of Michael as an adult, nor can she listen to his music or watch him in film.

Tyler Perry is a kind, sensitive, nurturing friend to both Oprah and Janet Jackson.

Isaiah Mustafa, the actor in the popular Old Spice commercials will only allow his girlfriend to scratch and sniff him.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Janet Jackson and Oprah Winfrey are both close friends with Tyler Perry, but probably not with each other.

Date: March 30th, 2010
File Under: Celebrity, Entertainment, Live your best life, Makeover

Episode 45: Brilliantly Aging Women With Raquel Welsh

For four decades she has reigned as one of America’s killer sex symbols, with  that incredible body and amazing hair. Despite being a household name she has rarely spoken about her life off-screen. But now at age 69, Raquel Welsh is opening up with a new memoir. Let’s take a look.

A 26 year old Raquel Welsh appeared in a a doeskin bikini for the film One Million Years B.C in 1966. Almost instantly, the mother of two become an overnight sex symbol sensation. Raquel went on to star in more than 30 movies and dozens of television shows. Along the way she was on the cover of Time and starred with  leading men like Frank Sinatra. She took a turn on Broadway and also won a Golden Globe for her role in The Three Musketeers. Offscreen, Raquel’s signature wig line has made more than $500 million in sales, proving she has a head for business. Recently she made GQ’s magazines list of sexiest women of all time. They said, “back when women had bodies, Welsh was the body”.

If this is what 69 looks, like, bring it on. Welcome Raquel Welsh, says Oprah. The crowd go crazy. Wowee, says Oprah, wowee. Wowee. They embrace and compliment each other. Wowee, says Oprah. This is the question, do you feel as good as you look? Barely, says Raquel, laughing. She has her mornings when she likes herself but generally 90% of the time it’s Oh my God. This morning was disastrous- it takes her 3 hours to get ready which is why she looks so good- for her game face. In the book she says as you get older you have to decided if you are going to get in the game or check out, says Oprah. Raquel says that people decide that it’s over for them, they believe in the propaganda. Oprah says that there is a world of propaganda that when you reach 40, and especially 50, that it is over for you.

Oprah says that Raquel wrote the book because she finally wanted to be heard, and the title speaks to that so well: Raquel: Beyond the Cleavage. The crowd cheer. Oprah was interested to hear that she was a somewhat reluctant sex symbol. Yes, says Raquel, when she came to Hollywood she wanted to be a serious actress, she was already the mother of two small children. Oprah didn’t know that until she read this book. Oprah thinks that the powers that were at the time didn’t want us to know, because it would ruin the sexy image. It wasn’t common knowledge says Raquel, she didn’t parade it around alot. When she first came to Hollywood, it was really clear that no actresses really had children. So she didn’t really know which path her career would take. She had her first baby at 19 with her highschool sweetheart. When it turned out that people really liked her because of her body and her sultry look, then..,.

Oprah interrupts to say that at the time everyone was gaga over Marilyn Monroe and that Raquel was not blond enough. Yes says Raquel, when she came to LA and tried to do some modeling just to get a job, they hated her body, everything was wrong. Too much here, not enough here.. Can you imagine, says Oprah, the guy who turned down Raquel Welsh is in an institution somewhere.

On page 23 of the book, Raquel writes that several million copies of the image were circulated throughout the planet. She became every males fantasy from that film. What did that feel like, asks Oprah. “Part of it was really flattering and fun,” she says. “The other part was just really scary as hell.” She felt she couldn’t live up to expectations. Sex sells so then there was this barrage of attention, photographs and photographs celebrating things that she didn’t feel worthy of. She was happy that she had got a break so she could have her career, but at the same time, it was like: “This isn’t me. But this is what I have to do because this is my ticket to ride” she says. “I’m not in a position to just say: ‘Oh, no, wait a minute. You’ve got it all wrong. I’d like to do Shakespeare, I’d like to do something really serious”’.

Oprah loves that there is a point in the book where she went to see the director of the film and said she’d been thinking. It was on One Million Years B.C., when Raquel tried to approach director Don Chaffey with her ideas for a scene, making the best of her script. She said “Don, I’ve been thinking. I’ve been looking at the script and I’ve been thinking.” And he said, “Don’t.”He was the first in a long line of directors and producers who didn’t “give a rats ass” what she thought.

Oprah asks if she felt powerful or manipulated and controlled. “I felt I was being manipulated and things were moving without my consent, but I was also trying to calculate, because I’m not stupid. Maybe this has a good side to it and I better go with it and see where it might take me”. Oprah asks if they can have a really candid conversation when they come back from break because Raquel is a sex and beauty icon in the world. “Used to be” says Raquel. “No, still are” corrects Oprah, “absolutely still are”. The crowd applaud. Oprah says that she is always fascinated by extraordinarily beautiful women and what that does to your psyche. What happens when you walk into a room and the room stops. Oprah says that she has a good personality but the room doesn’t stop, you know what I mean? More after the break.

They show a clip from 1984 where Oprah first interviewed Raquel. She asked if Raquel was scared of aging because she is so beautiful, and Raquel replied “it’s a bitch”. Oprah says she learned from that interview that Raquel demanded a lighting test before appearing. Oprah had been sitting in the dark fro a year and after that she said that she wanted better lighting. That is what Raquel did for Oprah. They shake hands.

Oprah asks her about walking into the room as a sex symbol, she had been marketed that way, and went along with it, adds Raquel. Do you feel like you are that person asks Oprah. Its not that you are that person, says Raquel, she didn’t feel that she was that person, but she was addicted to the attention and power, the doors that opened for her. “It pulled me away from my more serious artistic side, and I kind of just let the other go, to tell you the truth.” Really, asks Oprah? Raquel did what people paid to see. She did a couple of serious roles and no one cared, no one turned up. They wanted to see Raquel Welsh being Raquel Welsh, just as they wanted to see Marilyn Monroe being Marilyn Monroe. Oprah says that she has talked to Beyonce a couple of times, who says that she becomes Sasha Fierce up on stage, a performer and entertainer, an artist. Totally, says Raquel, thats what she loves about Beyonce; when she’s not performing she is humble and works so hard, the humility is touching.

Oprah asks if she was afraid of getting older? Totally, she replies. To be an aging sex symbol is not exactly a picnic. In the book, Oprah says she liked that Raquel says that old is the last remaining dirty word for a woman. The crowd applaud. You can be called a ho, a porno slut, everything- none of that means anything, but if you are called old you feel like its over. Raquel felt that getting through 50 and surviving the menopause was like a new awakening. It was like Hello Raquel, you’re like that and like that, aren’t you. It was like starting over. On page 45 she said that the battle against aging truly begins in the onset of menopause. She found herself without energy and depressed. “I used to find myself just down on the floor in a corner crying my eyes out,” she says. “I couldn’t handle anything.” Nobody warns you how it will be, they commiserate. No one wants to admit that their eggs are over and on crutches, walking out the door, says Oprah. Raquel says that she thinks that it should be called, “men on pause”. For other reasons, yes, says Oprah. Raquel realized that when the body chemistry changes, it reveals some of the underlying problems that you have, some of the issues that she has never addressed.

Oprah loves that Raquel likened it to coming into the light. Oprah says its like our bodies are pushing through all the stuff that needs to be cleaned up and cleared up, the repressed stuff, so you can move into the light of yourself. Raquel had to face herself- her career and the men in her life were an avoidance of what is in her life. Sometimes a moment of silence can be the scariest thing in the world and you don’t really want to open the door and let things in, she says. Oprah is the opposite, she loves to be alone with her thoughts. Raquel does now, she says. Oprah says that when Raquel walks into the room, people are always looking at her, and what is there when she is home alone? Raquel says she has a heart and soul; her mind, her children and her emotions are all alive and well. She just had to unravel the things that she hadn’t been dealing with, she was always too busy. Coming up, Raquel Welsh says sex is over-rated, all the women watching at home can tell their husbands that when they come home tonight.

Before break, some women weigh in on what it means to age brilliantly. Linda age 55 says having a zest for life, going for it. Last year she hiked, rode dirt bikes and ran a half marathon. When her grandson was born she thought oh good, I have a playdate. Karyn loves being 62, she will not allow her husband to buy her a seniors ticket for the movies. She is excited by what is coming next, it keeps getting more exciting and she wants to live to be 120. Shirley, age 94, thinks it’s foolish to lie about your age. She was never afraid of aging, she didn’t think about it. Irene, 85, now has time for herself to play piano and read fat books, she can stay up late reading if she wants to, she can dance by herself having fun.

Raquel Welsh mentions “spending time” with everyone from Burt Bacharach, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Elvis Presley. In the book she made it like a multiple choice question, because she doesn’t believe a woman should kiss and tell. Oprah thinks Elvis and Dean Martin would have been irresistible to her.  “They were all interesting in their own ways,” she says. Those two guys were not the whole enchilada for her. In 1972, Raquel filmed Bluebeard in Budapest with Richard Burton. “He’s like a heat-seeking missile, a smoking hot romantic,” she says. “He was just so charismatic. He was really something”. In 1964, Raquel had a small part in Elvis’ film Roustabout. “He was like high-octane energy set on idle,” she says. “He had all this stuff in him. He was charged up. But it was all contained in this cool demeanor.” Oprah asks if Elvis ever seduced her.  “He invited me someplace that I decided not to go,” she says. “I just didn’t want to be another notch in his gun.”

On page 191, Raquel writes that sex is overrated and overhyped. If you are lucky it occurs with some regularity but its not the whole enchilada.  “Sex is great, of course. But sex to me is an expression of the relationship and the feelings that you have for somebody else,” she says. Oprah says that people always think that Raquel, especially at the height of her “Raquelness” must be having sex all the time. Raquel says that she is not a prude but that the chemistry is only one part. She feels that we are a society of sexhibitionists. Everywhere she turns she sees porno queens and bare midriffs and big hair on three year olds. This is crazy that we are promoting this attitude to life, what about our whole selves? As a professional actress, this is what she does but “All the men that I have really fallen for are those men that have reacted to me and have made me feel like I’m a person and it’s not that they’re going to bed with Raquel Welch,” she says. The rapport must be there between them as people, and that they are not tongue tied. She’s just a human being, she puts her high heels on one foot at a time.

Oprah asks if she’s high maintenance. “I am for work but not the rest of the time,” Raquel says. Actresses are self centered and self serving and you have to be to get certain jobs done, but the rest of the time you have to be yourself. “I’m usually just in sweatpants and some kind of raggedy shirt and my Keds.” Oprah asks how raggedy? Raquel says that the year she wrote the book she went to pot and it was liberating. What Oprah said to her earlier was the key. When she came along in that poster “I was a thing to be seen and not heard,” she says. “By the time you get to 70, you might have a couple of things you’d like to say, and you might like to reach out and have a conversation with other women.”

Oprah asks what she’d like to say to other women about aging. Raquel says the lesson for every aging woman is to embrace it. “I want them to stop being scared of it, because it’s just another chapter in life,” she says. “It’s not time for you to give up. You don’t need to repeat what you did already. Don’t keep comparing yourself.” You need to get in the game, don’t give up but don’t keep comparing yourself. It used to bother her that working out or doing yoga she couldn’t compete, but now she realizes that she is almost 70 and not 19 or 20 or 30 or 50. Improve on your own terms, don’t try and repeat the past. Oprah reads from the book where Raquel says she likes to think of aging gracefully as a game. “We might as well make up our minds to play it or just bow out and be spectators,” she says. “Sitting around doing nothing is far from the best option. Just as you maintain your home, your car, your garden, you should look after your greatest gift: your body.” Oprah loves that, thank you.

Linda, 55, says step out of your box, there is no reason why you can’t do something. Shirley, 94, would tell a young woman to learn as much as she can all the time, every day, every year. Karyn, 62, always tells people that if you don’t take care of your body, the most magnificent machine that you are given, where are you going to live? Irene, 85, says be resilient, be like a willow tree bowing to the ground in the storm. An oak tree is rigid and will crack. Things are tough, but you will get through.

Raquel has two children, Tawny and Damon. She is very honest in the book about her shortcomings as a mother.  “When I’m running around the world and being Miss Sex Symbol and having this big career in film and everything and I’m running from place to place, I couldn’t always be with my children when I wanted to be,” she says. She would have governesses and tutors but that was not the same. “Eventually, I could see that this was taking its toll on my kids, and it used to just break my heart.” Oprah asks if when she was there, was she really there, or was she someplace else in her Raquelness? Was she present and fully engaged?  “I was often preoccupied,” she says. “I felt loving toward them and I would tuck them in and I would soothe them, but it wasn’t the same as being there for them as a mother 24/7.”  In some birthday cards, Raquel signed “Raquel” instead of “Mom” because she was so used to autographs. They are great great kids, fun and smart decent human beings. Today, Raquel says she has a great relationship with her kids, but it took work. “I just started out realizing that I really needed to swim out to the wave. I needed to take a lot more initiative and just keep letting them know that I wanted to be there in their lives with them, that I had something I could offer to them,” she says. “Little by little, the disappointment or the lack of confidence they had in me in that area melted away.”  Oprah read of a time when Tawny was in private school and Raquel went to the Parent Teacher meeting in all her Raquelness. Raquel realized that she had to change gears, as their mother that was a different thing than she was used to.

Linda, 55, does not use soap, she uses Oil of Olay daily. Shirley, 94,  does a series of stretching exercises with the hope that she can stretch as much on Wednesday as on Tuesday. Annette, 52, is a big fan of Bikram yoga which is done in a 105 degree room, she takes a lot of walks with the dog. Karyn, 62, says that coconut oil is her number one thing. She uses it everywhere, she eats it, she moisturizes her hair with it. She saunas, detoxes, she drinks a green drink to get a lot of chlorophyll. Irene, 85, splashes water on her face and puts on some lipstick.

Raquel says that her friends are always asking for beauty and style advice. Oprah says that they decided to have some fun with her. Gail from Knoxville, Tennessee wrote in. Gail said that she used to be hot and something happened and she lost her mojo. Menopause hit her sideways and she never recovered her drive and enthusiasm and excitement about herself. But she has a really good spirit, she’s fun, says Raquel. Oprah say that they were talking in the commercial break about Halle, J-Lo and Beyonce, that the women have more than their faces and bodies, they  have a spirit  and joy. There’s a joy and femininity and warmth and heat that comes from them in a nice way, says Raquel. Raquel likes to think that she wasn’t just seen as beautiful- the world is full of good looking girls, but that there is something in your heart and mind that makes you, you, and makes you approachable.

Oprah thought Raquel should help 64 year old Gail get her mojo back. Take a look. Gail doesn’t know that Raquel is here waiting for her, she thinks she’s just getting a regular makeover. Gail is shocked to meet Raquel. They comb the racks of Neiman Marcus to find the perfect outfit. Next Raquel called in George, of George Salon, to give Gail’s hair some vava-voom. The final stop was the Laura Mercier make-up counter. Raquel has her own bag of tricks, which she is going to use on Gail. She says that she doesn’t make-over other people very often.

Gail is backstage, come on out. The crowd go wild. Look at you says Oprah. There’s some mojo in there. Oprah thinks that this is the coolest thing- how shocked was Gail when she say Raquel Welsh in Newman Marcus? Gail says that she left her contacts in Knoxville, so when she heard her name being called she thought, “I’m in Chicago, who knows me?” And all of sudden she was like oh my God, it’s Raquel Welsh, Gail was amazed. She says Raquel is beautiful, she’s sexy. Oprah asks if it was inspiring for her, first to have this opportunity and also to see Ms Mojo. Gail was amazed that this icon was the sweetest kindest person. They enjoyed shopping together, they had fun. Oprah asks how she feels, Gail says she is getting emotional because she feels beautiful. Raquel gets up to give her a hug.  Gail thanks her. Great job, Raquel says Oprah, and you look beautiful too, she says to Gail.

Karyn, 62, knows for sure that she’ll continue to live in thankfulness. If you continue to show up, life is beautiful. Shirley, 94,  knows that loving those around you is the best way to achieve any amount of happiness. Annette, 52, knows that if she was to do something crazy like dance around with her girlfriend, you don’t have to feel old just because you are growing old. Irene, 85 says write down the ten things you want most in the next ten years. Reach for the stars and put it in the back of your mind and your subconscious will take over. That she knows for sure. She achieved everything except for keeping her weight down. Linda, 55, knows for sure that she is not worried about growing older she just wants to ride her dirt bike for a little while.

Before she says goodbye, Oprah wants to show a photograph of Rodney Thompson. He was a Senior at Homestead High School in Fort Wayne, Indiana. He was very popular, a star athlete and a leader in his class. On October 17th 2008 he was driving and reading a text. He crashed into a utility pole and died instantly. His mother tells us that Rodney had recently decided that he would be a lawyer to help people less fortunate. She wants us all to learn from her sons story. No text is so important. Go to Oprah.com and take the pledge. Raquel Welsh is ready to take the pledge. There are three different levels of pledge to take. Raquel will not take any more meetings in her car. Her book is called Raquel: Beyond the Cleavage. Thanks to all the brilliantly aging women who shared their wisdom today. Goodbye everybody and thank you.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Raquel Welsh was the mother of two small children when she became famous wearing a doeskin bikini for the film One Million Years B.C.

Raquel Welsh was turned down for modelling jobs when she first moved to LA.

Raquel Welsh was explicitly told not to think by many producers and directors.

Raquel Welsh thinks that sex is over-rated and over-hyped.

Raquel Welsh thinks that “old” is the last remaining dirty word for a woman.

A VERY QUICK SUMMARY:

Being an aging sex symbol is no picnic. Commit to the cause, don’t give up, don’t look back, reach for the stars.


Date: March 26th, 2010
File Under: Entertainment, Health, Live your best life, Transformation

Episode 44: Ryan Seacrest and Jamie Oliver Join Forces

He is the busiest man in show business right now, he is a mover and a shaker, Mr Ryan Seacrest. This is exciting he says, it’s the first time he’s been on the Oprah set. He signed a $45 million contract to stay with American Idol, making him the highest paid reality TV star on television. He says shh his mom is in the audience, and then that there is pressure now for him to be good at what he does. Oprah says that he is paid that well because he is good. He is very pleased to be involved with something so successful. Simon Cowell said to Oprah that he thought that the 3rd season would be the last, and this is the 9th season. Oprah asks how their relationship is, and Ryan says that he will regret saying this in the real world but Simon is one of the sweetest people that you could meet in the business. He has a big heart and they are good friends. That being said, they love to compete. Simon says out loud what he hears in his head, so Ryan doesn’t have to do it. They talk about Ellen on the show- they both say she is terrific and wonderful. The crowd applaud. Ryan doesn’t have to be funny  because Ellen is funny. Before the show she worried about being critical and kind, and also herself and she is fantastic at it.

Oprah says that Ryan loves what he does so much that there is not an idle minute in his day, take a look while the cameras try and keep up with him for a few hours. He starts his day hosting, booking and producing his super-popular syndicated radio show. He feels that he was born to be on the air, he likes the circus of being in the center of a whirlwind of activity. Job 2, from the same chair, is hosting AmericanTop 40 with a 2 1/2 minute break to switch jobs. Job 3, one floor up, is as host and executive producer of E News. He has a stash of green apples and raw almonds for snacking. They fill every day, every minute. Job 4, he runs a multimillion production company, Ryan Seacrest Productions, making programs such as Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Jobs 5 and 6 are finding and scouting talent and creating more original shows. Job 7 is hosting the biggest show on TV, American Idol.

The busiest man in Hollywood says that he thrives on being this busy. At first it was challenging, but now he is in a zen rhythm. Until Twitter he had a handle on the rest of his life. He follows Oprah on Twitter. They talk about other people’s mundane Tweet updates. In life, he says that he was always willing to come in early, leave late and work the hardest. He wasn’t the tallest or strongest or smartest. He felt that he could control his time and efficiency, he conditioned himself to have a strong work ethic. His mother Connie, who is in the audience worried that he didn’t get enough sleep. Their house ethos was work hard- Ryan didn’t want to be an attorney like his dad who worked too many hours. They always sat down for dinner to talk about their lives, so they have a great honest relationship which helped him to do what he wanted to do.

American Idol has changed the landscape of television. In Hollywood, people said music would not work on TV, and now it’s everywhere. Oprah asks who is his favorite contestant, and he says that they are like puppies, you can’t choose your favorite. But he greatly enjoyed the success of Carrie Underwood, the crowd go wild, she had never been on an airplane, and now look at the success. His new reality show with Jamie Oliver debuts soon. This is a very exciting movement for them, he sees the things people get excited for with his radio show when the phones light up. They were talking about what Jamie did for school dinners in the UK and moms get really passionate about it, asking questions- why pizza for breakfast? Where are the healthy options? He met with Jamie and knew that this  project would be a phenomenal success.

They show a photo of Ryan when he was 11, and he makes the crowd laugh by referring to his athletic physique. His mom packed his lunch and he’d trade it out for more fattening options. He says that he will let someone go on his staff for releasing the photo. He was very aware of his physique and he didn’t like spring because he didn’t want to take off his t-shirt to swim in the pool. When you have that feeling as a kid it stays with you, which is why to this day he schedules working out like a meeting. Really, says Oprah. Yes he sometimes runs before Idol. Oprah says that he always seems in a good mood with balance in his life, where does that come from? He gets up and does what he wanted to do for his whole life everyday. He works on TV in Hollywood and worked for one of his idols. He learned to use his personality as leverage, to be smart not just famous. A wonderful asset, says Oprah. Recently Lisa Ling went to visit some wonderful nuns and one who was here said something that stuck with Oprah- you have to believe in something greater than yourself otherwise you can’t do anything greater than yourself. Oprah asks Ryan what he believes in- karma, what you put out you get back, maybe not today or tomorrow but it comes. Its for real, says Oprah. Ryan will stick around and chef Jamie Oliver will be here.

Ryan Seacrest has used his leverage to produce Food Revolution for ABC. Superstar chef Jamie Oliver started a one-man crusade in England to change the food in elementary schools. After 4 relentless years on the frontline he had success when the British Government spent I billion dollars bringing fresher healthier foods, like fruit and vegetables, to schools. Now Jamie has sets his sights on our shores, bringing Food Revolution the new ABC reality show. The US Center for Disease Control lists Huntington West Virginia as one of the most obese cities in America. That is where Jamie spent 3 months trying to change the way we eat. He’s here to show America that a little effort can make an enormous difference. He is appalled that the kids get pizza for breakfast, chicken nuggets for lunch and that fries count as a vegetable. The school chefs were very resentful of him coming in to change their system which they think works fine.

He is here to start a food revolution. Come on out Jamie. Oprah asks him why there is so much resistance to eating healthier? He says that we are creatures of habit and we don’t want to change unless we have to. He has found himself upsetting alot of people for the last 7 years but he is honest and knows that what he is doing is right. He almost caused a riot by removing the french fries from the school. Oprah says that the statistics are alarming- that this is the first generation of kids that are not expected to live as long as their parents because of childhood obesity. Jamie thinks it is beautiful that after 4 generations of adults making the wrong decisions, it is time to make the right ones. He doesn’t think that he is Superman, but he has hindsight on his side. Four hours of TV back home got a billion dollars from the government, rubbish taken out of the vending machines, fresher local produce and that they are on the beginning of transition of change. Michelle Obama is supported entirely by Jamie, and he hope that in the 6 hours  of TV that he has, he will incite change for people to support him to support the First Lady in her job. He says that parents giving junk food to their kids consistently is child abuse. Oprah was shocked that the kids were eating pizza for breakfast. Jamie thinks that it is hard for mums to go out and work and worry about their kids. The nutrition given to kids, for two meals a day, 180 days a year needs to be safe, and he wants parents to get as angry as he is about the matter.

Jamie Oliver spent three months with an uphill battle trying to change the landscape of eating in Huntingdon West Virginia. The local DJ wanted to run him out of town, because they didn’t want to be changed. Jamie thought that there were only miserable bastards like that in the UK. He needed to get the DJ to support what they are doing. Jamie took him on a journey for a day. This is about real people and families, health, life and death he says. They go to a funeral home where they look at an extremely large jumbo casket and talk about the reality of disposing of an obese body. The normal size casket looks diminutive in comparison. The large casket has to be transported in a cargo van, burying is an issue and cremation is ruled out because the body consumes itself, like a giant candle. It is hard to have dignity in this situation, they all agree.

Oprah says that they did some research and discovered that the jumbo caskets are a booming business now in America, the audience didn’t know that. Sales have tripled in the last ten years, They bring one in to the studio. Jamie says that they are made bespoke, they are steel reinforced. Most church doors aren’t big enough, so the coffin has to be tipped on its side to get through the door. They have to be lifted out on a forklift truck – all dignity is gone. Jamie says that he knows that he is a foreigner in this country, but that he is human and can we just say that enough is enough? The audience applaud.

DJ Rod Willis joins the studio by satellite, he found the jumbo casket had a huge impact on him, that was the turning point. When Jamie came to town they were all skeptical  but as they learned to trust him things turned around and that was a turning point. The CDC report came out and they were taking steps on their own, they thought that Jamie was trying to exploit them for a few bucks. Oprah says that she has known Jamie for a few years and that he has always been very sincere in his attempts to orchestrate change. The DJ says that Jamie changed him, he went and got a crock pot for the very first time.  Rod says that all it takes is putting in some healthy real ingredients- like mashed potatoes- Oprah says that people have forgotten where real foods came from by using packet mixes. Jamie says that we need to re-own our kitchens and change this before it’s too late. The fact that he is on this show and that Oprah did a show on Food Inc and that he is working with Ryan Seacrest means that the time to change is now.

Do you know what your family eats in a week? Jamie showed Stacey, a wife and mother of four and she was horrified. He had all the food that they ate in a week put together in one place. This stuff is going to kill their children early, 10-14 years off their life. Stacy cries and says she feels sad and depressed, this will not help her kids succeed. Seeing the food scares her that she is setting her kids up for failure. She wants them to learn from her. He tells her that she is a good mother and that they will change from this day on. Oprah asks how they are doing. Justin, the 12 year old has lost 20-30 lbs but Jamie says that this is about health, it is not a dieting show. This is not just about obesity, this is about what goes in us. He buried the deep fryer and they did an emotional prayer. Oprah thought it was interesting that all the food was golden brown. All of Stacy’s pizza’s cost 50c each- Jamie says that the whole system needs to change. The buy one get one free culture of supermarkets needs to move from processed foods to fresh local produce. Oprah says that Michelle Obama has just launched her Let’s Move campaign to inspire parents and kids to eat well and be active. Go to www.letsmove.gov for more information.

Jamie is cooking chicken nuggets with Oprah from 6 fresh, not out of a box, ingredients. Lemon, garlic, parsley and breadcrumbs are mixed together in a food processor. Oprah attends to the egg while Jamie slices the chicken. He says that this is about knowing and owning the food that your babies are eating. They put the chicken in flour, then toss it in the seasoning. Jamie got the ingredients for $3.75 and knows the ingredients. The processed ones cost about $5 and have 22 other ingredients. He will make a whole meal for $10 and will take less times than reheating nuggets. He is going to pimp the greens, olive oil, salt pepper and acid- vinegar or lemon or clementines. Use your hands. Taste your food. It is wonderful, nutritious, colorful. Mashed potatoes- 12 minutes, unpeeled, the nutrition is in the skin- go rugged, get used to it , it’s lovely. You can still use a little butter, but olive oil is better for you. Oprah likes truffle oil- Jamie says that can make you feel posh and it’s affordable. Oprah tries the mashed potatoes and likes them, says the greens are fabulous also. It cooks in half the time and costs less than buying processed food. Oprah and Ryan try the chicken which is lovely. Oprah thanks Jamie and Ryan, Food Revolution debuts on March 26th and the recipes from this show are on Oprah.com. While you are there take the No Phone Zone Pledge like the audience members. A life is more important than a phone call. Thanks everyone.

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY:

Ryan Seacrest is the busiest man in Hollywood.

He has 7 different jobs and gets paid $45 million over 3 years for one of them- hosting American Idol.

Simon Cowell is a sweetheart.

Jamie Oliver and Ryan Seacrest are joining forces to create an American Food Revolution.

The sight of jumbo caskets for burying the morbidly obese motivated some Huntingdon, West Virginia, locals to eat healthier.

A VERY  QUICK SUMMARY:

Own what food you put in your body. Use real food and taste your food. It is wonderful, nutritious and colorful.

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